"Happiness in the present is only shattered by comparison with the past."
Alison and Aria were such different people who were so much alike. Sure, Alison was far more open with her manipulations, as Aria was sneaky and went under the radar. But the spider webs of both girls were both apparent, and Ezra was always caught in them.
Ezra often reflected on his relationship with Aria as he did his relations with Alison. He was astounded by how diverse both girls were. For two vastly different people, they were eerily similar. To him, anyway.
There was Aria. The beautiful, once "weird" girl. She was quirky and appreciated things a normal seventeen year old girl wouldn't. While other Rosewood High girls would go out and buy the newest line from Alice + Olivia, Aria would stay in her room and write haikus. Not that she didn't appreciate fashion, she did very much so, but it wasn't the number one thing in Aria's life. No, she liked writing more. Ezra could connect with that. He could also connect with her other interests: film noir, vegan food, things Alison wouldn't give the light of day for.
But it wasn't like he had nothing in common with Alison. Despite what an outsider would think, Ezra and Alison were not polar opposites. They both bonded over old records – and once sang to Dionne Warwick and Elvis all night long. Alison also, surprisingly, loved books. She never admitted it as it would change her persona she worked so hard for, but she loved To Kill a Mockingbird and, more ironically, Lolita.
Though there was one question Ezra always had a clear answer to: who did he love more? Well, he loved Aria a lot more than he ever had loved Alison, but he always pondered that if things hadn't gone so sour with Ali and if they had spent as much time together as he did with Aria, he might of loved her as much or more.
He also was curious as to if Aria went missing, would he go crazy and search for her until he went mad? Would he rent out a loft and plaster five floor to ceiling portraits of Aria? Or was that something reserved for Alison?
But, back to the differences. Aria and Ezra were something special that you didn't see everyday. Sure, teachers sleep with students as Mona so kindly reminded Aria in a text once, but Aria and Ezra were far more than sex. Yeah, they slept together, but what Aria and himself had was pure love. They would both die for each other. Well, Ezra would, he wasn't sure if Aria would. But, Ezra could see himself buying a house in the suburbs with Aria and having babies and growing old together. He never could have fathomed that image with Alison by his side.
No, him and Alison weren't nearly as special as him and Aria. Alison and Ezra met at some boozey beach party and just happened to hit it off. They flirted and flirted until Alison finally made a move. Ezra remembered Alison whispering in his ear and then leading him out of the beach house. They walked along the calm tide, sand curling between their toes.
Ezra and Alison sat on that beach all night, kissing, cuddling, going all the way. Ezra doubted Aria would ever fuck him on a beach, but Alison was the one who initiated it - not him. Not that Aria wasn't good in bed, she totally was, but Alison was way more…adventurous. With Aria, Ezra sort of leaded the way. With Alison, she led and had Ezra in the palm of her hand.
But again, that was just sex. It wasn't a long lasting relationship. Alison and Ezra were a fling that went farther than its life was supposed to go. Yet slowly, night after night of being with Alison, the two had had a conversation about absolutely nothing. Just childhood memories, interests, basic life. Ezra felt himself falling harder and harder for Alison that day and Alison fell for him. Then, Ezra started to do the dumbest thing he'd ever done in his life: Ezra started to love Alison. Alison loved his nonstop attention, loved his handsome face, loved his personality even, but she just didn't know how to love properly. She loved being loved, not being in love.
And steadily, things got out of hand between the two. Summer was circling the drain and Ezra, as soon as he started to love her, he felt himself backing out of his feelings. There would always be a special place in his heart for the blonde girl who showed him how to live in that particular summer. The blonde girl who manipulated him into loving her. The blonde girl with such a peculiar air about her Ezra couldn't help but be intoxicated by. He'd never forget that summer, not only due to the memory of the horrible thing he did at the end of it, but for being in love with Ali.
And as convoluted as it was, Ezra also loved Alison deeply because through Ali came Aria. Aria was the best thing that had ever been in Ezra's life and he had Alison to thank for that. If he had never met Alison, he would not be in a relationship with Aria. She would still be his student and Ezra would still be her teacher, but they wouldn't have unrequired apartment sessions. The only reason Ezra had Aria was because Alison was gone and through Aria, Ezra knew he could find her.
Yes, tragic but true. Ezra, at first, only started up things with Aria because he knew she and Alison were friends. He thought it was an easy way to find her. But upon his search, Ezra started falling for Aria way harder than he ever had for Alison.
And Aria loved him back. That was the best part. Alison didn't, Aria did. And when he thought of how Aria loved him back, it was more than basic love. They went through so much that it was a higher passion than love. And that extreme passion was something he never would have had with Ali.
But even though that extreme, utter passion was there for his dear Aria, it didn't stop him from trying to find Alison. He had only admitted why he was so crazed to find Ali to one person, CeCe, and it was going to stay that way. No one would ever know his dirty little secrets as long as he found Alison and kept CeCe under his thumb. Ezra hated himself for what he was doing to Aria, but he needed to get Alison for reasons that couldn't even be explained.
And he didn't plan to ever explain them.