Hello readers! I haven't posted anything in awhile but the other day I stumbled across the first fanfiction I've ever written. It was a cringeworthy experience, but a good laugh all the same. Then I got a good/awful idea. Why not post it for the whole world to see?

Now its bad, but it's not completely terrible. Just lots of rookie mistakes. So I thought, why not making it a learning experience?

So without further ado, I present:

The Lady Viviane: How NOT to Write an Original Character

Episode 1

Two horses trotted along through a narrow forest path. The mist clung to their legs and swirled about as they moved along. There pace was not fast, but it was consistent. The forest was silent in this part. The birds held their breath and the critters hid in their dens. This setting is foreboding and gives the sense that this scene takes place in a dangerous part of the forest. As we will find out later, this is misinformation and therefore a poor choice for setting.

"OUCH! Darn mosquitoes!" one of the riders exclaimed, smacking another bug on his neck.

"Merlin, will you please be quiet?" Arthur demanded, lowering his crossbow and looking back at his manservant. Lowering the crossbow is a disjointed action since it has never been mentioned previously.

"Easy for you to say, you're not the one getting swarmed!" Merlin snapped back, waving off more of the pests.

"No, I'm just used to ignoring pests." Arthur said sarcastically. Merlin shot him a dirty look.Yes, throw mud at him with your eyes. That makes sense. "Anyway, we aren't going to get anything if you keep making so much noise! Hunting requires patience and quiet!" The last word came out with particular emphasis. This is just bad dialouge here. "We aren't going to get anything" is a throwaway sentence that is vague and unuseful to creating a narrative. Its still not quite clear that they're hunting and it never gets actually mentioned.

"Oh, like you're so quiet!" Merlin said, rolling his eyes.

"Shhh!" Arthur hissed motioning for Merlin to be quiet.

"Because, you haven't heard yourself sleep!"

"Merlin!" Arthur hissed again.

"Your worse than a pig!"

"Merlin! Will you shut up?" Arthur said, readying his crossbow. Merlin finally got the hint. Ha Ha Ha. Classic humor.

"What? What do you see?"

"A deer. Get off your horse." Arthur instructed aiming carefully.

"Why?" Merlin asked. Arthur looked at Merlin.

"Cause you're the one going to chase it after I shoot it!" This makes no sense. He would be faster if he stayed on his horse. There's literally no reason for this to happen.

"Right." Merlin sighed, dismounting. He peered into the forest looking for the creature. Arthur released an arrow, which shot decisively forward. It hit something. Then there was silence. Wasn't there silence before? By intending to indicate the lack of certainty I showed contrast of silence, but there was never any sound really to contrast this. It would be better to mention the rustling of an escaping deer or something of that nature.

"I think you missed." Merlin stated.

"I didn't miss." Arthur scoffed "I don't miss. Go flush it out. I'll cut off its escape." are you kidding me? He spurred his horse forward along the narrow path as Merlin waded through the wet under brush.

"I don't think there's anything here!" Merlin shouted to Arthur.

"Keep looking! And this time use your eyes." Arthur responded. Merlin sighed and halfheartedly looked in some bushes. Suddenly, something burst from the bushes off into the woods. "There it is! Merlin! Get it!" This action is confusing. Where did the something burst out of? aren't they all in the woods already? Was it the deer or something from a different part of the forest?

"Right!" Merlin sprinted off after it, jumping over logs and ducking under branches. The deer was heading away from the path, deeper into the woods. Merlin could hear hoof beats far behind him. So Merlin's running speed is somewhere roughly between a deer and a horse. Good to know. He sprinted forward following the path of disrupted vegetation. It stopped at the foot of a big tree. Merlin halted suddenly. Then rushed forward to the lump lying motionless on the ground. Heh she's a lump.

Arthur had been forced to dismount as the horse proved too big to traverse through the undergrowth. just how dense is this undergrowth? Cause Merlin was able to run right through it. He made his way through the overgrown plants begrudgingly. He got a grudge on those plants man. Stupid plants. He'll make sure you pay for this. Your children's children will rue the day you grew in the path of Arthur Pendragon.

"Merlin, have you found it yet?" He called out.

"Arthur?" Merlin shouted back. "You might want to see this." Ah yes the dramatic reveal. Arthur rushed over to Merlin. His servant was not crouched next to a deer as he first thought, but to a frail looking Lumpgirl around their age when you want to have a character as a romantic interest but you don't know how old the main characters are and you don't want it to be pedophilia with Arthur's arrow embedded deep in her thigh. He crouched down quickly. It was the quickest of all crouches.

"What happened?" Arthur asked "she isn't-" Dead? Okay, I don't know where this thing came from where characters always hesitate before saying the word 'dead' but it makes no sense and is honestly, totally stupid.

"She's still alive, but we should bring her to Gaius quickly." Merlin said examining the wound. "Still, she hasn't lost enough blood to pass out, it's strange." Forrrreeeeeshaddowwwingggggggg :O

"Never mind that!" Arthur said "Let's get her back to Gaius." *Gasp* What a cliffhanger! Will she live? Will she die? Who is this mysterious marriageable age that just happened to show up out of no where fainted and helpless?

Find out Next Time on: The Lady Viviane: How NOT to Write an Original Character!