Summary: This is wildly AU, with a lot of themes being based off of the comics. Raven died protecting the world from Trigon's evil claws. Twelve years later, the Titans have disbanded, living their normal lives, except for one dark hero who now goes by the name Nightwing. As a new terror unfolds, and young girls are committing suicide, he discovers that Trigon is once again planning to open a portal into their world. And alone, the Titans are left defenseless to stop it. But are they really alone? And is it really Trigon, coming back to claim what he couldn't have?

AN: I thought maybe I would post one of these many stories I have sitting on my hard drive. I've been finally given some inspiration and plan on keeping this story hopping. I hope everyone enjoys, and remember I accept all types of criticism - though try not to be rude 'mkay?

Enjoy!

You never lose by loving. You always lost by holding back.
-Anon

The ceiling was a stark white with the muffled shadows stretching along the painted tiles. He saw a light from the passing cars' headlights float over his bed as the turned was made and sighed. Slowly he turned over, glancing to his left to see the beautiful alien redhead lay beside him, her lips parted in a small bow shape as the light snoring caught his ear every once and awhile. He sighed again before turning back to the ceiling.

His fingers twitched. How long had he been laying there, unable to get up out of fear of waking his girlfriend? He felt his feet twitch. He needed to move, to pace, to run and jump and swing from the buildings. But he had already done that, that night. He needed something more, something that would get him to relax and sleep. He would be absolute hell tomorrow back in the prescient.

Glaring up at the ceiling he decided on a course of action. He moved with catlike grace, crawling out from under the white comforter, cringing at every squeak of the springs as his weight left. Kori sighed dreamily and turned over to her other side, her blazing hair leaving a trail on the pillow. Richard briefly let a small breath of relief pass his lips as he crept from the bedroom, out into the living room.

He glanced down at the pull out couch, watching Tim sprawl across it, and a thin layer of drool coating his pillow beneath his head. His mask fell haphazardly on to his nose as one lone eye was left bare. He smirked to himself; he knew the poor boy was exhausted, much like Richard was but his mind wouldn't let him rest. Too many thoughts, too many dreams that he needed to calm before he could sleep. He left him be as he was unable to wake him from whatever pleasant dream he was having, by the way he smiled crookedly.

Slowly he moved into the kitchen, pulling his jacket off the hook by the door. He felt along in the dark for his shoes, seeing no need to flip on the lights as he could see as good as a spider in the night. He smiled to himself; or a bat, he subtly hinted. He had grabbed one while he leaned against the wall for support just as the lights turned on, momentarily blinding him. He stumbled a bit, losing his balance as his shoulder connected with the wall. He groaned low in his throat as he blinked tears away.

Tim walked over to him, his mask dangling by his fingers. His look was pensive and careful, as if he would be afraid to ask what question was brimming around him. Tim's dark stormy eyes found his sky blue ones as he tried to smile, but it failed half way through. "Where are you going Dick?"

Richard rubbed his arm – the one that he had fallen on during the fight that night and it was still horribly sore – and stood straight up. He ran a hand through his long roguish locks and pointed to the back door. "I need to get out of here. To think," he added as an afterthought. The look didn't leave Tim's face as he reached for his coat.

"I'm coming with you," he said calmly, tugging his shoes up. The same steel toed boots he wore as a kid. Had it really been twelve years since he thought himself a kid? He shook his head. Tim might have been less aggressive than himself at the kid's ripe age of fifteen, but he was just as stubborn. He wouldn't budge even if he tried to lose him along the way.

"Fine." He motioned to the hook again. "Put a scarf on. Bruce'll kill me if I let you catch a cold." He saw the small smile flirt across the boy's olive skin as Dick strapped on his boots. He didn't wait for Tim to follow as he took off toward his car, deciding that the bike would be too cold and noisy to holster out of the driveway. He opened his door as Tim squeezed into the front seat, and they both sat still listening to the mustang purr to life.

"So…" Tim drawled, earning a raised eyebrow from Dick in the process. "Where might we be going?"

He shrugged, feeling his hands begin to defrost. The weather was being unmerciful, with the wind chill below freezing and the oxygen so thin that one felt like the cold was suffocating them. It had been hard fighting in the cold, let alone just sitting in a barely lukewarm vehicle. "A place where I can think."

Tim nodded at the answer, as he adjusted his puffy red jacket. Dick half expected to see a 'R' burning into the breast pocket but there was nothing. Dick started the car and began to maneuver down the drive pathway; to a place he knew he could get calm from his thoughts.

It didn't take long – truthfully speaking he knew he would end up there before he had gotten out of his warm bed at 3AM. It didn't surprise him to see the massive tower glinting in the moon rays as it sat, dejected and decrepit. There were windows blown out, a few straggling pieces of metal hanging from the roof. It still looked the same after...

They pulled to the dock, as Tim jumped from his seat, leaning over the black railing. Dick decided to sit on the hood of his car, his light eyes clouded with so many repressed memories. Things he had been hiding from; the battle, the bloodcurdling screams…

"You are morbid." Tim sighed as he kicked a pebble into the water. He could barely see where it landed.

"How so kid?" He asked, crossing his arms over his chest. He tried to keep the scowl from his face, but the cold was biting at his cheeks, nipping at his nose and his eyes were tearing from the gusts of wind. He swore that he should've brought his mask.

Tim fiddled with his pockets on the coat, and then the buttons snapping them open, than shut before he turned to look at him. Dick was taken aback by the seriousness.

Sure the kid had seen a lot, hell he'd been through a lot too, almost as much as Dick had at his age. Almost as much as their adoptive father. But he had been able to retain some kind of innocent spark, one that made Dick remember that even though he wore his Robin costume – altered and he wasn't one bit happy about it – he still was just a kid. The seriousness never sat right on him; too much darkness for the kid who probably was the lightest out of the Bat family. Dick had tried long and hard to make sure he kept that light; God knew how long Dick had lost his.

"You come here to think. To the place that Rav-"

"Don't say her name," he threatened, his voice low and dripping in anger. Tim glared and continued as if not interrupted. He knew Dick's mood swings well enough to know how to handle them.

"The place where Raven died." There was a pause, followed by a long wind of breath seeping out of Dick's mouth. He tugged at his strands, as they whipped into the air behind him.

"I know."

"Dick, this really isn't healthy." Tim warned as he moved closer to the man who had become his adoptive older sibling. The man fit the role, he was ever watchful and protective, but he had too much inside. He never let anyone in; he had seen how he would shut Kori out when he came home from a horrible day at work, or late at night from Patrol. He wasn't blind and could see the way things festered in the older man. He knew this was one of those things that had never left his shoulders.

Dick gave a cold laugh at his statement. It chilled Tim further than he would've cared to admit. "I know."

"Then why do you come here?"

He saw the way Dick's eyes glazed over as he stared at the roof top, saw as the shadows cradled him like welcoming home a lost son into their cocoon. And he saw the flash of pain cross over his face before he pushed it away; in a blink of an eye Tim had seen the ugly truth first hand.

"Because .."He whispered the sound hollow and robotic. He was looking at it unemotionally; unaffected by what had happened. "You wouldn't understand kid. I barely do sometimes."

Tim sighed sadly as he crawled next to him on the hood, the grace of his training showing very little. He rolled his eyes; the kid was tired and didn't want to show it. "You miss her?" He asked, leaning against the windshield. He could hear the ocean waves crack into the base of the dock's wooden poles. It was the only sound for minutes until Dick spoke again.

"Sometimes." It was then Tim looked over at his friend and sometimes mentor before finding his voice. His profile was dark, contrasting with his bright blue jacket and worn in jaded green pajama bottoms. He knew he wasn't wearing anything under the jacket – much like he wasn't either, and he barely shook from the cold. He looked like an old statue, the way his face took to scowling so easily.

"Did you ever…love her Dick?" At this Dick's eyes shot up, pointedly waiting for him to explain. "I've heard a lot, from Gar and Vic. They both have a lot of stories to tell if you listen-"

"Just stories Tim, only stories."

"Well you braved Hell to get her back." His eyes if they could became darker in the night. "And you worked with Slade, which right there tells you something."

"You wouldn't understand Tim." And he sighed, jumping from the car, unable to feel his joints anymore in the freezing weather, and turned to go inside the vehicle. He could feel Tim's eyes on him, see him trying to search for answers; it was what the kid did, he was a great detective and would be as great as Batman and himself. But he was still young, and some part of Dick wanted to keep that horrible part out of his mind.

But the other part was feeling possessive, keeping the last few memories of Raven to himself. He had been the last one to see her, to hold her, the last to feel as though his world had come crashing down as she died in his hands. There, on the street corner of 5th and 19th, he held their dark angel as she gave her last breath, and he watched as in the distance Trigon fell to the ground in a cloud of black smoke. She had defeated Trigon, much to the dismay of her precious prophecy, but they had also lost her.

Dick couldn't have saved her. He didn't help her, his hope hadn't been enough to propel her further. She couldn't hold on to life because Dick knew she couldn't anymore. The power she had used, the amount of will she had shown, worn her down that Trigon's last hit had killed her. And Dick didn't want anyone to know he felt the blame of her death, even know, twelve years later. His hope hadn't been enough.

"It's okay ya' know," Tim called as he scooted off the red car top, holding himself rigid as another gust of wind took their breaths away. Winter was coming hard and strong, and they barely had time to prepare for it. At his statement, Dick looked at him. "If you did love her, it's okay. Gar said she was beautiful. Victor said she was the best of you. It would only make sense..."

"Let's go home." Dick whispered as he cracked open the car door. He heard Tim sigh as he followed and both men were silent driving back to Dick's apartment. He didn't want to think about what could have been; Dick had to stay in the moment. He was another man, another name in the hero world, and in the human world he was a detective in the Jump City prescient. He wasn't Robin anymore – and Raven wasn't there to calm his thoughts as she often did at night.

That was the reason he had gone to the tower, their late night talks being the ending to his overactive mind. She would be there, tea in hand, and she would listen, for a time, to his rants. Until finally she'd snap, sending him to bed with a few wise words and he would drift to sleep without a concern. When she had died, he lost that connection, that bond with someone and it was almost unimaginable that he was able to sleep at all.

Crawling back inside his warm place, he sent Tim back to bed with a small smile. The kid meant well, he always did. He just didn't know the whole story, and Richard didn't want to tell him. Not that night, not with so many thoughts in his mind at so late of an hour. He pushed his way back into the bed, curling under the covers, still searching for the soft snores of Kori, who had barely moved since his leaving.

And he drifted to sleep, his mind still in arms with thoughts and hopes and regrets. And during all of this, he never felt the soft tug on the rustic bond he had once shared with another person. He didn't feel the cool comfort radiating over the link. And he never would have guessed that the sensation was the reason why he was able to fall into a deep slumber; the first one in many years to ever experience.

But he also didn't see the tears fall from his lovely girlfriend's kind face as she clung to her pillow, knowing full well that Richard still did not tell her everything. She could feel something in him stir and she knew that it was only a matter of time before he either expressed his deep feelings for her or left. And she was afraid it would not be the outcome she dreamed of, night after night.

AN: Again horribly AU, but with a lot of adventure and romance to come. Let me know what you think so far! I should have the real first chapter up soon.

Peace.