Can't Fight This Feeling
A Sue Thomas FBEye Fanfic
By: Amanda Croft
Spoilers: minor for all three seasons
Song: Can't Fight The Feeling
By: Air Supply
Summary: This is a song fic focusing on Jack's reaction to the news that Sue has taken the New York job. It stems from one of my iPod shuffles that was suggested I expand on. Obviously the pairing is Sue and Jack and I promise a happy ending. So enjoy.
Disclaimer: I own nothing recognizable from the show or the song.
I can't fight this feeling any longer
And yet I'm so afraid to let it flow
Jack found his thoughts wandering all day. He had had a lot to think about these last couple of days. When Sue had announced that she had been offered a promotion and was thinking about taking the job in New York, Jack had felt his heart plummet into his shoes. Sue, his Sue, was leaving him. He had been naïve to assume that he had all the time in the world to figure out what he felt about her. The night she informed them that she had taken the job, he felt the pressure that had been building in his chest squeeze tighter and he couldn't breathe. Granted, he put on a fairly good 'supportive' face for her, but it took everything he had to meet her eyes without revealing how much this was killing him. He had congratulated her and wished her well. He had even offered to have friends of his in the city help her find a place to live, but it was torture. The closer it got to the day she would leave, the harder it was for him to keep up the façade.
What started out as friendship has grown stronger
I only wish I had the strength to let it show
The night before she was set to leave, he sat in his apartment and thought back on everything that had happened in the last three years trying to pinpoint when it was that she had found her way into his heart. He wasn't really sure when his feelings for Sue had developed beyond friendship, but he knew it was long before Jessica had come waltzing back into his life so unexpectedly. He had a suspicion that it was even some time before Ally and his heart attack. But whenever it had happened, there was no longer any denying the fact that he had fallen in love with Sue Thomas – to himself anyways.
I tell myself that I can't hold out forever
I say there is no reason for my fear
Cause I feel so secure when we're together
You give my life direction, you make everything so clear
There had always been something between them - a spark if you will. He had been impressed by her self-assurance and willingness to demand what she rightfully deserved. When she had stormed into his office and politely yet forcefully declared that she was not just there to sort through fingerprints, but that she was there to put her skills to use, she had been a bright flash of light in his day. When she exited and he first noticed Levi, he was intrigued. So, he sought her out in the cafeteria later that day to get to know more about this spitfire that had breezed through his life. When he learned that she was deaf, he was at first shocked. But that quickly faded to a respect and admiration for how hard she worked to prove herself as a person not just a disability. And he had tested her lip reading skills, as much for fun as out of a genuine interest in what she could do. As the day wore on, he found himself unable to get the striking blonde beauty out of his mind and hours later he found himself at her door with the possibility of a job offer and yet another test. Jack wasn't sure what he expected, but finding her at the door in a bath robe and a few stray tuffs of suds in her hair knocked the air out of his lungs. He found her embarrassment and awkwardness endearing and when he walked away that night, he couldn't wipe the smile off of his face.
When she had proven herself yet again in court, standing up for herself when the defense attorney tried to belittle her skills, he felt inexplicably proud. At the time he hadn't stopped to think about it, but now, years later he could see how odd it was. He had only known Sue for a couple of days and shared a handful of conversations with her, yet he was already attached enough to her that she could make him proud? When he had told her she had a job with his unit if she wanted it and she had thrown herself into his arms, he had relished the feel of her so close and the light smell of jasmine in her hair. When they broke the hug, it was slightly awkward, but not because they were practically strangers. It was awkward because it had felt right somehow, normal almost, and they had both felt that connection – that much was evident in her eyes.
Bringing her on the team had caused contentions, but that never gave him a moment's pause – which should have warranted consideration itself. He was willing to break up a team he had worked with for years, alienate Myles for the sake of this practical stranger. Then they were in New York and she jumped out of the van to get a better closer look at their target and his heart hammered in his chest. The relief and anger he felt when he reached her was real if unexpected. Relief not because they hadn't been blown, but that she was ok. Anger not because she had risked the operation, but that she had put herself in harm's way. And when she divulged the reason she hadn't been able to read his lips and the name of the man from the limo, he could have kissed her again – a real kiss this time.
And even as I wander I'm keeping you in sight
You're a candle in the window on a cold dark winter's night
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might
When they met at the bar for Bobby's birthday, he would be lying if he said he wasn't disappointed that his 'girlfriend' showed up and ran his 'co-worker' off. Maybe he had harbored these feelings for her from the beginning. But as time dragged on, they settled into a comfortable pace of friendship. Neither really dated much, preferring to grab a bite or go for a run or just hang out with each other instead. But they fought against any feelings beyond that. They flirted a bit and teased each other, but they were careful not to cross that stupid imaginary line. Even that first Christmas when he had met her parents and learned they had bought each other matching hockey jerseys, they were careful about crossing the line. Of course that didn't mean that the jersey didn't become one of his most prized possessions.
Then she met David and he had a heart attack and Ally came back and they started to drift apart a bit. It hurt to some extent, not that he would ever admit that aloud, seeing her happy with the 'dog park guy'. But they had other people in their lives that occupied much of their free time and soon, they only really saw each other at work, but neither made mention of that fact. The few times that they ran into each other with the 'other' person was uncomfortable, but they made the best of it and were friendly, even if the interactions were brief. But eventually Ally went home and David was fading out of the picture and things were slowly getting back to what they had before.
And I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fighting for
It's time to bring this ship into the shore
And throw away the oars forever
Once things had returned to normal, new problems arose having less to do with their personal lives and more to do with the job. She had been mad at him for risking his life during the sniper case and they had a few rough weeks. Then they were undercover as a married couple, and it felt a little too perfect for comfort. Seeing each other practically 24/7 should have cause problems. But aside from the teasing they received from their team mates, it hadn't been difficult at all. They moved seamlessly through and around each other's routines and lives. They could talk or not and it was all perfectly comfortable – something he hadn't really experienced with any of his girlfriends in the past. Their first real fight had shocked them both as it seemed to come out of nowhere. It started as just a stupid comment he made about picking her up in a bar and was somehow thrown in his face at the office the next day completely out of context. After she had thrown it out there, they had both just stared at the other in shock for a moment before smiling about having their 'first fight'. Although looking back, the bickering in Ted's office about doing the assignment was oddly reminiscent of a married couple's tiff. After that case was over, it was kind of hard to let that life go. He had pretended to not understand what she was talking about when she rambled on about it feeling like they were breaking up, though he had felt it keenly at the time.
Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fighting for
And if I have to crawl upon the floor
Come crashing through your door
Baby I can't fight this feeling anymore
Then work had gotten in the way again and she started having real issues with David and they were both a little standoffish, though it probably had something to do with adjusting to 'life as normal' where they were just friends. When they had had the case with Helga, he had marveled at her strength while noticing that at the same time she was like fine crystal on the verge of shattering. And he had been there to lend a caring ear and reassuring hand. She returned the favor when everything went down with Wes, holding his hand both times he thought he had lost his mentor, being his silent source of strength. She had kept him grounded dealing with so many trials in his life and he wondered now how he had allowed himself to miss all those opportunities to tell her how he felt. It wasn't like he didn't have opportunities. They had been 'married' for a week, been on several 'dates' (even if they were kind of work related), and shared that kiss at the law office. Now he was kicking himself for letting all those opportunities pass.
My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you
I've been running around in circles in my mind
Baby it always seems that I'm following you
Cause you take me to the places that alone I'd never find
That's not even considering how he felt each time she was abducted. He had been on the verge of panicking each and every time. He couldn't find the will to eat and he couldn't even consider sleep until she was safe in his sight again. Then once she was, he never wanted to let her out of his sight again - not that he could ever tell her that. He felt white hot jealousy flood his veins time and again when she showed any interest in anyone else – especially that scum Tony. Looking back, he guessed he had known for a very long time how he truly felt about her but had been too scared to act on those feelings. He had plenty of reasons – they were friends and he didn't want to lose that, it was against regulations, what if she didn't feel the same, they had plenty of time.
And even as I wander I'm keeping you in sight
You're a candle in the window on a cold dark winter's night
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might
Only he didn't anymore. Tomorrow she would be gone and he would have lost his last chance. Sure he could tell her now, but it was pointless. It wasn't like she could or would simply forget about this great opportunity and they would be in a long distance relationship and it would just make it harder for both of them. Still, he couldn't let her go without telling her. So with that firmly in mind, he tried to grab a few hours of sleep.
And I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fighting for
It's time to bring this ship into the shore
And throw away the oars forever
That morning he had stopped her in the hallway intent on pouring out his heart, but before he got the chance, he found out that she wasn't leaving. His heart simultaneously jumped for joy and stilled in dread. If she wasn't leaving, he wasn't sure he could force himself to tell her. Granted now they may actually have a chance, but if she rejected him, he would now have to still see her every day. So, he found himself utterly unable to focus. He had had everything worked out and now … well, now he didn't know. He did know that he couldn't do this at work, not now that she was staying, but it had to be done. Finally they were the only two left in the office, Levi excluded of course, and he had finally come up with a course of action. He couldn't fight his feelings anymore. He would take her to dinner, maybe for a walk afterwards and he would tell her everything he had wanted to this morning and pray that she responded like he thought she would. Breaking out of his latest contemplative mood he stood and moved to sit on the corner of her desk.
Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fighting for
And if I have to crawl upon the floor
Come crashing through your door
Baby I can't fight this feeling anymore
When she looked up the words seemed to stick in his throat, so he signed "Let's get dinner." The smile that crossed her face was angelic and his heart skipped a beat. Yes, he was definitely in love with this woman. Turning his attention to Levi he finally found his voice. "Hey Levi, what do you think she wants? Mexican, Chinese, pizza?"
"Mexican would be perfect" she answered.
AN: If there's enough intrest, I will write the dinner/confession scene - so let me know if you want to read that.