AN: Before any of the readers from my other stories freak out, and people who came because this is a Monster Mosume fanfic, I wanted to write this because comedy is something I enjoy and this 'anime'/manga has quite a bit, even if VERY MATURE at points… or completely. BUT! I have drawn inspiration from a fic called "Everyday Life as a Supporting Character", if you know it good, if you don't go read it, it's good shit. The inspiration part is that the writer made the world more "realistic/normal", than that from the manga. So I will try and do that to an extent, and I will try to not to steal any of the ideas from the fic, If I have put anything in here it is probably because I forgot that it was in the other fic and I'm too lazy to read the whole thing again (WONDER FUCKING WHY *stares at over 300 000 words*). AND WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, let's get some laughs shall we?
DISCLAIMER! I do not ownDaily Life With Monster Girls aka Monster Musume, it is written by Okayado.
"DON'T TOUCH THAT!", A character talking
"Well those are BIG!", A characters thoughts
"HMMMMMMM", ?
Kimihito was just finishing up making breakfast, when three still a bit sleepy girls came into the room. Somehow today Miia wasn't able to strangle him almost to death… again, so he got lucky.
"Morning everyone", he said, as the put the last plate on the table and sat down.
"Good morning Darling", said a sleepy Miia as she sat down (somehow), on her chair. The other two girls also sat down and began eating.
Halfway through breakfast the front doorbell rang.
"Oh!", suddenly Kimihito jumped from his seat, "I forgot".
"Are we expecting visitors Master?" asked Cerea.
"Well kind of. We are getting a new roommate", he said as he exited the room and went to the front door.
All utensils suddenly held by the three girls just fell from the hands of the girls, and shock adorned their faces. Well Papi more because she was well… Papi. Miia and Cerea were internally screaming at the perspective of another female joining the house and becoming a competitor for the heart of the man they all loved. The instantly got up from the table and went to the front door. They arived just as Kimihito opened the door to reveal two people.
One was Kuruko Smith, that was usual for every day really, but next to her stood a very tall and well built man. He had a White T-shirt on that was just barely his size and showed off the muscles on his arms, he also camo cargo pants, and black military style boots. He had a metal cross on a necklace next to two dog tags, a stubble short black beard, a short cut brown hair and commando style glasses. Also a big smile adorned his face.
"Ah! Kimihito my friend", he said with a slight Russian accent, "It is nice to see you again"
"Hello Vlad, it is good to see you too", said Kimihito and shook his hand.
"Ok enough chit chat, whats for breakfast", said Smith as she went into the house.
"Cousin, don't you thinks it is a bit rude?", asked Vlad.
"Can't hear you, the connection is fucking up", she said entering the living room.
"Again my friend I am sorry for how she shows NO RESPECT!", he said to Kimihito but said the last part mainly towards Smith.
"COFFEE IS MY RESPECT", she said from the living room.
"Don't worry about it Vlad, I'm used to it right now", said Kimihito, "Please do come in."
The large man stepped into the house and dropped off a rather big him and Kurusu saw Miia and Centorea staring at them with confused looks.
"Oh. Vlad let me introduce you to Miia and Centorea. Girls this is Vlad, he is our new roommate.", said the harem protagonist.
"It is a pleasure to meet you ladies, I am Centorea", said Vlad with a nod of the head. All thoughts of competition flew away from the girls.
Cerea was the first to come to her senses, "It is nice to meet you too Sir Vlad", she said and extended a hand.
Vlad took it with a small laugh, "Ohoho, Miss Centorea Sir is not needed, please just call me Vlad."
"As you wish Vlad.", she said.
"Good to meet you", said Miia and also extended a hand that Vlad shook.
"Ladies you go and finish up breakfast and I will show Vlad where he will be staying at.", said Kimihito.
"Alright Darling but don't take too long", said Miia and went back to finish breakfast along with Centorea.
There Smith was already siting in one of the chairs sipping coffee and eating a sandwitch. When the two girls sat down Centorea spoke up.
"If I am not too rude Ms. Smith, but why is Vlad going to be staying with us.", she asked.
"Oh that is simple, he is here to make sure poor Darling doesn't become a pancake underneath you girls", she said prompting Miia and Centorea to blush.
"Why did he address you as cousin?", asked Miia trying to steer the conversation in a different direction.
"Because we are cousins Miia. True third generation cousins but I have known him since we were kids. And before you ask he is here because of what happened the other day during the full moon", she answered.
"My apologies Ms. Smith but I do not believe a human can stand up to a Liminal in strength, especially when it's… a full moon", said Cerea.
"Oh do not worry my dear Centorea. He is more than ready to handle all three of you if need be", Smith said with a wink, prompting the girls to blush even harder.
"Cousin you have the weirdest ways of explaining things.", said Vlad from the door way being followed by Kimihito.
"Oh but is it a lie my dear cousin", she asked with a dramatic voice.
"No but when you talk like that people get the wrong idea.", said Vlad as he sweatdropped.
"Oh let me have my fun you git mass of muscle.", she said just as her phone rang. She looked at it and sighed, "Well it looks like I have to leave now, please don't break anything before the night.", she said looking at her cousin.
"Well that depends on these three", he pointed to the two blushing girls, and one confused Papi wondering who this behemoth of a human is.
"Don't need to escort me I know the way out. Have a nice day!", said Smith as she left.
"Wooow. You're big", said Papi to Vlad.
"That I am. And you must be Papi correct?", he said.
"Yep!", she said with a mock solute, and continued eating.
"She is… interesting to say the least", said Vlad to Kimihito.
"You could say that", said Kurusu as they both sat down on the table, "Do want anything to eat?"
"No need my friend, I already had breakfast but thank you for the offer", said Vlad.
There was a few moments of awkward silence before Kimihito spoke up.
"So Vlad, since we will be living together for the foreseeable future, why don't you tell us about yourself?", he asked.
"Alright. Well my full name is Vladimir Borisov Ivanovm, but please just call me Vlad. I am Half russian on my fathers side and half American on my mothers. I am cousins with Kuroko, or as I have been informed you call her by her surname Smith on my mothers side.", he said
"I see you have dog tags, are you a warrior Vlad?", asked Centorea.
"Errr. You could say that. Served in the Russian army for a few years. Then I did some bodyguard work for a few big shots here in japan. That's how I learned the language actually, though the accent is still here heh.", he explained.
"How old are you Vlad?", asked Miia.
"I am 26, trust me I know I look older", he said.
"OH OH OH. Ms. Smith said you knew each other as kids, what was she like", asked Papi.
"Her? Oh she was more of a boy than I was haha!", he said, "Looked like one too. She dressed mainly like a boy, had short hair, and theat ironing board for a chest back then wasn't helping her", Kimihito choked a bit, "Oh but when she reached 15-16 she did a complete 180, guess you tend to become more feminine when you grow out like a baloon, or rather two in her case. Hah!", Kimihito choked again.
"But she was good fun as a kid. Always made best friends with the boys, sometimes girls. I do believe most of the kids thought she was a boy really. Oh the looks on their faces when I would tell the truth… Now that I think about it, the only thing that hasn't changed in her was how lazy she is. She can put a sloth to shame."
"I can second that", said Kimihito.
Vlad was going to say something else but his phone rang, "Oh pardon me", he said and picked up. He started to speak what sounded Russian to Miia, Kimihito and Cerea, and jiberish to Papi.
After a few moments he hung up and stood up from the table. "I am so very sorry my friends, but I have a few things I need to take care of. Kimihito if you need help I am in my room, if you cant make it try and yell", he said and left the room prompting Kimihito to choke on his food… again.
The next day.
Vlad had unfortunately slept in for the day. It was somewhere around mid-day and he was just coming out of his slumber when he heard faint noises from the room next to his. Noises that he was suppose to prevent. "OH SHIT!". He got up from his bed and put on a pair of adidas pants, but said fuck it to the shirt as he had more pressing matters.
He stormed out of his room and opened the one next to him with such force it almost flew from its hinges.
"STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DO...", he was cut of from his sentence as in front of him was possibly the most weird picture of the day. Miia was laying on her bed with bandages on her arms and had no clothes covering her private section except one of her hands, and on top of her a thankfully fully clothed Kimihito with the end of Miia's tail covering his eyes. Just as he saw that, Kimihito made a fatal mistake and his finger, went… in the wrong direction.
But before Miia or Kimihito could process what just happened, a big hand grabbed Miias tail where she was covering Kimihito's eyes and yanked it away, and another grabbed the Harem Protagonists hand yanking it and the entire boy away from the Lamia. He did hit the floor and hurt his head but atleast he didn't take a massive smack from the tail of extremely embarrassed lamia sending Vlad into the wall behind Kimihito. But just as another tail whip was about to lash out, Vlad grabbed Kurusu and darted out the door.
A few hours later a very sick Kimihito who had just finished eating his apology food from Miia was wondering why is he still alive. Vlad also had apology food, but he was busy trying to put his bones back into place.
Vlad didn't notice the two also very sick looking Cerea and Papi that entered the room, or the explenation from Miia why her food wasn't food, as he snapped his shoulder back into place. With a sigh of relief he stood up and went to the table and look at the thing that was suppose to be food.
"Vlad-san, this is my apology to you for… dislocating you.", said Miia with an embarrassed look.
The big Russian looked at the food for a few seconds, "Miia where did you learn to cook?", he asked.
"Oh as I said I learned from Darling, everything here is from memory.", she said
An apologetic look came from Kimihito. And a worded out, "I am sorry for this", came silently from his mouth.
"Give me a moment.", said Vlad and exited the room.
Fortunately for everyone and unfortunately for Miia Vlad came back with a stack of cooking books and droipped them next to the rest that Kimihito had brought.
"Miia I appreciate the gesture, and you are a sweet girl. But I have a feeling this will help. That is why I shall tech you to cook just like my Babushka taught me!", he said and a white apron with a kiss the cook marking on it appeared on him, "THROUGH LONG SLEEPLESS NIGHTS OF TRAINING!"
Kimihito was starting to doubt Smith made a good choice in doing this.
3 Hours later
"And that is the essentials to boiling water", said Vlad prompting Miia to fall over from surprise, "Tomorrow I will teach you how to boil an egg."
Cerea and Kimihito were sweat dropping in the background.
"I think she should stick with the cook books", said Cerea.
"Yeah, probably would take less time than this.", agreed Kimihito.
"Yes well babushkas ways aren't for everyone", said Vlad now next to them in his clothes from yesterday, making the Duo to jump to one side.
"I thought only Smith can do that", said Kimihito.
"Oh it's a family thing", she said sitting right next to him, making the duo jump to the other side.
"Ah cousin, you finally decide to show up", said Vlad.
"Oh I was here for quite some time now.", she said and sipped from her coffee.
"You know its almost 8 pm. drinking coffee isn't the best for you health", said Vlad, the only answer was louder slurping from Smith.
"Ah why do I even bother", sighed Vlad, "My friends I must excuse myself for the night, I shall see you tomorrow."
"Oh alright, goodnight Vlad.", said Kimihito.
While Kurusu was making dinner, Smith went to talk to the girls.
"So anything interesting happen today ladies?", she asked them all but was looking at Miia. All she did was blush.
"I told you he can handle you girls.", Smith said with a smirk.
"Yeah you were right, I really wonder how I didn't break any of his bones, there is still a dent in my room", said Miia.
"Well he isn't Darling that's for sure", Smith said.
"No, I fear darling would have snapped like a twig, the most I did was dislocate his shoulder, and I think it was because he hit the wall in an awkward position", said Miia.
"Well if that is true he is far stronger than any human male I have met to date", said Cerea, "More durable too."
"Oh you have no idea", said Smith quietly.
"Pardon?", said Centorea.
"Oh nothing, just muttering words… well I have to got girls, I have more paperwork to do… fun", she said with sarcasm practically falling off of her.
"Alright goodnight Ms. Smith", said the girls.
The Next day.
This time, he wouldn't fuck it up. This time he was gonna do it the way he had to. The way his job said he had to. The way Smith yelling at him last night on the phone, told him to. By not sleeping until afternoon.
Today Vlad got up rather early, 5 am. to be exact. Not that he liked it, but It gave him nostalgia to when he was in training.
He washed up and put one his clothes, then as he was browsing through his phone for a moment he heard a door open and close and then anther one. "Not on my watch."
He went outside his room and looked at Kimihito's room, the door was slightly open so he went there quietly and looked through it.
He almost stumbled when he saw that Miia was hugging Kurusu so tightly with her tail that the boy had woken up completely in shock and the only parts of him visible were his eyes and nose, the skin next to whom was turning different shades of the rainbow.
"This would have been funny if it wasn't so scary", thought Vlad and got into the room.
Miia didn't notice him as she was rambling quietly something about love or some other crap. Vlad honestly didn't care about that. He more cared about how this boy was still alive and how he could save him. "well I hate to do this to a woman, bu hitting her would be a worse option", he thought and stood over the two.
He then covered his finger with spit and quickly put it Miia's ear, "Good morning there lass", he said with a jolly voice.
The Lamia in a state of shock quickly forgot about the boy underneath her as she got up with a yelp, Uncoiled herself from Kimihito and fell on Vlad. Catching her , and keeping her restrained he managed to get drag her out the room, but not before she knocked almost everything in the room to the ground with her tail.
Kurusu could finally breathe, "SMITH I WILL NEVER DOUBT YOU EVER AGAIN!", he thought, as he could hear Miia fumbling about outside and Vlad trying to stop her from getting back into the room.
Suddenly there was a female scream, followed by a loud "SMACK", then a door got shut. After a few moments, Vlad came back into the room, with a big red hand print on his face.
"Are you ok Vlad?", asked Kurusu.
"Note to self, do not try and restrain a Lamia with one hand on the torso for it shall slip upwards", he said.
"Yooooou...", started Kurusu.
"Grabbed her tits?", finished Vlad, "Yes. Now I am going to go get some ice.", He said and left for the kitchen.
"Well, this is going to be an interesting week.", said Kurusu and went to get ready for the day.
AN: sooo… not as realistic… or as good of a pacing for the narrative… gotta work on that… welp fuck it, as long as it makes you guys chuckle I'm ok with it. Also about the Russian thing, first off, this is kinda an AU, again inspiration from "Everyday Life as a Supporting Character", second, fanfiction as a whole is full of harry potters and naruto's and wot not, and if there is an OC that's from our world or a similar one its gonna be a brit or an american, so I'll be damned if I don't put some slavic bullshit into every single fandom I get my little hands on!
Still hope you had a giggle or two, don't know how much im gonna be updating this, as I have two other stories, yes I have no shame in pluging my own damn stories into my other stories.
Also side note, cuz I know these kinds of fandoms, I have not decided on a pairing, harem? Mayyyyybe? And that is a HUGE maybe, cuz I am here for the comedy, don't do romance that good if at all, but I will try my best. Also its 2 in the morning… damn bunnies.