The Alphabet Game
(The gang is watching TV. Then Cloud pipes up.)
Cloud: Are you guys getting sleepy?
Tifa: Bearing children is less painful than watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Aeris: Carrots anyone?
Cid: Don't even ask. I've had it up to here with those stupid carrots!
Aeris: Even the broccoli?
Yuffie: Frogs eat that, not humans. VEGETABLES SUCK!
Tifa: Grow something like pizza or diet soda.
Aeris: Heck no!
Cid: I think you should grow some tobacco. Then I don't have to waste money on it.
Yuffie: Jacob's Discount Drug Store has your special brand for 500 gil.
Vincent: Kangaroo Gun Oil is 40 gil. So if you go and get it, pick up that too.
Barret: Losers get Kangaroo Gun Oil.
Vincent: Maybe you should shut your trap, you big idiot.
Barret: No thank you.
Aeris: Open your hearts!
Tifa(obviously not listening): Pokemon's on! Yes!!!
Barret: Quiet down! I'm in the middle of a fight that I'm obviously winning.
Vincent: Really now? I think you smoke crack!
Barret: SHUT THE HELL UP!
Aeris: Tell them to stop Cloud! They are making me feel like a pair of bicycles!
Cloud: Unicycles, perhaps?
Aeris (singing): Why can't we be friends? Why can't we be friends?
Vincent: X-rays are better for you gun's luster!
Barret: Yack yack yack. That's all I hear from you!
Yuffie: Zebras! I love zebras!
Tifa: Animal Planet again? I hate you.
Cait Sith: Be quiet! We have news to tell you guys.
(they all shut up for a moment)
Cait Sith: Cats are worshiped in Egypt! Isn't that cool?
Red XIII: Dire Straights renamed themselves. Now their the Stinky Oinkers!
Yuffie: Everyone shut up! The zebras are mating!
Tifa: Freakin' nasty!
Red XIII: Great! Now I missed The International Dog Show!
Vincent: Hark! Did you hear that noice?
(A knock is heard)
Yuffie: I'll answer it. (She walks over to the door. She peeks through and she sees Elmyra)
Elmyra: Just me!
(They open it up.)
Elmyra: KKK members are in the neighborhood. I'd be careful.
Aeris: Like I care! I can kick all of their butts!
Cid: Moron! They travel in 100's!
Cloud: Not one of us knows how to dispose of them, so I'll do it.
Elmyra: Oh, I forgot to tell you. One of the members is Lucricea. And since you can't tell which one is which, I'd be careful who you kill.
Vincent: Please let me go, too! I mean, she's my girlfriend.
Yuffie: Quickly! Let's go!
Tifa: Restate that, let's all go! (they all leave the house.)
Elmyra: Stupid fools! Everyone knows the KKK doesn't make house calls on Fridays.
(Then Sephiroth unzips the costume)
Sephiroth: These guys believe everything! Now, what to do about their belongings?
(Sephiroth looks around)
Sephiroth: Uncivilized people! Pizza boxes, candy wrappers, dirty underwear, ooo! I'll take that! (he slips Tifa's bra into a knapsack)
Cloud: Viking Vickers! What are you doing here?
Sephiroth: Waiting for you to get back so I can mug you!
Cloud: Xylophone bars are all I have on me!
Sephiroth: You lie!
Yuffie: Zebras! Zebras! Zebras!
Cloud: Ah ha! I have a toothpick!
Sephiroth: Be serious. I need moolah and I need it now!
Yuffie: Call 911 'cause I love zebras!
Sephiroth: Die! (he stabs her with the Masumane.)
Yuffie: Everyone loves zebras!
Cloud: Funny, I thought she liked monkeys.
Sephiroth: Great, now I have to listen to both of them
Cloud: How dare you!
Sephiroth: I think it's time we duel. Fists or swords?
Cloud: Just swords would be fine.
Sephiroth: Killing is such sweet sorrow.
Cloud: Likewise.
(They don't budge)
Sephiroth: Make your move, coward!
Cloud: Never!
Sephiroth: Ok then.
(He lunges at Cloud, but Cloud uses Stop and Small on him.)
Cloud: Personally, I think I could sell him for big bucks. Hmm... (Cloud sells Sephiroth on eBay for 6,000,000 gil to a buyer in the Northern Cave.)
Cloud: Quite the idea.
Tifa: Remember that thing I got off the Internet, Cloud? Well, it's here! (she opens the package and a statue of Sephiroth is in the bottom of the box.)