AN: Hi folks! I want to preface this by saying that I know a lot less than some about the Batman universe, and it's probably going to come through loud and clear with this story. My expertise is confined to the films, a scant few graphic novels, and various interviews I've read with the actors and filmmakers behind the last two. I'm using Chris Nolan's version of Gotham as my backdrop here, and Heath Ledger's chilling – and flat-out brilliant – portrayal of The Joker. I'm trying to keep this in the same style and tone of those two films – Batman Begins and The Dark Knight – but otherwise, I'm taking some artistic license here. That said, I've really enjoyed working on this rather twisted tale, and I hope you all will enjoy reading it as well! And do please RnR – the review button doesn't bite, I promise.
"How to Fall Apart Gracefully"
Summary: A young girl, who at first seems pretty much normal apart from the way she talks, gets drawn into the Joker's den of thieves as an unwitting ally. Little by little, she starts to fall for him. And little by little, the Joker comes to realize that she's not quite the innocent bystander she appears to be. For reasons that the girl can only guess at, the Joker finds himself unable to harm her, and this disturbs and frightens them both. This is a love story, just fyi, but a very twisted and unusual one. It's a smidge Mary Sue-ish at first, but bear with me. It's gets stranger, and more gruesome, as it goes on. (Really, I'm not kidding about that rating. This is NOT for the faint of heart. Or stomach.)
Prologue
I knew why people idolized him. He was cruel, unpredictable, dangerous - but with his anarchic nature came a freedom that I craved to my very core. He was fearless and wild, a creature of unstoppable force, following his own impulsive will and nothing else. We all envied him his chaos, his 'divine madness' as he called it. No one dared to cross him. We were all vulnerable by our mere proximity to him; the possibility hovered over us that he might murder one, or even all of us, just to upset the precarious balance we'd achieved in his company. We were terrified of him. I especially. Sometimes I wondered if it hadn't been a mistake to allow him into my life. He could do anything - anything he wanted, anything he imagined. Whatever he desired was his for the taking. But at what price?
He asked us once what we believed in. I didn't have an answer. So I searched my heart. And then I came to him. "I want to tell you what I believe in now," I said. His face, the unreadable mask as always, revealed nothing. But he raised a hand, imploring me to go on. "I believe in passion, beauty, and unconditional love. I believe in the goodness in men, and also their potential for absolute evil. I believe in the limitlessness of the imagination. I believe in forgiveness and redemption; and in bitter vengeance and despair. I believe in righteousness and justice. I believe that everything happens for a reason. And I believe in the power of the unsolvable mysteries of the universe.
"I don't believe that we're so different, you and I. You stand for destruction and violence, and I stand for compassion and beauty. But we are two sides of the same coin. We are both limitless beings, and although you frighten me I know that death is as meaningless to you as it is to me. I'm here because I admire you, your ruthlessness and your freedom. I believe there is magic in chaos and destruction. I've seen the brilliance of everlasting night. I've looked into the black void and seen truth, and peace."
I moved closer to him; perhaps he smiled, but it was so difficult to tell. "I know I mean nothing to you," I said. "We are all just pawns in your game - I understand that. I've understood all along. And I know that it's impossible to know your thoughts, except to accept that there is no logic or reason to anything you do. I don't need or expect anything from you. All the same, I want you to understand something: I love you. And I will follow you to the end of the world, if you let me."
My words hung in the air like a fragile tapestry woven in light and glass, delicate and exquisite. The slightest motion would shatter it. He told me there was no place for love in chaos.
"Oh, no!" I said, laughing. "Love is chaos - don't you see that? It's unpredictable, illogical, random and completely without reason. It is an unstoppable force, 'divine madness.'"
"This won't buy you anything," he said.
"I know."
"Then what do you want?"
"Nothing. I only wanted to say the words, and have you hear them."
He stared at me, and I struggled not to lose my nerve. "You know," he said finally, "I believe you're the only one here who hasn't lied to me."
I smiled. "And I never will," I said.
He always said he chose me for a reason. I didn't believe him. I believed that he needed me, or someone like me, for a short while anyway, but I was replaceable. If I did something wrong, he would dispose of me without a second thought and find someone else. Or just do the job himself, as he sometimes did in secret. No matter how many times he tried to assure me that I would be rewarded for my loyalty, I never trusted him. Not even when I fell for him. No, especially not then. I could not trust myself when that happened.