5 minutes later

Godgodgiddygod! Why is he still snogging me? I told him to stop. Well, I said "nunnghh!" which in any fools language (which is what Dave is, a fool) means STOP SNOGGING ME, I HAVE ABANDONED THE WAY OF THE RED-BOTTOMED MINX! But Dave just smiled and snogged me again.

10 minutes later

Dave just got shoved into the pond by some magical wind.

2 Seconds later

Okay, by me.

30 Seconds later

Dave has just emerged from the pond, soaked up to the trouser snake area, oo-er! Haha, soggy PANTS!

30 Seconds later

He doesn't look too swell. Great, he's being Dave the Unlaugh. I think he thinks I might shrink his PANTS in the wash.

I said, "Dave, I swear your pants will remain the same size if intrusted in my care." But he just looked at me.

Like when Naomi is having one of her sluttier cat moments and goes gallivanting off with Manky in front of Angus and all Angus can do is watch because she's not his.

Oh God. He is angwy at me. (Dave, not Angus, he's not even here(Angus!), fool)

1 Second later

I sat down next to Dave, on the edge of the pond and said, "Come on Dave, it was wrong…and you wouldn't listen to me when I told you to stop."

He looked at me, Lord Sandra he has gorgey eyes, kind of intense and, err, deep, like a big pond of chocolate sauce. Imagine having a brain covered in chocolate sauce. Yum! Apart from the brain bit, obvs.

"Georgia, you said nothing, you shove me in a pond after I told you I love you."

He's glaring at his soggy shoes. Oh God. Not the love thingy again.

"Dave… I'm sorry, ok?" he said nothing.

I was going to have to use my femamemanine wiles and sex kittenish persuasivosity to gain his forgiveness.

He stood up and turned to walk away from me but I also got up and grabbed his hand, pulled him back looked at him in a sex kittish way.

"Dave I'm SORRY!" he said nothing but his eyes softened a little.

Then he grabbed my other hand and pushed me against a tree, pinning my arms up above my head. Oh, I do hope I don't have the orangutan gene!

1 Second later

I am pinned like a pinned thing that's been pinned onto a pin board with a safety pin. Oh, I wonder if he's going to-

"Prove it."

Rude boy, interrupting me whilst I was thinking!

"How?"

"Say that you love me"

Oh my god! NOOO I only love him in a matey way, like I love Jas. Even though I don't snog her and she annoys the pants off me. So not in a matey way, but kinda in a matey way. Not a boyfriendish way because that would imply that I want him to be The One.

And I don't.

I think.

2 minutes later (still attached to the tree)

Corrr he is so gorgey when he is being serious! It gives me the horn. Masimo doesn't give me the horn when he looks at me, he just makes me feel like I have something stuck in my teeth. And when he tries to give me 'sex eyes' I feel the need to vomit. He's so horrible and-

Shutupsie Brain! I like Masimo, he is my one and only for now, the only fish in my sea! Even though a certain Hornmeister likes to come for a bit of a swim about every once in a while… since before Masimo even knew about my sea. Dave ALWAYS came for a swim. Which is weird because fish don't have legs so they can't get out of a sea, maybe just hide behind a rock or something. Which means that Dave has always been in my sea, but then how did Masimo get in the sea? Fish can't fly! Except in an airplane thingy. For fish. God this is so stupid, remind me to eat Tom for making me think of luurve as a sea with Miracle Flying Fish…

5 minutes later

I think I do love Dave. I mean he is the only fish that has AlWAYS been in my sea, he never once made me wait for him in The Sea Of Life like Masimo does. And Masimo can't make me go jelliod just by looking at me like Dave is making me…. And he has a handbag (Masimo, not Dave). Sad truth and I vowed it a secret I would take to the grave because Dave would never let it go, but I found it when I went to say goodbye when he went to Italy. And look, everything I think ends up with something about Dave. That's not matey. I don't have Jas singing in my head all the time. Ohmigod!

2 minutes later

Here it goes…..

"Dave, I, uh, well you know, uh, have, um… Thought!"

He said, "Georgia, you sound like Ellen; I should hope you have thought,"

"But Dave, I thought about it A LOT and I want you to know that I mean it when I say that… I… Iloveyou!" then I went an attractive shade of beetroot and look down since Dave had actually tightened his grip. What is he doing? Why hasn't he said anything? I'll just look really quickly at him…

30 seconds later

He was smiling. God he has a gorgey porgey smile.

3 minutes later

Still smiling like loons on loon tablets. The both of us. I'm still jelliod. Just snog me already! Oops. I think I said that out loud… Yay! Dave's leaning forward…

6 minutes later

Good Lord Sandra. Dave can do neck nuzzling. It's beyond marvy and entered the world of the very nearly euphoric. He's stopped nuzzling now and is doing a kind of open mouth sucky kiss on the side of my neck just under my ear… it sounds disgusting but feels amazing. I've gone so jelliod my legs have given out and it's just Dave's arms around my waist and my arms around his neck holding me up. He stopped the neck number 5 and moved on to my mouth and kissed me really gently. A proper lovey dovey type kiss. It was really sweet.

1 Minute later

Things have heated up with davey et moi. Quite literally…Oo-er.

Dave has me pressed up against a tree (again!) and we're doing some heavy number 7 (upper body fondling – outdoors). Ooh, god Dave is so good with his hands!

4 Minutes later

I feel it slightly slaggy to have our tops off in the same forest Hunky & Po are vole hunting, therefore I am planning to withdraw from my Hornmeister so as to preserve my spotless reputation.

2 Seconds later

No I'm not being sarcastic.

2 Minutes later

I'll back off in a min. Yeah. I mean, we're both enjoying this, so, you know, I'll just leave it. Oh, this stick in my bum-oley is getting quite aggers. I'll just hop onto Dave. Oo-er, forwards piggyback! Oh, he just let out the sexiest moan known to mankind!

10 Minutes on

Oh my lordy god Sandra! Just got caught snogging by Ro-Ro! To be honest, she's being quite lax about it, however she has called a secret "Rorgia" meeting because I refuse to reveal the fact that Dave et moi have been snogging for 30 minutes without stopping – Ja Ja! I know, half an hour! – to the rest of my petite Ace Gang.

30 Seconds later

I do hope Dave decides the same, seeing as Rosie shoved him into the forest and off to the others.

With Rosie, feet in pond

1:30am

I am being as cool as a cucumber with Ro-Ro. Cooler, even. In fact, i'm so cool you could use me as a refrigerator for those long, hot summers days when you lounge about in the shade of large oak trees and have picnics whilst you watch your friends frolic freely for fun, but you know that your cokey is gonna go warm and sticky and nasty and you can't bare the thought of a warm, flat coke so you need something to refrigerate it whilst you lounge about. I'm so cool I could freeze and iceberg.

Oh, who am I kidding, I've hit at least 10 on the having a Nervy B scale.

30 Seconds later

Rosie's doing that staring but not talking thing where it gets all uncomfortable for the staree, but the starer just keeps on staring.

1 Minute later

"So, Gee, what the hell?" Rosie asked, staring at me quite agog-ish-ly. Thank you Vikings in the sky, you've spared her precious voice box!

Oh Sandra, why! Rosie is my second best-est pally, but no way I could explain that to anyone.

"I-I…Errr…Sandra…" I blabbered. God I sound like Ellen. I might of swallowed her by accident in my sleep. I mean, she is quite small, and I am starved at home...

"Gee, spit Ellen out"- Ooh, has she got a touch of the mystic meg about her?- "and tell me why you and Dave were just giving the forest creatures free porn!" she demanded. God, she's scary when she wants to be.

"Ihimlobe!" I spit out really quickly, hoping Rosie understood it and I don't have to say it again.

Two Seconds later

Oh lord Sandra, she's never going to understand that; I didn't even put the words in the right order!

"Sex Kitty, you're speaking pants!" Ooh! She cannot call me Sex Kitty, Dave calls me Sex Kitty! I told her as such as well.

"Don't call me Sex Kitty ever again!"

Great, now she'll crack a joke about how obsessed with Dave I am.

"Why Gee? Is Davey Bear the only one who can say that?"

"Yeah, because as I said before, ilovehim." Ha! That shut Ro-Ro up.

30 Seconds later

She's just staring at me. She has quite an unfortunate looking shocked face.

1 Second later

Rosie is quite literally awoken everyone in the camp with the loudest scream in the world.

I think it finally hit her.

I mean, what I said hit her, not some hitting thing from a hitting shop where you hit things.

Duh.

2 Seconds later

If Jazzy Spazzy jumps out from behind a tree now, I'm going to kill Rosie and the vole...

2 Seconds later

Okay, I'm muffling her before we wake up Herr Kamyer and Miss Wilson.

2 Seconds later

Thank pants for that. It only took three attempts as well!

5 Seconds later

She's looking all annoyed now, but I can't let go incase she screams again.

1 Second later

Eww! Ro-Ro just licked my hand!

"Ro-Ro, why did you do that?"

"You wouldn't let go of me, so I grossed you off of me." She shrugged.

I biffed her on the head. She deserves it, disgusting Viking.

"But Gee, do you really mean it? 'Cause you are with a homosexual…"

Biffed her again. But then I thought about it. Luuurrve God. I hate the handbag-wielding idiot but I am being a bit hypocritical. I never told anyone but I caught him cheating on me with Lindsey.

"Ro-Ro, the cheating bastard can go fuck himself."

"He CHEATED!" she squealed in my ear. Bloody hell I've officially gone deafnosity. Thanks Ro.

"Yeah, the fucking handbag horse slept with Wet Lindsey and I snogged the living daylights out of Dave. We obvs shouldn't be together if we can't 'Stay true' to each other. I got over it, so should you," I said, getting up and facing away from her. I just really wanted to end this conversation.

"Okay, as long as you know I love you when your with Dave, so I will be forced to stab you with a horn if you decide to screw this up and go with another one of your 'gods'."

2 Seconds later

I biffed her on the head.

30 Seconds later

I get what she means, though. Anyway, I don't even need a god 'cause I love Dave.

OMG! I'm in love with David Alexander Jones! Thank you lord baby jesus, Sandra and Buddha for guiding me on the path that lead to the worlds best snogger!

"Rosie, I love Dave the Laugh, he is THE god. Tell the world, for all I care, because I am as free as a lady in a mohair skirt with no undercrackers on who chews on celery sticks and joins daily protests about grating trees for spaghetti and gerbils with blue dyed fur!" I shouted, "She does as her veggie brain tells her!"

Then I ran into the forest.