Title: Losing You
Summary: Grissom and Sara realise few home truths during the events of "Grave Danger"
Rating: T
Author's Notes: This story started out as a scenario, filling in the gaps regarding Grissom and Sara during "Grave Danger", and after the first chapter, with encouragement from wonderful people at talk.csi, I decided to expand it into story. It's still work in progress, so bear with me. Enjoy!
It's been the last thing Sara expected to hear. It's been hard enough dealing with the fact that Nick, one of her closest friends and workmates, has been kidnapped and buried alive, but to hear that Grissom has been in an explosion has been a whole other thing!
When Catherine came to tell her, the senior CSI barely holding her own composure, Sara's heart literally stopped for a second.
"Sara, something's happened. We need to get to Boulder Highway."
Catherine's tone told her she wasn't going to like it.
"Is it Nick? Have you found him?"
Catherine, tears brimming in her eyes, gave Sara such heart-wrenching look, filled with sympathy and pain, that the latter didn't have to ask.
"It's Grissom."
It's Grissom. Two simple words, a name which had always made Sara's heart skip a beat. Two words, said with such tension and worry. Sara wasn't exactly sure what she felt, when she heard Cath utter the sentence she'd always been dreading to hear. Especially now, when she's been feeling so vulnerable and upset over what had happened to Nick. This wasn't fair!
Her blurry vision made her aware that the feelings she'd so carefully tried to keep in check, were out of her system and her conflicted emotions made her unable to realistically assess the situation.
And as much as it anguished her, the only thing on her mind at the moment was not to find Nick. All she wanted was to get to Grissom. No-one else and nothing else mattered. She knew that her life wasn't worth living, if he wasn't there, by her side.
She glanced over at Catherine and Warrick, both of them quiet and obviously trying to keep their own feelings in check. She could have imagined how they felt, but their pain at the potential prospect of losing another person close to them, was nothing compared to hers.
Grissom was their boss, their fellow worker, their close friend. He was their confidante, a leader, someone they trusted and respected.
He was all those things to her, too. But the difference was, he was also so much more. Sara has never been afraid to admit it. To herself, and to Grissom. She has laid her feelings bare, and he knew how she felt, yet his head was still in conflict with his heart.
Despite the fact that he's never openly admitted how he felt, losing him was Sara's worst nightmare and she knew that she'd never forgive herself if something had happened to him, and she wasn't there.
Biting back the tears, that again had started to form a painful ball in her throat, she glanced out of the window, silently willing the car to go faster.
Sara got out of the car and nervously looked around, quickly taking in the distressing view of a burning building, the debris of body parts, and dollar notes floating in the air.
"Oh my God!" Catherine didn't even try to hide the shock and terror in her voice.
Warrick put his hand on her arm, his face solemn, as he briefly squeezed his eyes, and shook his head in silent horror and dismay.
Giving Cath a small, reassuring smile, he turned to Sara to comfort her, but she'd already gone to the ambulance standing nearby.
Tears sprung to Sara's face when she saw him, sitting on the ambulance floor, his body slumped and his face covered in blood. He looked startled and confused, as she's never seen him before.
Her heart went out to him and it took her all of her inner strength to resist taking him in her arms and never let go.
"Are you ok?"
Before she knew it, her hand went to his blood-strained face, stroking it gently.
"Grissom?"
"He blew himself up and left us with nothing."
His words took her by surprise. She looked into his eyes, but she almost drew back when she saw the pain that transpired from their depths. Grissom looked beaten. She's never seen him like this and his grief-stricken face brought tears to her own eyes.
"Thank god you're ok." She whispered to him.
"I don't know what I'd do if something had happened to you!"
Upon hearing Sara's voice, Grissom lifted his head and looked at her, as if only just noticing that she'd been standing there.
"Sara. I'm ok. He left us with nothing."
Tears that have been brimming in Sara's eyes flew freely down her cheeks.
"I know."
"He wouldn't tell me where Nick is."
Unable to stop herself, Sara cupped Grissom's face in both her hands, stroking it gently.
"I know", she whispered. "I know."
"Sara... He asked me, Gordon asked me what I felt."
Sara held her breath as she waited for Grissom to continue, her hands never leaving his face.
"He asked me what I felt every time I pressed that button. I... didn't know. I didn't know what to say to him, because no matter how much I wanted to say that my pain was almost unbearable... All I could think about was you."
He added the last sentence, focusing his gaze on Sara's face.
His admission took her by surprise.
She'd never imagined him saying that, especially now, not so as-a-matter-of-factly.
"Sara... Thank you."
"What for?"
"For being here."
She studied his face for a brief moment, looking for an answer to the silent question, that appeared in her head.
She knew what he meant.
Their eyes locked and she knew they would have to talk about this.
But this was not the time.
"I know", he said. "I know. Let's find Nick first, ok?"
"Yes."
Unable to fully process the roller coaster of emotions in her brain, Sara turned away to help the others at the crime scene, when Grissom's voice stopped her.
"Sara...I just..."
Turning to face him, she took his hand and squeezed it reassuringly.
" I know. We'll talk later, ok?"