Memories of Before

Summary: Fem!Lithuania 'comforts' Ivan after the battle of Kursk and realizes that he is not so bad after all. But she could never forget the memories of the past.

Warnings: Fem!Lithuania x Russia, fem!Lithuania's name will now be Tori, smut, lemons, one-shot, angst, past rape and violence and overall dark themes.

So yeah this was a random idea I got at like 1:00 in the morning and I decided to write it for you May, for your birthday… But about this story… sorry Russia you know we love you but this was a rather dark time in Russian history (hell pretty much all time was a dark time in Russian history…). I hope you enjoy.

The italicized parts are Lithuania's flashbacks.

Please Rate and Review.

It was the summer of 1943, Tori had always hated the man who took control of her back in 1940. The one who took control of her country… repressed her people… shot them… sent them to Siberia… The one who would always come into her room late at night to do something terrible to her. If she was lucky, the only reason he would take her shirt off would be to whip her with one of his many whips until she cried and begged for him to stop…

"P-P-Please! I-Ivan stop!" she said between sobs. Her entire body shook with the pain of having that whip crash upon her already scarred back. All she wanted is for him to stop and leave her alone.

"Нет." Ivan growled, the two little rivers of salt water did not affect him in the slightest and he continued to whip her harder because of her small act of rebellion.

She hadn't realized that she had been gripping the broom in her hand tighter after she came back from that rather painful flashback. That was still considered one of the better nights for her. Some of the worst, though few and far between, perhaps once every few months, were the ones in which Ivan had invaded deeply personal areas...

He forced her back upon the bed and tore her clothes from her small body. Vodka tainted his breath as a loud chuckle echoed through the room. She knew what was going to happen to her. No love… no gentleness… nothing but raw pain and aggression was going to be shared tonight.

She put up no physical resistance when he entered her ungracefully without any sort of preparation or foreplay. Tori just shut her body down, not even having the willpower to resist the man above her anymore, tilted her head away and cried. She didn't want this… this was supposed to be done with someone one loved not hated.

Ivan would never show any mercy on these nights and just pound into her without regard to the other nation though she did not give him the pleasure of hearing her cries of pain. He would grip her shoulders with enough force to leave bruises the next day as he came into her. She always felt shame when she reached an orgasm and couldn't help but moan loudly and a small disgusted look came on Tori's face as she felt herself being filled with his hot, white seed.

Then, if she was lucky, he would withdraw himself as his semen dripped down her thighs and onto the previously clean bed sheets and just whisper something vulgar and degrading into her ear then leave.

"Шлюха… (Whore…)"

But sometimes that wouldn't be enough and the pain and humiliation continued until she passed out…

Tori shook off these awful memories and continued to do the housework that he assigned. He was off fighting Germany, Prussia and the rest of the Axis somewhere in the south of his country, somewhere by a city of Kursk. Not as if she cared, she silently hoped that he was suffering, hoped that he was subjected to the pain that she suffered on a regular basis.

Later that evening, after all her housework had been completed, she went to relax and sat on her bed that she was sometimes forced to share with him in her bedroom. She took out a book and began to read it, it was the Bible, for a time, those in the Soviet Union were allowed to worship the lord who had abandoned them and damned them to a frozen hell. The bible was worn out but her dear friend Poland had given it to her a long, long time ago when they were still together and she treasured it. It was one of her only books still in her native tongue, he had burned all of the others.

The front door swung open and the man who she hated so much, Ivan, the Soviet Union, walked inside but there was something off. Ivan's steps were slow and shaky. His entire body was shaking. He had on his big black officers coat and hat that all officers wore with a red scarf on. Most of his lower face was buried in the crimson scarf and his eyed were covered by his hat. His coat was covered in dust, grime and mud. Ivan walked slowly up the staircase. When he came into her room, she didn't need to see his eyes to know that he had been crying, everything about how he acted gave that fact away.

She set down the book on the nightstand beside her knowing that he would do something awful to her. Ivan looked over and saw her in her bed and walked up to her slowly. Tori expected some sort of punishment for something she did not do, just for the hell of it. But instead, he dropped to his knees right in front of her, hat still covering his hauntingly violet eyes.

"S-Sir?" Tori said while looking down at him.

Ivan wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his face into her stomach and began to sob. After a few very long minutes of sobbing he managed to get out, "Blood… There was just so much blood… and fire, screaming and gunshots and…" He couldn't finish his sentence because the regret of the earlier events. Tears were streaming down his cheeks and she let him rest his head on her stomach.

Tori sighed and even though everything he's done to her, she combed her fingers through his light beige hair. She figured that even though he's a monster, even he deserved some amount of comfort after what he saw. She was no stranger to war but her experience and memories of fighting were mostly from when she represented the Grand Duchy of Lithuania and when she was with her best friend as The Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth. Ivan on the other hand, knew both about the savage and close-combat techniques of the past… of his past with Mongolia, which caused him to be as mentally unstable as he is today, he also knew of the modern techniques of guns and tanks… he had seen a lot of both in Kursk.

Ivan pulled her down to his level, being rather easy since the bed was low and crashed their lips together as tears still continued to fall down his cheeks. Tori's eyes widened, partially due to the fact that she was not expecting this and partially because this kiss seemed to hold something no previous one had; love. All of the other times he kissed her, there would be no genuine feelings behind it, just as a method to silence her…

Ivan forced their lips together as he shoved his erection deep within her folds muffling the loud scream of pain that escaped her lips. Taking advantage of her open mouth, Russian's lips curled into a smirk against her own as he slid his tongue into her mouth.

But this kiss was loving and almost desperate. He seemed to want her in a much more meaningful manner than just master and servant, captor and prisoner, he wanted her to be there with him and reassure him that everything will be alright, to love him. Ivan's heart was beating rather quickly from the remains of adrenaline and of kissing the one who he truly loved. Their kiss ended when both nations needed to pull away for air. Then Tori brought her hand up to her lips, slightly flustered.

Ivan however, joined her on the bed and kissed her again, completely relaxing into it, just like the one before, this kiss demanded nothing but the feeling of safety which is why he deepened the kiss adding a bit more pressure. Tori misinterpreted this as a sign to open her mouth and when she parts her lips ever so slightly, Ivan is a tad confused to why she did that but lets that particular part of the brain shut down as he slipped his tongue into her mouth. A small moan made it's way from the Lithuanian and surprised that kissing could even feel good. She was used to it being accompanied by him doing something painful to her body but not this time.

He laid down on top of her, not breaking the heated kiss and rubbed his slick muscle against hers. She grunted at his weight, even though the food shortages have caused him to shed a quite a few pounds, he was still much heavier than her. Ivan placed his hands on either side of her head and moaned into the kiss. He couldn't remember the last time he kissed someone like this and both parties had consented… Ivan wasn't even sure if he ever had. She entered his mouth with her pink tongue and Ivan responded by sucking on it lightly. This caused her to tense up a bit as a small noise of pleasure escaped her lips. They both slowly broke the kiss with a trail of saliva still connecting them. He genuinely smiled down at her with true happiness that he rarely felt and kissed her cheek. Ivan was getting aroused rather quickly because of the beautiful Lithuanian woman who was underneath him.

Her body was so beautiful, she had no true natural imperfection, her hair was a rich, chocolate color and silky to the touch. Her eyes shone a bright forest green for that the first time he can remember, did not show any fear or pain in them but were glistening and almost fully dilated with sexual need. Other than the whip marks on her back and various battle scars, her skin too was also perfect, glowing and held a slightly pinkish hue to it, unlike his own which was a ghostly white color no matter how much time he spent outside. Her legs were long like a dancer's. Tori's breasts were on the smaller side, maybe a B-cup but still perky and the perfect size for him to squeeze down upon.

Tori blushed a deep crimson color as she felt something large and hard dig into her thigh and immediately recognized what it was. She knew that there would be no stopping him now but the difference between and all of those other times is now, she actually wanted it. She flirted with the idea that this, right here and now, in his muscular arms is where she was most needed.

Ivan began to unbutton his long, dirtied coat and kissed her neck. He shrugged the thick coat off and let it fall to floor. Tori then unbuttoned the first few of her buttons, letting her pale-blue nightshirt roll off of her shoulders and the fabric to pooled around her bare breasts. She then slipped it off completely which left her in nothing but her panties, she never wore a bra at night. She was ready to give herself to the man who she hated, at least for this one single night. Ivan placed a few light kisses over her chest.

"Красивый… Вы красивый. (Beautiful… You are beautiful.)" Ivan whispered against her skin causing goose bumps to form and Tori's breath hitched slightly at his cool breath and wondered if what he's saying is what he actually thinks. She never considered herself to be a particularly attractive person but in his eyes, she was perfect. He hooked his fingers into her panties and pulled it down from her frame leaving her fully nude.

Ivan removed the shirt that he wore underneath his jacket carefully, as not to agitate his fresh wounds. She gasped at the sight of them. They looked painful, his muscular chest and torso, littered with cuts, gashes, burns that ranged from small to ones that were even larger then the ones that marked her back. Ivan looked away thinking that she was disgusted by him now.

"I won the battle… that's all that's important." Ivan stated plainly.

Tori brought her lips and kissed one of the smaller wounds softly eliciting a small groan from Ivan. He closed his eyes as her lips danced across the wounds on his chest. She kissed lower and lower on his torso before coming to his pants and removed them from him along with his underwear, revealing his throbbing, hard, massive erection. She brought her mouth close to it, Tori knew that he would ask for it, just like all those other times…

Her jaw was forced open as he pushed his hard member to the back of her throat. She choked on the large appendage and tried to pull back but Ivan had a strong grip on the back of her head.

"Сосете… сука. (Suck… bitch.)" Ivan ordered and she had no choice but to obey and hesitantly began to suck on his erection hard so that he would just come and this would all be over.

But surprisingly, Ivan, sensed that she was experiencing a flashback and put a finger to her lips.

"Нет… You do not have to." he said. Just for this once, Ivan didn't want to force her into anything that she didn't mutually want, he didn't want to rape her but to just make love to her. All along that's what he wanted but it seemed as if another person took control of his body sometimes and that monster would do horrible, unspeakable things to her. Things that he promised himself, he would never do to someone because he couldn't put them through the same pain he experienced when he was younger and weaker then he is now.

Tori smiled lightly and nodded then laid back down on her bed with her legs spread out wide. But instead of getting the usual tearing pain of him shoving his erect penis deep inside of her, it was a gentle and pleasant stretch as he slid two saliva covered fingers into her vagina. She shifted a bit, this was definitely a new feeling, he had never taken the time before to prepare her but it was a good feeling as he slowly spread out his fingers inside of her, her loud moan evidence of this.

Ivan continued to stretch her, he hadn't taken her in a while due to the war so she had tightened up considerably. A third finger was inserted to assist the other two and speed up the process because Ivan couldn't wait much longer to be inside of her but he still didn't want it to hurt much. Tori let's out a high pitched mewl of pleasure when his three fingers brushed upon her sweet spot accidentally. Taking a mental note of the spot, Ivan thrusted all three fingers against that spot. She bucked her hips downward to meet his fingers as a silent plea for him to continue. Instead, Ivan continued to lazily slide his fingers in and out of her tight, wet tunnel. She wrapped her arms around his waist and whimpered in utter need.

"Patience…" Ivan said calmly as he kissed her softly on the lips. She kissed back and brought her arms up to his neck and moaned. He slowly withdrew his fingers from her. Next, he sat up and spit onto his hands then rubbed his erection, coating it with his saliva as a impromptu lube. Ivan had zero intention of pain this time. Tori looked at him then let her hands join his, stroking his member slowly as a deep groan forced it's way out of Ivan's mouth. Her hands were so soft against the hard flesh and she ran her thumb across the tip causing Ivan to moan. Then he pushed her back down onto the mattress when he was painfully hard. Tori shut her eyes and tilted her head to the side as she awaited the pain the would undoubtingly come. Ivan lined himself up at the opening of her vagina but didn't push in just yet but rather looked down at her for her to give him the signal he needed to continue. After about a minute, she slowly opened her eyes and gazed into his in a wondering manner.

"I-Is there something wrong sir?" she inquired. She never got the option before of when she wanted him to start. In the times before, she was used to him thrusting in whenever he wanted, indifferent to how she felt about it. "P-Please… continue, I-I want to feel you inside of me…" Tori continued softly and shyly, unused to telling him what she wanted but rather just doing what he wanted.

That was all Ivan required for him to begin to gradually push into her. The pain in which she was expecting did not come, only a slightly uncomfortable ache as she spread her legs further and stretched to try and fit all of him in. Tori let out a hot breath as a small smile crept onto her lips. When Ivan pushed in as far as he could, which was only about three-fourths of his entire member, he let out a moan of his own and placed his hands near her shoulders. She shifted underneath him to try and get comfortable and moaned slightly.

"Tell me when you want me to move да." Ivan whispered into her ear. After a few more deep breaths, she nodded from him to begin moving. He withdrew himself almost completely, leaving only the head in before rocking his hips forward, making her take the entire length of his erection in. Tears appeared at the corners of her eyes as she let out a small cry of pain and he kissed all of the tears away. Tori knew that he was not intentionally trying to hurt her and let out a confused moan, unsure of the feeling.

He stopped again this time and caressed her shoulder comfortingly. A tiny smile ghosted upon her lips and she sat up to kiss his neck. He immediately tensed up a bit, his neck was a very sensitive area for him but moaned quietly. Then Lithuania bucked her hips up slightly and whimpered slightly. Ivan withdrew himself again and thrusted back in as she gasped. He then locked them in a slow but hard pace of thrusting.

At every thrust, despite the fact that she was trapped beneath his weight, she tried her best to meet him at every thrust eliciting moans from both nations. Ivan took his hands and put them at either side of her head to steady himself and Tori spread her legs further. They stayed at this pace until Tori whispered, "И-Иван (I-Ivan)… faster p-please."

The Russian smirked and was more than happy to oblige to her pleading request. So he began to thrust faster. The slight pain that came with it was almost nothing next to the enormous pleasure that she was already feeling, thanks to the one who she normally hated with every fiber of her being. Her moans only became louder, moans that are practically music to the Russian man's ears. In fear of her moaning becoming loud enough to wake up the other Baltic states, Lithuania wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into a deep, open-mouthed kiss. Ivan responded properly by sliding his tongue inside her mouth and she moaned into his mouth. She arched her back into his chest, allowing him to feel her pert nipples and he took one of his hands and grabbed one of her breasts.

Ivan groaned deeply and broke the kiss to say, "You're tight…"

A blush spread across her cheeks at this comment. At the same time, Ivan began to thrust harder and she laid back down and gripped the sheets until her knuckles turned a few shades whiter. When Ivan noticed he stopped thrusting and questioned, "Am I going too hard for you?"

She shook her head and pleaded quietly, "N-No, p-please continue sir…" He kissed her cheek and did just that. On the first thrust, Ivan hit a spot deep within her that caused a coarse scream to escape from her mouth as the corners of Tori's vision turned white. His lips curled into a smirk at the satisfaction and he aimed himself so that he could thrust into that same spot with each and every thrust. She bit her lip to try and contain the noises that she wanted to make so very badly.

Ivan whispered into her ear, "Don't hold those noises in да. The others are asleep, so they won't hear us." She nodded and stopped biting her lips, swollen from kissing. He took her hand in his and thrusted faster. Both of them were getting close to the pleasure that both of them needed in the form of a heat in the pit of their stomachs.

"I-I… I-I'm close." Tori told him shyly. She couldn't remember the last time that she felt so good.

"I am too." He responded.

It was Tori who gave out first, finally letting the pleasure consume her. She moaned loudly and shivered as her breath hitched. A small smile made it's way onto her lips. Ivan groaned and followed almost immediately afterward, her already tight walls clamping down on his erection as he released inside of her. Then after a few minutes, as both of them came down from their orgasms, he withdrew himself and laid next to her, facing her. She turned her body to look at him and kissed his cheek as he smoothed out her long hair which stuck to her forehead.

"Я тебя люблю… (I love you…)" Ivan said sleepily. Tori was shocked at these words but could not say anything back to him because he fell asleep. She sighed and sat up and put his head in her lap and combed her fingers through his hair then touched his cheek.

"I guess he isn't all bad." Tori thought out loud as her mind flashed back to the times in which he was kind to her.

Ivan walked into the kitchen where she was cooking everyone dinner. He snuck up behind her and placed a bundle of sunflowers, 11 of them* on the counter and patted her on the head.

"I saw these and they reminded me of you да." He chimed. Tori was about to question how a bunch of flowers remained him of her but then thought better of it, kind of liking this good mood that he was in. He left the room just as quickly as he came to go to his study before dinner.

She blushed a bit and kissed his forehead, this memory was before 1905, he was so much nicer before that year but even after that he was still kind to her, except for it was even rarer.

Tori was in her room crying because she just found out that the cat that she had been taking care of, it wasn't exactly her cat per say but she would always give it scraps and on occasion, let in inside when it got below zero. Ivan heard her and knocked on the door. "Tori… May I come in?" Ivan inquired.

"Okay…" She responded quietly. He sat down beside her on her bed and wrapped an arm around her.

"I knew about the little кошка (cat), and I'm sorry he's gone but he's in a better place now да." He confessed and looked down at her. This helped her a bit then she sniffled and nodded.

Even now as she held his sleeping form, getting tired from their activities, one thought ran through her mind, "He's not bad at all."

So here is your birthday present May, I hope you like it, I tried my best to make it as descriptive as humanly possible XD and sorry it is a few days late but I has summer reading to do (that I still need to finish otl). To all the others, I hope you like it too. School is going to be starting soon and I won't be able to post much, not like I post that much to begin with.

*There is 11 sunflowers because giving an even number of sunflowers in Russia is something that is only done at funerals so giving someone an even number is basically saying "I hope you fucking die." And I didn't intend for him to do that so yeah…