A/N: Hey everyone. So I'm pretty new to the Degrassi scene, but I've been watching it on The-N non-stop lately and I've been hooked. I'm not solid on all the story lines, but I have a pretty good idea of what's gone on with most of the characters.

However, if anyone finds huge character/plot flaws in my story please feel free to point them out. Although, keep in mind that this is fan fiction, meaning some of the events in my story may not follow exactly what might happen on the show. I love constructive criticism, so please don't hesitate.

I have to admit that I love Spinner's character, so this is a Spinner-centric fic. Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimers: I do not own Degrassi, nor any of the characters from the series. Also, the title is from an Alkaline Trio song "Blue in the Face."

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"Good afternoon everyone, happy Monday…yeah, I know. No such thing," Mr. Simpson joked, "Today we're going to finish off Friday's project…."

As Mr. Simpson continued to give directions to the class, Jimmy Brooks turned to his attention towards his computer and checked his e-mail. After sending off a couple of letters Jimmy took a look around the room, checking for any trace of a tardy Spinner.

No sign of him. Weird, he thought. He had seen Spinner earlier that same day. It wasn't like Spin to ditch class, well at least not now anyway.

Upon seeing Jimmy's frown, his girlfriend, Ashley Kerwin, asked, "Something wrong?"

"Uh…no," he replied now glancing out the windows, not paying much attention to what Ashley was saying. "Are you sure?" She knew what that look meant. He was obviously worried about something.

"No really, it's nothing." He turned to look at Ashley, finally giving his full attention to his girlfriend. "It's just Spinner. I saw him earlier today. And I know he wouldn't skip class now, he's counting on not screwing this last year up."

Ashley placed her hand on top of his shoulder, "I'm sure it's nothing to worry about Jimmy."

"Yeah, you're probably right." But it was clear that he still wasn't at complete ease.

"If you want, we can stop by the Dot after school. Doesn't he work today?" she suggested.

Jimmy looked at her and couldn't help a grin from spreading across his face, "Sounds good." She laughed, pleased at herself for having been able to make him smile. God how I love that smile, she thought. "I can read you like a book sir," she goofed around, playfully hitting him. She spared a quick glance at the pre-occupied Mr. Simpson and placed a gentle kiss on his lips.

"I know, that's why you're mine." He smiled widely and went in for another kiss, however he was quickly interrupted by a very purposeful cough.

"Leave that for after school please," Mr. Simpson scolded as he eyed the two love birds.

Ashley instantly blushed a vibrant shade of pink and immediately apologized, "Right. Sorry sir." Jimmy let out a smile laugh and went back to finishing up his project.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Silence.

The two people occupying the room were clearly both struggling for words. A car horn honked for the second time.

"Gavin….I don't even know what to say. But I have to do this. I'm not good for you anyway, you're grown now. You can take better care of yourself than I can."

Spinner was seated on a couch, one of the few furniture pieces still left in his house. He looked his mother in the eyes, "Are you serious?" When he received no answer he continued on to say, "I don't – I mean – why? Why are you doing this? I don't get it."

"Honey, you're busy with your life. You haven't noticed how much mine has changed. I'm…well, frankly I'm a mess. A huge, sloppy mess and I just-"

"Just what? Just thought that leaving your son would make things miraculously better, eh? And who's that jackass that keeps honking?"

"He's not a jackass, Gavin! He loves me…he's going to take care of me. I don't have to worry anymore."

Spinner shook his head and stood up. He could hardly process what was happening. He came home just an hour ago to a practically bare house and a strange man packing things into a blue sedan.

"So what am I supposed to do? Did you even think about me?"

"Of course I did! You're my son, don't think I don't realize that. I left you some money for food and things until you find your own place," she pointed to an envelope on the dinning room table.

"And how am I supposed to get my own place? I go to school full-time and I have no kind of money to survive on my own. I can't afford rent off my pay from the Dot." This isn't happening, I'm gonna wake up and this will all go away.

But as his mother began to speak, he knew nothing was going to go away.

"You have money saved up. That's going to be a big help for –"

"That's for college! And it's not even that much," he quickly snapped. Was she seriously this cruel, was she honestly going to just abandon him? No way, this isn't her.

"Listen. I understand that this is a shock, I never expected this to happen. But it has. And everyone has to make sacrifices, that's life," she stated. She acted as if she was doing nothing wrong, simply something unexpected, like a surprise vacation. That was most certainly not how Spinner was seeing it.

"Sacrifices? Sacrifices! What are you sacrificing?" He became increasingly angry and his clenched fists were shaking with rage by the end of his sentence.

"I have sacrificed my whole life for you! It's time I get it back." She took a moment to take in a deep breath. Another honk emitted from the sedan. Spinner glared at it through the open front door.

His mother motioned with her hand for just a few more minutes. She turned toward Spinner, taking in another deep breath.

"You have until the end of month to be out of here. A friend of mine from work is taking care of selling this place," she looked around the house as if to say a final farewell to it too. She took a few small steps closer to her son, "I'll get in contact with you once I get a better grip on my life. I know you can't see it from my perspective now, but one day I hope you will."

Spinner simply stood there staring in disbelief at the woman whom he believed at one point in time to be his mother.

When he didn't say anything in return she gave him a quick hug, peck on the cheek and walked to the door. Just before closing it she looked back at him, "I love you Gavin."

And with that she walked down the steps and into the car.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Finally! Ashley, what took you so long," asked an anxious and exasperated Jimmy. He had been waiting at her locker so they could head over to the Dot as soon as possible.

"Sorry, I had to talk to my English teacher after class. Let me just put these books into my locker." She stacked two text books and a copy of Shakespeare's King Lear onto the top shelf and slammed the door closed. "Okay, all set."

They arrived at the Dot only to see no sign of Spinner. The manager came up to the two and asked gruffly, "Hey, you guys friends with Gavin?"

"Uh, yeah. Why, what's up?" Jimmy answered, worry evident in his voice.

"Do you know where he is? He hasn't shown up and he didn't call. Not really like the kid to do that, but I gotta know so I can find someone to take his shift tonight," the manager explained.

"I'm sorry we haven't heard from him either," Ashley said, and upon seeing the furrow of his brow she added, "But I'm sure he has a really good reason. He's really responsible."

The man simply grunted and disappeared into the backroom, presumably to find another worker to fill in for his absent employee.

Jimmy turned back for the door, "This really isn't like Spinner, Ash. I called him twice in between classes and sent him a text. He hasn't gotten back to me."

"Honestly Jimmy, I don't think you have anything to really worry about. If there was something serious that happened, don't you think that he would try and get in contact with you?" She attempted to be reassuring, but she wasn't so sure herself.

Spinner seemed to be attached to Jimmy at the hip lately, and his desertion was a bit troublesome. "I guess you're right."

The twosome had just stepped out of the Dot when they heard someone yell, "Ash! Jimmy!" They turned to see Ellie, Paige, and Marco walking towards them.

"Hey, what are you guys up to?" Ashley smiled. Perfect, something to distract Jimmy.

"We were just enjoying this beautiful day, no classes and the sunshine. Absolutely perfect," Paige answered cheerfully.

Ellie looked up towards the sky, frowning at the graying clouds. "Well, we were enjoying the day. But it looks like it's going to rain. Ugh."

"Maybe we can see that new comedy? I mean, I really don't feel like just bumming at home. Are you guys busy, do you want to come with?" Marco asked Jimmy and Ashley.

Ashley looked at Jimmy for confirmation, "C'mon. It'll be nice, you can take your mind off of Spinner for a while."

"Wait, what happened with Spinner?" Paige asked.

"Nothing, he just left school early and we haven't heard from him. That's all," Ashley shot Jimmy a look. There's no need to worry anyone else, she hoped he was thinking the same thing.

"Yeah, I'm just being paranoid. I'm up for a movie, let's go." With that definitive response the gang headed towards the theatre.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Two hours passed and Spinner was still staring blankly at the empty house. He didn't want to think about anything. He just wanted to zone out. However, he was having great difficulty spacing out. He couldn't stop the multitudes of questions from popping up in his mind. Why? What did she mean by her life was messed up? How could she just leave?

The most haunting of questions was: What's so wrong with me that I drove her to leave?

"I can't keep thinking about this," he muttered to himself. He finally stood up and walked up the stairs. He reached the top and tried to not look at his mother's room. But without even realizing it, he led himself straight to her room.

There was no longer the maple wood dresser or small black armchair that used to sit by the window. No curtains, no bed sheets. Just a queen-sized bed, mattress, and two pillows, that's all that was left. It dawned on him that her room never changed. She never rearranged or redecorated her room since he could remember…since his dad left. For the first time he also noted how the entire house stood in the same arrangement and décor since his father left. He liked it that way.

The room seemed so big now, bigger than he had ever known it to be. He walked into her bathroom. It too was empty except for a spare toothbrush and towel. He went back into her room, making his way towards her closet. The doors were closed, he was almost afraid to open them, just like when he was a child and was terrified of some monster hiding, waiting to attack him. Except when he was a little boy his mom was there to protect and comfort him.

Now he couldn't believe that he could never count on her again. He didn't bother opening the door, although he wasn't very sure as to why. Maybe he still had that childish fear, as silly as that sounded. Maybe he just didn't feel like seeing another empty space.

He felt a lump forming in his throat. No, no I absolutely refuse to cry. Crying is for little kids. I don't cry.

He rushed out of the room, slamming the door behind him. He ran to his room, stuffed some clothes in his bag pack, and headed out of the house. I just need to get out of here, somewhere away.

He heard thunder but it wasn't raining, at least not yet. After about thirty minutes of walking he realized that he didn't know where he was going. He had just been walking aimlessly. All he knew was that tonight he couldn't stay in that house, it was no longer his house.

He heard a beeping noise coming from his backpack. He stopped and searched his pockets for the source when he finally came across his cell phone underneath his clothes. He had five missed calls, two from Jimmy, one from Paige, and another two from the Dot.

Shit! I completely forgot, idiot! he yelled to himself as he smacked his forehead. Yeah, that's all I need to lose my only source of money. Good going, Spin.

He didn't bother listening to his voicemails, nor did he bother calling anyone back. He was not in the mood to explain anything. He wasn't even sure he wanted anyone to know. His life was just starting to fall into place, he was back with his best friend, finishing school with good marks, and sure he lost Darcy, but he was still happy with his life. He was finally on track.

He knew his friends would be supportive, but he didn't want any pity or sympathy. He wanted to keep living his life before tonight. Everyone was happy, things were as perfect as they could possibly be….at least for how things usually went down with the Degrassi crew.

But where was he going to go now? He didn't want to go to Jimmy's, too many questions there. Same with Marco and Paige. He could only think of one person who he could count on to not ask questions…and maybe take the edge off his current pain.

He flipped open his phone and dialed a number he didn't know he still had memorized.

"Hello."

"Hey, it's Spinner."

"Huh…didn't expect to hear from you."

"Well, I just need to take my mind off…things. And I need a place to crash for the night. I know you're good for that."

"Welcome back buddy. I'll pick you up."

"I'm not home. Pick me up in front of Degrassi."

"Okay, be there in ten."

"Hey Jay…thanks," Spinner shut his phone and walked the last two blocks to Degrassi.

He didn't think Jay was as bad as everyone made him out to be. He did a lot of terrible things, but most of the time it was not in spite or to cause trouble. He was usually looking out for his best friend, whether he wanted to make sure his friend didn't get in trouble or he knew his friend wanted some action.

Okay, he does some pretty bad things. His drinking and drug use is not cool, but he is always willing to help his friends, Spinner rationalized with himself as he realized he was opening his world again to endless drama possibilities by befriending Jay…again.

No I'm not. Jay deserves my friendship. He totally just forgave me for fighting him and he's even letting me crash with him. That's a friend. As he continued to debate the deal with Jay a car slowly came to a stop in front of him.

The passenger side window rolled down, "Hey! Get in."

Spinner couldn't help but give a small smile, suddenly he knew that he wasn't going to be thinking about any of his worries tonight.

"Listen, Jay. I just…I just wanted to apologize for, well for everything messed up I said and-"

"Hey Spin, don't even sweat it. I get it. I got out of line, dude," Jay stated. He normally had trouble admitting when he was wrong, but truth be told he missed his friend. And he could admit, somewhere deep down, that he had a way of pushing things too far.

Spinner sighed in relief, he didn't need to worry right now. He was just going to pretend nothing major happened and have fun again. There was always tomorrow to worry.

"So what have you got in mind for tonight, eh?" Spinner smiled, putting all his effort into being happy and only concentrating on the night's events.

"Well it's been a while for you, but I'm sure you'll be happy to see what I've got in the glove box," Jay gestured for Spinner to open the glove compartment.

Inside it Spinner found a bag of – "Fun. I know you're thinking it."

"I don't know, Jay. I'm trying to put all this stuff behind me, ya know?" Spinner looked longingly at the small baggie full of blunts in front of him. He knew it was wrong, he knew it but he found himself not caring.

"You said you want to forget things. So, there you go. Dude, it's what you said you wanted."

"I didn't say I wanted drugs, Jay."

"Not in so many words. But you know what you were asking for," he glanced at his obviously troubled friend. Damnit, I have to be a real friend now. No more bullshitting. "Okay, Spinner. I realize that you wanna be a good 'Christian' boy now, but you obviously want to forget something. And that's all I know that can help...so you can take it or leave it."

Spinner looked up in surprise at Jay, who was pretending to be intensely concentrating on the road. He could tell that Jay was trying to be a good friend, and he couldn't have been more grateful. The others were great, amazing even. But they weren't like him, didn't understand him - not like Jay.

He knew as well as Jay did that he was asking for the tokens in his grip, he was asking for them the moment he opened the phone to dial Jay's number.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

There you go, the first installment. Leave me your thoughts, I'd love to read them. Thanks.