A/N: This is a colab with my friend Tania. So Beware! She has a strange mind. Haha jk she's awesome, but really… be prepared. Contains loads of Awk Sauce… Haha
Helpful Hints:
"Dialogue"
Thoughts
We wrote as if there is an omnipresent narrator in the beginning and the end but the POV changes so I broke it up a little so that you can tell what's going on.
POV: Omnipresent
It was a wonderful day, the deer tasted amazing and Bella was glad she had the rest of the day to herself. Edward and the rest of her family had gone farther away to hunt. So it was just her, she had left Renesmee and Jacob back at the house. As the day wore on though, she decided to go check in on her daughter.
POV: Bella
As I approached the house I could feel my mood brightening at the thought of my daughter, now almost 18, and my best friend. Unfortunately my mood immediately dropped when I started to hear the moaning.
"Ohhhh… yeahh… Oh oh oh oh Jacob! JACOB! YES!"
"Ohh God, Nessie. Yes!"
WTF?
Was that really MY daughter and MY Jake? The same Jacob who once told me he loved me and had once kissed me… that same one? The same one who had fantasized about me for years? Now he was with MY DAUGHTER?
"Oh my sweet God. Oh Yea Yea! Right there!"
"You like that?"
"Yess..."
"Harder?"
"YES!"
"Okay! Enough, or I'm gonna give you something to really scream and moan about!" I practically shouted once I got to the doorway, purposely directing my comment at Jacob.
"Oh my gosh… MOM!"
"Bella!"
"What the hell do you two think you're doing?" I cried out almost furiously.
"Ummm… the same thing you and Dad-"
"Stop!" I cut my daughter off mid-sentence. Turning to Jacob, "You are not going to continue this with my DAUGHTER. And you, young lady, are grounded until further notice!"
"But-"
"No buts, and that's final."
"Fine then…" she pouted, "we will just have to find that oral fixation-"
"Oh no you don't, not only are you grounded, and that means no Jacob, but did you even think for a second that you could technically bite off Jacob's… you know…"
"Wait, WHAT? She could?" Jacob cried out making his presence once again known. Turning to Nessie he couldn't stop the question from leaving his mouth, "You could?"
"Yes she could." I state barely hiding the smugness in my voice. That ought to help dampen their hormones.
"Umm… Mom? I was talking about listening to Shakira's album: Oral Fixation, not oral sex."
"Oh… Well… It doesn't matter 'cause you're grounded and that means no Jacob. AT ALL!" I say, stressing the last part.
POV: Omnipresent
As Bella and Jacob left the room that now held a very upset Renesmee, Bella couldn't help but reiterate her point of view to her best friend, who she couldn't help but feel was kind a pedo.
"You know what I said still stands, right?"
"Uhh… Okay but your kinda a hypocrite." Seeing the look on Bella's face Jacob hurriedly continued, "I just mean that you were about her age when you had her."
"Except when I had her I was married, and you were in love with one of my ovaries." She stated bluntly as she stalked way from the now stunned speechless werewolf.
A/N: Haha God I love that ending. Well there you have it, all 493 words of it. Just so everyone knows we wrote this while at good ole Mickey D's. HAHA how's that for awkward? Review if you wish… and let me know if I need to change the rating.