Now

Chapter 1

Clarke felt the pouring rain cool her down as she walked, letting it wash over her as if it could also wash away the thoughts milling through her brain. She paused for a moment, looking up at the sky with clear blue eyes, feeling every drop run across her face.

Sighing, she ran her hand through her soaking hair, feeling it curl as it always did when wet. For a moment, she looked back at the road behind her. She had left Bellamy at the gate of Camp Jaha a few hours ago, but only now did she dare to look behind her.

The forest was empty, and only the rain broke the deafening silence around her.

The blonde finally allowed herself to think about what she had just done. Leaving her mother, her friends, the people she fought so hard to save.

Only I barely fought. The sacrifice was never mine.

She couldn't help but think about what she'd done. About how many people had suffered because of her plans. About how she had always seemed to come out unscathed.

Perhaps if I-

Closing her eyes forcefully, she shook her head, her hand slightly pulling on the hair it was trying to untangle.

Thinking like this wouldn't help anyone.

So Clarke opened her eyes again, a determined look in them, and continued on her way. There was no way she could put off thinking about what she'd done forever, but she still had one thing she needed to do. A final something she had to take care of.

She forced her feet to move through the mud, ignoring the cold she felt growing stronger. When she had passed the dropship earlier, she had contemplated going in, perhaps packing some stuff she knew would come in handy in the forest.

But her heart had ignored her head in this; the time she had spent in their camp at the dropship felt like an eternity ago, and the charred bodies surrounding it were a reminder of everything she had done. All the horrors she had caused.

Instead, she marched on, having nothing on her but the clothes she had worn at Mount Weather, and a knife she had gotten at one of the grounder camps.

Despite everything, she had no fear at the moment. She felt like she had ever since she took Finn's life: all she could think of was the next and final task she had to fulfill. After this, she wanted nothing.

All she wanted was nothing.

So she walked on, enjoying the sound of the rain in the forest, listening to her heart going at the same pace as her footsteps.

The forest around her smelled of rain as she passed, the trees becoming darker as the night began to fall.

Clarke had absolutely no intention of stopping for the night, her determination to reach her final goal kept her going. But when the forest became too dark to even make out where she was going, the blonde decided to stop a large fallen tree, that was able to give her shelter from the rain.

She simply sat down under it, folding her knees and hugging them with her arms. Clarke looked in front of her like this, staring into the night at the path she had just taken.

She could almost sense her mother's distress from a distance. While she was talking to Bellamy, she could see her mother focusing her attention on Kane as he was helping her to the infirmary. She was glad her mother didn't think of her then, and that she hadn't looked around to find her in the crowd of people rejoicing to be home.

Of course she didn't though… Why would she… Mom knows exactly what I've done… everything I've done.

Clarke willed herself to think of something else, but her mind kept going back to Camp Jaha. She thought of Monty and Jasper, but she had no worries there. Now that she was gone, Jasper could openly hate her for what she'd done, the deaths she'd caused, and he would be able to forgive Monty.

They'll all hate me, as they should…

Raven, Octavia, the two girls in the camp she felt most connected to hated her as well. What she had done to them, to the people of Ton DC…

to Finn…

No – no –no –no !

She hit her head repeatedly on the tree above her, at the same time squeezing her hands so tight she could feel her nails digging into her skin. Angry tears ran down her face, and she wiped them away with bloody hands.

This was not the time to think of these things. She did not get to feel sorry for herself, not yet. As she forced herself to lay down on the forest ground, she willed herself to fall asleep with only one thing on her mind:

Her final mission to assure the safety of her people. Her final meeting with the Commander of the Grounders.

Her last time talking to Lexa…