Hey everyone! This is a story for the Warriors Challenge Forum. Basically, they need a leader for one of their clans, so they made a writing contest to choose the new leader. Obviously, I'm doing it. You need to write a story about a clan who was ravaged by a bush fire. The judges of the competition can't give me a full review until the last chapter, so this is a story where I really, really, REALLY, want and need constructive criticism. It will help me improve each chapter as I go on.
For the judges: I already okayed this with Songstar, but I just want to let you guys know that my prologue and epilogue are going to be more the 500 words, but they are going to count in the maximum.
Now, enough babbling! Here it is!
Stormwhisker sighed as he stumbled out of the warrior's den. The air was still thick and dry, starved of any moisture. He narrowed his eyes and stalked over to the fresh kill pile. Instead, he was met by the large, heavily muscled, now lifeless body of Windclaw, Breezeclan's former deputy.
Grief washed over him as he remembered last night. The great deputy had not been prepared for the giant heat wave that had swept Breezeclan the last couple of weeks. Windclaw had joined them as a rogue a couple of years back. He had slowly earned the trust of his clan and ended up as deputy.
With his thick coat he was obviously built for the cold, so he had fallen sick when summer hit. Yesterday had been the end for him. Windclaw had been greatly respected, fiercely loyal to his clan, and mourned by all in his death.
Stormwhisker watched as the small brown leader slowly stood up from her crouched position next to Windclaw.
"Breezestar looks devastated," whispered a soft voice in his ear. He gently flicked his best friend's shoulder with his tail.
"Well, Windclaw did just die," he pointed out. Russetbloom shook her short, reddish-brown tabby coat, and Stormwhisker's tail slid off her.
"Way to be sensitive," she teased, batting his ears playfully. Stormwhisker couldn't suppress a grin. He shoved her softly and Russetbloom crashed into the sun-baked grass. She winced and scrambled to her feet. Stormwhisker pricked his ears in alarm.
"Are you okay? I didn't mean-" he started. Russsetbloom let loose a string of laughter.
"I'm fine, mousebrain. I'm tougher then you think I am," Russetbloom laughed.
"I hope so," Stormwhisker meowed, shaking his head and his long, thick, whiskers. Russetbloom grinned again, twitching her black left ear and tail tip.
"How can you guys be laughing?" hissed a small voice. The two warriors spun around in surprise, and came face to face with Airpaw, a small, completely white tom. Stormwhisker still found it strange for a cat to be totally white.
"What?" Russetbloom, meowed, obviously confused.
"Windclaw's dead and you guys are just, just fooling around!" Airpaw snarled. Stormwhisker was taken aback as tears filled the apprentice's eyes. Then he remembered. Windclaw had been the young tom's mentor and father.
"I'm sorry Airpaw," Stormwhisker meowed gently. Airpaw narrowed his eyes.
"I don't want your sympathy!" he growled, stalking off. Russetbloom sighed.
"I feel bad for him," she whispered, watching Airpaw bury his muzzle into Windclaw's white and brown tabby fur. Stormwhisker rolled his eyes.
"Well he could try to be a bit more polite," growled Stormwhisker. Russetbloom narrowed her eyes.
"And you could try to be more understanding!" she snapped. Stormwhisker blinked in surprise. Her green eyes were blazing, and her nose was inches from his face.
"Look, I'm sorry Russetbloom," he pleaded. Her tail lashed back and forth. He winced, "Really, I am!" She leaned back, her eyes still cold.
Stormwhisker puffed up his fur, extremely annoyed. "She- cats," he thought.
"I just think that we're all going through a bad time, with Windclaw's death, and with the heat wave, and I think you should start taking things a bit more seriously," Russetbloom meowed. Stormwhisker stared. Hadn't she just been being as silly as he a few moments ago?
"Well-" Stormwhisker began. She gave him an icy look, and padded off towards Windclaw.
"Russetbloom, Stormwhisker, try to go find something to eat," called Breezestar tiredly from her perch on the High Stone. The High Stone was a large boulder, surrounded by a few straggly bushes that her den was under.
"Just my luck," grumbled Stormwhisker. He already could feel the searing heat, and hunting wasn't going to make him any cooler. Especially with Russetbloom. He watched as the red tabby spun around and stalked through the short dried out grass towards him.
"Sure," answered Russetbloom, but Stormwhisker could hear the grimace in her voice.
"Breezeclan thanks you," Breezestar meowed, still sounding utterly exhausted as she recited the formalities. Russetbloom flicked her tail and padded out of camp. Stormwhisker followed her meekly.
Breezeclan lived on the outer edge of a huge expanse of abandoned farmland. Covered mostly in dry grass and small shrubs and bushes, Breezeclan was absolutely shriveling in the heat. Breezeclan camp was nestled in a dip in the ground and came up against a line of boulders.
On the other side of the boulders, the fields stretched out into thick forests, with wide streams cutting through them. Forestclan lived there. Breezeclan and Forestclan were bitter rivals, and the rivalry had been inflamed when the heat struck. Breezeclan had pleaded for a bit of Forestclan's territory to stay sheltered from the heat. Stormwhisker's tail twitched angrily as he recalled that Forestclan had refused, even for the short amount of time Breezeclan had wanted it for. Now Breezeclan blamed Forestclan for Windclaw's death.
Russetbloom nudged Stormwhisker out of his daydreams. He looked at her, surprised that the prickly she-cat would be talking to him already. He and Russetbloom had been best friends since kit age, and there even used to be a time when he thought he loved her. But as time went on, Stormwhisker and Russetbloom both realized that they loved each as friends, and nothing more.
Russetbloom had a strong personality, so she and Stormwhisker were often at odds. Stormwhisker knew that she thought him a very self centered cat, and very moody to cats who weren't his friends, while she believed strongly in doing the right thing, was friendly to everyone, and stood up to "mean" cats.
"Sorry," she sighed, "It's just such a shock that Windclaw actually died."
"It's fine, everyone feels like that," Stormwhisker assured her, giving her a quick lick on the cheek. She smiled, obviously relieved that he'd forgiven her.
Stormwhisker pulled away, dropping into the hunter's crouch as he spotted a rabbit. Russetbloom froze, determined not to distract her friend or warn the rabbit of danger. The rabbit was a rarity in the heat, and even though it looked dried out and skinny, it was the best they'd probably do.
Stormwhisker slowly put one large black paw in front of the other as he inched forward, his dark gray fur standing on end with anticipation. He winced as the grass crackled under his feet. The rabbit cocked its head, hopping a few paces forward. Stormwhisker froze, one paw extended in air.
The rabbit lowered its head, going back to nibbling on the dead grass, oblivious to the threat lurking nearby. Soon Stormwhisker passed the cover of the bushes. It was now or never. Tensing his muscles, he leaped. He was too far away to land directly on the rabbit, but it was rare Breezeclan warriors had the luxury of landing right on their prey.
The rabbit leaped away, terror flashing through its beady eyes. Stormwhisker's training kicked in and he raced after it, his paws thundering across the dry plains. Breezeclan cats were known for their speed so it wasn't long before Stormwhisker was racing neck to neck with the rabbit. He lunged sideways, sinking his claws squarely in on the rabbit's shoulders. He threw it to the ground and ended its struggle with a swift bite to the rabbit's neck.
The sweet blood dripped from his jaws as Russetbloom caught up with him, panting heavily.
"I'll never understand how you can run that fast," she wheezed.
"It's in my blood," he proclaimed proudly. Immediately he realized it was the wrong thing to say.
"And my blood's just not good enough," she mumbled, staring dejectedly at the ground. Stormwhisker winced. Russetbloom's mother had been a Kittypet who had made the long journey away from Twoleg civilization to join the Clans she had heard about from a story. Technically Russetbloom was born in the Clans, she just didn't have Clan blood.
"You know I didn't mean it like that," he murmured, nuzzling her softly. She lifted her head and gave him a weak smile.
"I know," she replied, briskly shaking her self. Stormwhisker smiled to himself. "There's the Russetbloom I know and love," he thought.
"Come on, we should take this back to camp," Stormwhisker meowed, gesturing towards the rabbit with a shake of his head.
"You don't think we should try for more prey?" Russetbloom said doubtfully.
"You're probably right," Stormwhisker replied, cursing his stupidity. He dug his claws into the dried out soil, and raked it out. The earth crumbled out easily, and seemed to shatter in his paws like sand. Grimacing, he pushed the rabbit in, and filled the hole back up with the same heat seared soil.
"Come on," Russetbloom meowed, bouncing on the pads of her paws, eager to catch her own prey. They scoured the territory for more food, but didn't spot one living soul. Dejectedly they skimmed the Forestclan border, glancing jealously out into the thick, thriving forest. Stormwhisker figured that even Forestclan would be feeling the heat, but at least all the animals had taken shelter in their precious forest.
"Let's go hunt in Forestclan territory," he burst out. Russetbloom looked at him like he was crazy. Of course, he was acting that way.
"Are you crazy?" she hissed. "Yep, I was right. She thinks I'm crazy," he thought.
"Kind of," he admitted, "But Breezeclan is going to starve! I'd rather risk my life then watch my clan starve!"
Russetbloom shook her head, "Fine, but if we get caught, it wasn't my idea."
"We're not going to get caught," snapped Stormwhisker, hesitantly taking a step into the unfamiliar territory. Russetbloom followed, her ears flattened to her head, and her claws unsheathed. Stormwhisker nervously unsheathed his own, and began to doubt his brilliant plan.
"I say we back out now," Russetbloom hissed quietly, as they slipped softly into the trees. Thick, leafy branches blocked the sun from view and a pleasant chill touched Stormwhisker.
"I don't," he replied. She sighed.
"If either Clan finds out, we're dead," she growled.
"I know," he replied easily, not really listening. It was impossible to listen to her chatter when they were actually in Forestclan territory. Every corner thrived with life, and Stormwhisker was itching to hunt. He slid into the hunting crouch.
"Stormwhisker!" hissed Russetbloom. He ignored her, creeping closer. She tore forward, and ripped him backwards into the bushes with unsheathed claws. He winced as the blood ran down his shoulder.
"What did you do that for?" he hissed. Her green eyes blazed in the shadows of the bushes.
"Shhh!" she snarled. Stormwhisker narrowed his eyes, his hackles rising.
"What was that?" called an unfamiliar voice. Stormwhisker froze and Russetbloom shot him a 'told you so' look. He flattened his belly against the ground, terror thumping through his body. His heart fluttered so fast against his chest that he was sure Forestclan could hear it.
"I don't know, Leafpelt. But smell," breathed a smaller voice.
"Breezeclan," spat a new voice. Stormwhisker dared to peek through the thick foliage that hid him and Russetbloom. A brown she-cat with gleaming green eyes was curiously sniffing at the air. A small gray and white streaked she-cat stood by her side, and a black tom stood very still, his eyes narrowed with hostility.
"You're right Nightfang," breathed the brown she-cat to the tom.
"Should we look for them or go get more warriors?" asked the white she-cat in a small voice. She was clearly an apprentice.
"We should probably go get more warriors, Graypaw. It could be an invasion," meowed the brown she-cat, who Stormwhisker had concluded to be Leafpelt.
"What if it's just some Breezeclan dung sneaking around? They'll be gone by the time we get back!" snarled Nightfang, digging his claws into the earth.
"Come on Nightfang," Leafpelt meowed sharply. She stalked away, Graypaw trailing her from behind. Nightfang cast one more suspicious glance around before bounding after them.
Stormwhisker and Russetbloom waited a few minutes, both breathing heavily as if they had just sprinted a long distance.
"I'm sorry," whispered Stormwhisker.
"You should be, mousebrain! Now let's get out of her before they come back with their entire clan!" Russetbloom meowed, nudging him. He cracked a smile. Slowly they emerged and began to make their way back towards the border, pausing often to hide their trail and scent.
Stormwhisker couldn't contain himself when he spotted three mice, all huddled around the same bunch of hazelnuts. He pounced, capturing all three. Russetbloom shook her head, but when she practically fell onto a plump rabbit, she killed it.
Finally, they reached the border. Wincing, the two slowly proceeded back out to the glaring sunlight. The sun was high in the sky, blazing across miles of open fields. Stormwhisker and Russetbloom sprinted across it, over to where the rabbit was buried.
Stormwhisker uncovered it quickly, but Russetbloom picked it up because his mouth was full of mice. Then the two cats began home, both drenched in sweat and exhausted from their little trip into Forestclan territory.
The adrenaline that had been racing through Stormwhisker's body at the prospect of forbidden hunting had faded, leaving him ready to fall asleep in seconds.
Russetbloom ducked her head as they entered through the little tunnel in the boulders lining the sides of Breezeclan camp. Stormwhisker paused for a moment to lift his head and sniff the air. A shock of electrified air filled his scent glands. He narrowed his eyes in apprehension; it was obvious a storm was coming. It would end the heat streak, but if lightening struck first, there'd be a disaster.
Stormwhisker shook the unwelcome thoughts out of his head and squeezed through the tunnel after Russetbloom. "A storm is a good thing," he told himself, "I hope it strikes."
How was it? I really hope it was good, but don't tell me that if you don't think so. Remember, constructive criticism, no flaming please! :)
Fanfiction even made it so much easier for you to review, there's a little box to type in right under this! So please, review! :)
-Madison
-Minnowlight of the warriors challenge forum
-Foxstar of the coolest forum ever
:)