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~*~

Thoughts swirling through my mind. Pain... sorrow... anger. Too much... cloudless thoughts... waves of emotion... confusion... going under... I can't... it's just... too much. I just can't take it any more...

Tearing across the sky was a blue, red and white jet. Not caring where he went, just away far away. The earthy desert raced past him, cliffs and mountains came and disappeared. He finally snapped, no, Megatron hadn't beaten him, they hadn't engaged with the Autobots in seven earth days. He didn't know what got to him only that he had to leave, go anywhere. They would be missing him by now, staff meeting would have started and he would not be there. It didn't matter, nothing did, everything was built upon lies and deceit, innocence all but gone, an empty shell. The pain, hatred abuse was the easy part; the hard part was finding himself again. Once he was innocent, a scientist, but now he didn't feel anything. The snide remarks, pride and reluctance to follow that had build up over the years was all but gone, he was broken. Realising this and exhausted Starscream landed in a small clearing surrounded by forest. He just stood there, looking around the abandoned outcrop. Trees lined the clearing before it went into thick dense forest. Walking over to one thick tree he sat down and leant against it and fell into recharge.

Shifting through memories,

Looking for something,

A face, a clue, a place,

Where dreams and reality weren't a blur,

Why? Who? How?

Unanswered questions,

Reasons, experiences,

This life of nothingness,

Wanting a purpose a reason

His recharge was light and exhausting the questions floating around, not being able to completely submerge into dreams away from reality, anything was better than feeling this nothingness. His armour no longer shone with the pride and dignity it once had, weapons gone, lost or forgotten it was unknown. He was unrecognisable as the treacherous second in command of the Decepticon army, all that remained was this empty mech, and that's all the Autobots scouts found. Of course Starscream knew they were coming, his scanners picked them up early, his audio sensors could hear them miles away. His energy signature was easily detectable by both sides. It didn't bother him nothing did, he needed a purpose, to know who he was, but all those things left him. So there he sat emotionless and broken with three Autobots staring at him. He recognised their faces, the one in the middle with a police car exterior, the Autobot second in command, Prowl. At least his position was genuine; to Starscream 'second in command' was just an empty title. The one on the left, in all red, Ironhide the weapons expert. And the other on the right, with the visor and the number 4, Jazz the saboteur.

Pain, suffering, all for what?

The Autobots were in complete shock. After locking on to a Decepticon signal they drove into a clearing, they were expecting reflector or one of Soundwaves miniature army but no they found the Decepticon second in command, only he seemed different instead of yelling insults in his screechy voice he sat there, but it was strange his optics were empty he seemed dead. Prowl radioed Optimus Prime,

All alone... in the darkness... without a purpose

The Autobots cuffed Starscream and drove him to there base. They knew something was wrong, he didn't put up a fight just let them mech handle him. His eyes seemed empty but also slightly sad. Ironhide grumbled about taking the enemy back to base but there was something spooky about the way the second in command acted. They were greeted by Optimus prime,

"Welcome back Prowl, Jazz and Ironhide. Hmm..." the sight of Starscream puzzled the Autobot leader.

The empty darkness.

At least they have purpose, but I don't even know who I am

He sat on the examining table. Tubes sticking inside him, medic reading monitor screens with a blank face. Starscream just stared straight ahead no expression on his face. Thoughts running through his head.

Who am I? Why? How?

The medic Ratchet stood and looked directly at him. Cocking his head to one side he looked worriedly at Starscream. Optimus stepped into the med bay. Looked at ratchet, searching for answers.

"He's fine, fully operational. There is no physical damage. But... he seems to be trying to find something... his processor is overworking itself. I think his problem may be mental." These words from Ratchet got strange looks from Optimus prime, who was surprised, and Starscream,

I'm not mental, I'm just confused... why can no one understand me?

All I want... is to know who I am... to have a purpose... why am I alone...

~*~

Starscream lay uncomfortably on his side; he was in a secure room not a cell. It had been a few months since the Autobots found him. Many of the residents had come to see him, guard him as it were. They were all unique different. Their where a few that stood out, Jazz was nice, he listened to music and was always happy, Sunstreaker and Sideswipe were twin pranksters and often asked for his opinion on their pranks, Wheeljack, he was intelligent and often spoke in big words and about compounds. It often confused the other bots' but he could keep up with what they were saying. Then there was Prowl and Red Alert usually serious but had their own little quirks. The only bots' that could understand most of the scientific language he used was Ratchet and Wheeljack, Skyfire was away on Cybertron but was no doughtily aware of his presence. Ratchet visited him quite regularly at least once a day. At first they were very cautious of him and Starscream refused to speak to them, but gradually the tension rolled away and conversation started, the deadness and worry seamed to roll away. He even began to smile and laugh which he never did at the Decepticon base. Eventually he remembered why he was there; he needed to talk to someone but still,

Will anyone understand me? ...I forgot ... I like it here... do I have to go?

Ratchet entered Starscreams' quarters. He looked up from the data pad he was reading.

"I was talking with Jazz, he said your mood suddenly shifted this morning" he commented looking concerned as he sat with Starscream on the birth.

"Just... remembering... I'm... confused"

"Why?"

That simple question caused Starscream to break down his barriers and pour out his problems and feelings, feeling like he was going to purge his tanks, this was a sign of weakness, he was better than this... but he lost himself, he was broken, but here in this unlikely place he was mending.

Why does he care? Megatron didn't, they didn't care, does he understand me?

Starscream sat nervously and looked at the ground. They sat in silence, it was so nerve racking. Maybe he didn't understand? Maybe he thought that he was a weak and pathetic like the others do.

"Starscream, I cannot tell you who you are, you must make up your own mind. But you aren't worthless and alone. You have everyone here and they don't want you to go. You are welcome to stay, even change sides if you want. That's probably what this is all about, wanting a place to be accepted to be wanted. You will probably go back to or snide self once you find what you are looking for, but you will be a better mech for it" those words were all that needed to be said. Looking into Ratchets eyes, Starscream could tell it was the truth. Decepticon symbols replaced with Autobot ones. True it would be hard not to be selfish and rude but he did have a place he belonged, it was here...

Not alone anymore, I do have a purpose reason and I shall hold onto that.