Chapter One
New Beginning
If I stayed, what would have happened?
Would I have died, or would I have moved on?
There is was only one way to find out, but it's too late to test that theory. What if I fall? I fall here, at least no one would know. It's usual to go crazy in this new town. Here, one becomes crazy or becomes a very respectable person. There is no in between. An either/or situation. I had a good English teacher in my old school.
Maybe I want to go crazy. Why else would I come here? Not only is this new place affordable, but I can mend from a broken heart. That's why I moved here.
As I unpack my bags, I analyze my new room. The prior occupant had a good style, sort of emo. Even though I don't look it, I am one of the most emo people in the world. The movie Balto made me cry. I am pathetic. I can't see a cartoon without disgracing myself. Thank God I don't own that movie.
I take out my books, smiling for the first time in days. My friend had accidentally kept my favorite copy of my favorite book. But it's ok. I have another copy. I see it, and almost laugh. Picturing Oliver smart-talking to Deanna always makes me laugh, but not today.
I unpack them slowly, putting Robin McKinley, Vivian Vande Velde and Stephenie Meyer nearby, ready for a nice adventure.
Those are my favorite books. I am a pathetic romantic comedy lover. I also like mystical adventures. The magic is almost believable in my head. They always have surprising twists, and Vande Velde and McKinley and Meyer are certainly no exception. But especially, because, well, my favorite of all mystical genres is vampirism. I think it would be cool to be a vampire. Living eternally, partying at night, emotions not really an issue…
My mom calls me for dinner, and I smell tamales.
Yum, tamales.
For a few minutes, I forget why I moved, why I have such horrible scars...Why I'm me.
"Stop that!" I screamed to my little brother, Lucas.
"Why should I? Huh? Porque?" he answers back.
"Porque te voy a dar un chingadasoque nunca te vas a olvidar!" I threaten him, knowing the old I'll-Kick-Your-Ass-If-You-Don't-Listen routing always worked. Oh yea, I'm bilingual, in case you didn't notice.
"Ma! Raechel esta usando malas palabras!"
Crap. My mother hates it when I say words like that. Says it doesn't sound right for a young lady to say those words. I heard my sister say worse words than me in front of my parents, and she only gets the gasp treatment. Fair upbringings. Right.
After I wash my plates, I go back to my room. I get a weird intuitive feeling. I turn around to face the stairs, but no one is there. I get a little freaked out. I believe in ghosts. I also believe in dwarfs, the devil, vampires, ware wolves, even the Bloody Mary.
Back at home, I was in a band called The Bloody Marys...
Back at home...
This is home now, I make myself think.
I continue unpacking, and strangely enough, our self-titled CD is on top, when I was positive I put it at the very bottom.
I put it in my new stereo and start listening while I unpack. I actually sang in that band. Actually, screamed and sang. People loved us because of that: two girls that actually used throat. Being in The Bloody Marys was the best thing that ever happened to me, except...
My favorite song comes up. I start singing, and my mom tells me to go to sleep, since I have school tomorrow. Hmm…gotta start practicing soon.
Great. I'm ditching that. No way will I make a fool of myself. I'll just call in sick for myself. I've been told I sound like my mother on the phone. Joy.
I go to sleep and dream of a new life where I actually like it here. I wake up laughing. Great. I'm already starting to go insane.
I suddenly hear a voice. It's calling out my name and telling me to go to school today.
I must be Schizophrenic or something.
What other crazy voice in my head might tell me to go to school? School. I must be going crazy.
The rest of the night I kept dreaming of hearing voices, and they're calling out my name. I actually try to see who calls me out, when I've known all along I'm probably Schizophrenic - to an extent - from hearing and sometimes talking to voices.
By 6:00am, I am fully awake, waiting until 6:30 to call in sick, to impersonate my mother. By 6:28, I decide to call. I leave a formal message, saying that my daughter will be unable to go to school today because she fell ill yesterday and is still sick today, and to call for any questions.
By 9:00, I am outside, exploring the new city. Mainy isn't that bad. Sadly, I am spotted by other ditching students -tsk, tsk-. They immediately recognize me as a new face, so they approach me. They ask me where I came from.
"I came from Vista."
"Really? I heard it's a dump there," tells me the leader of the group.
"On the contrary, it's very beautiful, with exquisite architecture and an anti-bellicose society," I tell him, trying to scare him away with my "extensive" vocabulary.
"Is that so?" he asks, obviously not fazed by my big garble of words, which although did make sense, were only my last vocabulary list put into a whole sentence. Pretty good, eh?
"Yes," I say, suspiciously.
"I've heard many contradictory statements, and let me tell you, the locals here, if you please, are very pro-bellicose, so you should start to toughen up." Hmm…maybe he had the same list as me?
"I'm a calm person - generally. I advise you not to push it."
"You never know. Something could hurt you." He almost sounded like he cared, which almost made me change my attitude towards the group, but he said something, not someone. What did he mean by that? A butterfly?
"Do I look fragile to you?" I ask, frustratingly indignant.
"In local terms, yes. You say Vista is peaceful? Well, honestly, you look like the rebuttal to that statement. It'll take more than tough attitude to make it alive in this town." Yea, he definitely had my vocabulary list.
Oh, the dramatic irony.
So much talk about life-threats and being hurt made me edgy. I am a strong young woman, a strong feminist. I could rant on and on, and never shut up about the injustices happening to the growingly accomplishing gender.
All his friends smile knowingly. I dislike the boy already.
His extravagant speech affected me in the least; at least, I tried to make it appear so.
I look at him, bored, "So you're saying I'm tough, but my quality isn't enough to survive this town, eh? What about the quality of 'easily entertained'?"
I regretted saying that even before the words came out my mouth, but their stares made me edgy.
They look at me bemusedly.
"Haha! You'll eat your words in less than a week," says the only girl in the group of four. They all seemed to agree. I had had enough. My next words were the most anti-anti-bellicose thing to come out next.
"I don't eat my words, I spit them out. My word is my word. Now move out of my way, or I'll move you. I have to get home before people begin to think I socialize with vocabulary list-using ditchers."
One boy looks at me curiously. What a handsome face, but the fact he even hung out with that other guy just made it impossible for me to see any good qualities in any of them.
"Where do you live?" he asks, ignoring my anti-anti-bellicose speech.
Knowing it's a small town, and everybody knows everybody's business, I say, "Los Angeles Drive."
For a nano-second, they look disconcerted. But only for a nano-second. I couldn't even be sure it was the right emotion.
The last boy in the group said, "We'll walk you home."
"Uh, that's not necessary. I need to develop some of a local resilience," I reply sarcastically.
"You don't know what you're talking about," he smirks at me.
I hate it when people smirk at me. Makes me feel stupid, abased. Another vocabulary list word.
Annoyed, I turn home.
"Did he strike a nerve?" asks the first boy.
Weird how I could be annoyed yet be able to talk to them. I never do that.
"Several of them actually."
He smirks too, "He's right you know. We'll walk you."
How authoritative.
"Hmm," I say.
I speed walk, but they easily keep in pace with me, a miracle. My speed walk is like a slow run. They didn't slowly run, they looked like they were merely strolling. That made me go faster, but they merely took longer steps, like me.
It got very quiet for a minute; the second, most quiet boy begins to ask me questions.
"So what brought you into Mainy?"
"I don't know. My parents wanted an affordable place." To my dismay, he smirks as well.
We are ahead of the other three, but I could feel their smirk, as if they were listening to me, as if they were merely right behind us.
I scowl, and the boy laughs.
"So what's your name?"
"Raechel."
"Nice to meet you Raechel. The name's Zacky."
"Nice to meet you too Zacky."
I like his name. It definitely fit his personality and style. I never thought someone could look that good. Mainy was already changing my taste in men. Oh joy.
"So why aren't you in school?" he asks.
"I should be asking the same question," I say with a determined face.
"Haha. We were bored of school. It's ok to ditch once in a while. When do you start school?" How ironic he was giving me a lesson in ditching, when I was ditching myself.
"Today," I say, not apologetic in any way.
He smiles. Wow. He seemed surprised though. I get defensive.
"There's more to me than meets the eye."
"Sorry, but that's true."
"I miss Vista," I say, open about my preference of house and boarding.
He smiles, and says, "Oh, by the way, don't pay Dustin any mind. He says that about any other city that isn't Mainy."
"Nice to know," I smile back at him.
He's so easy to talk to.
In like ten minutes, we get to my drive. They stop by the pole, offering to show me my classes tomorrow.
"Sure," I say, knowing that tomorrow would be better than today.
"Ok. Meet you here at 7:00?"
"Uh, Ok?" I had previously been exaggerating.
"Ok, bye," says Dustin, the leader of the group, but for some reason, I felt that they should be called a cult, but I didn't know why.
It's 7:30pm, and my parents found out I ditched.
The school actually called to verify. What a bitch.
I wasn't grounded, since they saw I made "friends." I previously told them I would turn into an anti-anthropist, so they were glad I was socializing.
I felt sorry for them to think that.
I feel that intuitive feeling again, and I turn around.
Again. Nothing. Oh well.
By 8:30, I fall asleep, a dreamless night for the first time since my life changed.