"Hello?"

"Well, hi." I have failed to notice I had just come into existence. "Who are you? Where am I?" Ooh, I can speak. My memory is terrible. I just remember shooting chickens with wind strike or somethin' and then…a blank.

"I'm Lady Lore12."

"You got a number at the end of your name," I point out.

"Well, duh. You have one, too."

"What's my name?" Yes, I didn't remember anything! Stop making fun of me. I know you are! Um… I'll stop now.

"Pretty Flower45."

"But I'm a guy. Well, I think." I need a moment to sort out my thoughts. A second later, I harbor no doubt. "Yeah, I'm definitely male. That much I can remember. So, Lady Lore, where are we?"

"I'm kidding about your name, noob."

"Noob?"

"Yup. You're a noob, and your name is Freak449."

"Freak?" In my head, I secretly disparage my name. Did I choose that name? Such bad taste is so utterly gauche. Anyway, I turn to my lady companion. "Where are we?"

"Runescape, darling."

"I thought my name was Freak." This lady is starting to bother me. She calls me far too many names for my liking. I mean, sure, Pretty Flower45 and noob and Freak449 ain't so bad but Darling?

Lady Lore gives a great, mournful sigh and then smiles down at me. For the first time, I notice how pretty she is. Gosh, hormones are kicking in! Freak, get a hold of yourself! Fine, but no guy would fail to notice her sleek, warrior-like form and her bright, red hair. Besides, she has cool green armor. My favorite color is green, but that's not the point.

"Noob, you okay?"

"I'm fine," I stutter. Caught to be the pervert I am. She didn't notice me staring at her, did she? To take my mind off my lustful mood, I stare at the wooden shield in one hand and the bronze sword in the other. Um, I'm a pacifist. I'm not sure it's going to work out, what with all this weaponry I'm lugging around. Well, I think I was a pacifist unless I decided to become one all of a sudden. You know, my memory is pitiable. I must keep thinking. Meanwhile, Lady Lore is tapping her toes and giving me an impatient look. I decide to bombard her with questions in hopes that I'd learn more about the freakish (haha) world around me.

"Where in Runescape am I? Is it a big place?"

"You're in Lumbridge, and I guess Runescape's a big enough place." Lady Lore suddenly ducks as an arrow flies by to pierce a nearby rat. Her face grows angry, and I follow her gaze to a blond guy in some fancy leather gear. He has pointy things on his clothes…I wonder if they'd hurt if you touched them?

"Wolfbane23, what are you doing here?" Lady Lore does not look pleased. Man, the look on her face is scary. Through the myriad of people in this so-called Lumbridge, I take a closer look at the guy. His sudden switch from studded leather to light blue armor alarms me. I trip over myself and fall into the fountain behind me. It's a great place to have a fountain…really. I'm not being sarcastic at all.

Good news: Lady Lore is looking at me with concern, erasing the scary look from her face. Bad news: Wolfbane is now interested in me. He stands by Lady Lore and smirks. She moves away and pulls me from my stagnant fountain. I dub that fountain Freak's Bane. Honestly. Wet and disgruntled, I'm in no mood to deal with this Wolfbane.

I'm not crazy! This guy gives me the shivers. Or maybe I'm shivering because I'm wet. Evaporation is a cooling process, you know. God, am I a geek? I don't rightly remember. Ah, well, until I do…let's pretend I'm not. Geeks aren't half bad anyway, but I don't think I want to admit that in front of Lady Lore.

"Well, Lady Lore, what have we here?"

"He's a noob, Wolfbane. Leave him alone." Dear me. Scary look alert! Lady Lore is glowering at Blondie with the poison of a thousand venoms. OOO, literary language. Freaks! Am I a freak, geek, and poet all wrapped into one neat package? Guess I'll never know until I find out who I really am. Hmm. Is it just me or does that sound corny?

"You're level sixty-two, Lore. Don't hang out with worthless noobs."

"You and your egotistical garbage can go jump into the Karajama Volcano!" Lady Lore snaps. "Ever since you reached level sixty-five, you've been getting cockier. Being a player killer isn't what it's cracked up to be!"

"It's everything, Lore." Is that affection in Wolfbane's voice? Ew to the thousandth power. NO, I've never liked math. I think. "I saved you from that world. Remember…we were in level forty wilderness. A demon came after you. Who saved you, Lore?"

"You did." It looked as if Lady Lore owed Wolfbane big time. Though, I can't understand half of what they were talking about. Lady Lore glances at me. "Freak, the wilderness is a terrible area where people can kill others. There are also a lot of dangerous creatures out there. I suggest you train on some chickens."

"I'll bring him to the wilderness and train him my style." Wolfbane laughs. Well, no thank you, sir. I don't mind being killed though I don't know who I am and have existed for about twenty minutes…and I loathe Wolfbane. I hate every inch of his pretty (ooh, shiny) armor and his blonde hair (very stylish). I hate him for taking my Lady Lore. Um, I mean being mean to Lady Lore. Kind of.

"I don't think-" I start to say.

"Think?" Wolfbane interrupts. "What noob thinks? All they do is run into walls and die." Oh, jeez. I've never run into a wall. Of course, I haven't moved from the spot I was called into existence on. There's a wall a few meters in front of me, but I don't think I'd crash into it. I'm not that clumsy.

"Leave," Lady Lore says. "I need to take Freak449 to the chickens."

"Okay. Have fun." Blondie leaves, and I rejoice. I keep my smile to a minimum lest Lady Lore think of more names to call me.

"To the chickens?" For me, the world is a wonderful place as long as Lady Lore is there. She seems so wise and beautiful…and I just stop myself from rambling.

"To the chickens," she agrees with a beautiful laugh. Gulp. I'm a noob in love.