The Ultimate FanFic
Ok I know I don't own any of these people and I am not trying to make a buck blah blah blah and so and so fourth, I am doing for my own amusement. So on with the story.
CHAPTER 1 Enter the Matrix
It is a dark night clouds roll in front of a full moon, and in the distance we can hear a cell phone ring.
The ringing gets louder and its "take me out to the ball game"
Neo: What's up switch?
Person: Hi how would you like to save on all of your long distance calls??
Neo: What the hell!! Who is this? Is this the Oracle?
Person: No, this is Susan with AT&T and I would like to tell you about loud distance service.
Neo: Look Susan I am the One I know that is world is not real, In fact your not real, you are still plugged in and that means you are a potential agent, or maybe the woman in the red dress are you her??
Susan: Umm Mr. The One what I wear is really no of your concern, I can tell you really don't want to switch to AT&T so just remember when calling collect always dial 1-800-CALLATT.
Neo: Is that with that Goddamn Carrot top guy?
Susan: No that's those ass-holes from 1-800-COLLECT. I hate those people.
Neo: I think I'm going to tell Morphus to unplug Carrot top so we can see what he looks like bald it would be funny.
Susan: UMM what's unplug?
Neo: What's your phone number and I will explain it to you.
Susan screams and is suddenly cut off.
Neo: Susan are you ok? SUSAN!
Voice: What's you favorite scary movie??
Neo: What!! I want loud distance!!!!
Voice: I'll gut you like a fish and then throw your guts all over the place how's that for long distance??
Neo: Umm no I really don't like the sound of that.
Smith: Hello Mr. Anderson
Neo: Smith!! Is this a fucking party line or something what the fuck is going on???
Woman: Hey there sexy, you like to party? All calls cost only 4.99 a minute, we accept Visa, MasterCard and American Express.
Neo: Ok this is to weird even for the matrix!!
Neo begins to walk away when the phone booth behind him begins to ring. Neo slowly walks up to the phone, He has a strange look on his face, and you can tell the last phone call has left him perplexed.
Neo: Hello?
Voice: If you and up I will kill you.
Neo: Leave me alone.
Three shots ring out as soon as Neo hung up the phone, Neo turns and looks towards were the shots were fired from, He can see a man in the window with a high powered rifle.
Neo thinks to himself: How the hell did Lee Harvey Oswald get here??
Neo raises his hand and stops the bullets, He makes the three bullets start dancing with each other.
Neo: These look like the bullets from Roger Rabbit.
Bullets: Those were our cousins we hope to make it big time like they did, we want to make is famous like they did.
Neo: Ok I'll do my best to help.
Neo thrusts his hand out towards the man in the window but two of the bullets begin chasing a late model Lincoln down the road.
Neo: I wonder how that man got into the book depository??
One bullet hits the man right in the face, his face explodes in a mess of blood, brains and skull. At the same time the other two bullets are about to catch the man in the back of the Lincoln. One bullet hits his shoulder and the other hit the man in the back of the head.
Neo: Cool I rewrote history.
Ted: Way cool Bro. (Starts playing the air guitar.)
Neo: Who are you??
Ted: I'm your best friend bro we went through time together with Rufus remember??
Neo: No. Rufus is that the guy that was in that Dogma movie?? Oh he was also the hichhicker in Jay and Silent Bob Strike back. He gave the truck driver head.
Ted: Bogus dude. Look you are not really Neo you are Keanu Reeves.
Neo: No I am Neo, but that guy who dresses like the presidents body guard calls me Mr. Anderson sometimes.
Ted: No way dude this is not real.
Neo: I know this is the Matrix.
Ted: No this is a movie but something's wrong and not wrong like in that shitty Last Action Hero movie.
Neo: Is there a glitch in the system?
Ted: Damnit Bill.
Neo: There is no Bill instead of Bill think that there is no spoon.
Ted: What!! What does this have to do with a spoon??
Neo: Its time to leave.
Ted: Ok Rufus is sending a phone booth.
Neo gets a very scared look on his face.
Neo: Hell No!! I'm not getting in another phone booth!!
Take me out to the ball game begins ringing. As soon as Neo answers the phone he is jacked out of the matrix.
Ted: Wohhh!!! Radical!!!
Ok I know I don't own any of these people and I am not trying to make a buck blah blah blah and so and so fourth, I am doing for my own amusement. So on with the story.
CHAPTER 1 Enter the Matrix
It is a dark night clouds roll in front of a full moon, and in the distance we can hear a cell phone ring.
The ringing gets louder and its "take me out to the ball game"
Neo: What's up switch?
Person: Hi how would you like to save on all of your long distance calls??
Neo: What the hell!! Who is this? Is this the Oracle?
Person: No, this is Susan with AT&T and I would like to tell you about loud distance service.
Neo: Look Susan I am the One I know that is world is not real, In fact your not real, you are still plugged in and that means you are a potential agent, or maybe the woman in the red dress are you her??
Susan: Umm Mr. The One what I wear is really no of your concern, I can tell you really don't want to switch to AT&T so just remember when calling collect always dial 1-800-CALLATT.
Neo: Is that with that Goddamn Carrot top guy?
Susan: No that's those ass-holes from 1-800-COLLECT. I hate those people.
Neo: I think I'm going to tell Morphus to unplug Carrot top so we can see what he looks like bald it would be funny.
Susan: UMM what's unplug?
Neo: What's your phone number and I will explain it to you.
Susan screams and is suddenly cut off.
Neo: Susan are you ok? SUSAN!
Voice: What's you favorite scary movie??
Neo: What!! I want loud distance!!!!
Voice: I'll gut you like a fish and then throw your guts all over the place how's that for long distance??
Neo: Umm no I really don't like the sound of that.
Smith: Hello Mr. Anderson
Neo: Smith!! Is this a fucking party line or something what the fuck is going on???
Woman: Hey there sexy, you like to party? All calls cost only 4.99 a minute, we accept Visa, MasterCard and American Express.
Neo: Ok this is to weird even for the matrix!!
Neo begins to walk away when the phone booth behind him begins to ring. Neo slowly walks up to the phone, He has a strange look on his face, and you can tell the last phone call has left him perplexed.
Neo: Hello?
Voice: If you and up I will kill you.
Neo: Leave me alone.
Three shots ring out as soon as Neo hung up the phone, Neo turns and looks towards were the shots were fired from, He can see a man in the window with a high powered rifle.
Neo thinks to himself: How the hell did Lee Harvey Oswald get here??
Neo raises his hand and stops the bullets, He makes the three bullets start dancing with each other.
Neo: These look like the bullets from Roger Rabbit.
Bullets: Those were our cousins we hope to make it big time like they did, we want to make is famous like they did.
Neo: Ok I'll do my best to help.
Neo thrusts his hand out towards the man in the window but two of the bullets begin chasing a late model Lincoln down the road.
Neo: I wonder how that man got into the book depository??
One bullet hits the man right in the face, his face explodes in a mess of blood, brains and skull. At the same time the other two bullets are about to catch the man in the back of the Lincoln. One bullet hits his shoulder and the other hit the man in the back of the head.
Neo: Cool I rewrote history.
Ted: Way cool Bro. (Starts playing the air guitar.)
Neo: Who are you??
Ted: I'm your best friend bro we went through time together with Rufus remember??
Neo: No. Rufus is that the guy that was in that Dogma movie?? Oh he was also the hichhicker in Jay and Silent Bob Strike back. He gave the truck driver head.
Ted: Bogus dude. Look you are not really Neo you are Keanu Reeves.
Neo: No I am Neo, but that guy who dresses like the presidents body guard calls me Mr. Anderson sometimes.
Ted: No way dude this is not real.
Neo: I know this is the Matrix.
Ted: No this is a movie but something's wrong and not wrong like in that shitty Last Action Hero movie.
Neo: Is there a glitch in the system?
Ted: Damnit Bill.
Neo: There is no Bill instead of Bill think that there is no spoon.
Ted: What!! What does this have to do with a spoon??
Neo: Its time to leave.
Ted: Ok Rufus is sending a phone booth.
Neo gets a very scared look on his face.
Neo: Hell No!! I'm not getting in another phone booth!!
Take me out to the ball game begins ringing. As soon as Neo answers the phone he is jacked out of the matrix.
Ted: Wohhh!!! Radical!!!