"Pippin! Hurry up, or we'll be late!" Merry shouted, knocking on Pippin's
bedroom door.
"Keep your trousers on Merry, I'm coming!" Pippin shouted back, laughing. Pippin had never been so excited in his life. He and Merry were going to Pippin's first concert that day. Pippin had had no idea what to wear, and was still rummaging through his closet.
"If you aren't out here in two seconds, I'm coming in!" Merry said, trying not to smile.
"Well, sorry cousin, but unless you wish to see my naked arse..." Pippin said, grabbing the blanket off of his bed just in case.
"It seems that you're forgetting I was the one who changed many a diaper from this naked arse you speak of," Merry said, opening the door.
"Ahh! Merry, get out!" Pippin squealed.
Merry laughed and turned around as to not be facing Pippin.
"I'm not looking, just get on with it."
Pippin quickly finished getting dressed, and walked towards his cousin, until he was about an inch away from him.
"Ready!" he shouted, causing Merry to jump two feet into the air.
"Don't...don't do that!" Merry mumbled, catching his breath. But as he looked at his young cousin, he still couldn't breath, as he was laughing so hard.
"What?" Pippin asked, indignant. "What?" he repeated.
Merry could do nothing but point and laugh harder. Pippin was wearing thick, gaudy chains, linking from pocket to pocket, and a leather jacket that was by far to large. He had a ring in his nose, through his eyebrow, and his bottom lip.
Finally Merry regained his composure. "What are you wearing?" he asked, rubbing the tears out of his eyes.
"Oh, this?" Pippin asked, pointing to the ring in his eyebrow. "And this, and this?" he asked, pointing to the other piercings. "Well there are some things you don't know about me, cousin."
"Oh, really?" Merry asked, yanking every one of the rings out.
"Hey?! Now, how would you feel if those had been real, eh?" Pippin asked, looking daggers at Merry.
"I'd feel sorry to be your cousin is how I'd feel. Now get out of those ridiculous clothes, and put these on," Merry said, throwing some of Pippin's clothes at him.
"Fine," Pippin said, shoving Merry out the door. "But stop trying to sneak a peek, you dirty dirty hobbit!" Merry laughed and sat on the floor outside of Pippin's door. Five minutes later, Pippin was back to his normal wear.
"Alright, lets go quickly, we still have to pick up Sam and Frodo," Merry said, rushing Pippin outside.
"Oh yes, I forgot. I hope they're ready, I don't want to be late." Merry shook his head and made to get into the car, but was quickly cut off by Pippin getting into the drivers seat. "Merry, can I drive?" Pippin asked hopefully.
Merry sighed as one who had heard this request many times before.
"Pip, you don't have your license, or even your permit yet. You know I
can't let you.
"Aw Merry please, how hard can it be?" "No, Pippin," Merry said, and Pippin grumpily climbed into the passenger seat. Merry got into the car, and they drove towards Bag End. When they arrived, Pippin began knocking furiously on the door.
"Hurry up! We're going to be late!"
Two minutes later, a rather rosy cheeked Sam answered the door.
"Begging your pardons, Mr. Merry and Mr. Pippin sirs," Sam said, showing them in.
"Oh, don't worry about it Sam," said Merry smiling, taking in Sam's ruffled clothes and mussed up hair, "I can see you were, erm, slightly preoccupied." Pippin shoved his fist in his mouth for fear of laughing hard enough to wake all of Hobbiton.
Sam ignored them both and walked into the kitchen, where Frodo was sitting at the table. Now neither Pippin nor Merry could keep in their laughter.
"What?" Frodo asked, looking around. Now even Sam was trying hard not to laugh. Pippin finally gained enough composure to point under the table at Frodo's trousers, which were on backwards.
"Oh my," Frodo said, rushing out of the room. When he returned a few minutes later, Sam, Merry, and Pippin were all sitting at the table, eating toast and drinking tea.
"Well, come on now if you don't want to be late!" Frodo said, rushing towards the door. The four hobbits piled into Merry's car, and were off to the Shire Civic Center. As they drove, Pippin talked non-stop. "This is going to be great! I'm so glad Vinca isn't coming! She wanted to, I'll tell you. But I said 'no way, all you'll do is talk the whole time!' And she would to! Just the other night I was sitting at the table, minding my own business, when she sat down beside me and started talking nonsense. 'Oh, Pippin, I don't know what to do! He likes me and he likes me and she likes me, but I don't like any of them! And to make matters worse I'm pregnant with her love child! Yes, her. I'm a she, she's a she, and I won't tell you how it happened, but I'll give you a hint. It involves a beach ball, a monkey, a spatula, and a trampoline.' Frodo smiled and shook his head, everyone in the car knowing full well this conversation never took place. When they pulled into the parking lot, Pippin was bouncing all around, making odd laughing and squealing noises. When Merry finally found a spot, Pippin was out of the car before Merry had even completely stopped it.
"We're here! We're here!" Pippin shouted, jumping up and down.
"Yes, Pip. We're here. Now calm down. Did you remember your ticket?" Merry asked, trying not to smile.
Pippin's face grew very pale. He began searching his pockets.
"Merry, they were in the pockets of the pants I had been wearing before!" Pippin said, his lip trembling. But Merry just smiled.
"I know you to well, cousin," he said, pulling Pippin's ticket out of his pocket.
They walked to the entrance, and all got stamped on the hand. It seemed like there were a million other hobbits there, and even some long shanks. Pippin could have sworn he even saw a dwarf.
"All right now, who are we here to see again?" Sam asked.
"Sam, you really didn't want to come, did you?" Frodo asked, looking at him with concern.
"No, it's not that Frodo. I'm glad to be spending time with you and all."
Pippin now turned his back on Sam and Frodo, made a gagging noise, and drove his pointer down his throat. Merry gave him a swift kick in the shins.
"I just don't like all this commotion," Sam continued.
"Well, I'm sure you'll warm up to it. And we're seeing Jimmy Eat Middle-earth," Frodo said, putting his hand on Sam's shoulder.
"Merry? Merry? Merry?!" Pippin shouted, his cousin ignoring him.
"What is it Pippin?" Merry asked after he felt an adequate amount of time had passed.
"I have to go to the bathroom!" Pippin whined.
"Oh for...why didn't you go before we left? Over there, it's over there," Merry said, pointing to the lad's room. The line was very very long.
"Merry, I can't wait that long!" Pippin cried, crossing his legs.
"So use the lasses room, there are hardly any girls here," Merry suggested, and indeed there was no line.
"But, Merry. I can't do that..."
"Unless you want to wet those pants then you had better. Now go!"
Pippin ran as fast as he could to the lasses room, and when he returned two minutes later, he had a look of awe on his face.
"Wow," he muttered.
"What?" Merry asked.
"That was amazing! The sinks, you don't even have to turn them on! You put your hand under it, and there's water! And the toilets, Merry, the toilets! They flush on their own! And they have paper towels and blowers! And the paper towels come out when you put your hand under them too!"
"Pippin, it's the same in the lads room..." Merry began, but then he realized Pippin had never been to such a large complex.
"I mean, they must think us really incompetent, to not know how to flush and turn on a sink and what not. I had a harder time figuring out what was going on when it was all done for me! And Merry, you know what else, Merry? They had little tiny garbage bins, attached to the wall in every stall! Now, why would they need..." Pippin paused, and cocked his head, a confused expression on his face. This confused expression soon turned into one of disgust. "Aww," Pippin groaned, looking back at the door to the lasses room. Merry, Frodo, and Sam all had a good laugh.
The concert was going to start soon, and Pippin quickly realized no one was using any of the seats. So he grabbed Merry by the arm, and dragged him to the front of the crowd.
"Pip, you won't be able to hear for a week if you stand this close," Merry shouted over the band tuning their instruments.
"What?!" Pippin shouted, smiling a gigantic smile.
"I said! Oh never mind," Merry said, now smiling himself. Within five minutes, Sam and Frodo had joined Merry and Pippin at the front of the stage. Everyone was jumping up and down and screaming as the band began to play. Even Sam was getting excited, and couldn't help but move around a bit.
"Hey, don't write yourself off yet. It's only in your head, you feel left out, or looked down on," came the blaring voice from the stage.
"This is off the heezy!" Sam shouted, jumping up and down furiously.
"Oh Sam, tell me you did not just say that!" Frodo said, smiling and shaking his head, as the band sang "It just takes some time! Little girl you're in the middle of the ride, everything, everything'll be just fine, everything, everything'll be all right, all right."
"Merry! Merry, can I start a mosh pit?! Oh Merry please?" Pippin asked.
"Pip, I don't know if you can handle-" but before he could finish, he saw Sam running around like a mad man, jumping on top of people and pushing them down. Pippin ran to join him, and Merry and Frodo watched and laughed as more and more hobbits joined the mosh pit. Twenty minutes later, they were rejoined by the two mosh starters. Sam had what looked like the beginnings of a black eye, and Pippin was nursing his left hand with his right. Both looked as though they had just had the time of their life.
"That was amazing!" Pippin said, looking all around. He then raised his nose into the air, and drew in a deep breath.
"Merry, what is that smell?" he asked.
Merry laughed. "Well I'll tell you one thing, Pip. It isn't Longbottom Leaf."
"If you're listening, woah oh oh oha oh!" they heard from the stage. "Sing it back, woah oh oh oh oh!"
Merry and Pippin were jumping up and down, singing along, and screaming at the top of their lungs. Sam and Frodo had retreated to the back of the crowd for some quiet time. When the concert was finally over, they all met up at the car, Merry and Pippin unable to talk.
"Maybe you should drive, Sam," Frodo suggested, seeing the state of his cousin. Sam looked very excited, having always been forced to share a car with the rest of his family.
"Alright, everybody in!" he said, jumping behind the wheel. Sam was a good driver, but also a very angry one.
"Come on, what do you think you're doing?!" he shouted after being cut off. He then made an interesting sign with his hand out the window.
"Sam, what was that?" Frodo asked.
"Oh, um, just something I learned from Mr. Gandalf when he took me and my Gaffer out to lunch one day," Sam said, blushing.
"What does it mean?" Frodo asked, now talking quietly as he noticed his younger cousins were sleeping.
"Um, well, it basically means I was not exactly happy with what that driver just did, if you follow me."
"Ah" said Frodo, putting his arm around Sam's shoulders.
They made it back to Bag End unharmed, or at least not harmed from the ride. Frodo and Sam walked inside and collapsed on the couch, asleep before their heads hit the cushions. Merry and Pippin smiled and sighed, walking back to the car. Merry then dropped Pippin off, but before he could even try to go back to the car and drive home, he found himself asleep on a pile of clothes on Pippin's floor.
"Thank you, cousin," Pippin said hoarsely, smiling as he climbed into his bed where he quickly fell asleep.
"Keep your trousers on Merry, I'm coming!" Pippin shouted back, laughing. Pippin had never been so excited in his life. He and Merry were going to Pippin's first concert that day. Pippin had had no idea what to wear, and was still rummaging through his closet.
"If you aren't out here in two seconds, I'm coming in!" Merry said, trying not to smile.
"Well, sorry cousin, but unless you wish to see my naked arse..." Pippin said, grabbing the blanket off of his bed just in case.
"It seems that you're forgetting I was the one who changed many a diaper from this naked arse you speak of," Merry said, opening the door.
"Ahh! Merry, get out!" Pippin squealed.
Merry laughed and turned around as to not be facing Pippin.
"I'm not looking, just get on with it."
Pippin quickly finished getting dressed, and walked towards his cousin, until he was about an inch away from him.
"Ready!" he shouted, causing Merry to jump two feet into the air.
"Don't...don't do that!" Merry mumbled, catching his breath. But as he looked at his young cousin, he still couldn't breath, as he was laughing so hard.
"What?" Pippin asked, indignant. "What?" he repeated.
Merry could do nothing but point and laugh harder. Pippin was wearing thick, gaudy chains, linking from pocket to pocket, and a leather jacket that was by far to large. He had a ring in his nose, through his eyebrow, and his bottom lip.
Finally Merry regained his composure. "What are you wearing?" he asked, rubbing the tears out of his eyes.
"Oh, this?" Pippin asked, pointing to the ring in his eyebrow. "And this, and this?" he asked, pointing to the other piercings. "Well there are some things you don't know about me, cousin."
"Oh, really?" Merry asked, yanking every one of the rings out.
"Hey?! Now, how would you feel if those had been real, eh?" Pippin asked, looking daggers at Merry.
"I'd feel sorry to be your cousin is how I'd feel. Now get out of those ridiculous clothes, and put these on," Merry said, throwing some of Pippin's clothes at him.
"Fine," Pippin said, shoving Merry out the door. "But stop trying to sneak a peek, you dirty dirty hobbit!" Merry laughed and sat on the floor outside of Pippin's door. Five minutes later, Pippin was back to his normal wear.
"Alright, lets go quickly, we still have to pick up Sam and Frodo," Merry said, rushing Pippin outside.
"Oh yes, I forgot. I hope they're ready, I don't want to be late." Merry shook his head and made to get into the car, but was quickly cut off by Pippin getting into the drivers seat. "Merry, can I drive?" Pippin asked hopefully.
Merry sighed as one who had heard this request many times before.
"Pip, you don't have your license, or even your permit yet. You know I
can't let you.
"Aw Merry please, how hard can it be?" "No, Pippin," Merry said, and Pippin grumpily climbed into the passenger seat. Merry got into the car, and they drove towards Bag End. When they arrived, Pippin began knocking furiously on the door.
"Hurry up! We're going to be late!"
Two minutes later, a rather rosy cheeked Sam answered the door.
"Begging your pardons, Mr. Merry and Mr. Pippin sirs," Sam said, showing them in.
"Oh, don't worry about it Sam," said Merry smiling, taking in Sam's ruffled clothes and mussed up hair, "I can see you were, erm, slightly preoccupied." Pippin shoved his fist in his mouth for fear of laughing hard enough to wake all of Hobbiton.
Sam ignored them both and walked into the kitchen, where Frodo was sitting at the table. Now neither Pippin nor Merry could keep in their laughter.
"What?" Frodo asked, looking around. Now even Sam was trying hard not to laugh. Pippin finally gained enough composure to point under the table at Frodo's trousers, which were on backwards.
"Oh my," Frodo said, rushing out of the room. When he returned a few minutes later, Sam, Merry, and Pippin were all sitting at the table, eating toast and drinking tea.
"Well, come on now if you don't want to be late!" Frodo said, rushing towards the door. The four hobbits piled into Merry's car, and were off to the Shire Civic Center. As they drove, Pippin talked non-stop. "This is going to be great! I'm so glad Vinca isn't coming! She wanted to, I'll tell you. But I said 'no way, all you'll do is talk the whole time!' And she would to! Just the other night I was sitting at the table, minding my own business, when she sat down beside me and started talking nonsense. 'Oh, Pippin, I don't know what to do! He likes me and he likes me and she likes me, but I don't like any of them! And to make matters worse I'm pregnant with her love child! Yes, her. I'm a she, she's a she, and I won't tell you how it happened, but I'll give you a hint. It involves a beach ball, a monkey, a spatula, and a trampoline.' Frodo smiled and shook his head, everyone in the car knowing full well this conversation never took place. When they pulled into the parking lot, Pippin was bouncing all around, making odd laughing and squealing noises. When Merry finally found a spot, Pippin was out of the car before Merry had even completely stopped it.
"We're here! We're here!" Pippin shouted, jumping up and down.
"Yes, Pip. We're here. Now calm down. Did you remember your ticket?" Merry asked, trying not to smile.
Pippin's face grew very pale. He began searching his pockets.
"Merry, they were in the pockets of the pants I had been wearing before!" Pippin said, his lip trembling. But Merry just smiled.
"I know you to well, cousin," he said, pulling Pippin's ticket out of his pocket.
They walked to the entrance, and all got stamped on the hand. It seemed like there were a million other hobbits there, and even some long shanks. Pippin could have sworn he even saw a dwarf.
"All right now, who are we here to see again?" Sam asked.
"Sam, you really didn't want to come, did you?" Frodo asked, looking at him with concern.
"No, it's not that Frodo. I'm glad to be spending time with you and all."
Pippin now turned his back on Sam and Frodo, made a gagging noise, and drove his pointer down his throat. Merry gave him a swift kick in the shins.
"I just don't like all this commotion," Sam continued.
"Well, I'm sure you'll warm up to it. And we're seeing Jimmy Eat Middle-earth," Frodo said, putting his hand on Sam's shoulder.
"Merry? Merry? Merry?!" Pippin shouted, his cousin ignoring him.
"What is it Pippin?" Merry asked after he felt an adequate amount of time had passed.
"I have to go to the bathroom!" Pippin whined.
"Oh for...why didn't you go before we left? Over there, it's over there," Merry said, pointing to the lad's room. The line was very very long.
"Merry, I can't wait that long!" Pippin cried, crossing his legs.
"So use the lasses room, there are hardly any girls here," Merry suggested, and indeed there was no line.
"But, Merry. I can't do that..."
"Unless you want to wet those pants then you had better. Now go!"
Pippin ran as fast as he could to the lasses room, and when he returned two minutes later, he had a look of awe on his face.
"Wow," he muttered.
"What?" Merry asked.
"That was amazing! The sinks, you don't even have to turn them on! You put your hand under it, and there's water! And the toilets, Merry, the toilets! They flush on their own! And they have paper towels and blowers! And the paper towels come out when you put your hand under them too!"
"Pippin, it's the same in the lads room..." Merry began, but then he realized Pippin had never been to such a large complex.
"I mean, they must think us really incompetent, to not know how to flush and turn on a sink and what not. I had a harder time figuring out what was going on when it was all done for me! And Merry, you know what else, Merry? They had little tiny garbage bins, attached to the wall in every stall! Now, why would they need..." Pippin paused, and cocked his head, a confused expression on his face. This confused expression soon turned into one of disgust. "Aww," Pippin groaned, looking back at the door to the lasses room. Merry, Frodo, and Sam all had a good laugh.
The concert was going to start soon, and Pippin quickly realized no one was using any of the seats. So he grabbed Merry by the arm, and dragged him to the front of the crowd.
"Pip, you won't be able to hear for a week if you stand this close," Merry shouted over the band tuning their instruments.
"What?!" Pippin shouted, smiling a gigantic smile.
"I said! Oh never mind," Merry said, now smiling himself. Within five minutes, Sam and Frodo had joined Merry and Pippin at the front of the stage. Everyone was jumping up and down and screaming as the band began to play. Even Sam was getting excited, and couldn't help but move around a bit.
"Hey, don't write yourself off yet. It's only in your head, you feel left out, or looked down on," came the blaring voice from the stage.
"This is off the heezy!" Sam shouted, jumping up and down furiously.
"Oh Sam, tell me you did not just say that!" Frodo said, smiling and shaking his head, as the band sang "It just takes some time! Little girl you're in the middle of the ride, everything, everything'll be just fine, everything, everything'll be all right, all right."
"Merry! Merry, can I start a mosh pit?! Oh Merry please?" Pippin asked.
"Pip, I don't know if you can handle-" but before he could finish, he saw Sam running around like a mad man, jumping on top of people and pushing them down. Pippin ran to join him, and Merry and Frodo watched and laughed as more and more hobbits joined the mosh pit. Twenty minutes later, they were rejoined by the two mosh starters. Sam had what looked like the beginnings of a black eye, and Pippin was nursing his left hand with his right. Both looked as though they had just had the time of their life.
"That was amazing!" Pippin said, looking all around. He then raised his nose into the air, and drew in a deep breath.
"Merry, what is that smell?" he asked.
Merry laughed. "Well I'll tell you one thing, Pip. It isn't Longbottom Leaf."
"If you're listening, woah oh oh oha oh!" they heard from the stage. "Sing it back, woah oh oh oh oh!"
Merry and Pippin were jumping up and down, singing along, and screaming at the top of their lungs. Sam and Frodo had retreated to the back of the crowd for some quiet time. When the concert was finally over, they all met up at the car, Merry and Pippin unable to talk.
"Maybe you should drive, Sam," Frodo suggested, seeing the state of his cousin. Sam looked very excited, having always been forced to share a car with the rest of his family.
"Alright, everybody in!" he said, jumping behind the wheel. Sam was a good driver, but also a very angry one.
"Come on, what do you think you're doing?!" he shouted after being cut off. He then made an interesting sign with his hand out the window.
"Sam, what was that?" Frodo asked.
"Oh, um, just something I learned from Mr. Gandalf when he took me and my Gaffer out to lunch one day," Sam said, blushing.
"What does it mean?" Frodo asked, now talking quietly as he noticed his younger cousins were sleeping.
"Um, well, it basically means I was not exactly happy with what that driver just did, if you follow me."
"Ah" said Frodo, putting his arm around Sam's shoulders.
They made it back to Bag End unharmed, or at least not harmed from the ride. Frodo and Sam walked inside and collapsed on the couch, asleep before their heads hit the cushions. Merry and Pippin smiled and sighed, walking back to the car. Merry then dropped Pippin off, but before he could even try to go back to the car and drive home, he found himself asleep on a pile of clothes on Pippin's floor.
"Thank you, cousin," Pippin said hoarsely, smiling as he climbed into his bed where he quickly fell asleep.