FEBRUARY 14TH
The clock read 6:00am. He had been in bed for only an hour, but Richard Castle was still as far from sleep as he had been for the past three weeks. Twenty-one days, probably the amount of hours of sleep that I've gotten in that time period. Staring at the ceiling of his bedroom, his mind could not get past the 'it' moment that has plagued him since. After the first week, he had dubbed those sleepless nights 'his adult grade school', filled with the '3 Rs', reading, (w)riting and rumination. I wanted to show her that I cared, that I was there for her, that she meant everything to me, that …...shit, who am I kidding, I wanted her to know that I loved her. For two years nothing else that I've done has been able to penetrate her mind or her heart, why would I have thought that kissing her would be any more effective. Yes, it was spur of the moment, but it was none the less meaningful...at least to me.
Recognizing his fruitless effort toward sleep, Rick left his bed and strolled through the study to the kitchen. He sought out the necessary ingredients and cookware to prepare breakfast for the ladies of the house. His desire to do something special for his daughter, he decided that chocolate chip pancakes would highlight her morning. As he mixed the batter and added the chips, he poured the concoction into the heart shaped cooking forms. As he was setting the plates on the kitchen counter, Alexis was descending the stairs.
"Morning, Dad." she yawned.
Pulling her into a hug and kissing the top of her head, Rick greeted her, "Good morning, daughter. Happy Valentine's Day. I hope chocolate chip pancakes will get your 'day of amour' off to the proper start."
"Gee, thanks Dad, this looks great." After being released from his embrace, she looked into his eyes, "You didn't sleep again, did you?"
"I'm fine, Alexis."
"I'm not five anymore, Dad, so please don't treat me like I am. I worry about you, and so does Gram. All you ever do is try to make sure that we are alright and that everything is taken care of for us. If that is the way that you want it, then fine, bring my daddy back and bring Gram's son back, because that is what we want."
"Alexis...
"I'm serious, Dad. What good are you going to be to us, if you keep this up. I know that you're hurting and that you're miserable, but you're running yourself into the ground. Gram just wants to help you, I just want to help you."
"You can help by eating your pancakes."
"Damn it, Dad."
"Alexis!"
"I'm sorry. …...You just make me so angry sometimes."
"Sweetheart, I don't want to argue with you. I will try harder. I appreciate that you and Mother are concerned. Just let this go for now, and you concentrate on school today and your date with Ashley tonight. Now, eat your pancakes and...I love you, too."
Finishing her breakfast, Alexis rinsed her plate and silverware and placed them in the dishwasher. Exiting the kitchen, she stood behind her father and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, "Thank you for the Valentine's breakfast, Daddy. …...I know that you said that you weren't going to, but would you come to the 'Piece of My Heart Gala' with Gram tonight? She told me that she really didn't want to have to ask someone from the theatre group to accompany her."
"Pumpkin, I want the three of you to have a good time, and I wouldn't be very good company. Besides, I've already made plans of my own. So I'll be fine."
"What plans did you make?"
"I met someone a few weeks ago, and we're going to have dinner together tonight."
"Dad?"
"I've never lied to you, Alexis."
Apprehensively she asked 'the question', "What do we do if we run into Detective Beckett?"
"Well first, you'll address her as Kate, because you know she'll correct you if you don't. Secondly, she'll probably be quite happy to see you and Mother, as well as have the opportunity to meet Ashley, so I don't think there will be anything to worry about."
"What about,...him?"
"Alexis, you said yourself that you're not five anymore, if I have to answer that question then I haven't done a very good job at being a father to you."
"Daddy, I didn't mean to imply that."
"I know you didn't. …...You'll be fine sweetie."
Since there had not been any calls, there obviously had not been a new case to handle. Realizing that would mean a day of paperwork for Kate, Rick delayed his visit to the precinct till the early afternoon. Their time together was still precious to him, but the atmosphere surrounding their time together was certainly less than carefree. They had become almost annoyingly polite to one another. The precinct onlookers, who at one time monitored their actions to see which one of them was going jump the other first, were now relegated to counting how many times two people could say 'I'm sorry'; 'Excuse me'; 'Thank you'; 'You're welcome'. Still, whether at the precinct, at a crime scene, at the morgue or during interrogations, there appeared to be a gravitational pull that kept them within an arm's length of one another at all times. It was as if their kinetic energy could only be realized as long as they were next to one another.
As Rick exited the elevator, he headed down the walkway to Kate's desk. The sight of the flowers almost engulfed her entire workspace. Approaching her, Rick placed the Remy's cheeseburger and milkshake on the floor beside her chair and greeted her, "Good afternoon, Detective. Beautiful red roses for a beautiful lady."
"Uh...thank you, they are pretty. And, thank you for lunch. I forgot to go out. What's with you today. Armani suit and an attache case. Something going on?" she replied.
"I have to go to a board meeting of my foundation later, and I try to at least make them think I know how to present myself. We have a couple of new members on the board, and I thought I should be there for their first meeting. Plus, I wanted to make sure that they were following my directives about the royalties for the Nikki Heat series."
As he went to sit in his designated chair, it became apparent that the flowers would serve as a curtain between the two of them. Kate started to move them out of the way, but Rick insisted that he just move his chair to the desk behind her.
Seeming somewhat put out that a desk was now going to separate them, her question was forced, "What directives are those?"
"Eat your lunch."
"I will."
"Detective?"
"Alright, alright, I'll eat. Don't get pushy. Besides, you didn't sleep again did you?"
"I'm fine."
"Excuse my language, but that's bullshit."
"Anyway, since Nikki is inspired by you, I wanted the royalties to be utilized to set up a victims' assistance program for the 12th Precinct, and any other precinct that would have similar needs. It only seemed fitting, and besides it'll make me look good."
"How is it going to make you look good, if no one is ever going to be able to trace where the money is coming from?"
"How did you know the foundation was structured to work like that?"
"You've been by my side for almost two years and even though we both may have a history with magic, I know that it takes money to do some of the things that I've seen around here over that period of time. I may not understand everything, Castle, but I'm not a total idiot."
"You're not eating."
Taking a huge bite of her cheeseburger, she replied, "Satisfied?"
"I will be when you've finished it all. …...Uh...Alexis was somewhat concerned about the possibility of running into you this evening. I hope that won't be a problem for you."
He could easily see the concern in her eyes as she replied, "It'll be fine. I've missed Alexis, and Martha for that matter. It seems like such a long time since I've seen them."
"Almost a year. …...Eat."
"Sleep!"
"I'll sleep when I'm dead."
He could see the fire rise in her eyes as it did when they built theory together, "You ever say that to me again, I'll kill you myself."
"I'm sorry."
"You'd better be."
Silence took over their presence as Kate finished her lunch. Discarding the sack and her milkshake cup, she broke the lull in conversation, "I have to go talk to the Captain. Are you going to stay for a while?"
"No. I have to get going. I was going to stop and tell the guys to have a good time tonight on my way out. Would you tell the Captain the same from me?"
"Yes. They are all very appreciative that you provided them with tickets for the Gala."
"The American Heart Association is an extremely worthwhile organization, and it's the least I can do for everyone around here putting up with me. I hope that you have an enjoyable evening, Detective."
Not being able to say goodbye, Kate turned to go toward Montgomery's office, but the tone of the voice and the word took her breath away.
"Kate...
"Yeah."
…...uh..."Happy Valentine's Day."
"Oh...uh...Happy Valentine's Day to you, too, Ri...Castle."
The rapid clicking of her heels signaled her hasty retreat. Rick opened and closed his attache case, and made his way to Esposito and Ryan. They thanked him again for the tickets that he had gifted them, and told him that they wished that he could be in attendance as well.
Leaving the Captain's office, Kate looked toward Esposito and Ryan, but saw that Rick had already gone. She returned to her workspace and rolled her chair back from her desk. She froze as her eyes captured the vision of the single pink rose that was cradled among the greenery and baby breaths within the green wrapping paper. Her hands were shaking as she lifted the card that was placed among the leaves. In his script she read 'Always and Forever'.
She barely made it to the ladies room to the stall where she had read the infamous passage from HEAT WAVE before she released the emotion that her discovery has caused. She clutched the rose and the card to her chest as the torrent of tears fell from her eyes.
After preparing the side dishes for their dinner and marinating the entree, Rick set the dining room table with the china and silverware. Martha and Alexis again tried to implore him to go with them, but to no avail. The past three weeks had made them quite skeptical about whether there was anyone that actually was coming to share dinner with their son and father. Wishing them an enjoyable evening, Rick entered his study, poured a finger of scotch and reclined in his desk chair. Middle of the night ruminations now were present in the early evening. As he fought to control them, he turned and opened the bottom drawer of the desk.
Pulling out the framed photograph, he could not contain the tears from sliding down his cheeks. Caught almost in silhouette, the vision of him walking down the street with that tiny hand encased in his, the love of his life would always and forever be that little five year old. But then, that is a father's love. A beautiful and enchanting woman had his heart, and always and forever she would be the love that he cherished until he was no more.
The ring of the doorbell jostled him from his reverie. He gently kissed the photograph and replaced it in the desk drawer and made his way to the loft's door. Opening the door, his dinner companion greeted him.
"Hello, Rick. Thank you for inviting me."
"The pleasure is all mine. Please come in, Jim."