o1. "Ino-pig, put that mascara wand down!". For mintxrain. SASUSAKU, SHIKAINO. Sequel to The Pinkish Green Saga.

Fandom: Naruto
Pairings: SasuSaku, ShikaIno
Prompts: Blind date, "put that mascara wand down", melted ice

Requested by mintxrain.

"You know what, Ino-pig?"

"What, forehead?"

"…I think you're depressed."

"I am so not."

"Nu-uh. You are. Ever since Sasuke-kun and I started dating."

"No way!"

"Yes way! You are jealous of our luurve."

"Ew. Gross. I don't go for emos."

"Whatever, Ino-pig!"

"...like, seriously."

"Well, I'm gonna do for you what you did for me."

"…I am completely fi—"

"I propose an intervention!"

Uh-oh. This couldn't end well.

With friends like these…

Yamanaka Ino was more than a little annoyed when Haruno Sakura announced that she had set her up on a blind date.

There were two main things that were taboo in Ino's opinion—

The first thing was any creature that had over four legs.

The second thing, and the vastly more important one, was blind dates.

Spending the evening with someone who was either a) ugly, b) putrid or c) acne-infested. The people who were coerced into going on blind dates were the no-hoping losers that could never snag somebody of their own volition. Ino was highly offended that Sakura thought she couldn't find her own slice of man meat by herself.

But Sakura had, ever since becoming involved with Sasuke, developed quite a violent streak. Ino was—not that she would ever, ever admit it—slightly scared of her, and so grudgingly agreed to her stupid blind date proposition.

This did not mean she was going to enjoy it.

"Ino-pig, put that mascara wand down!" said Sakura for the gazillionth time, snatching it out of the blonde's hands before she could do any further damage with it.

"I was putting it on, for your info," Ino grouched irritably.

"Nu-uh, you were making yourself look like a prostitute," Sakura responded easily, glaring. "You know, you don't want to give the wrong impression!"

"…actually, I was going for a gothic look so they'd run the other way."

Sakura put her hands on her hips, narrowing her eyes in her best friend's direction. Ino almost flinched. She had to have been taking lessons from her boyfriend, or something.

"Why?" she questioned.

"Because I don't want to go on this stupid date and meet a stupid guy who is stupid," Ino responded, ever-so-eloquently, applying some baby pink lip-gloss.

"I assure you, this guy is anything but stupid," Sakura grinned knowingly, holding out Ino's black leather mini-skirt. Ino didn't like the knowledgeable look, but decided not to say anything.

"He'd have to have an IQ of at least three million for me to even consider—"

"Suck it up, Ino-pig," Sakura rolled her eyes. "And stop complaining already."

"Give me back my mascara and I will," Ino pouted.

"You know I wouldn't stick you with some freakazoid that has bad breath," the pink-haired girl frowned. "Or some creepy paedophile rapist or whatever. You should just relax. This is one hundred percent for your benefit!"

Ino blinked at her owlishly. Then sighed deeply. Well, if Sakura did stick her with anybody creepy and/or excessively ugly, then she had every right to demand repayments in ice-cream and clothes for a good month or so.

"Fine. But I'm borrowing your blue camisole."

Sakura crossed her arms over her chest defiantly. "Says who?"

"Says me. Blue clashes horribly with your hair."

(Ino also stole the mascara wand back when Sakura wasn't looking. Because, really, it's every girl for herself.)

…who needs enemies?

Shikamaru.

Shikamaru.

SHIKAMARU.

"This is—" Ino hissed in her friend's ear. "Absolutely. Not. Funny. At. All."

Sakura just smiled innocently. "Whatever do you mean?"

"There is a limit!" Ino screeched. "A limit to what I will and will not tolerate! Oh, um, hi, could you please make sure you get the creepy rapist next time? I would prefer a creepy rapist to—to—to him!"

Shikamaru.

Deer boy.

Lazy ass.

Cloud gazer.

Genius.

Annoyance.

"Don't be ridiculous," Sakura glanced at Ino, and then giggled. "You'll have so much fun, you'll be dying to thank me—"

"Dying because I throw myself off a bridge," the blonde interjected.

"—and you will wonder why you ever resisted and oh look Sasuke-kun is over there so I'm going to go over there have fun now bye!"

And so Sakura proceeded to abandon her, not before pushing Shikamaru in her direction.

"Um," Shikamaru coughed politely, pretending he hadn't heard a word of their exchange. After all, nightclubs were notoriously noisy. It was no mean feat to hold a conversation (even with a banshee).

Ino gave him the evil eye. "She put you up to this, didn't she?"

Shikamaru shrugged. "Blackmailed, more like."

"Oh, so you had to be blackmailed to want to date me?" Ino was offended for reasons she did not fully comprehend, but still felt righteous enough to berate him for it. After all, she had been dragged against her will—and not-so-subtly threatened by her (ex) best friend. Who had then abandoned her for the Emo Prince.

Life. Was. Not. Fair.

"…don't be troublesome," Shikamaru sighed. "Are you going to cooperate or not?"

"Don't patronise me!" Ino huffed. "I am not juvenile. I am a responsible adult, and intend to act like one, no matter how much I despise your company."

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow at her.

Ino glared back.

Shikamaru coughed again.

Ino slumped a little.

"Fine, fine, maybe I tend to be a teensy bit of a drama queen," she spat out the words like they were poison. "But you are not helping."

There was a small pause. "Jerk," she added, for lack of a better word.

"…are you done yet?" the boy asked tiredly.

"Yes, I'm done, whatever."

"Well then, will you dance with me without chucking a tantrum?"

"I do not—" Ino deemed it pointless to try and argue with The Jerk. The Jerk was incapable of understanding women, and therefore not inclined to agree with anything she said. "—fine, okay."

Shikamaru shook his head—although Ino swore that she saw the tiniest hint of a smile on his face (although that could merely have been a hallucination from all the smoke machines)—and grabbed her upper arm, dragging her through the crowds.

"Hmph," the girl complained as they reached a suitable spot. "Do you have a romantic bone in your body? Being manhandled is not something a girl generally wants."

Shikamaru went mysteriously deaf at this comment. Ino just accidentally-on-purpose stepped on his foot.

"Ow, geez! You psychotic woman."

"Sorry, I can't dance well," Ino responded innocently.

"…fair enough," Shikamaru did not appear as though he thought it was 'fair enough', but had probably been told to maintain his temper. "The music is terrible, anyway."

"You got that right," Ino snorted ungraciously. "I mean, Ice Ice Baby? By that stupid and annoying Melted Ice guy?"

"…I think you mean Vanilla Ice," Shikamaru corrected bemusedly.

"Whatever. He is so not cool enough for me to get his name right."

"...uh-huh," Shikamaru just raised an eyebrow, and looked at her like she'd grown a second head.

Ino realised belatedly that she was most probably the definition of uncool at the current time. They were standing in the middle of a crowd of people, swaying uncomfortably, and she was not exactly being the most civil person.

Shikamaru was nice enough—in theory, anyway—and smart enough—if you called being lazy a smart thing—and also fairly attractive—if, of course, she could convince him to get a better haircut.

And, deep down—the place guarded by a castle, a moat and maybe a couple of dragons for good measure—she did kindofsortofmaybe like him.

Maybe.

A little.

One tenth of a percent.

Which was maybe part of the reason why she'd gotten so annoyed with Sakura. Because she had gotten the one person whom Ino considered date material to be her blind date, and that made Ino angry. Considering it meant she was so pathetic that the only way to get a date with Shikamaru was through Sakura.

Nu-uh. That wasn't cool.

"Ino? Earth to Ino?"

Ugh. And now she was totally zoning out on him.

Get. A. Grip.

"Something on my face?" Ino retorted irritably as Shikamaru continued to stare at her.

"Well… you do have an unhealthy amount of mascara on."

Ino blinked. "That, for your information, happens to make me look extremely sexy. It's not my fault if you're too thick-headed to realise that."

Ino: 1.

Shikamaru: -100, for no other reason than that she felt like it.

"…ajhdhfd," said Shikamaru in response, turning away a little. (And was that a blush?)

"I'm sorry," Ino frowned. "I'm vaguely certain that wasn't English."

"…troublesome…" he shook his head.

"Once again, you astound me with your sparkling wit."

Hey. Had Shikamaru just called her troublesome? Not that it was much of a surprise—but still. Righteous anger. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Shikamaru exhaled noisily, and looked her directly in the eye.

(Meanwhile, the song changed from Ice Ice Baby to something considerably more romantic and, uh, slow. Necessitating a slow dance. Ino cursed Fate.)

"I said," he enunciated slowly. "That I am not too thick-headed to comprehend your sexiness. Because I do."

Ino stared.

Shikamaru stared back.

(Somehow, during this exchange, he had put his arms around her. Ino did not recall giving him permission to do this.)

"Uh," Ino's eloquence came back with a vengeance. "That's. Um. Nice."

The pineapple-headed man—as Ino had dubbed him—rolled his eyes, smirking. "You? Speechless? That's quite uncharacteristic."

Ino snapped out of it when she saw his smirk.

"I am in absolutely no way speechless," Ino gulped. "Because I—I just thought that was completely uncharacteristic of you. And, uh, well... if you think I was uncharacteristic, too... I need to do something characteristic to make up for it."

"What's that? Slap me?" Shikamaru drawled, though he seemed a little unsure. (And possibly frightened).

"Pssh, can't be bothered." At this, Ino leaned up and kissed him. She didn't particularly know what had possessed her to kiss him, but—Shikamaru? Calling her sexy? That definitely deserved some sort of reward.

And Ino found it rather pleasant, to tell the truth. (Again, this was guarded by about ten dozen dragons. With acid fire.)

She'd have to wear this much mascara more often.

(And also possibly buy a Vanilla/Melted Ice CD—the shame.)

"See, Sasuke-kun!" Sakura pointed triumphantly at the couple across the dancefloor. "They're dancing! You owe me twenty bucks."

"Hn," Sasuke responded, displeased, fishing about in his pockets for the money.

"Ye of so little faith," Sakura grinned. "When will you learn that I always win these bets?"

"...you never said they were going to kiss, Sakura," Sasuke commented blandly.

"Huh?" Sakura glanced at the couple again. "But they're--OH MY GOSH!"

"Hn," Sasuke snorted a little, gazing at his girlfriend fondly (albeit very secretly, so she wouldn't catch him).

A/N: The first one-shot done of my one-shot anthology! I hope you like it, mintxrain! I kept trying to incorporate "melted ice" in a drink way... but it didn't work out like I wanted! And also... very minor SasuSaku. But that's enough to suffice, right? I thought I did an okay job at this! I also liked the prompts a lot. XD Number two should be up soon, as will the next chapter of Sleeping Beauty. Plus "Kodak Moments" won the poll! I kind of like that one the best, anyway. Yay.