from green to blue to gold to black
Characters: Miles, Miles' wife
Summary: Her changing colours fascinate him.
Companion: one-eyed omniscience
Dedication: Rhyo
The first time Lawrence Miles meets Nerissa Hamilton is a coincidence. He has been sent to his superior's house to deliver an important report. She opens the door, a fifteen-year-old whirlwind of gold and green. She shines so bright in the sunlight that he believes her to be an angel because only an angel can shine like this.
She is all sunlight and carelessness, a midsummer night's dream of optimism and beauty – because he cannot deny that she is most likely the most beautiful and elegant being his eyes have ever seen. She moves in the awkward yet graceful stride of someone who has yet to grow into a new, taller body but somehow, this awkwardness does not harm her grace.
"I am Nerissa, Peter Hamilton's daughter," she tells him and he knows that he will never forget this name because this name fits her. Nerissa, goddess of seas, goddess of oceans – beautiful queen over the most dangerous element on this planet. It fits her because she is dangerous too. There is a glint in her eyes, mischievous and undoubtedly dangerous – and yet, so intriguing that for a moment, he forgets why he has come in first place.
"Cadet Miles, Lawrence Miles," he finally manages to say. "Is your father in, Miss Hamilton?"
She bites her lip. "I am sorry but he and my sisters are out in town to buy presents for my upcoming graduation," she says in an apologetic voice. "You can come in and wait for him here."
He gratefully accepts her offer and follows her into the wide garden where the sun and the flowers create a scene fitting for the HeavenlyGardens. "It's nice around here," he compliments.
She chuckles. "Well, dad is a lieutenant general – he gets a decent pay," she shrugs as she pours lemonade into two glasses. "It might be a little bit too warm but I can cool it down again," she says before a flash of light flickers and leaves the drink partially frozen. "Oops."
"So, you are an alchemist like your father?" he asks politely.
"All of us are," she replies. "I am not as good as my father, though."
They amiably chat for a few hours until the general returns and their ways part as Nerissa heads upstairs with her sisters while he stays downstairs, talking with her father.
And even though their meeting is short and over before it even begins, he cannot stop thinking about the princess of green and sunlight for the next few weeks.
The next time they meet, she is different. Her dress is blue with golden hems and she towers behind her father as they visit the north. Any normal woman would have respected the cold climate and would have worn something different, something warmer but there she strides, dressed in a blue dress and a light coat. She is no longer the princess of green and sunlight. She is no longer tender. When she touches someone, her movements are still fluid but her touches are no longer gingerly; she is no longer scared of breaking something. She reminds him of a blade, someone to cut down her enemies, a dusty Athena, proud and strong. Her words are calculated now. She is not the little girl she used to be anymore. Her eyes tell the tale of despair and glory and yet, she is still a lady to the bone, a lady of war.
Beneath her bang shines an eye patch and even though he approaches her from her blind spot, she still turns her head and smiles at him. "It has been a while, Major Miles," she says as she nods at him. "I see that you rose in the ranks since the last time we have met."
"With the war going on…" he replies with a shrug. "What have you been doing since then?"
"I have been travelling for a while. Actually, I am just visiting dad and that's why I am here. Don't worry, I am not planning to check whether there are any ways for me to get past Briggs to discover Drachma all on my own – I promised Kay that I'd behave," she replied and her grin was all green and sunshine again. "Plus, I just came home from Xing."
"And that basically means that you are not pursuing a normal career at the age of nineteen?" he asks, wondering whether she will tell him about her eye.
She laughs. "I have been writing and modelling for a few months but that's not the right thing for me. When I travel, I don't have to care about my family's reputation. I can work with Xingese farmers on their rice fields and drink sake with them once the work is done. It's amazing."
"And yet, you somehow lost your eye…"
"I got into an argument with my mother and refused to dodge," she explains as she looks around. "This is really a nice place … maybe I should invest the many from my last book into a flat in NorthCity – or perhaps, we still got a flat over here."
"I heard rumours that your sister might be transferred to NorthCity…"
"Which one?" she asks with an impish smirk. "I got three and they are all younger than me. But I guess that you mean Serena. Dad would never let go of Kay seeing that she is basically booked for the position as his second-in-command once this crazy war is over and no one with a last bit of sanity and common sense would let go of a healer of Lynn's ability."
"If you really come to live in NorthCity, we should try to meet more frequently," he suggests. "It has been a while since I met someone as interesting and unconventional as you, Miss Hamilton."
"Nerissa," she corrects with a soft line around her mouth. "Miss Hamilton suggests that I'd be some prim and proper lady and we both know that this isn't like me at all."
"Nerissa, then," he says and wonders why this name rolls of his tongue as if he has spoken hundreds of times before, maybe in a former life.
She laughs again, summer wrapped in green and gold, before she waves and hurries away as her father calls her and she dutifully returns to his side because she is fiercely loyal to him.
"You got it bad, huh?" Buccaneer asks with a wide smirk. "She looks pretty so it's okay even though she's supposedly smarter than most of those wimpy state alchemists…"
He rolls his eyes. "She's pretty much the most decent person other than the queen I've met in a very long time," he answers after a moment. "Her father's supposed to be a fine man as well."
"Half-cretan," the doctor supplies helpfully. "They don't bother with races and so on."
He has not even wanted to attend but is happy that he has come the very second he sees her golden hair, hair that looks like woven sunlight – a metaphor he has read somewhere in a collection of poems, a book Buccaneer has borrowed him. She looks like a fairy as she twirls through the room, talking with important generals and steadily makes her way over to him before she collapses without any grace on the chair next to his.
"Another compliment about my sisters and I will freeze this entire party," she mutters under her breath and for the first time he wonders, how she feels because she is the odd one out, the only one among her sisters who has never bothered to achieve a state alchemist qualification or to pursue a respectable career. She travels and works as an artist when the inspiration strikes.
"Are they really this bad?" he asks amused as he hands her a glass of champagne.
"Worse," she says as she thoughtfully twirls the glass between her lithe fingers. "A few of them even asked me about my eye patch and wanted to see the scar … disgusting little fools."
"Maybe you should tell them that you are a pirate queen," he suggests with an amused smirk.
She rolls her eye, probably both but he cannot see the second one. "Why, Major, you have quite an interesting sense of humour," she chuckles. "You are telling me to make fun of higher-ups…"
"Don't tell on me, will you?" he says with a wink and wonders why it is so easy to talk with her. She has sharp wits under all those golden strands and he knows that her lack of an impressing career is more due to her lack of interest than due to a lack of skill. She is funny and kind even though she still resembles a lady of war with her eye patch and the fact that there are always concealed weapons, most likely knives on her.
Maybe he should not have drunken so much, he thinks. His head aches and there is someone else in the bed and this is really the last thing he has ever asked for because such things only mean trouble and hell, he has had enough trouble for an entire lifetime lately. They are both fully dressed and this is good because everything else would have been quite disturbing. She groans and turns her head, a lazy smirk that turns into a sudden expression of shock when she catches sight of him because she has not expected him to be there or so it seems.
"Uh-oh," she mutters and adds something that sounds like "It's too fucking early for this".
He shares this sentiment but he has to say something. "I apologise, Miss Hamilton," he quickly says after regaining the ability to speak.
She laughs and sits up. "I think that I got to apologise, Major," she says amused. "I am really sorry for dragging you into this mess. Looks like I am still clumsy as hell when intoxicated. Ah well, coffee?" she asks as she reaches for her eye patch that lies on the nightstand. "Gotcha," she says with the same carefree grin he has always liked about her.
"Coffee would be nice but for me, you don't have to wear the eye patch," he replies.
She looks at him from her visible eye as she twirls a strand of hair around her finger. "The scar looks nasty," she warns him but he merely brushes away her bang that covered the eye. Indeed, the scar looks not as attractive as battle scars are described in novels but it is not all that ugly either. The red gash reaches from her eyebrow to the inner corner of her eye and it wider than he would have guessed. Then again, this scar has been caused by a state alchemist and they are known for doing things properly. He gingerly traces the scar, commits it to his memory while her hand is wrapped around his wrist, guiding him.
"I see," he says after a moment. "It … fits you. It belongs to you. It's part of your story."
Relief ghosts over her face as trust and faith shine in her eyes before she smiles a nice smile and not her overdone-beauty-queen-one and then, their lips meet. None of them will ever be able to say who has leaned in first but since their actions continue to be timed perfectly because they are connected somehow, they never have to try to figure it out because chances are high that they have leaned in at the same time anyway. And so, Lawrence Miles will remember that day, no, morning of golden hair that reminds him of woven sunlight for the rest of his life.
White is a colour he has never associated with her until she appears in the small office of NorthCity's registrar. She sheds her woollen coat on one of the empty chairs and twirls down the aisle – both eyes visible for once and the red scar covered under thick layers of makeup. Her dress reaches to her knees where it billows as she walks and the tight bodice glitters with pearls and crystals. She has braided her hair and secured it on the back of her head in a neat bun that glitters as well because she has about eighty little pins hidden in her hair.
"Sorry for the delay," she says breathlessly, dragging an older, red-haired lady behind her. For a moment, he assumes the stranger to be her aunt, then she goes ahead and tells him that this is her alchemy teacher, Catherina D'Artagan, who is also her father's closest friends.
"It's a pleasure to meet you," he says and bows his head.
"How could I not attend my goddaughter's wedding?" she laughs with the same carefree attitude Nerissa has too. "Go ahead, good sir," she tells the frozen registrar with a good-natured glint in her eyes. Catherina is not soft and tender but she cares all the same and so he likes her.
A few minutes and signatures later, Nerissa and Lawrence are wife and husband and he wonders how this could be because Nerissa is such a free spirit and does not seem to be meant to be anybody's wife because this will bind her, the independent soul, to another person.
Instead of asking, he just says "Nice dress" and she starts to laugh. "It belongs to Cathy," she explains as she grabs her godmother's hand. "She was betrothed once but cut those ties."
"Not half as much as most people would assume," the redhead mutters under her breath before her eyes gleam dangerously in the northern sunlight. "Don't go and mock me," she simply says.
"C'mon, it is funny," Nerissa smirks but her eyes are strangely guarded as well and he makes the mental note to ask her later about what the hell is going on there.
In a way, Nerissa is like the Briggs – beautiful (especially in winter when everything is black, white, gold and blue), strong and dangerous. Some call her a spider because she spins her thin webs with utmost care and still manages to catch everyone she deems worthy enough to be caught by her charms. Her smirk is the embodiment of danger and her oh so innocent blue eyes – plural because they are both visible for once and the scar is covered under thick layers of makeup – are just as deceitful.
He realises that all of this as she amiably chats with her sisters who have sneaked her into this party and who are just as dangerous and pretty as she is. Her twin, Kay, towers over quite a few of the present men because she is tall and she wears heels while her younger sisters look strangely angelic in their blue dresses. Nerissa does not bother with blue or looking angelic. She wears a red dress and her hair falls in smaller braids over her shoulders and onto her back. She looks exotic and beautiful and she knows it. A fan – definitively from Xing – is closed in her left hand as the right one toys with her necklace, probably something that has been passed down from her ancestors to her, some jewellery that is worth more than his yearly income.
Her shoulders are relaxed or at least, they seem to be. He has long realised that even her body language lies sometimes because she has better self-control than most and she has learned how to lie and not get caught and so neither her face nor the rest of her body can betray her when she lies.
She finally approaches him after biding goodbye to her sisters and she is a vision in crimson and gold as she dances towards him, steps light and soft but filled with a purpose, an intend.
"Miss Hamilton," he says with a wink. "Say, how are you on this nice evening?"
She rolls her eyes. "Quite well, Major Miles," she says teasingly. "I was just telling my sisters that you look absolutely dashing tonight and so I decided to come over and tell you this in person before Serena makes a public announcement out of this."
He chuckles. This was their game. In order to prevent someone else to find out about them – and their secrecy has many reasons, her paranoia is just one among many – they have started to attend the same parties but they never arrive or leave together. She is also never his official date – which has brought him many embarrassing conversations with Buccaneer about how he should man up and ask her out – because she comes with her sisters and leaves alone.
"I can't imagine that Major Hamilton would do such a foul thing," he says amused while he knows that such a thing is very likely to happen when her youngest sister is involved.
"Never underestimate the girl who once snapped at a robber and make him leave without any cash. She is scary when she is mad."
"Just like you, then."
She looks older, wiser and yet more beautiful than ever before the day she returns from another journey to Xing. Her skin is slightly tanned which is quite a surprising sight because he lives and works in the realm of eternal winter and she glows. He catches her off-guard when he opens to door of their house because he is a day early and she has not been supposed to be back yet but she gracefully keeps herself from yelping.
"You came back early," he remarks with a shrug as he removes his sunglasses to rest them next to her eye patch. "I didn't expect you back for the next few weeks."
She smiles uneasily as she sips on her tea. "Well, certain circumstances came up and I decided to return before I finished my research in Xing," she says as she mentions towards the couch. "You might want to sit down before I tell you what's going on at the moment," she adds as she rests her mug on the table. "Okay, here we go," she starts as she sits down next to him. "I'm pregnant."
And everything falls into place.
Of course she is pregnant because only the wellbeing of another person would convince her to stop a journey through a potentially dangerous country like Xing. He knows that she can defend herself just fine but at the same time, he cannot help but be worried for her safety. But she is a free spirit and he has never tried to cage her because she has suffered long enough and because he loves her so damn much that it sometimes hurts when he tries to sleep and misses her by his side and yet, he loves her enough to let her be free because she is only happy when she is free and her happiness is more important to him than to have her around him all the time.
"Okay," he says with a short nod. "Um, did you … see a doctor about this?"
She nods. "I collapsed in a Xingese temple," she tells him with a deep blush. "I guess I scared the hell out of a few monks but they brought me to their local healer who just looked at me before she told me that I am pregnant. When I got back and I made the detour via Xerxes because it was simply closer, I stopped by in SouthCity and had a doctor checking on me. It looks like both me and the baby are fine … I just had to make up a lie when I ran into Lieutenant Colonel Tempest."
He frowns because he has met the Lieutenant Colonel a few times before – ironically never because of a work-related issue – and so he knows that it basically impossible to lie to her in a way that fails to make her suspicious. "Well, there are worse people you could have met," he says.
She rolls her eyes as she wraps his arm around her shoulders. "As long as she doesn't tell Lynn, I should be fine," she says amused as her eyes flutter and close. "God, I am so tired."
"You should sleep, then," he says as he wraps the blanket around her. "I mean, you probably just arrived a few minutes before I came home."
She chuckles as she rests her head against his chest. "It's nice to be home," she mutters.
"I couldn't agree more with you."
She looks exhausted but happy and content with life and the world as those Southern doctors finally allow him to enter her room. Her hair is braided and she wears a pink nightgown which is as un-Nerissa-like as a life as a completely normal housewife. Her twin sits on the chair next to her but raises as he comes in. "I have to report back for nightshift," she says as she kisses Nerissa's forehead. "Plus, I got report back to dad and Laila … and someone has to call Lynn and Rena. I guess that I can do all of this so you can relax for once."
Nerissa smiles tiredly up at her. "Thanks, Kay," she says calmly. "Remember to call Cathy, too."
"How could I forget her?" the general laughs as she heads for the door. "They sedated her with the good stuff," she tells him as she passes him. "Lynn will freak out at that."
Sadly enough, he has long started to understand the strange dynamics among the sisters, Kay and Nerissa are one unit while Lynn and Serena are the other team and so, the both sides constantly make fun of each other. Well, Lynn and Kay are the main players because mocking would require speaking and Serena has a problem with that at times – yet she is among the best leaders of the entire army because she takes the time to consider her actions carefully. He thus knows about Lynn's resent towards all medication she deems as unnecessary and seeing that she has given birth to twins without any painkillers because she has this resentment, he might agree with her that it was at least possible.
"Call me before she arrives so that I can hide under Nerissa's bed," he says amused.
"Sorry, buddy, but that place will be taken," she winks before she disappears.
"It's good that you and Kay get along," Nerissa remarks from her bed with a goofy smile. "I have always worried that she might resent you just for being my spouse. She is protective over me – we all protect each other from harm after all."
He nods because he knows that they used to depend on each other when they were children. "So, can I hold her now as well?" he asks as he holds out his arms.
"Certainly," she says as she passes the pink bundle over to him. "I am surprised that you are already here. I thought that your boss wouldn't let you leave."
"She seemed to have second thoughts but then, your sister called and after a little rant and a few well-chosen threats, the major general was actually keen on letting me leave," he replies as he looks at their daughter. She is small but then again, she has been two weeks early, surprising her mother who has been visiting her twin in South City when she has gone into labour. On her head, messy hair in the oddest shade of silvery red and gold was busily raising her 'cuteness' and her eyes had the same shade of purple her aunt's and cousin's eyes have.
"There are threats that work on her?" Nerissa asks as her eyebrow forms an arc of confusion.
"Yes," he nods as he pokes his daughter's cheek. "I think it was something about revoking any rights the major general has to see Victoria and you know how much she likes the kid."
He remembers the chaotic midwinter celebration where his superior has been a little bit too drunk just too well to ignore the way the tiny witch has wrapped the stoic woman around her little finger. It is rare enough that Olivier Armstrong tolerates someone and even rarer that she allows someone to sleep in her bed and invade her personal space but during midwinter, it has seemed like she has no personal space when it comes to her godchild.
"Ouch," Nerissa says with an amused grin. "Well, she should have known better than to make it this obvious that she likes Victoria enough to be bothered when she cannot meet the little imp anymore. Lynn has been in Investigation long enough to know how to blackmail and bribe."
"Talking of kids, what's her name?" he asks because she has never said anything about this because of the complicated naming rules in her family.
"Sarai," she replies and he is surprised because this is an old, Ishbalan name. "Sarai Catherina."
"My grandmother's name was Sarai," he says as he rocks the child back and forth. "Thank you."
She smiles before she leans over to kiss him. "No big deal," she says but they both hear the lie.
Sarai sleeps in her cradle, an ancient heirloom Nerissa's father has given her because she is still his oldest daughter, and Nerissa sits on the windowsill, an open sketch book on her knees. He has rarely seen her drawings because she does not like to show them off but he knows that they are beautiful because the chaotic midwinter has ended with an explosion when Kay and a few others have gone to blow up a warehouse where Nerissa's old work has been stored to be sold.
"Listen," he says, his voice nearly breaking because he knows that she will hate what he has to say. "Um, it's safe to say that it will be hell in Amestris soon enough. So, um, grab Sarai and get the hell out of here. You can go to … Creta or to Drachma, just get out of Amestris."
"My father told me the same thing," she replies as she lifts her gaze. "But I can only say the same thing I told him a few days back: I will stay where my heart is beating. And that's Amestris."
"You just had to go ahead and make this very, very complicated, huh?" he asks with a sigh.
"Whatever is going to happen, you and Olivier, you are working against it, right?" she asks as she rises to her feet, arms crossed in front of her chest. "So, there is no reason for me to worry about my life. I have faith in you and her, well, more in you because she is one of the few people I simply don't get – at all," she adds as an afterthought. "Anyway, I love you enough to trust you with my heart so I might as well trust you with my life."
"I am working on making your life safer but … what if I fail? What if you … what if we all die?"
"If we die, well, there won't be any room to complain. I am loyal to a fault and I can't abandon you like that, not when you are in danger. This is not some little trip to Xing for research and to gain new inspirations. This is about life and death and I value my vows a little bit more than other people do. If I don't stay, if I don't show faith – who is going to show faith?"
"I joined the army to make sure that those I love are safe!" he tells her, frustrated and angry. "I will gladly accept death if it means that you and Sarai have a good and long life."
"I … I don't want to end like … like Catherina and Dad!" she snaps at him as a tear falls from her eye. "God, the last thing I want is to be miserable for the rest of my life before I let go of you. She made that mistake, told him to go ahead and marry someone who would never make him happy because it was the best for him and his career."
"So, you have become … dependent?" he asks in disbelief while he tries to understand her.
Her eyes narrow at this suggestion and he knows that she is furious as she has every right to be and yet, this is troublesome. She is very pretty when mad, golden hair surrounding her flushed face and blue eyes full of life.
"I haven't become dependent," she says. "I … just don't want to consider that you might fail."
He is silent for a moment and simply looks at her. "I understand," he finally tells her. "I know what you mean but … couldn't you … do it for me? You agreed on being reasonable, on being understanding when it comes to the dangers of my profession."
Her lower lip quivers because she is so, so angry and upset with him and everyone else and he knows that he cannot make her leave. No matter how rational she is, no matter how much of a scientist she is, she is a romantic at heart and she is full of faith for him. She blindly believes in him, the same way she believes in Kay because she yearns to be able to trust and he likes the feeling of being someone she trusts so much.
"Look," she says. "If you die, what would I do, then?"
"I don't know," he admits. "You'd move on, eventually, I guess."
"In a million years, maybe," she says bitterly, playing with the hem of her purple pullover. "I might keep functioning for Sarai and the others … but I'd be dead inside."
"Have more faith then that," he smiles sadly because he knows that she will never leave. She is one of the blood of the greatest players in the now-strained but once-great relationship between Amestris and Creta. To him, she is still a dusty Athena with a heart of gold and a fiery will. He cannot keep her from doing as she pleases because he will lose her if he tries. And losing her has never been an option because she is the most important person in his life, the mother of his daughter, his one and only soul mate. And he could never, ever even try to harm her – and caging her will harm her – because to chain Athena would be sacrilege.
"I will," she promises. "I will always have faith in you."
The orders his superior has given him have left no space for arguments – he is to return to Briggs right after the Promised Day. His best friend is dead, his commander is broken and everything he has ever fought for is in a wreck. There seems to be no hope at all because the last time he has seen his wife, they have simply argued and he has not heard from her every since.
The fortress looks like it has always done, invincible and strong and yet, he believes it to be hollow because the spirit is gone and everything seems dead and gone now. It reminds him of the destroyed temples of Ishbal he has briefly seen when he has been in the East.
He enters the fortress and avoids his comrades' eyes because he has nothing to say to them. So he stares straight ahead, passes Buccaneer's empty office – an office he would never be able to enter again because he will always expect the captain standing by the window, staring outside with his lonely melancholy – before he finally reaches his own office. It is not empty because his wife stands by the window while she rocks their sleeping daughter back and forth.
"You are fine," he states as he approaches her, holding her close to himself. "You are fine."
She smiles as she kisses his forehead. "I told you that I would be fine," she says. "I told you that I would never be afraid as long as I can have faith in the people I love. That's why I objected to leave the country and why I told Kay to take Sarai with her."
"You have never left anyone alone with her and you gave her to your sister for protection?"
"Kay is my sister, my twin. She holds a part of my soul; I cannot be complete without her. To give Sarai into her hands is the same as guarding her myself because Kay and I are one and the same. If I can no longer trust her with my most important and precious people, who else could I trust?"
She is right, he thinks as he holds his wife and their daughter close. He has known that she trusts Kay more than herself and he is relieved that this faith has never been betrayed. And holding them close, he realises that this is the closest to happiness he has come in a long time.
"Will you come with me to Ishbal?" he asks.
"Did you ever have to ask?" she smiles. "If Ishbal can accept me, that it is."
"You are not your mother," he replies. "Never fear that someone will hold you guilty for what she did. You are not her and you will never be her either."
She nods and let go of him. "I made tea while I was waiting," she says as she mentions towards the desk. "It should be still warm. You, um, can drink it while we talk."
He crosses the room over to his desk where her green coat is thrown over the chair. "Have you waited long?" he inquires.
"No."