Authors' foreword: Hey, this is Jennifer Jolie here, typing this on behalf of my (AHEM) co-writers: Constance, Raganas, The Future Britney and Clarenova. People from 6I who've also helped include Diana. No one else as of yet…
If any of our teachers from 6I comes by and chances across this… er…
This was vaguely inspired by… hmm, not too sure, really. Enjoy, please… reviews would be nice. : ) This one is low-format, it has CAPITAL letters and all that.
I like Andrea Corr. Despite my comparison, The Corrs RULE.
All names have been changed.
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
"Did you bring your PSLE Science homework book?" demanded Kylie as Po Linn arrived in the (tiny) Ramford Girls' Primary School (named after Ramford Staffles, founder of Singapore) courtyard in the waffle-sized area allocated to the class 6I.
"Bloody freakin' hell!" exclaimed Po Linn, slamming her black schoolbag down HARD on the ground. Succinct.
"Oi, Fo, your newspaper!" Inez snatched Po Linn's newspaper and flipped to the back as a large, bustling crowd gathered round for their daily dose of Celebrity Gossip.
"Actually, we haven't seen Mrs. Tong, Science Teacher Extraordinaire today," confided Samantha Wong. "And we haven't seen any of the other teachers either."
"None of the teachers?" Fo (Po Linn) asked doubtfully.
"Yeah, no one seems to have turned up at ALL today… but the teachers who don't teach us did. Oh, and Madam Adlina, our lovely music teacher."
"Big help."
"Anyone seen Zhao Lao Shi yet?" (*Teacher Zhao; Mrs. Teo)
"Not really…" The class looked hopeful. Everyone hated Chinese.
"Anyone notice that it's kind of quiet today?" Sure enough, there was no trace of the irritating cacophony someone mistook as music in the background.
"But Miss Ng can't be sick! She's always around to do the PA system, and she promised she'd go through those problem sum, remember, the one where you use Algebra to-"
"There's always a first time." This was Owl, or Joanna, the Peacemaker, diligently reading her Chinese textbook.
"I called my maid!" announced Evelyn, prancing in and sitting down as if she'd been crowned Miss Para Para (Para Para, as in the mutative Japanese dance).
"Oh god, what did you forget this time, Eve?"
"My higher Chinese PSLE book-"
"SHIT!"
Inez whacked Shu Wen with her newspaper. "Watch your language!"
"I didn't bring it, what does it look like?"
"I did!" retorted Kylie.
"Oh, then you're dead," Evelyn replied airily. "Zhao said we MUST bring it today."
"Had to," hissed Inez, "Watch your grammar you dope!"
"Damn Zhao, I didn't even do it anyway." Shu grinned and shrugged it off.
"Neither did I," Kylie added. Joey (Joanna) shook her head.
"Oh looky," quipped Inez. "Miss Lim ain't here either! No English!"
"What's the school gonna do?" puzzled Samantha Cheok. "How are they gonna hire enough relief teachers?"
"But it's true, no one's here!" lamented Sam W above chuckles from the rest.
Suddenly Inez screamed.
"Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!" 6I exchanged looks with one another. When Inez started screaming like this, it could only mean one thing.
Lara Croft had made the headlines again.
Once every four months at least, Lara Croft, renowned archaeologist, would be in the papers somehow or other, smack on the cover, even if it meant blocking out news the size of the Titanic's demise. She'd have a HUGE picture, plus her name printed in the largest font size they had. The 'tomb raider', as she had become known, was both famous and infamous, and a great topic of discussion in the world of archaeology for both her discoveries and methods… and looks, for some. Needless to say, she was also Inez's idol. Strange how these things go.
"Oh my gosh," said Inez again. She can say practically an unlimited number of oh-my-goshs. "She's here now!"
"What's she doing on the teeny island of Singapore?"
"Yeah," said Inez, only half-listening as she scanned the article, "She lives in Surrey and St. Bridget from time to time, and she was born in Wales…" (*I THINK)
Everyone groaned. Once Nezzy started, it was hard to get her to stop. Someone else whisked away the newspaper though, and Inez chilled a little.
"Maybe they'll just give us a holiday if no one shows," offered Shu. 6I laughed.
Then the morning bell rang, and all thoughts from driven from their minds as they got up for the flag-raising ceremony and assembly.
~
A scrawny teacher donning what looked like faded floral print gunny sacks swaggered up to the stage. Face like a blank peeled potato, she stuck her hands on her hips and looked exactly like a scarecrow. Tapping the mike twice, she squawked, "6I, Miss Janet Lim is on unspecified emergency leave. Mrs. Christy Tong is on medical leave and is not expected back this week. Mrs. Belle-May Teo is on holiday (many people burst out laughing at this point but most cheered) and Miss Sally Ng is on a week-long course." Scarecrow said this all with a perfect poker face. "There will be no table-tennis practice until next week, and Mr. Ho would like to see all P.E. teachers.
"You may go back to class now." Groaning, 6I heaved up their schoolbags and tramped off to their classroom on the fourth level. It was going to be a long, LONG day.
~
Ten minutes later, 6I was in their classroom making more noise than seemed humanly possible. Indeed, their were not dubbed Woodbridge Junior for nothing (Woodbridge was the local loony bin).
"I LOVE ROCK 'N ROLL!" sang Evelyn, skipping around the room. Only it sounded like 'Ahh luuuuuhv rock 'n rollllll'.
"OY! Give back Fo's newspaper!" yelped Inez as Sara tore past and snatched it. "Oh shit… Sara, NO!" At this point Sara had uncapped her red pen and was hastily scribbling on Lara Croft's face. As if on cue, Shu Wen dashed over with her penknife. All this was happening as Nezzy leaped on Po Linn, who was ON HER WAY to joining the others, and began tugging on her belt to get her to back off, wailing.
In RGPS the uniform have (sickening) white blouses, rather see-through and very stifling, short sleeved with Peter Pan collars. They are topped by (sickening) navy pinafores, pleated at the skirt, meant to reach the knees but few really did; these also topped (sickening) navy shorts with itchy elastic waistbands. It was also fastened with a (very sickening) navy belt MEANT to be the same shade of navy as the pinafore which was threaded through loops sewn at the ribcage rather than the waist, and always were too tight and came out at regular intervals. On the upper-left a (sickening) school badge was pinned on the pinafore; below it, a (very sickening) nametag was sewn or fastened with Velcro. The Velcro ones were often stolen, and leaving the poor owner chasing the thief halfway around the school. Prefects wore green tie, often the target of the same people who pulled nametags for fun. Hair was to be above the collar, or tied back with (sickening) black or navy hair ties (these were also pulled frequently). The (sickening) shoes were lined with (sickening) white socks and MEANT to be (sickening) plain white canvas, the sort that broke easily and was WAY overpriced. They had no grip whatsoever on the ground, and RGPS girls appeared to be dancing ballet on polished or tiled floors (especially wet ones). All in all, a sickening uniform.
"So put another dime in the jukebox, baby!" yelled Evelyn, horribly off-key.
"SSHHHHHHHHHH!!" Owl was desperately trying to quiet the class down – to no avail. Then Yvonne screamed.
Never in your life will there come a time when you will forget that scream. It closely resembles the sound made when two mikes are placed too close to each other, if not worse. Ad infinitum.
At this Mei Keen jumped up. "SHADDAP YVONNE!" Yvonne just screamed louder for no reason whatsoever. In an instant, the whole of 6I was running around and pulling each others' hair and collars, save for Joanna and Co., diligently walking around SHHHing people.
"SARA! FO! SHU! BUGGER OFF, YOU-"
"Oops, I did it again, I played with your heart, got lost in the game, oh baby, baby…"
"Shut UP, Yvonne!"
Owl exasperatedly looked at her watch. It was ten minutes into the lesson and no one has showed up yet. No substitute teacher, no peace. She peered out the window and came this close to regurgitating her breakfast. The principle, Ms. Tin, was coming. And she was less than a minute's walk away. And she walked at the speed of your average crippled garden slug.
AND there was someone behind her. Far behind, okay, VERY far behind, but walking at a pretty incredible pace. Joanna didn't even see the person (it could have been Norma Desmond for all she knew) but couldn't have cared less. Time to do the day job. She spun around.
"MISS TIN IS COMING!! Teacher alert! Teacher alert!" bellowed Joey.
Immediately the newspaper was (shredded and) thrown in the trash can. Evelyn, who had been doing Para Para on the table and singing Coyote Ugly style, leaped off Superman style and nearly knocked down the rest of the class rushing to their tables. In a split second, 6I looked like an ordinary class – save for the rumpled pinafores, mussed hair, and nametags stuck on the wrong side up. There was various debris on the ground too – pencil stubs, water bottles, paper…
You acting almost see the twenty-three dazzling halos drifting in the air when Miss Tin entered. There was no one else behind her. 6I sat straight up, smiling very widely and very fake-ly. Evelyn started out of her chair to greet Ms. Tin.
SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH. It was almost as bad as Yvonne. Everyone winced, but scraped their chairs back in a more silent (and dignified) way as compared to dear old Eve.
"Good morning, girls," Ms. Tin said in that over-articulated, posh, perfect, million-dollar, refined, well-mannered, polite, sleek, you-get-the-frigging-point voice of hers. She was pure bone and angle in a tight bag of sallow skin, perpetually dressed in cheong-sums (*Chinese traditional costumes like clingy nightgowns) printed with flowers that suggested they had been cut out from tablecloths and sagged off her figure.
"Good morning, Miss Tin," droned 6I, feeling really quite the opposite. She was the principal, after all.
"As you may have noticed, your teachers are not present today," began Ms. Tin. Several people sniggered.
Quiet footsteps were heard along the corridor.
"I have felt the need to inform you that your art teacher, Mrs. Tan, is away on maternal leave. Madam Azia, your social studies teacher, is away on urgent child care leave. On Friday, Madam Adia, your music teacher, will be away on a field trip during your lesson."
"We're teacherless?" Inez hissed to Evelyn, who sat two seats away. 6I, according to surname, was arranged in four rows of five and one row of three, with spaces in between each table. This was meant to prevent cheating during examinations, but was also handy when one needed to reach one's desk in a hurry.
"Though we were able to find… replacements for the teachers," intoned Miss Tin dramatically, pausing for effect. There was none.
"What are they, light bulbs?" muttered Shu Wen darkly to no one in particular.
"…we were unable to find any teachers, or rather, WILLING teachers for your class." This raised quite a response. Several people (eg. Sam Wong, Sarah Wong) gasped in horror. Several people (eg. Inez, Shu Wen) cheered… LOUDLY. Several people (eg. Po Linn, Mei Keen) looked triumphant. Several people (eg. Kylie and Evelyn) looked a bit confused.
"However," persisted Miss Tin, "We have found ONE person WILLING to take THIS class." She cleared her throat slightly but showed no sign of actually realizing that she'd injected irony into the sentence. More murmuring.
"Heh, we're REALLY notorious now," crowed Eve.
"Tell me it's not one of those hags who expose their cracked heels and sit around doing absolutely nothing," said Inez, biting back a snigger.
"Those kind aren't that bad, at least they let you do what you want."
"Why can't we all just go HOME?"
The footsteps were light, and very, very near…
"May I introduce you to your teacher for this week-" At this, Kylie almost toppled out of her chair trying not to laugh, and Miss Tin smiled (not a nice smile) at the class, displaying gummed up crimson lips, raw, receding gums, and yellowish teeth – "our very honored guest…"
"The toilet cleaning auntie, right?" grinned Inez. Shu Wen had a coughing fit that sounded suspiciously like laughter.
"Whom I am sure many of you have heard of…"
~
Some insight on some of our characters:
Po Linn: Oh my GOD, hurry up and SAY the damn thing. Or don't. WHATEVER!
Sara: What the BEEP does that BEEP of a prune-faced BEEP-
Evelyn: Michael Jordon? Bill Clinton? Elvis Presley? Drew Barrymore? HELLO?
Shu Wen: How exciting.
Inez: Oh GOSH. Get that insane wally out of here...
Diana: What the damn?
Joanna: Is Ms. Lim alright? Is she very sick? Is she in the hospital? Is she gonna die?
Is she even SICK? Where IS she?!!
Thank you. Now, back to our story.
~
The footsteps had stopped.
Outside 6H. Eep.
Straining their ears, 6I heard muffled shouting, screaming, and… gunshots?!!
"What the hell?" someone yelled… really yelled. Something was ricocheting off the ceiling fan…
Ms. Tin looked… slightly perturbed.
A very loud exclamation was heard, not from a twelve year old kid or Mrs. Sharyl Nathan next door. Damn, pronounced dahm. A loud bout of swearing could be heard following from next door.
"Dahm?" said Inez. "Isn't that the caramel thing in the red foil, at the supermarket, you know, the twenty pack for six bucks?"
Ms. Tin looked… very perturbed.
Diana could have sworn she heard Mrs. Sharyl Nathan scream. MRS. SHARYL NATHAN. SCREAM. Go figure.
Evelyn had a rather fixed expression pasted on, somewhere between surprised and bemused. And shocked. Very shocked. Ms. Tin looked a combination of ruffled, worried, grumpy, and mostly, pissed off. And it was ALL (not properly) hidden behind an enormous and obviously synthetic smile. Did she do Botox? (SP?) Hard to say. It was probably built-in by now.
PING! Something bounced off the fan again. By now 6H was screaming their lungs and kidneys out, and people were shifting nervously in their chairs, itching to throw themselves out the window in a great RGPS panic. Ms. Tin blinked through her heavy eye shadow. It was plum today, a color that was meant to bring out Asian features. However, it made her look like a raccoon. Even worse than Andrea Corr.
"Just a minute, girls." Then Miss Tin made the fatal mistake of leaving the room.
Everyone leaped up straight away. Nicolette began screaming (not as bad as Yvonne though) and running around in circles and by the sounds next door, 6H was doing pretty much the same. 6J was having a substitute teacher this period. They were unusually quiet.
Suspicious.
A group of girls wedged themselves in a corner and behind a large metal cabinet to prevent being squashed by a rampaging Nicolette, closely followed by Evelyn, who was trying to pin her down.
"OW! That's my foot, Sam!"
"Oooh, isn't it comfy in here."
"If that's their substitute teacher, then who's ours?" wailed Inez.
"Well, at least they sound like they're having fun." They dodged a charging Sara, also trying to catch hold of Nicolette as she came stampeding past for the third time.
"Oh no, oh no…" This was Sam Wong. "What's happening?"
Joanna seemed to be inflating and deflating quite fluidly. "Where's Ms. Lim? Where's Ms. Tin? Where's Ms. Lim? Where's Ms. Tin?"
They flattened into the corner again. Yvonne started screaming and Inez was sure the windows were rattling. On the next round, Nicolette single-handedly knocked over two chairs and a table. The rest of her band toppled two more tables and six chairs, one of them containing a very dazed Yvonne. She shut up.
Then Sara, hot on Evelyn's tail, kicked Yvonne by accident. HARD. Yvonne began to scream again. It was getting very, very stuffy behind the cabinet.
Over all this, the wonderfully grandiloquent screech of Ms. Tin could be heard, saying, "Miss (Yvonne screamed here and the name could not be heard, it might have been Mrs. Or Mr.), you're in charge of 6I, NOT 6H!"
Kylie paled. "They've hired a mad, armed lunatic to teach our class?!!"
Joanna whimpered.
"Damn it!" That funny dahmit once again.
"It sounds like Nicole Kidman," chirped Evelyn enthusiastically, ever tactful.
"No, it doesn't," argued Inez. Another chair banged down. "It's British, not Australian…"
The group threw themselves sideways as the cabinet they'd been hiding behind in their corner of the room slammed into the wall. Mercifully the doors stayed shut. The last thing they needed was to have to swim through a pile of worksheets and have Ms. Lim sentence them to death next week.
BANG.
Something very loud and very quick punched twin holes in the wood just above Inez's head, not quite going through the wall.
Inez's eyes went round as dinner plate. "Look at this, guys! .22 calibers!"
"Is this the time for that, Nez?" hollered Shu Wen, rolling to the side as more .22 calibers stitched the air where she'd been only moments before.
More gunshots. Amidst the flying plaster, Yvonne screams, screams, "What the HELL?"s and chairs crashing to the floor, 6I could be seen scrambling for cover.
Ms. Tin came in again, or at least her feet did, as 6I could see from under their desks.
"Have the Japanese invaded Singapore again?" In the midst of the petrified silence, Evelyn could be heard in a stage whisper. (*During the WWII, the Japanese invaded Singapore) Yvonne screamed, just a little softer this time, and everyone covered their ears. Trademark…
"Has Osama bin Laden come to bomb down the school?" wailed Inez, pony tail slapping people in the face as she looked left and right rapidly, as if expecting to see white envelopes fluttering around.
Nicolette made a pitiful whining sound. "I'm… I'm wounded…" she whimpered, sounding as if she'd had three limbs amputated without painkillers. A tiny scratch, not even bleeding, could be seen on her knee. She might have pulled a muscle running, though.
"Uh, calm down, guys… I'm sure… uh, pretty sure it's nothing serious… I mean, they would sound the fire alarm or something, wouldn't they?" Sam Wong desperately tried to calm everyone down (and herself).
Sarah Wong was comfortably sitting under her table, leaning on one of the legs, and… doing a Chinese worksheet, Super Gel 0.7 diligently scratching out tidy Chinese characters softly. "I forgot to do my homework…"
"We're gonna die, we're gonna die, we're gonna die," Kylie blurted out. It sounded like her mantra. "Die, die, die…"
"Yeah, and I'll bloody be first," muttered Diana rather bleakly. She sat nearest to the door.
Sarah Wong completed her worksheet and gripped her umbrella (protection?) and HUMMED. MOZART.
"We're gonna die, we're gonna die…"
Po Linn kicked her. "Shut the hell up!" She nudged Yvonne with the toe of her shoe. "You too."
Then a pair of boots loomed into view. Then a pair of brown boots loomed into view. Then a pair of brown combat boots loomed into view. HECK, they were all the same pair. No one dared to get up and have a proper look at their owner though.
"Terrorist," whispered Evelyn. "There's a terrorist in my class."
Yvonne made a muffled sound, Inez's hand clapped over her mouth. She was slowly turning blue. Inez lowered her hand slightly so she could breathe again.
Po Linn rolled her eyes. "Why the hell is everyone overreacting? It's just a bloody pair of combat boots!" She crawled out from under her desk.
To be greeted with gunfire. She quickly shrank back. "Bloody freakin' hell!"
Ms. Tin backed out from the class, nearly clouting her head on the doorframe. Owl was rotating 360° under her table with great difficulty, whispering, "SHHH!"
Nicolette turned around and began crawling under the tables trying to get to one further to the back of the room. "OI!!!!" Mei Keen shouted, as Nicolette barreled into her 'refuge', sending it flying. Sara crawled hurriedly after Nicolette and seized her by the ankle. Nicolette scrabbled around her something to hold on to and whapped Mei Keen around the head with her own chair. "Damn it, Sara!"
Sara took no notice but dragged Nicolette back.
Outside, they could hear the 'terrorist' speaking again. "Ms. Tin, are you sure these people are civilized?"
"Every bit as you are." Miss Tin's voiced dripped molasses like an ice-cream cone.
"Why, thank you." The reply was sarcastic, and pronounced as "thaink you".
"I assure you," Miss Tin continued, a bit flustered this time, "they CAN be rather quiet and docile…"
"My ass," Shu Wen growled.
"Nota bene how kind our principal is to us."
"…but right now, I assume they are merely… distressed."
"MERELY DISTRESSED?" huffed Diana, clutching The Silmarillion protectively. "That's a wild UNDERSTATEMENT." Inez took a swipe at the book and missed. Diana glared at her and hugged it tightly.
"So?" Terrorist answered.
"Whoa yeah," cheered Sam Cheok under her breath, "Don't you take any crap from that walking Cheong-Sum…"
"They behave like this when they feel pressurized."
"God help me."
"I still think it's British," pouted Evelyn.
"No, no, this is a British accent," said Inez absent-mindedly.
"Sophie Ellis Bexter, then?" (*Is there a hyphen somewhere
in her name?)
"For Christ's sake…" began Po Linn. Inez thwacked her on the back.
"Watch your language, Fo!"
"We have a monster for our substitute teacher!" howled Yvonne, and began screaming again.
~
She folded her arms across her chest at the bathrobe-clad scarecrow in front of her. "Miss Tin, I had the distinct impression that I would be teaching INTELLIGENT, CIVILIZED girls. Not roller coasters."
"I said that this was the gifted education class. That's why there are only twenty-five of them, not forty over…"
"Well then, your gifted education program has addled their heads."
"They are, uh, good children, but they are somewhat… harassed."
"When you said this class was notorious-"
"I MEANT notorious. They do have something of a record, but…"
"So do I."
That's why I hired you. "You were the ONLY person, uh, COURAGEOUS enough to take up this NOBLE task. I was CONFIDENT that YOU would be CAPABLE-"
Miss Tin suddenly found a gun pointed at her chest. "Screw the buttering and just bugger off, will you?"
Ms. Tin was more than happy to oblige. Plum-colored sweat dripped down on the ground.
When she passed 6H, Mrs. Sharyl Nathan was still perched on the edge of her chair.
~
When she walked in, the "roller coasters" had sufficiently calmed down but were visibly shaken. She wondered briefly why one of the girls, with the red (for Primary Six) nametag "Yvonne", was bound and gagged to her chair by several peoples' belts. They were all seated on gray chairs, watching her enter the doorway, which had "SPEAK FRIEND AND ENTER" scrawled in pencil above it.
Suddenly, a girl with a long ponytail fell out of her chair.
"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh." Her expression suggested that a
jar of peanut butter had entered. Two other girls were shaking with barely
contained laughter. What's so funny? She turned to her left and found
herself face to face with a goldfish. A picture of one. She blinked and looked
again. Yes, a goldfish.
SEE ME SWIM. I DON'T SMOKE.
She rolled her eyes. Right. She turned back and surveyed the class. Twenty-three pairs of eyes were fixed on her. Funny. I though there were meant to be twenty-five. Damn, they're scaring me. Why do they have to stare at me like that?
She stopped in the middle and her hands began to inexorably itch to draw her guns. RELAY, dammit! They're just KIDS! Young, innocent- well, maybe not, but KIDS. Damn, they looked dangerous.
Then all at the same time with a loud scraping of chairs against tile, they all stood up. She found her hands actually on her guns this time, resisting the urge to gun them all down, run next door and shoot the chickens over there, and find that annoying principal of theirs and finish the job. THEY'RE. JUST. BLOODY. KIDS!!!
"Good morning Miss…" then droned, bowed, then paused abruptly at the "miss". Then she realized they were waiting for a NAME, not issuing a death warrant. She never HAD been good with kids…
"Just sit DOWN," she growled. They sat, with a great scraping of chairs again.
Dear God, she thought, this is like Japan. Ponytail girl was still going, "Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh"…
Twenty-three pairs of eyes fixed on her, most lingering
around her red-tinted sunglasses, which she hadn't bothered to remove in the
fluorescent lighting, turquoise scoop-neck tank top, khaki shorts and combat
boots. Not to mention her beloved 9mm pistols, plus the .22 calibers she'd
already kept in her leather minipack. What WAS their problem, anyway?
Well, if you spent your time staring at 'Watch me swim' goldfish and
skeletal cheong-sums it WOULD be rather disturbing.
"Alright, shall we. My name is Lara Croft…"
~
Some insight on some of our characters:
Inez: Oh my gosh. Oh my GOSH. It's LARA CROFT!!!! The Lara Croft who found the Atlantean Scion, and killed Jacquelina Natla, and found the Dagger of Xian, and the Infada artefacts in India and all, and went on the expedition to Cambodia with Werner von Croy with she was sixteen, and, and…!!!!!!
Yvonne: A monster! A monster! A monster! (screams)
Shu Wen: SHIT! The newspaper! The dustbin! Lara Croft!
Po Linn: ??? Cool!
Kylie: AN ARMED LUNATIC IS IN CHARGE OF OUR CLASS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sara: That's Lara Croft? She's ugly. Even worse than Angelina Jolie! Or Sandra Bullock! Or Jennifer Lopez! Or Lara Fabian! (rattles on, criticizing all of Inez's favourite people)
Joanna: Oh, glory be, we DO have a substitute teacher. I was afraid after the last one, when Sara put salt in her water bottle…
Thank you. Now back to our story.
~
"So this class is 6I?"
"If I told you I was an Italian wonder woman who was sent to be the embassador, would you believe me?" whispered Evelyn.
"Shut up," replied Inez, but she grinned.
"YES! This is 6I!" called Joanna brightly, smiling at the teacher.
Lara found herself backing away slightly. Right, now these kids are REALLY scaring me. God, did they really have to spring up like pop-tarts? Owl retrated bashfully to her seat, and once again, the class lapsed into silence. For FIVE WHOLE MINUTES. That was VERY rare.
"So," Lara began, trying to break the ice, "nice, erm, classroom you've got here."
Everyone turned and looked at the bullet holes at the back of the room. Lara felt the ice mysteriously thicken to the width of an elephant. Her dark eyes darted around the class, desperate for another topic. They came to rest on the wall painted with Lord of the Rings characters (hence, the door).
"Umm… that guy's Sauron, right?"
It was as if the air in the room had been abruptly sucked out as several people around the room choked violently. "That's… that's…! That's FRODO!" coughed Po Linn.
Well that was smooth. Rack another up for Croft… "Tell you what. Why don't you tell me a little about yourselves?" Inside she winced. They didn't even do that in Nursery school these days.
Even with that kind of remark, she wasn't completely galvanised when that same girl actually responded. She jumped up eagerly.
"I'm Joanna, they call me Joey, or Owl. Fat Owl," she added, beaming at Lara. Lara agreed with the first half of the nickname, but why an owl? Still, it was good that there was at least ONE big-hearted, warm-blooded person in their midst. She took an instant liking to this 'Owl'.
Owl starting pacing along the rows, pointing and naming each person plus their general interests. "Po Linn, or Pofo LinnFinn, Fo for short. Lord of the Rings, Redwall and netball. Writer.
"Mei Keen, M.K. Football, Manchester United, David Beckham, basketball.
"Nicolette, one of the class' most brilliant student." Nicolette flushed pink.
"Shu Wen, or Shu, Lord of the Rings, Redwall, and netball.
"Sara Ang, Tamora Pierce, various interests, bookworm…" Fat Owl moved through, making at least three people blush in every row. It helped that they wore nametags.
A girl with a green prefect tie in the last row didn't wait for Joey's introduction but leaped up herself. She had short, bouncy hair topped with a black hairband and black-rimmed spectacles. "Hi! I'm Evelyn and I'm a Portuguese washerwoman who enjoys listening to Britney Spears!" She clambered on to her chair. Lara stared.
"I LOVE ROCK 'N ROLL!" She belted out. "SO PUT ANOTHER-"
"SHADDAP EVELYN!" came a voice from next door very loudly. Mrs. Sharyl Nathan.
"That's very nice, Evelyn," said Joanna nervously, as Evelyn sat down again, showing a set a purple braces as she grinned at Lara. Lara wondered vaguely how she had ever become a prefect. And I thought the Chinese were all cute and cuddly and easy to please…
Owl stopped at ponytail girl. "And this is Inez, Nez or Nezzy. She lives for Lara Croft…" Suddenly Owl stopped, blinking in polite confusion. "I'm sorry Miss, what did you say your name was again?"
"Lara Croft," Lara stated.
"Hi…" squeaked Inez timidly. She still had the completely wowed expression on.
And I thought only the teenage guys liked me. "Nice to meet all of you."
Joanna, bright red, tried hard to change the subject. "Miss Croft, would you like us to hand in our homework?" Lara nodded, eyes fixed on Inez.
In an efficient two second blur, all homework was stacked neatly on the desk. Lara was stunned. Back home, you get all that in a year or two… when Tin said it was the Gifted Ed, she sure wasn't kidding… Her eyes flickered to the first question.
Q1. "The party was very enjoyable," Patsy told Jim.
Ans: Patsy told Jim that the party had been very enjoyable.
The questions got harder as they went on. God, they're REALLY modern, aren't they?
Suddenly Lara found herself asking the class a question. "Do you like your principal?"
It was as if elephant-ice had wobbled and fell over, snapping in two.
"Tin the Tin and take her away! Tin the Tin and take her away!" chanted Kylie. Apparently she enjoyed chanting things over and over again.
"Miss Tin sucks!"
"Skeletin!"
"She's awful," Inez chimed in. It was her first word all day.
Lara smiled. Maybe this class wasn't going to be that bad, after all…
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Did you like that chapter? We're going to bring her through the whole week, basically… please review, we'd like your feedback. : ) Exams are nearly over, so you should expect an update soon. : )
PREVIEW:
"Miss Croft, since Madam Azia is not present this week, you are also expected to fulfill her duties as teacher of her Co-Curricular Activity," Miss Tin insisted.
"Oh bugger. What IS her CCA anyway?" Lara muttered under her breath.
"She takes Netball, Miss Croft."