A/N: Howdy, y'all! Here it is: the sequel to Only Time. If you haven't read the first story, I would strongly recommend that you do. Otherwise, bits of the story may seem quite confusing. I'm very sorry about the wait, but I'm also very glad that its here at last. I decided to mix things up a bit, so every other chapter will be written from Mika's POV, and every other chapter from Raizo's. I'm anxious to hear what you guys think. Please read, review, and enjoy~
Lost Without You
Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune.
- William James
Chapter 1: Acceptance
Her head was leaned against the window—cold glass numbing her forehead. Rain slithered down the glass, pooled on the window sill, and eventually spilled over the edge and dripped onto the sidewalk several feet below. Chestnut brown eyes gazed with indifference as sheets of rain covered everything within her range of sight with beads of water. The sun was blotted out by abysmal gray clouds, swathing her limp form and her room in an equally gray, dim light.
She felt cold.
Her joints hurt. Her muscles hurt. Her heart hurt.
She closed her eyes. She could see him, she could see them, lounging at the bank of the lake. Together. Happy.
Happy, she thought. Something I have not felt in a long, long time.
As much as she wanted to hate him, as much as she wanted to blame him for everything that had happened, she couldn't. In fact, she hated herself and blamed herself. So many nights…so many nights she had cried herself to sleep. Then, the searing pain in her chest that was characteristic of heart break would rouse her. And she would cry herself to sleep yet again. It was a vicious, never-ending cycle. Her days were filled with emptiness. She rarely ate and even more scarcely left the sanctity of her home. When she was not curled in the fetal position on her bed, she could be found on the window-seat of her room, head against the glass and eyes void of emotion.
It…it hurts… Her body went through a violent shudder and she wrapped her arms around herself. It hurts so much! She clenched her eyes shut. Tears squeezed through her tightly-sealed eyelids and slid down her cocoa skin. She continued to shudder and tremor, the tears continued to roll. After a few moments, sleep embraced her. And, as was customary, she did not dream. How could she? There was no hope, no happiness—nothing to dream about, nothing to hope for, nothing to care for.
Nothing.
It took some work to get her eyes to open. They didn't take long to adjust to the light for it was well into the evening when she awoke. The dried, saline streaks on her cheeks irritated her skin, so she rubbed at her face with the back of her hand.
"You awake?"
She did not jump at the sudden sound. She merely took in a long, deep breath and released it with a loud sigh. "Unfortunately."
"How are you doing?" he asked.
"Never been worse. You?" Her voice was hoarse from disuse.
Ryan frowned and looked at the back of her head with sympathy in his eyes. Every day he let himself in and asked her the same question. Every day he received the same answer. It had been one month and two weeks since she returned home. He knew that she had been hurting, but he thought that in a couple weeks' time she would be better. Perhaps not as saucy and vibrant as she had been, but…alive. If she didn't sniffle every now and again or give the occasional sigh, she looked just like a lifeless body.
For the first two weeks he swung by and greeted her cheerfully, spoke consoling words, and tried his darndest to comfort her. But her mind seemed impregnable. She simply couldn't be reached. Initially, he whole-heartedly believed that she would get through this. That she would get that heart-crushing bastard out of her head. Now…? Now he was beginning to think: would she ever be okay?
They sat in silence for a spell as Ryan reflected. After a while, he spoke up. "Mika, I know that you're feeling sad and depressed—"
"'Sad and depressed' doesn't even begin to cover it," she interjected.
"…but, you need to get out of the house," he resumed. "It'll be good for you. You need some nice, fresh air. And, quite frankly, your compensation from Europol is almost up. You do realize that after this year, the payments stop, right?"
"I'm aware," she said coldly. Painfully aware. She had lost her job because she vanished for two months. She hadn't sent in any word as to where she was and why she left. She was just gone. Ryan covered for her for as long as he could, but he could only make up excuses for so long. What had she been doing? She had been running around with him and the Tanjao. With Raizo…
"Well, I think now's the time to get a job and start saving up."
She scoffed and laughed. "A job? What the hell am I supposed to do, Ryan? Bust tables at some dead-end diner; pick up peoples' trash for the rest of my life?"
"Those are perfectly respectable jobs." The corners of his mouth twitched with the hint of a smile.
She kissed her teeth and glared out the window.
"I only kid, Mika. I've been asking around and I found a guy who can get you a job with law enforcement."
She didn't speak.
"I know, it's a stretch," he continued, "but it's not that far of a leap from what you did with Eurpol. Instead of chasing ninjas, you'll just be chasing bad guys."
She cringed.
"Oh, sorry." He forgot that even the mention of the assassins reminded her of Raizo.
She shook her head. "It's ok. Go on."
"So, the benefits are pretty good and you would still be making the same salary. You'd only have to work Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays, and you'd get a pension plan. Of course, you'll have to go through some training, but I talked to the Chief and you'll only have to do about two months compared to the normal two years." He paused and allowed the information to sink in. "So…what do you think?"
She was silent. All that could be heard was the lyrical pit-pat-pit-pat of the rain outside.
"When would I start?"
"Tomorrow."
"Tomorrow?!" she shrieked. She turned around and faced him for the first time that evening. "How could I possibly start tomorrow?"
"Well, you'd get up, eat some breakfast, possibly take a shower, get dressed…"
"Ryan!"
"Look, I understand that you're still in a lot of pain, but holing yourself up in your room isn't going to make things any better. You need to get out of this shell of an apartment and meet people! Make some friends, go out and have a good time!"
Mika rolled her eyes and turned back around, resuming her former position—eyes watching as water slid down the glass of the window. "I don't want friends, I don't want to have a good time."
"And why's that?" Ryan asked dryly.
"Because I can't trust them," she murmured. "H-How do I know they…they won't betray me too?" She could feel the tears coming on again.
"You trust me don't you?"
"…Yes. Yes, I trust you. You're the only one I have left. Do you intend on abusing my trust too?"
"Damnit, Mika, I'm sick of this! Would you stop feeling sorry for yourself for one Goddamn minute and open your eyes? There are plenty of good, genuine people out there. People that won't hurt you like he did. People like me."
She merely blinked.
"And, you know, I am really offended that you would even think that. Abuse your trust? I've known you for seven years, Mika, and you've been my best friend for all of them. Have I ever hurt you? Answer me!"
"No," she said feebly.
"Have I ever betrayed you?"
"No."
"Exactly. So don't you ever say that again. I love you, you know it, and you'd better not forget it."
Mika closed her eyes and sighed. He was right. "…Okay…but just one more thing."
"What?"
"What time will you pick me up tomorrow?"
Ryan swore and muttered underneath his breath. "For the love of—MIKA! Get your lazy ass out of bed!"
Said female moaned and grumbled underneath the covers.
"For Christ's sake, woman, are you really going to be late for your first day on the job? Get up!"
"Ugh, no," she whined, "tell them I died in a train accident or something."
Ryan glared at the mass on the bed and shook his head.
"Alright. You've left me no choice." She heard the sound of his heavy footsteps fade as he exited the room and waltzed down the hallway.
Mika opened her eyes and listened carefully. What on earth was he planning? She strained her ears for any source of sound. Nothing. Mika shrugged and snuggled closer to her pillow. Maybe he left. Finally. That ornery old coot.
A few minutes later…
"AAAIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EE!" Mika screeched, shot out from underneath the covers, and flopped onto the floor. She was completely drenched and shivering. "What the fuck, Ryan?!"
"I told you to get up," he said with a smug smirk.
"Well you didn't have to throw a pitcher of ice water on me!"
"Apparently I did, you lazy arse. You wouldn't have gotten out of bed otherwise."
She shrugged. "Eh…"
"Well, that takes care of your shower. Go get changed and brush your teeth. I've got some bagels and coffee waiting in the car."
"Whatever you say, Dad."
Ryan glared.
"I'm still pissed off, by the way."
The male waived her off and smiled. "Please, you're too manically depressed to do anything about it."
"Maybe so, but I'll get you back—oh just you wait."
"And here's your office. It's small, I know, but you'll hardly be here. I'm putting you on patrol. That sound good?"
Mika glanced up at Ryan with a 'bored-to-death' look in her eyes.
"She thinks its fine," Ryan said with a smile.
The Chief returned his smile, though he looked a bit uneasy. He nodded his head and left the two to Mika's new cubicle. Mika flopped down in her chair and promptly slammed her head down on her desk. "Ryan," she slurred, lips pressed against the smooth surface of her desk.
"What?"
"I don't wanna do this."
Ryan rolled his eyes. "What you want doesn't matter. What matters is what you need and what you need is this job."
"What I NEED is a couple shots of bourbon."
"So you're a drunkard now?"
"No, but I'm thinkin' about it."
"Ugh. I don't know what to do with you.
"Take me home?" she asked—hopeful.
"Sure. After your twelve-hour shift is up."
Mika raised her head so fast she almost got a nosebleed. "My twelve-hour what?"
Ryan smirked. "You heard me."
"You little—"
"Hey, Corretti, sorry to interrupt, but it's time to begin your training."
Mika withheld the urge to roll her eyes. "Yes sir, Chief." As she trudged out of her cubicle, following the uniformed male, the brunette pointed a menacing finger at Ryan and glared. That combination translated as: Just wait until I get my hands on you.
As soon as she entered her room, she kicked off her shoes, threw her bag into the corner, and jumped onto the bed. Mika curled into the fetal position and snuggled close to her pillow. She mumbled something incoherent against the pillow.
"What was that?" Ryan asked.
She lifted her head and growled, "I said: 'today sucked'."
"Oh, please. I'm sure it wasn't that bad."
"You know what, Ryan, you're right! Compared to what the rest of my week looks like, today was a cake walk." Mika rolled her eyes and pressed her face into the blankets.
"What does the rest of your week look like?"
Mika sat up and crossed her arms over her chest. "Well, tomorrow I get to suffer through what they call 'conditioning'. Do you know what conditioning is, Ryan," she spat.
Said male rolled his eyes. "No, but I'm pretty sure you're going to tell me."
"It's when you have to learn to use the weapons you've been issued and said weapons are used on you so you know exactly what you're inflicting on other people."
"Oh…"
"Yeah," Mika snapped and buried her face in her pillow once again.
"Well, it'll only last for one day, right? You'll get over it."
Mika raised her hand and flicked him off in response.
Ryan rolled his eyes and smiled. "Love you too, sweetheart. See ya later." With that, he exited her room and left.
Once she heard the front door click shut and the lock slide into place, she slowly lifted her head. A deep sigh escaped her lips. She sat up with her legs crossed, her elbows propped up on her thighs and her head supported by two fists under her chin. "Life as a cop is gonna suck," she said to the air. Everything seemed so pointless. She didn't want to work, let alone get out of bed in the morning. And why should she? She had no motivation. Nothing at all to keep her going or make her want to care.
His name floated through her mind like a leaf in the wind. Raizo. Her one, her only, her true love. The same Raizo who took her life, the same Raizo that gave it right back. The same Raizo she finally got to admit he loved her, the same Raizo who said they should be apart. And although Mika could see the logic in what he said that night, about staying away from each other for a while…it still hurt. A lot.
Suddenly, Mika perked up. There was one good thing that would come out of being a cop.
She would have a gun.
Two months later…
"Herzlichen Glückwunsch Klasse von 2012. Sie sind jetzt offizielle Polizeianwärter. Dienen Ihrer Zustand gut."
Applause filled the room. "Congratulations class of 2012," the Chief translated, "You are now official police recruits. Serve your State well." With that, the commencement speech ended and everyone stood up and cheered. Everyone sans Mika.
The people promptly rose and went straight for the refreshments. The Chief stepped down from the podium and approached Mika who was now the only one left seated. "Corretti. You don't seem to share the same enthusiasm as the rest of the officers. What's the matter?"
She shook her head. "It's nothing, Chief."
"Cut the crap, Corretti. I've been around a long time, so there's no sense in lying to me."
Mika looked up at his face. It was tanned and weathered like old, worn out leather and was creased and wrinkled from years of smiling and stress. He had hazel eyes and sported a bald head quite well. She smiled for what felt like the first time. "I'm just...going through some hard times."
"Oh really?" The older male grunted as he took a seat next to her. "Guess that makes two of us." His laugh was hardy and loud. "Look, we all have good times and we all have bad times. But you know what a dear old friend of mine once said to me?"
"What?"
"He said: 'the bitter tastes in life make the sweet ones that much sweeter.' Isn't that nice?"
"Hm… I like that."
The Chief smiled and rested a hand on her shoulder. "Any time you need to talk, I'm here for you. Now, usually I don't extend this privilege to everyone," he smirked, "but, when I look at you, well, I honestly see some of myself. And back when I was a young guy, I was going through some tough times too. But an old fellow like myself promised to be there for me and, well, if it wasn't for that reassurance…let's just say I might not be here right now." He took a deep breath and sighed. "So, I'm passing it forward, doing my part; returning the good he's done for me."
Mike gazed up into his eyes and nodded. "Thanks, Chief. I appreciate it."
"Sure thing, kid." The Chief of Police got up, stretched his arms, and waltzed out of the auditorium—leaving Mika alone in a sea of empty chairs. She tilted her head back and focused her eyes on the crystal chandelier above. Maybe being a cop won't be so bad after all.
Then, once again, her mind drifted to Raizo—the man she thought was the love of her life. She didn't clench her eyes closed. She did not feel tears rolling down her cheek. All she felt was a dull, throbbing pain right in the middle of her heart. She was sick of crying over someone who obviously didn't love her. Sick of hoping for him to come back. Sick of believing that what he said before they parted ways was true—that they would meet again. She knew that was a lie and was tired of pretending it was the truth.
She was going to, at last, take Ryan's advice and venture out into the world. Make some friends, laugh a little, and have some fun. Lord knows when she would be able to trust again, but she was okay with that. She would survive.
Mika Corretti was finally ready to let go.