When Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy hired a 'professional' to get Argus Filch to relax and live a little, they weren't sure what would happen, but what did wind up happening shocked the entire wizarding community to the core. . .
It was a day just like any other day at Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Argus Filch was breaking up couples snogging in the corridors as usual and sending his cat, Mrs. Norris, to run anyone out of the tighter places he couldn't quite reach as per usual.
"That guy seriously needs to relax," Draco Malfoy griped as he and his boyfriend, Harry Potter, made their way to the library to cool off after being scolded for 'loitering around', as Filch had so delicately put it.
"Tell me about it," Harry grumbled, rolling his eyes, "I mean just where does he get off telling us what to do? It's not like he's one of the teachers or anything."
"It doesn't matter, he still reports to the teachers and that's just as bad," Draco observed, pointedly, he sighed, "But someone ought to do something to help that old greasy prude get laid or something, maybe he'd shove off if they did."
No sooner had these word's left the blonde's lips, Harry got a brilliant, yet evil idea, and he suddenly realized what his friends had meant by Draco being a bad influence. Oh well. Leaning in a bit, so no prying ears could hear, Harry whispered,
"What if that someone was us? What if we hire a prostitute to take Filch's mind off things awhile?"
"Hmm," Draco's brow furrowed slightly as he mulled it over.
It sounded like a really brilliant idea, but. . .
"Do you think it would work?" The Slytherin implored after a moment or two of somewhat awkward silence.
"Possibly," Harry shrugged, "There's only one way to find out, now isn't there?"
"Alright, I'm in," Draco declared with a mischievous grin, "And I already know just who we should hire for the job. Candy Ocean. She has a thing for Filch's types."
"How do you know her?" Harry implored, eyeing his lover suspiciously.
"I don't, she's also my mother's massage therapist," Draco revealed, then seeing the look on Harry's face, laughed, "You needn't worry so much Potter, it's terrible for your complexion," He sighed once more, "Candy Ocean is a witch who hates wizards, she prefers the non-magic types like squibs or muggles."
"Alright, then Candy Ocean it is," Harry smiled and quickly apologized, knowing better than to ever question Draco's loyalty to him.
Draco, in turn, forgave his favorite Gryffindor, and together they finished their trek only to quickly change directions. They wanted to get an owl to Candy Ocean as soon as possible. The sooner Filch got some, the sooner he laid off all together.