Edit: I really had to correct that one-shot. Really. Now it's way better.
When I saw Justin for the first time, I thought I saw a man brought to my life, the most precious gift I could ever receive. It was at one of these parties organized by my father's society. Yeah, Justin is the son of the associate of my father. We fell in love by the first sight, and I still remember this moment like it was yesterday. He got me by his warm smile of model, the way he looked at me and the way he talked, no one could ever do it well like him. I wasn't able to move, but I was dying to walk to him and tell him how I felt, but he did first and surprised me. He stepped to me with confidence and gave me his name, just as a dignified person would do shamelessly.
The party was over and Justin and his family left without leaving me his phone number. I knew I didn't like him that much after all he said during the evening, always talking about him and only himself. But, since my heart had recently broken and was trying to heal from a certain guy's mark, I was desperate to find a replacement so I convinced myself that I was falling for Justin. It was a big lie to myself. I even, to convince my parents, faked tears to supposedly 'show them how he showed me what it was to cry'. The worst was they believed me, as my dad was glad I could date a man with so much chances in the future, and he of course didn't have any objection against our relationship. We've dated for 3 wonderful years and married last year.
I've known Duncan since we were 11. He always has been a good friend of mine but I never expected him to know my true feelings. I loved him. I always did and it hasn't changed. Despite that, I knew I wouldn't have any chances with him since he was more attracted to what was bad and dangerous. A preppy schoolgirl like me wouldn't make him fall in love someday, I gave up when i realized it. I turned myself to Justin at the first occasion to forget about it.
But… Justin couldn't be that man I adored first! He doesn't seem to know, or seem to care what his heart is for... One day he loves me to death and the other he would rather have a lot of cash filling his pocket. And he was sneaking out to the casino to get more, risking and gaining more. The bad thing is Justin lost all the money his father gave him into hazard games, which made him barrow some from his friends and other people unmentionnable. Despite this, the model kept giving me blank cheques so I could go buy whatever I wanted. But he never really had that cash, and he should have known I didn't need expensive stuff to be happy.
He couldn't choose so he risked it all. All he did was a lie. He trapped me by showing the cash he never had. He is supposedly a model… Well, all I see is nothing looking honest. Late sneak outs, poker sites still on the computer screen, gone outs for the weekend, weird guys ringing at our door… I should have seen this. I realized it this afternoon, when some guys came to take back a part of our properties. When I looked his way, he weakly mumbled an apology and explained the whole story. He did a long summary but the thing is summed up in three words; all was false. I was speechless. I gawked as he made his way to the guys. I allowed myself to lie on the floor, like if I were dead, just trying to find peace where there wasn't. I knew I looked ridiculous, but I couldn't help but not care. Basically, there's nothing where he used to lie. What I was telling my friends in a conversation, even though I knew bills were multiplying, had run dry. Now I know that's what's going on, nothing's fine I'm torn!
I still remember a week before the wedding, Duncan had told me he didn't feel anything good about Justin's business. The delinquent sure wasn't well placed to talk about 'good and bad' but he seemed genuine and he never lied to me before. He said marrying Justin was the biggest mistake I could ever do. I didn't want to believe. I couldn't; all was too perfect and I silently needed to forget the punk.
"You'll regret."He whispered the day of the wedding, when I was parading in my pure white dress. A year later, I figure out my best friend was right.
I'm all out of faith, this is the only feeling I can feel. The living room was emptied a few hours ago and I'm cold and ashamed by that, lying on the floor, a tank top and a pair of daisy dukes on. That illusion of Justin, it never changed into something real. It's almost 1 in the morning, Justin's out again, and I'm wide awake. All I can see, staring at the ceiling, is the perfect sky I had is torn. Justin can't come and tell me it'll be fine. He's a little late, I'm already torn.
One month before the wedding, I have consulted a fortune teller. I usually don't believe in these things but Bridgette sorta forced me and it was in a carnival so I didn't really mind. Stepping into the narrow tent, I sat in front of her and wait for her to tell me some crap of hers. She grabbed my hand and the first thing she told me marked.
"Don't be blind but aware, young lady. Sometime, cleanness is dirtier than it seems."
Again, I thought that was ridiculous and didn't listen. So now I guess the fortune teller was right. I should have seen just what was there and not some holy light coming from nowhere. And all these promises he made me, all those secrets he told me, and the happy ending I should have? Well, maybe Duncan was right; it's by having expectations that we're always crushed easier. Now, I just don't care about Justin anymore. I want to live for myself now, and stop being the victim. I'm stronger than that.
I have no luck and I can say I don't miss it all that much. I mean, who would be pleased by all that stuff paid by dirty things? I will certainly not miss him that much. And there's so many things that I can't touch, I'm torn!
After a long reflection, I take a decision. I am not living that way anymore. I get up from the wooden floor and grab one of the only things left here: the phone. I dial the only number I can perfectly remember even after years. The tone passes and I finally hear that sleepy but comforting voice I certainly need.
"Hello?"Answers Duncan
I hold my breath and burst into tears, with panic in my voice.
"There's nothing where he used to lie. My inspiration has run dry. That's what's going on!"
"Courtney, calm down. It'll be fine." He says, trying to comfort, even though he clearly doesn't know what I am talking about.
"Nothing's fine, I'm torn! He lied to me, Duncan! H-He lied to me!"I stammered, making him figure out at the other end of the line what I am talking about.
We remain quiet after that. I've said everything I needed and he can't say anything else to convince me to come back to Justin. All I hope by now is Duncan saying he loves me as I do but that would come out of a sick daydream.
"Pack your suitcases, I'm coming."
At these words, I jump in excitement and hang up the phone. I make my way to our room, prepare myself and wait for the miracle to come.
Duncan's car pulls in the way and he walks out to ring at my door. Right when I open the door, we both have the same adrenalin spasm, the same reflex. I jump in his arms and we kiss passionately. He is as warm as the day of my wedding, when I said "I do" and kissed Justin but felt Duncan's lips crashing into mine. I wish I could erase that memory. As we depart, he looks deeply in my onyx eyes.
"I love you."
"I missed you."I said, feeling my hear beat faster than usual.
We smiled to each other and he grabs my cases to carry them to the car. When everything is in, he takes my hand and kisses me again. Before he could drag me out the house, I snatch that wedding picture on the wall.
"I'm coming. Just have something to do before."
He nods and steps out to the car. I make my way toward the kitchen counter, grab a pen and tear a sheet out of a notebook. I glance at the living room and I find hard to think that, not a while ago, I was bound and broken on the floor. Leaning against the artificial brick wall, I write in five minutes a note on the sheet and put it down on the floor next to the frame, in front of the door. I close the door and sigh deeply while joining Duncan, the man I truly love, and the only I ever will. I'm not whining or sad, in contrary.
When Justin will come back tomorrow, he'll find that note as he will figure out I am gone.
Gone forever.