Greatness and Humility
Jim Kirk couldn't remember the last time he had seen the city so grey and cloudy. It was almost as if San Francisco knew the somberness of the day ahead. He was actually glad weather had moved in. It fitted his mood and it helped him believe that it was ok to feel the way he was feeling.
Now as he and Bones stood in one of the Starfleet hangers staring at the black coffins that lined the room, he couldn't help but feel as if he was going to throw up. Not that there would be much to throw up. Even with Bones insisting that he eat, he had barely touched his breakfast.
He could feel his best friends' eyes on him as they stood in their dress uniforms. Every black coffin in the hanger is covered with a Federation flag and it's like a punch in the gut every time he looks at one.
"Jim,"
"It wasn't supposed to end this way Bones." He interrupts, his voice coming out in a whisper. He can't stop himself from counting them, even though he will never forget the number.
Two hundred and ten.
Two hundred and ten of his crew members were killed the day their ship was attacked.
"You can't beat yourself up Jim." Bones says softly. "Doing that will only affect those still alive."
"I was so scared Bones. I…I was afraid that you all were dead." Bones knows he's referring specifically to himself, Spock, Sulu, Scotty, Chekov and Uhura. "And when I found out you weren't, I felt…relieved."
"I know kid."
"How could I do that? How could I feel relieved when two hundred and ten of my crew were dead? How could I feel like that when I lost so many? I lost so many Bones."
Finally his legs buckle and he sinks to the ground. He doesn't care that he's in his Captain's uniform. He doesn't care that people have started to fill the hanger to pay their respects. He doesn't care that he's a man and men shouldn't do this.
Half of his crew is gone.
Soon he realizes he's being lifted up. He looks up to see that Bones and Sulu have wrapped their arms around him and are pulling him to his feet. The other members of their group are standing watching him with concerned looks on their faces.
He brushes the tears from his eyes and Uhura moves forward and wraps him in a hug. Once they pull apart he gives the group a half smile before running his fingers through his hair and straitening his uniform.
"You ready kid?" Bones asks.
Jim bites his lip before answering. "I'll never be ready for this Bones." Bones nods sadly as they all start walking towards the front of the hanger.
He manages to keep it together as he speaks about his crew's sacrifice. How each and every one of them went down fighting. How some of them even died protecting those who survived. By the time he's done with his speech everyone either has tears in their eyes or is openly crying.
The seven of them stand in a line with Jim in the middle. As the gun salute rings out Uhura takes his hand and squeezes it while Bones holds onto his elbow to keep his Captain from falling down. Neither of them let go until the salute is over.
People start to leave and that's when he spies Admiral Pike across the room. They lock eyes and Jim thinks back to what Pike had told him days before all hell broke loose.
"There's greatness in you. But there's not an ounce of humility. You think that you can't make mistakes. But there's gonna come a moment, when you realize you're wrong about that. And you're gonna get yourself and everyone under your command killed."
When Jim first joined the academy Pike had become his unofficial mentor. Over the years he had given him constant advice. When Jim became Captain of the Enterprise, he had turned to Pike from time to time with questions. Even if hadn't agreed with him, he always listened and had been appreciative of the former Captain taking to time to counsel him.
Now, looking at Pike, Jim couldn't help but think that this was the first time he hated him for being right.
Author's note: This is my first Star Trek fic. I hope you enjoyed it!