A/N: Okay, so this is just a silly one-shot, which kind of spins off the "cooking show" videos made by SonicSong182. And maybe also the "Cooking with Cream" series. Are those little guys really that good at baking? Or were they just following the script all this time?
Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic and Co.
And also . . . please don't try this kind of stuff at home. Especially not pouring water on a hot surface. Very dangerous. I don't know what Knuckles was thinking.
The sun had just barely risen over Mobius, casting timid little pools of color-bearing light onto the chalky gray landscape. Flickies twitched dew from their wings and began to chirp blissfully, happy to be alive. Squirrels and rabbits stirred drowsily in their holes and sleep-smiled at the loveliness of not being locked up in one of Eggman's robots. All over the land, there were faint, sleepy stirrings.
Except in Silver's house. There the stirrings were much more vehement.
Silver's alarm clock had rung at an unholy hour, and he'd been busy ever since. Two hours later, when Marine came bounding in from next door to wake him as she usually did, she found Silver's little kitchen lightly dusted with flour, and Silver himself mixing a bowl of batter.
"Oy! Silver mate! Whattaya doing up?" asked Marine. "I thought you'd be sleepin' in, seein' as you don't have to train today."
"Well, the only reason I'm not training is because Blaze is sick. And if she's sick, I'm not gonna just stand around and do nothing! I thought she might feel better if I made her a cake or some cupcakes."
"Ohh, that's a ripper idea!" grinned Marine. "Can I help?"
Silver thought fast.
"Actually, yes. I was hoping to give her some flowers too, but it's the wrong time of year, and I can't find any. Do you think you could go out and find a bunch of flowers? Then we can give her cake and flowers from the both of us!"
"Smashin'!" whooped Marine, and dove out the door. Silver breathed a sigh of relief. Marine would be busy for a long time now, thank goodness. The last thing he needed was a small Australian wrecking crew running around while he tried to bake.
A little while later, Sonic and Tails came knocking at the door.
"Hi guys," said Silver, as the two of them came in. "What's up?"
"We just met Marine," replied Tails. "She was looking for flowers, and she said you were baking cupcakes for Blaze too. We want to help!"
"Uh, I don't know," said Silver uneasily. "Are you guys any good at baking?"
"I've never tried. But baking is basically just science, and that I can do!" chirped Tails.
"Well believe me, it's harder than it—Sonic, stop that!" yelped Silver.
Sonic looked up from sprinkling chili powder into the bowl of batter on the counter.
"Relax, Silver! Trust me, I've had chili-flavored cupcakes before. There's nothing better!"
"For you, maybe," muttered Silver. He tasted the batter and made a face. "Thanks a lot, Sonic. This is disgusting. Now I have to start all over again, and I thought this time I finally had it right!"
"This isn't your first batch?" asked Sonic.
"No, it's my third. The first one got burned. The second one wound up like that." Silver jerked his thumb over to a cupcake pan on a side table. Sonic and Tails started to laugh; it was the strangest set of cupcakes they had ever laid eyes on. The batter had flowed out of the cupcake cups, spreading all over the tin. But instead of forming one smooth sheet of cake, it formed a sheet of cake with rounded hollows where the cupcake cups were. It looked like someone had pressed muffins upside-down into the batter while it was baking.
"Sure, real funny," sighed Silver, rolling his eyes.
"Sorry Silver," giggled Tails. "But they're really weird—like some kind of anti-cupcakes! They curve the wrong way."
"I think you definitely need our help," said Sonic, chuckling. "And besides, Blaze is our friend too! We want to cheer her up as much as you do."
"Well . . . all right. But no chili cupcakes."
Tails took over the process somewhat. Deftly he washed his hands, climbed onto a stepstool, pulled out a new mixing bowl, and began to measure things into it. Silver waved a recipe at him anxiously.
"Don't worry, I have a rough idea of the proportions needed," assured the little fox. "It's all science."
Sonic and Silver stood on either side of Tails, watching as he worked his magic.
"See, we need about two cups of flour, which contains gluten. In the heat, it'll denature, forming glutinous bonds that lend cupcakes enough stickiness to hold their shape. Too much flour will lead to dry, thick cupcakes. Too little will cause them to lack shape and possibly never bake. Now we add two cups of sugar, beaten with a cup of butter . . . "
Tails continued explaining away as he started to mix the batter. He trailed off, however, when the mixture suddenly began to bubble violently. The three Mobians stood frozen for a second—then threw themselves to the floor just in time to avoid the subsequent explosion. A geyser of batter spurted up from the bowl, which clattered off across the counter, while the mixing spoon flew into the fruit basket. Eventually silence fell.
"Too much baking powder," groaned Tails from the floor.
Silver sat up slowly and looked around. The kitchen was an even worse mess than it had been before; batter was dripping off most available surfaces.
"Geez Tails," said Sonic, an involuntary smile twitching across his muzzle. "Were you using the proportions for cupcakes, or for a guided missile?"
"Too much baking powder," groaned Tails again, getting up. "Sorry about that, Silver. Let me try again, and I'll—"
Two seconds later, Sonic and Tails found the front door closing behind them.
"Touch-y," muttered Sonic. He banged on the door. "Hey Silver, let us in and we can help you clean up at least!"
"Oh, you've helped enough thanks," said Silver drily from an upstairs window. "I appreciate the offer, but I think I'd be better off handling this alone."
"You'll just end up with more anti-cupcakes!" Sonic called up, but the window had already closed.
"Well, guess we'd better go," sighed Tails.
"No way. We can't leave Silver all on his own, churning out endless batches of anti-cupcakes."
"You know he won't let us in."
"Well, guess we'll have to climb down his chimney."
"Soniiiic!"
"Come on, it'll be fine," scoffed Sonic.
Sighing wearily, Tails airlifted Sonic to the roof of Silver's house. Silver only had a tiny little fireplace, so he only had a tiny little chimney. Sonic studied the narrow shaft dubiously, then tried to force himself down it. Tails half-heartedly assisted, jumping up and down on Sonic's head.
"What are you doing?" asked a voice suddenly. Sonic and Tails looked up to find Knuckles clinging to the edge of the roof with his knuckle-spikes. They explained the situation.
"Oh, I think I can help with that," said Knuckles. "The ancient echidna tribes had a recipe for making cupcakes over an open fire. If it works over an open fire, it'll be twice as easy in a new-fangled oven!"
"Great. Now think up a way to get us in there," advised Sonic.
"Easy. Sonic, stay in the chimney. Tails, sit on his shoulders. Then I'll just—hup!"
Knuckles hopped lightly up and came down much less lightly on Tail's shoulders.
Silver had just finished cleaning up the kitchen when there was a horrific thud and a chorus of yells. Rushing into the living room, he found Team Sonic lying in a tangled and somewhat sooty heap in his fireplace.
"Owww," groaned Sonic, heaving Tails and Knuckles off himself. "Well, at least it worked."
"Guys, what are you doing?" sighed Silver.
"Knuckles has an ancient cupcake recipe!" grinned Sonic, as Team Sonic proceeded audaciously to the kitchen.
"Thanks Knuckles, but I don't think—"
"It's got to be better than the anti-cupcakes!" persisted Sonic.
"The what?" asked Knuckles puzzledly.
"Those," said Tails, pointing. Knuckles blinked at the strange cupcakes and stifled a snicker.
"See, I told you they were funny," grinned Sonic. Silver growled under his breath.
Knuckles got busily to work with the cupcakes. He paid attention to Silver's recipe, tweaking it slightly to match the ancient echidna specifications. It went a bit slowly, because mittened hands didn't do so well with tiny little measuring spoons. He was still working when Cream and Charmy came knocking on the door.
"Hi Silver! We came to ask about—WOW!" yelped Charmy. "What's happening in here?"
"Knuckles is making ancient echidna cupcakes for Blaze," explained Tails.
"Ooh! We'll help!" squealed Cream.
"Uh, I don't know . . . you're kinda young to handle the oven," said Silver.
"Then we'll help with other stuff! We can help measure ingredients, fetch things, heck, we could even help with the dishes if you want!" said Charmy.
"You'd do that?" asked a rather surprised Silver.
"We're still trying to win our good reputation back after the leek incident," said Charmy ruefully. "You know. 'Will work for good reference'."
Silver laughed.
"Did Vector teach you that?"
"No, Espio."
"Well, you've convinced me. Come on in—guess it couldn't get any crazier."
Charmy and Cream skiddled into the kitchen and began checking out the action. Presently there was a squeal of giggles.
"What are these?" demanded Charmy, poking disbelievingly at the anti-cupcakes.
"Seriously, what does everybody find so funny about those cupcakes?" asked Silver, annoyed. "I don't see anything funny about them."
"Your sense of humor must have gone through the oven along with them," chuckled Sonic.
Meanwhile, Knuckles finished the batter and put the cupcakes in the oven, stepping around Tails and Cream. The kitchen was getting extremely crowded.
"Wow, they sure are rising fast," remarked Silver, peering through the oven door.
"Yeah, the ancient echidna tribes prided themselves on extra-fluffy cupcakes," said Knuckles proudly. "These'll be delicious, believe me."
"Never thought you were a baker, Knux."
"Yeah, well," said Knuckles, shaking out his dreadlocks with a smug smile.
About five minutes later, a black cloud of smoke suddenly oozed out around the edges of the oven door. The bitter smell of burning dough came with it.
"Yikes!" yelped Knuckles, throwing open the oven door. A huge billowing mass of smoke greeted him. Horrors—somehow the batter had bubbled way out of the pan, covering the bottom of the oven. Needless to say, it was burning like crazy. The kitchen was soon filled with a dark, acrid smoke that made everyone cough violently. Seconds later the kitchen's smoke detector began to scream, soon to be followed by every other smoke detector in the house, in rapid succession.
The front door burst open.
"What's going on? Where's the fire?" called Rouge, starting to cough along with everyone else.
"No fire!" called Silver, leaning against the countertop in despair. "No fire."
"We've got it under control!" agreed Sonic, beginning to whiz around the house opening windows. Tails took off and began to fly under one of the smoke detectors with his hands over his ears, trying to blow the smoke away from the detector with his spinning tails. Rouge flapped up and began to do the same with her wings. Knuckles grabbed a mixing bowl full of water from the sink and threw its contents over the blackened mess in the oven. The water sizzled and transformed into a cloud of steam, which barely had time to clear before Knuckles threw more water over it.
"What are you doing?" asked Silver.
"Cooling it," said Knuckles. "We have to get it cool enough to scrape out of the oven." He frowned as he filled the bowl with water again. "I don't know what went wrong, though. I followed the ancient echidna recipe!"
"Now I know why you're the last of the echidnas," muttered Silver. Knuckles gave him a disgruntled look, then sighed.
"Silver, don't you think it'd be easier just to buy some cupcakes for Blaze?"
"Easier, sure," said Silver. "But a lot less special. There's not much effort in buying some run-of-the-mill cupcakes from the store. I wanted to bake her some homemade cupcakes, some really unique ones, to show her she's worth the effort."
"Oh, you've got unique ones all right," said Sonic. "Can't get much more unique than those anti-cupcakes."
"The what?" asked Rouge, who had finally shut down the last of the smoke detectors.
"Those," said Sonic. Rouge took one look at the anti-cupcakes and burst out laughing.
"I keep tellin' you and tellin' you," grinned Sonic. Silver gritted his teeth.
"All right, all of you out. I know you want to help make cupcakes because Blaze is your friend too, but this is my project. You all go and bake your own cupcakes over at your own places, or make her something else. But get out of my kitchen!"
"Aww, come on Silver," scolded Rouge. "If this is how your cupcakes wind up looking, you'll never get a proper batch to give to Blaze. Let me help!"
"And I'll get more flour and sugar!" called Sonic, zooming out the door.
"And I've almost got the oven ready for using," agreed Knuckles, pulling book-sized chunks of carbon off the bottom of the oven.
"But . . . " Silver slapped his forehead and sighed resignedly. "All right. One more try. But Rouge, are you sure you can bake a good batch of cupcakes?"
"Just watch me," grinned Rouge.
After a little more chaos and elbowing for room (mercy, was the kitchen crowded now!), Rouge had the cupcakes in the oven. Soon a sweet sugary smell started to fill the house and drift out the windows and the front door, all of which were still open. Soon enough Shadow poked his head into the kitchen.
"What's everyone doing in here?" he asked.
"Baking cupcakes!" chirped Cream merrily, preparing butter and powdered sugar for the frosting. "For Blaze, who's sick!"
"Does smell pretty good," admitted Shadow, whose sweet tooth was inexhorable.
"You think?" grinned Rouge. "I baked 'em."
Shadow looked at her dubiously.
"She did," agreed Charmy. "All by herself!"
"Hmmm," said Shadow. "Well then, I'll withhold judgement until we see how they taste."
"I'll make you eat those words," snorted Rouge.
"At least they won't be anti-cupcakes," grinned Sonic, jabbing his thumb in that general direction. Shadow eyed the pan of anti-cupcakes, then chuckled darkly under his breath.
"Geez! If they make even Shadow laugh, there must be something to 'em!" said Sonic. Silver had given up reacting.
Rouge's cupcakes came out of the oven perfectly baked. Smirking, Rouge let them cool, then pulled one out and cut it into eight pieces.
"Well, let's just see about the taste."
Everyone took one piece and tried it.
"Um," said Sonic, then nothing more, while Knuckles swallowed with difficulty. There was something extremely wrong with those cupcakes; they were as bitter as lemon peel.
"See, not bad," said Rouge without much conviction.
"Rouge," said Shadow, shaking his head.
"A little frosting and they'll be fine!" Rouge defended herself. Then she sighed defeatedly, hanging both her head and her wings. "I know. They're terrible."
"I like 'em!" mumbled Charmy with his mouth full, reaching for another.
"Easy, Charmy—better not eat any more till we know what makes them taste like that," warned Silver.
"Well, they're better than some attempts," said Shadow resignedly. "They're not burned. That's an accomplishment in itself."
"Hush you," grumbled Rouge.
"What? I'm trying to be nice here."
"So, now what?" asked Sonic. "Do we try again?"
"No," said Silver wearily. "Thanks for trying to help and all, but this isn't going to work. Evidently nobody here can bake a decent batch of cupcakes. Everybody please go home, and I'll try on my own."
"But you can't bake a batch of cupcakes either," pointed out Sonic, jabbing a thumb at the anti-cupcakes. Silver sighed and dragged a palm down his forehead.
"Yeah, I know. I can't. But at least then it won't be so crowded. And if I wind up with more anti-cupcakes, then I guess I'll just have to give Blaze anti-cupcakes. At least they taste fine."
"Yeah, you could probably just give her those," agreed Knuckles, scratching his chin. "If she knows you made 'em, she's bound to love 'em, even if they're kind of strange and funny-looking."
"Heck, sure," put in Shadow, smirking slightly. "They'll probably remind her of you."
Silver blinked silently for a minute.
"All right, that does it. Everybody OUT!"
"But—"
"OUT!"
Silence. Some wide-eyed looks. A general air of "Really? You serious?". It wasn't like Silver to lose his temper. But Silver had lost it, and lost it good. He stalked forth and began to hustle the crowd of Mobians forcibly towards the door. There was a bit of a bottleneck at the entrance, so Silver unceremoniously lifted a few of his friends with psychokinesis and tossed them against the others, sending the whole lot tumbling outside.
There was a good deal of yelping and protesting and thrashing about, like a writhing pool of angry weasels. But eventually the pileup managed to sort itself into a set of upright and unentangled Mobians. In the midst of them was a very distraught Marine.
"What's going on?" she yelped. "What 'appened?"
"A mass exodus," grumbled Tails, trying to get his fur into order. "Sorry Marine, did we fall on you?"
"On me? On me?! You fell on the flowers I had for Blaze, that's what you fell on, you great lumps!"
"What?" asked Silver surprisedly, reappearing in the doorway. "Marine? When did you get here?"
Marine was scrabbling about, trying to gather a very battered-looking bouquet of wildflowers from the ground.
"I just got here now! I was searching for hours and hours, and I finally found enough flowers for a bouquet, prob'ly the last flowers on all of Mobius, and I ran all the way here, and then just as I'm walkin' up to the door, these drongos fall on me and smush every last one of 'em!" She held up what was left of the bouquet, which now lay draped every which way over her hands, missing most of its petals. "I'm sorry, Silver mate. It's all I h-have . . . " She tried to look brave, but sniffled involuntarily.
Silver's conscience suddenly took a very large bite out of his side.
"Oh Marine," he sighed, crouching down and sweeping the little raccoon into a hug. "I didn't know you were going to search that hard! Why didn't you come back? We could have bought some flowers from the store."
"I didn't want some prissy old funny-smellin' store-bought flowers," protested Marine, pulling free from the hug as quickly as possible—she thought she was too cool for that kind of stuff. "I wanted some fresh bouncy wild ones, 'cos Blaze loves those best . . . "
"I know how you feel," sighed Silver, rubbing his forehead ruefully. "Gosh Marine, I'm sorry. I wouldn't have sent you to find flowers if I'd known you would go to that much trouble, and now it's my fault they're ruined, too."
"Your fault?!"
"Yeah . . . kinda. Sorry. I know you worked really hard . . . but I promise I'll help you find some more, somehow. Forgive me?"
"Ah, it's okay, Silver mate," said Marine, winking. "I wouldn't'a come back any sooner anyways. I knew you wanted me out of the house."
"Uhh—" Silver reddened sheepishly. Marine chuckled at his expression.
"So Silver, can we come back into your kitchen now?" grinned Rouge. "Shadow hasn't had a try yet."
"And he won't, either," growled Shadow. "I don't bake, nor will I. Why are all of you trying to bake the dumb cupcakes anyway? Wouldn't it make better sense just to ask Amy?"
Silver slapped his forehead.
"Figures. The one person on Mobius who can actually bake is the one person who doesn't shove their way into my kitchen!"
He phoned Amy up. He still refused to let the others into the kitchen, but they hung stubbornly around the living room while he called. Amy's cheerful "Hello?" rang over the line.
"Hi Amy! It's Silver. And, uh, pretty much everyone else. I hate to ask, but could you do us all a favor on Blaze's behalf?"
"Sure thing!" chirped Amy. "If you'll all do me a favor in return."
"Oh? What is it?"
"Well, I heard Blaze was sick too," said Amy. "Could you guys help me decorate the batch of cupcakes I baked for her?"
Silver fell back against the wall and slid slowly to the floor.
In the end it was all right. Amy had enough cupcakes to feed an army, so everyone got to decorate a special one just for Blaze, and a few extras too. They helped carry all the cupcakes to Silver's house, mixed up and tinted enough icing to sink the Titanic in, and got to work. There was a bit of hesitation on some counts, but eventually most of them agreed to help.
"Blaze had better appreciate this," grumbled Knuckles, struggling to control the frosting tube with his large mittened hands. "What would my echidna ancestors say if they knew I was messing around decorating cupcakes?"
"They'd probably tell you to stay away from their cupcake recipe," laughed Sonic.
"Don't even think about it," warned Amy, as Knuckles threatened to squirt Sonic with frosting.
"Marine," piped up Cream, spreading pink frosting on a cupcake. "I've been thinking. Couldn't you make Blaze some tissue-paper flowers instead? My mommy taught me how to make beautiful paper flowers that look just like carnations."
"And I could spray a little perfume on them if you wanted," offered Amy, looking up. "I have some that smells just like flowers."
Marine's eyes lit up.
"Ripper! And they'd never get all droopy, and Blaze wouldn't have to get up to water 'em either! It's ripper!"
"Then I'll show you how to make them right after we finish with the cupcakes," smiled Cream.
An hour and a half later, Silver knocked on Blaze's door, carrying a box of cupcakes and a bunch of paper flowers. Marine and some of the others had wanted to come too, but he didn't want them catching Blaze's flu. Of course, he might catch it too, but he was willing to take that risk.
It was a few minutes before Blaze answered the door. Silver's heart bled; she looked pretty sickly.
"Hi Blaze," he said, smiling bravely. "Are you doing all right?"
"I'm fine," Blaze smiled back, her voice still quietly regal even with her stuffed nose and scratchy throat. "Careful, Silver, not too close. I wouldn't wish this flu on anyone."
"We all made you these, as a get-well present," said Silver shyly, handing her the box and flowers. Lifting the lid, Blaze gazed at the various cupcakes, each with a little label showing who had decorated it.
"Ohhh, Silver . . . "
"I can't really take much credit," said Silver, blushing. He explained about the flowers, the various cupcake attempts, and Amy's solution, making it quick so Blaze could go back to resting.
"Well, tell everyone thank you so much," smiled Blaze. "You're all too kind, I'll have to thank everyone personally once I'm well. I'd give you a hug right now, Silver, but I don't want to spread the flu."
"I'd be willing to take a rain check," ventured Silver. Blaze was going to reply, but instead sneezed suddenly. Silver winced back a little.
"Oh no . . . I'm sorry, Silver . . . "
"It's okay." Suddenly Silver laughed. "Well, guess you can hug me now."
"I guess so," smiled Blaze.
Silver was inordinately cheerful as he trotted back to his house. The only thing weighing on his mind was the kitchen. It was a wreck after all that baking and decorating, and he didn't look forward to cleaning it again.
When he stepped through the front door, however, he found Marine, Cream, and Charmy skating all over the kitchen with scrub brushes tied to their feet, squealing and making train noises. Tails was hovering with a sponge, washing the ceiling, and a couple of the others were putting the last touches on the counters and cabinets.
"Wow, you guys," said Silver, eyes wide.
"Least we could do," grinned Sonic. "Seeing as the mess is mostly our fault."
"Well, thanks," said Silver, smiling. "I owe you all."
"Did she like 'em? Did she like 'em?" whooped Marine, sailing across the kitchen and crashing into Charmy.
"She loved them," grinned Silver, flopping back onto the sofa as the others scattered themselves comfortably all over the living room. "And she says thank you very much to all of you, too."
"Did she like the anti-cupcakes?" grinned Sonic. They had decorated those too and slipped them in with the others.
"Yeah. But she didn't laugh."
"Really?"
"Okay, so she did," sighed Silver, and glared as Sonic chuckled. "What is with all of you guys anyway? I don't get it."
"Aww. Have a cupcake," offered Amy.
"No thanks." Silver yawned and rubbed his head. "I think I'll go lie down."
"Are you sick too?" asked Cream worriedly.
"Eh, not yet. But I got sneezed on, so I guess I'll catch the flu now."
"Don't worry, Silver! We can make cupcakes for you too!" offered Charmy brightly.
"Yagh!" Silver jumped to his feet. "I'm well, I'm well!"