Dear Mama,

Today's been one of them funny days. They haven't happened for a long time, but they still give me a headache. Sometimes I'll wake up and think the world is normal. That I'm lying in my bed in my condo and you and Dad are on the other side of town getting ready for the day. Today I almost reached over for my cell phone, that's how realistic it all felt.

Maybe it's just the date. Today's the day I always remember because of that crazy Hanover tradition. On the fourteenth of Heat, you said if we'd been good all year then someone would leave us presents in the night. And sure enough, every morning we'd wake up to a present or two for each of us. I realized later on that it was just a tale parents told kids to get along with their siblings, but you know I tried to stay up late to get a glimpse of this guy. I wanted to tell him to bring you presents instead, Mama. You and Dad worked so hard to be good to all of us. It just ain't fair.

But I'm being good. A real gentleman to everyone we meet, just like you taught me. Damon's been improving, too; he says "please" and "thank you" now. Sometimes I wish I had met him a lot sooner, like when we were kids. I think if he was part of the Cole family he'd be better off. You'd show him what being a mom is all about and give him milk and cookies after school and then play Cops and Robbers with us, and he'd complain because he always had to be a robber. But you'd give up your cop status for him so we could all have fun. Yeah, that'd be something.

He's got Bernie in his life now to act as his mom, and she's been a great influence on him. She tries to be maternal to the whole squad so Damon doesn't whine, but no one could ever replace you, Mama.

Alright, I still got work to do. Just thought you'd want to know what I was thinking about today but right now I gotta go continue making you proud. Take care of yourself.

Love,

Gus

Cole set the pencil down, folded up the well-loved piece of paper and shoved it into his shirt pocket. He wiped the tears that brimmed on his eyes and bowed his head, taking a deep breath. This was his private moment; he tried to steal them as often as he could, but that was difficult in a shrinking society. Everyone relied on him to the pillar of morale and he couldn't do that when he was having one of those days. When he was able to sit down and write out his emotions, he could lock them up until the job was done; it was only after it was all over when he took out those slips of paper and remembered how he felt in that moment.

It had been a long time since he woke up thinking everything was normal. It must have been the way he slept soundly last night; it was peaceful, quiet, and even on the grubby barracks cot hanging on Sovereign's wall Cole felt at home. Even if his family was gone, they were never forgotten. He fought in their memory every day and now he had a bigger family throughout the ranks of Gears. All he had left was the army and the great folks he met there. But that was enough for him.

Someone knocked on the wall behind him and Cole straightened up in the chair and turned to find Dom standing in the doorway. He did a quick assessment of the situation—the men had come to know each other so well, it was easy to guess what the other was feeling. It was also the first rule in this new society: You don't ask how anyone is feeling. You just know.

"Hey man, you ready?" Dom asked, leaning against the door frame.

"Ah yeah, must've lost track of time. Lemme throw on my armor," Cole replied. He stood and went to the crate shoved against the wall; his chest plate sat on top, ready for action. He buckled himself in while Dom waited and then grabbed his radio, situating it in his ear as they began the long climb to the upper deck.

"How'd you sleep last night?" Dom asked as they jogged up the rusting steps. "Up all night waiting to chuck up your guts?"

"Nah. I found my water legs, or fins or gills—whatever the navy boys say. Actually slept pretty sound until Baird's ugly face woke me up."

"Shit, that was probably terrifying. I couldn't imagine waking up to him every morning."

Cole laughed. "He ain't so bad once he puts on his face. I'm just waiting for the day he gets himself one of those nightcaps. Boy has awful bed head."

They shared a laugh at Baird's expense as they reached the top deck. Cole breathed in the ocean air, noting the beautiful sunrise over the water. It was almost like being back on Vectes in the early days—open sky, open land, or in this case, water. But that was just one side of the Ravens Nest; on the other, where Baird and Marcus stood, the horizon was dotted with gray shapes.

Dom patted Marcus on the back. "Fresh stalks?"

"Nah, they've been there for about a half hour," Baird replied. He braced a boot against the bottom rung of the chest-high safety rail. "They haven't moved since we've passed."

"Any news from the inland camps?"

"We only had to deploy two teams last night," Marcus said. "No word from Anvil Gate."

Dom frowned. Cole knew he was worried for his old CO, but Hoffman was made of steel. Just because long-range comms were shit didn't mean anything happened to the old bastard. He had Boomer Lady looking after him. He'd be alright.

"Well, you guys have fun on stalk duty," Baird said. "They've stayed about about seven klicks out whether they're new or been there, so only panic if they're closer than that." He slapped the back of his gloved hand against Cole's bicep. "Try talking Mathieson into a break, would you? He's been up for forty-eight hours straight."

"Aw, Baird, that's so sweet. I always knew you had a heart," Cole said with a booming laugh.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm such a great guy. Now I'm going to grab a shower and some food."

Baird gave a single wave as he leaned his rifle against his shoulder and left the group. Cole should have expected Marcus to hang around but he still felt the need to pressure him to leave; he was looking worn down. Was he sleeping in his time off? Cole sensed he wanted some privacy with Dom and crossed to the other side of the deck, keeping an eye out for anything unusual. While he was there, however, he could make himself useful.

"Mathieson, you there? This is Delta-Two."

Mathieson replied immediately. The response time was enough to convince Cole he needed to step away from the desk. "I hear you, Cole. I told Baird to let me know when you switched shifts. Typical for him to ignore something that makes my life easier."

"Baird just left but Marcus is still on deck. We're just finishing the shift switch. Baird gave us a sit-rep and we're all ready for stalk watching."

"Hope you brought some cards because it's going to be a boring day. Not that I'm complaining."

"Well I'd like to issue a formal complaint," Cole said, his voice taking on that familiar teasing tone.

"Not sure what good it'll do you now, but shoot."

"Lieutenant Donneld Mathieson was reportedly awake on active duty for way more than twelve hours. I'd like to report his negligence."

Mathieson laughed but it sounded more like a sigh. "Alright, alright, I get it. I'll find someone else to press all the shiny buttons for now."

"I'll check back in a half hour. I better be talking to one of your trainees by then. Delta-Two out."

When Cole turned around, Marcus was gone and Dom was leaning against the rail. Cole crossed the deck to stand beside the other man.

"All quiet over there?" Dom asked, not taking his eyes from the horizon.

"Yeah, and I hopefully got Mathieson out of CIC for a little bit."

"The kid's obsessed. Even with the new legs Baird and the Gorasnayans made him, he still rarely moves from that desk."

Cole shrugged. "You gotta protect your family any way you can. For him, that means sitting behind that computer and keeping tabs on every last person."

"Yeah, family. This is really all we have left. Some little rag-tag fleet with a few thousand people aboard."

"It can only get better, Dom." Cole leaned his forearms against the rail and surveyed the water. The stalks were getting worse now. He was sure they had outrun them after leaving Vectes but even in open water, no one was truly safe.

They were both quiet as they listened to the swell of the ocean and the wind. Sovereign was always on the move; whether she crawled along or went at top speed, the wind whipped like a beast and made it nearly impossible to hear anything that didn't come through the radio. Cole almost missed when Dom asked, "Do you really believe that?"

"Baby, if I can't believe that, then what do I have left? What have I been fighting for?" Cole asked.

"Sorry, it all just seems so… hopeless."

Oh, so Dom was having one of those days, too. It didn't bother Cole besides making him feel helpless. He wanted nothing more than to return Dom back to how he was when they first met—kind, optimistic, and with a reason to keep going. But no one could do what he did and come out the same. Did he ever find a way to cope? Cole noticed he talked to Dr. Hayman often, so maybe he finally had time for counseling. That was good. Marcus could only offer so much support and Cole had tried to stay out of it as much as possible—it was the respectful thing to do. His shoulder was always open to cry on, he prided himself on listening to anyone's problem, but if Dom didn't want to talk, Cole wasn't going to force that.

"Some days I feel like that too," Cole confessed. "That's when I try to write most, you know, to my family. I think, 'There's no way I can make it through another day. Not after yesterday or the day before, or even the day before that.' But I know I got people depending on me. People who are important to me now. I wouldn't let them down by choosing to stay in bed. It's tough, Dom, I ain't gonna lie, but we all have a duty. We have people to protect, to see them rebuild. We fought for nothing if we don't at least try to do all we can, and I wouldn't dream of disrespecting all those lives lost by not giving my everything."

Dom sighed. "How do you manage it, Cole? I used to think that being the one guy who didn't complain about the shit but instead joke about it was easy. I just can't do it anymore."

"And we ain't expecting you to. Leave all that optimism to Baird; you know how he loves that shit." Cole touched Dom's shoulder and resisted pulling him in for a hug. Hugs were supposed to cure everything, right? "As long as you're around, The Cole Train won't let you down. You'll see. We'll find the bright side to all of this soon and we'll all be there to enjoy it."

Dom smiled sadly and nodded. "Yeah, thanks, Cole. I'll take your word for it."

"Hey, man, what are brothers for?"