Chapter 1- Letting go And Holding on.

He was just standing there, watching the one he loves fall apart. Listening to the sound of her heart breaking in front of him as she falls to her knees in a desperate plea. Her eyes are swollen with pain and her voice has turned to an angry cry to save the most important thing to both of them. Her hands are trembling. And with every single tremble his heart breaks more and more. Her cries are embedded in his head as he tries his best to act like he has it all together, knowing that he don't. Haley's on her knees begging him to take it back, praying that this whole conversation had just been a dream.

It was killing him to see the only woman he'll ever love fall apart and not be able to reach out and hold her, reassure her, kiss her, and do what he was born to do, make her happy. He wanted to do all of these things, but he couldn't because the thing that was causing her to be so heartbroken was him.

"Nathan Please! Please don't say that, baby please! Tell me you're not saying this..." She wanted to continue but her body has become too weak to even stand. Taking his hand in hers, she hauls herself up and looks in his eyes. And she can see it. The love, its there just like it has always been, so why is he standing in front of her now, and telling her its over, telling her he doesn't want to be with her anymore, telling her it "isn't going to work" if he loves her? Or... does he not feel the same way? After two amazing years, had it all been a lie? No... it couldn't have been, it was just a few hours ago she saw him and he was telling her how much he loved her, and now, he's being so cold...

"Haley, Im sorry, but, this is what I have to do, its what's best! Come on, please, stop this...don't cry, I wish It didn't have to be this way, but, it does, I don't Love- I mean, well, you know!" His eyes were filling up, he couldn't say it, he DID love her, and right here right now, he had to stand in front of her and tell her he doesn't. He didn't want to leave her, but he knew that this is what would be best for her in the long run. Just then he noticed that she had still had a tight grip on his hands and he could feel her tears fall on them. But it wasn't only her hands with the tight grip, and it wasn't only her tears falling. He let go, as quickly as possible, pushing her away, it was hard enough to see her, but to feel her next to him made it all harder.

"SAY IT NATHAN! IF YOU REALLY MEAN IT SAY IT!" Her cries had turned to shouts of anger. Just as she said this, the sky cracked open and the rain fell on their faces. Usually rain meant good things for them, the first time they made love it was in the rain, their first kiss was in the rain, their first reunion, and most romantic dates, took place in the rain... would it this time? Or was this really the end? "Im waiting Nathan, please..." She wished she could hold it together, be strong, because she knew he did love her, no matter what their love would always remain. But she couldn't, her heart was desperately aching for some clarification on what was going on. "Say it..."

Nathan ran his fingers through his hair and looked down and the trembling woman in front of him. T he night was getting cold and Haley began to shiver. They were both now soaked, and he just wanted to hold her, keep her warm, But no, it wasn't going to happen ever again. He struggled with the words, and looked away. Staring at the sky he noticed how clear it really was, there wasn't a cloud in sight, yet, it was raining, Nathan knew it was a sign for them, but he needed to deny it, because this is what Haley needed. He looked down at his feet, avoiding as much eye contact as possible. "I don't love you anymore, Haley, I... don't"

"No Nathan! LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND SAY IT!...if you really mean it, you can look me in the eye and say it-" her voice all of a sudden turned to a whisper. But it was a whisper filled with hope and confidence, because she knew he couldn't.

Nathan looked deep into her brown eyes and saw what could have been their whole future. But it wasn't possible anymore, it was nothing more than a vague dream that he would always desperately want to come true. " I don't- I- I CAN'T SAY IT HALEY! I CAN'T OKAY!" Tears poured down his cheeks and he prayed Haley wouldn't be able to pick them out from all the rain.

Haley's heart sank and she ran over to him, wrapping her arms around his stomach and holding on to him with every bit of strength she had in her body. She sobbed into his chest and he couldn't help but hold her for one last time. " I knew you couldn't say it, I knew it..." She looked up at him and smiled, her face full of hope, a hope that he would once again have to shatter.

"Haley, I still can't be with you anymore...I cant do it..." He watched her as her face dropped. Her brown eyes became full of tears once again and her chin quivered. Her pain was written in her eyes. He could see everything in her eyes, but this is one thing he never wanted to see...

"You love me Nathan, and I love you, why are you doing this? I don't understand! You're not doing this, you can't! Whatever it is, it'll be okay..." She looked at him desperately, and searched his face for something to hold on to. But there was nothing there.

"No Haley, it's not going to be okay! Im sorry baby... I think I should go now..." He turn to leave but she grabbed his hand. She spun him around and latched her face onto his. Their eyes met for a split second before their lips. It had been the most passionate, desperate kiss either of them had ever experienced. And Haley prayed it would be more than a goodbye kiss.

"No Haley! Don't do this!" He couldn't handle kissing her, knowing it would be the last time their lips would meet.

"NO NATHAN! Don't you do this... Don't leave me! Is it something I did? Im sorry for whatever it is! I'll change! I'll do whatever it takes! Is it the music? Because I'll let it all go! I'll do anything for you Nathan, just.. Please! We have a future together! You know we do! What made you change your mind about that?"

" Haley I can't give you the things you need! I can't give you the future you deserve! I can't! If I could I'd give it all to you, and more, but I can't! You have so much you can do with your life, and Im holding you back from that. If you spend your life with me, You'll be home alone while Im on the road with the team. You deserve someone who can put you before anything else, and I wish I could be that someone Haley! BUT I CAN'T! I'd do anything for you Haley, I'd give you anything you ever wanted, only if I could... but I don't want you to be lonely. I want you to come first. YOU DO COME FIRST! You're my whole world Haley. You're the only reason I even want to wake up! So that's what im doing! Im putting you first! If I let you go now, someone else will be able to put you first for the rest of your life. It's what you deserve! OH GOD HALEY! I wish I could be that someone, But I can't. Im sorry... I wish there was something I could do to make this easier..."

"Nathan I don't care about all of those things! I just want to be with you!"

"Im sorry Haley, but... I just... can't..."

"How am I supposed to live without you? HUH? HOW? I CAN'T NATHAN! ITS NOT POSSIBLE! I CAN'T! I WONT! Oh God Nathan.. I can't go on without you! I Love You!"

Nathan knew I was time to leave, he couldn't stand to leave her like this, but he was determined for her to get the life she deserved. As he turned to walk away, his feet felt heavy, as did his heart. Turning for one more look at what he was leaving behind, he saw the one he loved, on her knees, trembling and sobbing. Her face with covered in pain. But he knew she'd get over it, but he also knew he wouldn't. He was going to make her think he did, so that she would be able to move on to. No matter how much he was really aching inside, he was going to act happy, so that she could act happy. He knew the rest of his life would be filled with girls who would just be substitutes for her. He knew he'd never be able to become committed to anyone like he was to her. But he also knew that she would... and that she'd be strong, and she's move on, even if it meant he's be miserable for the rest of his life. " I love you Haley James" he slowly turned and before Haley could stop him, he was gone.

Then it hit her, he was really serious, he didn't want to be with her anymore, and no matter what he thought, she's never be able to love anyone like she does him, she's never move on, she'd never be happy. She knew the rest of her life would be filled with guys who would be substitutes for Nathan. And she knew she'd be wishing she were with him. And the very last thing she knew, is she wasn't strong enough... and she couldn't do it...he was letting go, but she was going to be holding on forever.