Author's Note: I swore I wouldn't post this fic. I didn't want one of my friends to read it; hopefully she wooon't! But that's probably not going to happen. Uhm, just a few things. This is *my* fic! Don't go and tell me someone's out of character or something; it's probably on purpose. Not everything has to follow the anime guys. *GASP* I don't mean to burst your bubble, but it's the truth. Read and review please! I beg you, if there are some grammatical errors, I'll fix them. But this is a *ROUGH* draft. Thanks! *hops away*          

Darkness

Chapter 1

            The night was dark. Funny how that seems so obvious, yet it must be said. Everything is always dark. My heart, my soul, my room, and of course the night; always dark, never letting up for a single moment. Why must I be the one to suffer this way? Why must I be the one to have these horrible feelings? Love was so distant. Friends? What are those? I know not of these. Those things are just as dark as my feelings, stifled deep within my chest.

            I had a good family, didn't I? Didn't they all love me unconditionally? Didn't I love them back just as unconditionally? What's wrong with me? What happened? What made me sink so low, where everything is so dark? I hate it here. Hate it I tell you. Damn it all to hell, just go away and leave me alone.

            Escape. There's no escape for me. I live forever in this dark depression. No one can get near me. I can't hurt anyone here. If they get to close, a glare and a shove will keep them away. Hopefully forever. Yet, I must go on. I must let those three skillful workers in just a little, or everything will fail. You can't work on a team and keep them shut out the whole time. Just on missions. Just on a mission is when I let them in for a bit. Not too long. Oh no. That would cause me to break. I can't afford to break. I'm the cold-hearted leader that must decide what happens. Nothing can get in the way. I must go on.

And for that, I will live in this darkness; for now.

~*~

            The alarm went off and I smashed my hand down on it, until it quit beeping at me. It was morning already. I was up half the night cleaning my wounds and trying to get comfortable in bed. Figures. And guess who would get the morning shift? None other than me.

            Of course, give the person that doesn't care the earliest shift so the other person can sleep in. Well, at least someone else will be suffering with me. Hidaka maybe? No, with my luck I'll get the lazy ass, Kudou. I sighed and dragged myself out of bed.

            The warmth left me as soon as I stood up. I bit back a whimper. Why did everything have to be so cold?

            I skulked over to my closet and pulled out a pair of black jeans. Black, so… cold. So… dark. Yes dark. So… beautiful. The complete opposite of innocence as well. I'm not innocent anymore. Once upon a time, maybe.

            Next came the black shirt. I donned them both and went to the bathroom. Teeth first. Face second. Comb my hair a little. Take a quick glance in the mirror. It was all mechanical. It was all routine.

            I went downstairs and suppressed a yawn. My stomach growled, reminding me it was time to take care of it as well. No one else was up. 'Well that saves me from cooking for all of them.' Came the usual thought to mind when I was the first one up.

            I opened the fridge and looked in, where I found literally, nothing.

            "Yohji forgot to go shopping yesterday." I sighed, talking to myself and muttered a few curses.

            "So much for breakfast," talking to myself again. It's a habit when I'm alone. At least I know I'm listening. I don't have to bother the others with the burdens of my complaints. Don't want to do that. Oh no.

            I shut the fridge and sauntered over to the flower shop. "Well, at least it's clean."

            I ran a broom through the shop once and brought some flowers up to the front where others had run out the day before.

            'Flowers are so… bright. But they don't make it so unbearable, like Omi can with his cheerful smiles.' Thinking now. At least it's not out loud, where if someone chanced by they could hear it. I turned and unlocked the front door, turned the sign so it now said "Open", and took a deep breath. Today would be a long day.

            11:50... shop closes at noon for lunch. Just ten more minutes. Just ten more minutes before I can leave, and go make a daily visit to my sister. I wonder if she's changed any. Wait, what am I talking about? She's in a coma, asleep on the bed, the same damned way she was yesterday when you went to visit her. Nothing's changed. She hasn't moved. She hasn't woken up.

            'Damn it Fujimiya, you've got to stop tricking yourself into believing things. She's not waking up. What's the point anymore? Revenge didn't help. That didn't wake her. Now what?' Thoughts flew through my head faster then a Russian racehorse around a track in the next ten minutes. I needed away from all these people

            Yohji had been late this morning; leaving me to work from seven to ten all by myself. Not that I minded that much, it was just the rush of girls. They were all disappointed about having one person here in the early morning. But what did they expect when you were paired up with a lazy playboy for morning shift?

            Finally the clock strikes noon. I glared all the girls out of the flower shop and turned the sign to closed. I needed silence.

            I ran upstairs to my room and grabbed my leather jacket. I looked at the jacket; inlaid on the leather was a big rose on the back. Scarlet red. Like all the blood from the people I've killed.

            I shrugged the feeling off and put the jacket on. Then I left.

            I decided to walk. It's not too cold out yet. It is winter though. Weather seems to change too much for one person to keep up with.

            The familiar building comes within eyesight finally. I've been here almost everyday after work for years. Even in Crashers, I came here when I had spare time. I can't bear to not go. I know nothing has changed within, but I can't help myself.

            A gust of wind blew by me and chilled me through to the bone. Zipping up my leather jacket, I walked on and into the main building.

            Out of routine, I walked straight to her room without even thinking where I was going. I nodded at a few nurses that I knew, or rather have yelled at several times when I thought Aya wasn't being taken care of properly. Ah, such fond memories of this hospital.

            I opened the door slowly, carefully, not wanting to wake the occupant inside. Not that it would help any. She's not going to wake up. So my effort was useless. I sighed to myself.

            I took my seat beside her and just looked at her. "Afternoon imouto. I hope you've been well. We had a mission last night. I was careful, but I still got hurt. Gomen. It's just a scratch on my shoulder. Nothing big. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night either." I told her about my day and contented myself, forever watching her sleeping form.

            Just before dinner, I said my farewell and walked on home. Now the outside was extremely windy, and I was grateful for the jacket.

            I walked home, like I always did. I got there about the same time I always have. I went to my room first, like I've always done. Then I waited for dinner by reading some literature, like I've always done. I was a good ways into Hamlet when the routine knock came on my door. That was all; whoever it was, probably Ken, was gone now. I requested just a knock, not communication. I prefer as little communication with them as possible.

            I got up from my bed, marked the page, and went downstairs.

            Chicken and Rice. I could smell it from the stairs. I absolutely loved chicken and rice. I would have to find a way, without saying it, to thank the person for dinner. I wonder who cooked it. Probably Omi.          

            I sat in my routine place, beside Omi, across from Ken, diagonal to Yohji. This is the one time we have a chance to really all get together when we're not killing. And the others are persistent that everyone attends dinner. Something about, "It's good for us all to see each other at least once a day while not killing something."

            I just come down there to please the others. I never say anything. It would be very out of the ordinary if I did say something, or laugh at someone's crude jokes.

            Like clockwork, I ate, put my dishes in the sink, and went back to my bedroom. I dressed for bed and picked Hamlet back up and read on.

            Around nine o'clock my eyes started watering and I knew I needed sleep. That means I would have to face the darkness. The everlasting darkness. The darkness that is inside me all day. The darkness in my heart and soul. I'm so very alone in this world. It's just me and the darkness. Is there not a savior anywhere?