With You Chapter 1: The Harold Song, a gallagher girls fanfic

Disclaimer- I don't own. Anything. Nothing. Nada. Nope. Maybe I own my ideas, though. Ke$ha and Ally own. Everything. All of it. Every last piece.

The Harold Song by Ke$ha

I miss your soft lips. I miss your white sheets. I miss the scratch of your unshaved face on my cheek.

I feel so lonely. About a week ago I broke it off with Zach. You might be asking why, right? Well, I don't really know, but at the time I guess I was worried about my spy life getting in the way of our relationship. It wasn't easy, but I think I still might want to be with him.

*Flashback*

I can't believe I'm really going to do this. I mean, I worked so hard for us to have this relationship, but I'm about to blow it all. It's not that I want to be with someone else, but with my missions, which happen to be a lot because my first was a huge success, I don't think I have time for a relationship.

I asked Zach to meet me at a bench in Roseville, but I didn't say why. He probably has no idea I'm going to break his heart in two minutes because the last time I was with him our relationship was going great.

There he is, well, I guess there's no point in waiting.

"Hey, Zach." I hope he doesn't see the sadness in my eyes, I've gotten pretty good at concealing that, but I'm not perfect.

"Hey, Gallagher girl." I sit down beside him.

"So, um, there was something I wanted to talk to you about."

"Well, I kind of guessed that since you wouldn't tell me before."

"Right, well, I'm going to come out and say it. Zach, I'm ending our relationship, we're over."

"I lo- Wait, what?" When he said that I couldn't hide the pure sadness that shown brightly in my eyes, that was the first time one of us would have said that.

"Zach, I-" My voice cracked as I said this. "I am so sorry, but I just can't keep up with us, I'm ending this." Zach just stared at me.

"Good, because I hated you anyway, glad you made that so much easier."

"I'm so glad to get that off my chest. What was I thinking when I dated you?"

"I have a better question, what was I thinking when I dated you?"

"That's the same question, idiot."

"Well, it sounded better coming from me, loser."

"Says the guy who said they loved hearing my voice all the time a few days ago."

"You know what? I don't need this, bye!" He stood up from the bench and started walking away.

"You don't even deserve my goodbye!" I stand up from the bench.

"I didn't want it anyway!" He says while turning to face me.

"Ugh, I hate you!" I yell, and then proceed to spin around and swiftly walk away.

"Not as much as I do!"

"Ha, you just said you hate yourself!"

"Erg, you're impossible!"

"Thanks!"

"It wasn't a compliment!"

"Your point?"

"Ugh!"

"That's what I thought!"

Okay, so that didn't really happen, but it would have helped so much with the pain I'm dealing with now. A girl can dream, right? That would have been a horrible dream, but you get the idea. This is what really happened, starting from 'Zach just stared at me' because every lie has a little truth.

Zach just stared at me.

"Why?" He finally said.

"I don't think I'm really ready for a relationship with all the missions I have, and I just didn't think ours was enough, yet to continue with it."

"You said 'yet,' which means you haven't given us enough time!" I listened heartbroken to the desperate tone he used. What had I done, making Zach Goode reduce to begging?

"I'm sorry, but I can't- won't change my mind now."

"I wish you would. After all I did for this to work." The cold feeling-less tone seeped into his voice.

"That's why I can't thank you and say I'm sorry enough, because we put so much into this." My voice also started to harden.

"I guess this is goodbye then."

"I guess so." We both stood up, bodies ridged, and spread apart a little.

"Bye, Cammie." He said in an emotionless voice.

"Goodbye, Zach." We turned and started walking in opposite directions, just two more heartbroken people in the world.

*Flashback Over*

That's how it did happen, sadly, and now I miss him.

I miss every time we kissed and the way his lips felt perfect against mine. I miss being able to sleep next to him at night, whether it was at my house or his room and white sheets on his bed, the only color he would ever get. I miss sitting next to him, our cheeks pressed together when I could feel his stubble since he usually forgot to shave.

And this is so hard cause I didn't see that you were the love of my life and it kills me.

I hadn't realized that I love him, yes love, until he almost told me when I broke up with him. Maybe if he would have finished saying it, I might have changed my mind and kept our relationship going strong if I could have after what I had said.

I see your face in strangers in the street. I still say your name when I'm talking in my sleep.

On my missions and when I'm running daily errands, I sometimes see Zach's face in strangers passing by, which probably isn't good if most of the time I'm trying to hide or follow someone else.

If I did talk in my sleep I imagine I would say his name, but, ha, don't think so. I'm a spy, I don't talk in my sleep, I mean, I'm not that bad.

And in the limelight I play it off fine. But I can't handle it when I turn off my nightlight. Ah-ah. But I can't handle it when I turn off my nightlight. Ah-ah.

When I'm with my friends, on a mission (and around people), or at headquarters I pretend I'm perfectly okay.

My friends understand why I broke up with him; they just don't know that it is killing me so much.

When I turn off the lights in my room at night, though I let my true feelings show. I can't stand not being with Zach all the time, at least when not on a mission. He's always on my mind, possibly more than when I was with him before.

They say that true love hurts well this could almost kill me. Young love murdered that is what this must be. I would give it all to not be sleeping alone, alone.

If they say true love is hurting, well, then they've never had their own young love murdered or taken right out of their grasp. I have, though and it's killing me.

I would give anything in the world to have Zach back and just snuggle with him again; not just lay alone at night.

The life is fading from me while you watch my heart bleed. Young love murdered that is what this must be. I would give it all to not be sleeping alone, alone.

Occasionally, Zach and I pass each other. As I slowly fade away because of the bleeding of my heart, I can tell Zach partially knows that I'm dying inside because he feels the same way; whether he wants to admit it or not.

This must be what a young love murdered is, wanting to know you're not alone and loved before you go to sleep each night.

Remember the time we jumped the fence when the Stones were playing and we were too broke to get in. You held my hand and made me crawl. I swore to god it was the best night of my life.

I remember one time when we were still in school and too broke to pay to see a baseball game, and being the spies we are, we jumped the fence. Zach took my hand, and then finally got me to crawl, even after I said how mad Macey would be (and she did end up yelling at both of us about that). I told myself, later, back in my room that it was the best night of my life, just being with Zach.

Or when you took me across the world we promised that this would last forever. But now I see it was my past life, a beautiful time. Drunk off of nothing but each other till the sunrise. Ah-ah. Drunk off of nothing but each other till the sunrise.

There was also that time we got a vacation from work and you took me to so many different countries and to the most beautiful places in them. While we were there you kept saying 'forever and always,' too bad I ruined that for us.

I realize, now that those memories are just my past life, no matter how great it was. Staying in a great mood the whole time everyday, just by having the presence of the other.

They say that true love hurts well this could almost kill me. Love young murdered that is what this must be. I would give it all to not be sleeping alone, alone. The life is fading from me while you watch my heart bleed. Young love murdered that is what this must be. I would give it all to not be sleeping alone, alone.

I think what me and Zach had was more than true love because it doesn't just hurt without having him, but I need him to live. If I just had him to hold me in his arms again, I might be okay, but I guess just watching him pass by will have to be enough to keep me going for now.

I try not to let Zach see, but I know sometimes he watches as I am consumed in self despair. I wish I could do something for us, but I sadly murdered our young love, err would-have-been-young-love.

Now, I just try not to lose myself when I stay up all night thinking about what could have been.

It was my past life; he was a past life, a beautiful time. Drunk off of nothing but each other till the sunrise, till the sunrise, till the sunrise.

I know that our relationship was my past life- know that Zach was my past life, but I can't live off him everyday, now. He is already starting to move on, even if he still misses me, too, but he's trying at least to find someone who can commit to him no matter what, unlike me.

As of right now, he has a girlfriend.

That's not me.

He might be with his true love now, but I know that what we had before was even more because it's killing me. When I see Zach with his new girl I think that, that and my breaking heart must be young love murdered.

I definitely know that he knows the life is fading from me because he just watches as my heart bleeds when I sometimes see him with his new love, or should I just say life?

I would do anything to make it right again, but I don't think I can because he already has someone else.

Someone who is helping heal him and is doing better than I did when he was mine.

Someone who will never be me.

All right, so, suggestions on what I should do with this? Like make it longer, leave as a one-shot, make it into multiple one-shots, or something else. By the way this is dedicated to my sister whose birthday is Monday, even though it has nothing to do with her. I know I should update my other stories, but I just had this idea, so I decided to put it up. Please review and tell me where I should take this (and what you thought)! :)

~Andi~