"Abuse me" By SW
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PG 13 - for some language and over all disturbed themes.
:::::::A disturbing masochistic view of Horohoro, reflecting on the one he loves. OOC runs rampant, but I don't really care. :p Shounen ai, and angst riddled you have been warned! :::::
I must be a fool, or maybe some sort of masochist. No person would voluntarily bend over backwards and suffer through your abuse, unless they really enjoyed pain. Do I? It's not like I woke up one morning and said, "Hello world, I want to be Tao Ren's bitch!" No I got to this point of quiet self-inflicted misery gradually. It's almost funny how you continually insult my intelligence when you're the one who's clueless; you're too high on your own pedestal to notice these things. Not my puppy-eyed looks or the desperation that is there for all to see, anything for you to acknowledge my existence. As time has progressed and reality has ground and trodden upon my hopes and delusions. My mission keeps changing; I started off hoping that maybe someday you'd return my feelings. Now I'd just be happy if you had a kind word for me, I wish for a better life but I'm too much of a coward to try and change things. Maybe it's because you are in fact "Tao Ren", the one who knows nothing of kindness or mercy. I keep praying you'll offer me something you know nothing of. So I follow you like some damn lackey, even if you don't notice me. Am I to insignificant to see? I'm here for you to rip into, abuse me, hurt me, yell and berate me! At least the physical pain helps to distract me from the emotional confliction I'm constantly in. Even then I can't help but be somewhat pleased, because I'd do anything for your attention. I starve for it, anything, anything at all. The random acts of violence you feel the need to inflict upon me are welcomed. At least I know you see me for those few minutes, it's comforting in its own sick way.
Maybe you're the fool, because you can't see the obvious. Even I can see that you'll never care, that my adoration is unrequited. But at least I can see it. Maybe I'm less of an idiot then you think, just one of many things your wrong about. Harsh words from your dedicated human punching bag.
Didn't you know? I'm Tao Ren's whipping boy.
And there in the living flesh is my personal tormenter; he walks up to me smoothly as always. Asking me something, although it sounds more like a demand to the untrained observer. I forgot the question, but I know I said something to piss him off. Testing fate as always I gourd him until he is positively furious, and in a burst of speed he has me pinned against the wall. Snarling, obscenities fall from those perfect lips and lovely hands give me a good shake. I can't help but shiver in pleasure, to be this close is wonderful. I really must be a masochist … Even as my head cracks against unyielding brick, my vision blurs and the whole room spins. I have to fight back a smile and the waves of delight, just to be the center of the almighty Ren-sama's attention even if it's just for a moment.
But just as quick as he is to anger, I'm released abruptly and he's turned on his heel. Stalking away like an over grown cat who's suffered a personal indignity. I'm left to nurse my pounding headache and hallow heart. And as I sink to the floor in exhaustion, I recall you once asked me why I followed you like a lap dog, I didn't tell you the truth of course. But what I had almost said in a state of bitter disappointment was "I'm your bitch remember?". It might have been worth saying just to see the confusion on your irritable face.
It's the universal joke you'll never understand.
I guess its better that you don't, because if you did I'd never get to suffer the price of his attention again. He'd shun me completely, never speak to me or give me the slightest bit of attention. Which is in fact one of my most painful fears, one of many really. But definitely a big one, which is why I need you to see me. Why I beg for your attention by exploiting your short temper. Driving you mad with stupid remarks and making an ass of my self on a fairly regular basis. It's all to feed my apparent low self-esteem and driving need to be acknowledged as being something more then a sack of flesh and blood. Bet you didn't know that did you? No, not really.
All the things I'll never say, all the things I'll never do. The sweet nothings I wished to whisper, the nights of longing and hours spent pining. Every broken dream crumbled, hope after hope shot down. Every indignity suffered and abuse taken in stride. The art of turning the other cheek and asking for another. In other words my complete and utter adoration.
It's all for you baby, and only you.
My lord and master.
My misery
My love.
I'm pathetic, a waste of air as you have so often pointed out. But you'd never have a more devoted lover if you'd let me. But I know better then to try, I can live in quiet desperation. As long as you're around, even if it's just to hurt me, everything is fine, just fine
-End-
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What can I say, I like writing angst. The thought was kind of rolling around in my head, and I figured I should do at least one Shaman King fic, since I'm a really big fan. I'm bad I wrote this up while I was suppose to be working on my Naruto AU fic. ^_^; for the record I'm not planning on writing a follow up to this :p