Hear Me Out
Kids running around, shouts heard everywhere, constant yelling surrounding me like a cornered animal. My mind screaming at the top of its own mental lungs practically pleading everyone to stop but no one hearing anything besides the dull, silent, and shy words, "please, stop everyone calm down." No one heard a thing; havoc across the room everything making me curl up in a ball and stay in my mental safe zone. My skin could feel the twitching sensation every time I wanted to scream and make everyone listen. "Grace, do something now! Damn it woman, talk to me say something don't just stand there calm them down already." The room was spinning, the walls melting; I could hear people's screams at a distant, I felt as if I was going to let the overwhelming numbness take over and stop everything.
Ghostly words came to my mind, "come on Grace you can do it, just tell me what you are feeling." My feeble body reacted to the words in my mind only responding to a memory. "I can't, I just can't do this anymore." Tears slowly building up jumping from my eyes to my hands. "Look at yourself kiddo you are crying again, just how are you going to be a good leader if you can't tell your family what to do?" My face boiled hot, I trembled as I talked to the same memory, which always made me think so much in a short period of time. "Stop, please, James just stop I can't take to much data of that quantity into my system right now." His voice didn't sound as loving as it had sounded, "Look Grace stop just tell them what you want to say otherwise you would only be weak and powerless to your family!" "Shut up! Shut up, shut up James stop talking to me and making me feel like I'm doing everything so wrong." Warm water slowly covering my cheeks with the tiny streams, gentle sobs emitting from my throat, making me weaker.
Images rushing in my mind, the lights dim down, everything taking me back gently to the past with each heartbeat. A gentle loving smile blinding me from the pain, a warm hug making me feel safe and light, a warm day in December, how perfect everything seemed to me, laughter making my heart soar with incredible joy. A gushing cold breeze made me shiver, dead leaves dance around the floor, I found myself quivering in front of a black door. The sun was gone, and even at night the sky was about to cry. I open door, I found the lights off, a melancholic song playing softly from a room. I heard a tiny whimper imploring for forgiveness, the words slowly choking out. My feet quickly made their way to the sound.
My breathing slowly constricting in my throat. I open the door and there he lay in a room white as snow. His crimson regrets spilling out onto the floor. I felt him calling out to me asking for help through his agonizing pain. Tears streamed down my eyes as I carefully applied pressure on his stomach with one hand trying to make the bleeding stop. With the other hand my fingers quickly dialed 911. His eyes glossy with tears, I could see he was asking for forgiveness. The room slowly fogged into a blurry image of my memories. All of the pain giving me an immense strength. My breathing regulated and I could feel strange warmth in me of love and reassurance of myself.
"Quiet everyone! Calm down already!" My entire family stared at me with wonder as the words reached them making them tremble with a slow admiration. My family calmed down. "Okay now that everyone is cooled get out of here and go do some havoc elsewhere I had enough already." Each of them got out of the house leaving me behind to my own thoughts. I crawled into my bedroom and cried against the door.
I felt the overwhelming sensation of the immature ways I had been acting like. How foolish I had been all day crying and letting the feeling of solitude take over my common sense. How weak was I to almost forget how painful it is to give up on life. I had been so reckless and irrational to just forget about how much it hurt the night I found James on the floor trying to fight for the life he tried to give up on. All the pain he went trough, all the agonizing moments he suffered which led him to suicide. I looked at myself in the mirror and smiled. James appeared next to me on my reflection, "Thank you my big brother." He smiled at me, "you are welcome my little angel." He crinkled his nose and I blush like I used to every time he tried to make me smile.
My breathing slowly went back to normal, and thought to myself with a response. "Don't worry James I wont ever give up on the life I have no matter how hard it gets I'll always try harder to appreciate how easy I have it compare to other people around the world, even other friends of mine have it worse so I wont give up trying harder to live all this beautiful life we were give." His face vanished and cried more with tears of joy. But always know he is in my heart and memory giving me a reason to believe in life even more every time I ever feel like giving up.