Why Don't You Get A Job?
/~/My friend's got a girlfriend
man he hates that bitch
He tells me everyday
He says: "Man I really gotta lose my chick
in the worst kind of way"/~/
"I don't see why she has to use a frying pan."
It's another headache inducing night in la casa de Tonio. Or rather, tiny apartment… de Tonio.
"Well, Leon," the brunette begins, sighing as his friend makes himself comfortable on the worn out couch, "Maybe if you could hold down a job for more than a month she wouldn't have a reason to be mad at you."
Leon looks hurt and tries kicked puppy expression that Tonio has seen far too many times before. It's ineffective, much like Tonio's Advil. Realizing this, Leon grimaces and retaliates, gruffly saying "She gets mad at me for losing my job, but she hasn't even had a job since, like, last year!" He waves his hands, first in circles before throwing them up in the air in dramatic exasperation.
He continues, his voice rising in unnecessary volume. "You know what, Tonio?" he pauses for effect, but waits for no response, "She's a fucking hypocrite! From this moment forward, I swear to you Tony, me and Lola are officially over!"
"That's only the 399th time he's said that since they got together, what, two years ago?" Tonio adds, mentally. Saying that to Leon would only drive the man to rant more; something that Tonio wasn't sure his poor abused head could take.
But the brunette is forced to raise his eyebrow in confusion, taking note of something Leon had said in his outburst. Leon turns to face him, mirroring his confusion, but for a different reason.
"What?" the blond asks.
"Leon..." Tonio speaks as though he speaking to a kid, "she's had a job for the last 4 months. You… didn't… know that?"
That night, Tonio is kicked out of his own bed and forced to sleep on the couch, while a certain blonde has locked himself in the only bedroom in the tiny little flat
/~/My friend's got a boyfriend,
man she hates that dick
She tells me everyday
He wants more dinero just to stay at home
Well my friend, you gotta say:
I won't pay; I won't pay ya, no way
Na, na, why don't you get a job?/~/
Come Sunday morning, Tonio had coaxed Leon out of his room and subsequently kicked the man out of his flat to go bother Big Al. Surely Al could deal with Leon; they were both unappeasable whining nutjobs.
Tonio had went about his usual Sunday habits, and when evening came, he took the time to relax, contentedly reading when the second disturbance in the last two days came knocking at his door. The brunette had briefly debated ignoring it, but the idea that it could possibly be something serious, say, a million dollars and a new house far far away, drove him to open the door.
Tonio's hopes were unfortunately dashed when a disgruntled Lola pushed her way through the entrance, not taking the time to even greet the now cringing (and definitely not crying) opera singer.
She takes a seat on Tonio's couch, crossing her arms and glaring at the floor, waiting to be addressed.
He knows he'll regret it, but he asks anyways "What's wrong, Lola?"
"Leon!" She throws her arms out, similar to the dramatic ways of the man in question. "He's such a dick sometimes, Tonio, how can you even be friends with him?"
"I suppose I've gotten used to his dick-like disposition." That was a lie. He had merely learned to tolerate it, if that. But for the sake of the situation, he figures he better not add fuel to Lola's fire. It would only lead to the destruction of his very being, and Tonio wasn't in the mood for that. Not today. Not any other day of the week, really. But definitely not today. His head hurts too much for this.
"Well I'm sick of it! He gets fired from his job and expects me to help him pay for whatever useless thing that catches his eye! He wanted to buy a freaking Darth Vader outfit so he could go and scare little kids! I'm done paying for him because he can't get a job!"
"Come on, it's Leon. He's not the smartest tool in the shed. You have to cut him some slack. You've been able to deal with it the last two years. Is this really anything new?" Tonio hopes and prays and pleads to whatever comes to mind that this statement doesn't lead to his demise or anything worse.
Unfortunately, it must not have been his day, because he set the black-haired woman off on a tirade that might've lasted the whole night had Prima (Tonio's true savior) not come to drag Lola out of Tonio's house-turned-asylum. Tonio decides to go to bed early and get a lot of rest for the following week.
That night, Tonio falls asleep on his hard and uncomfortable bed, haunted by nightmares about giant killer frying pans chasing him into circus of millions of singing mini-Leon clones.
/~/Well I guess it ain't easy doin' nothing at all, oh yeah
But hey man, free rides don't just come along
Everyday/~/
The next Saturday night arrives, and Tonio relaxes at home; curtains drawn, lights out, and all doors and windows locked. The lack of disturbances makes him unbelievably happy, but also somewhat suspicious. Nevertheless, he pushes his worries aside and relaxes. He sleeps peacefully that night, for the first time since the previous week.
When Sunday comes, Tonio and Prima go to the movies together. Tonio is not surprised to find Lola and Leon together, holding hands and smiling cheerfully once again. Upon questioning, Tonio finds out that Leon has gotten a new job, Lola has mellowed out for the time being, and the two are happily together again. Tonio is able to relax and get his required amount of sleep for the next four weeks.
When Leon shows up at his doorway on another Saturday night, Tonio can feel his headache come back full force.
/~/Say no way, say no way, ya, no way
Na, na, why don't you get a job?/~/
Notes:
Here's a Vocaloid fic that's not even set to a Vocaloid song. Just a pointless song-fic to The Offspring's "Why don't you get a Job?" that makes no sense. I've a knack for bountiful plot discrepancies. Don't… don't question it. If anyone cares, the next chapter of How to Become Cool Guy should be up later this week, cuz I have a lot of free time on my hands. All my friends left me on spring break ;.;