Title: Where My Demons Hide
Author: Anybody Can Do Anything
Summary: 'Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it.' – Terry Pratchett. Set after the group's arrival at Alexandria. Daryl/OC.
Rating: Unsure at this point
Chapter 1
'Lucy, honey? It's me.'
'Oh my god, are you OK? I've been trying to call for hours! Are you safe? I heard they evacuated Congress this afternoon...'
'We're OK sweetheart. We're all safe. Listen, we have to go back home and we want you to come with us.'
'I... are you sure it's safe to travel? Some of the reports we're getting... Can't you come to the base? At least you'll be safe.'
'Lucy, we have to go. There is no room for argument. If we wait to travel it will only get worse – now is safer than tomorrow. We can pick you up from your apartment in a couple of hours. I don't want to leave you here. I want you with me, with your family.'
'I can't just walk off the base, that's desertion. I –'
A crash.
Then an explosion.
Then alarms and shouting.
'Lucy? Lucy sweetie, answer me!'
'I'm OK, I'm OK.' Coughing, retching and gasping at the other end of the line 'There's been an explosion, I can't see any... oh my god!'
xxx
Heart racing, eyes wide. She sat bolt upright in bed, drenched in sweat, dry heaving as her olfactory nerve remembered the smell of burnt flesh. Covering her mouth with her hand and feeling lightheaded as the beginnings of hyperventilation assaulted her lungs, she pushed the covers off her legs and scrambled into Child's Pose, trying to concentrate on the feeling of the linen as it pressed against her forehead. She wasn't sure when she'd realised that the yoga helped with easing her nerves after the nightmare. They were getting less frequent now – only once or twice a night.
Once she felt her heart rate return to normal, she rolled on to her back with a sigh and stared up at the ceiling. A glance at the clock told her it wouldn't be light for at least another hour. She could hear her cousin snoring in the next room and wondered whether anyone else in the house was awake.
It was late in the summer and the heat had been unbearable for weeks. All of the houses were air conditioned, and she found the constant whir something of a comfort. Any kind of silence unnerved her now.
After half an hour, she gave in, confessing to herself that sleep would not find her again that night. Dangling her legs over the edge of the bed, she cast her eyes around the dark bedroom. Spying her running shoes flung under the armchair in the corner, she made a snap decision.
Stepping out into the balmy air, she hopped down from the porch and started a slow, thudding jog along the silent streets. She hadn't bothered with music. She just wanted to hear the sound of her feet on the road, the sound of her heartbeat in her ears.
She ran on the road parallel to the perimeter wall, circling the neighbourhood. The sun began to rise, syrupy light languidly flooding the streets in her wake. Eventually it became too hot for her to run any longer and she reluctantly started back toward the house, the terror and panic now replaced with exercise-induced calm. Every step took her further away from the nightmare. And as with all nightmares, it felt less real in the light.
Her uncle and cousin were drinking their morning coffee on the porch as she approached. She gave a wave and a breathless greeting. Aiden wrinkled his nose and reached out to wipe a single finger across her sweaty bicep.
"You look gross."
"At least I have to go running to look gross."
Aiden grinned "Did you use that new mix I gave you?"
Lucy shook her head "Not this time. I will tomorrow though."
"I didn't hear you go out this morning, Lucy." Uncle Reg looked at her with mild concern "Did you leave before it got light?"
"I was too hot to go back to sleep." Lucy claimed a chair and smiled as she saw her Aunt emerge from the house, two mugs in her hands. Deanna smiled back, proffering one of the mugs.
"I heard your voice."
"You mean you heard her elephant footsteps." Aiden nudged his cousin, trying hard to get a rise out of her "We heard you coming two streets away."
"Thank you." Lucy ignored Aiden and raised the mug in gratitude to her aunt before taking a sip.
"Is that tea?" Aiden wrinkled his nose "You're so English it's disgusting."
"Somebody woke up on the bitchy side of the bed this morning." They all turned as Spencer appeared on the porch, hair still tufted and eyes blinking in the bright light.
"I thought when you all grew up, you'd start being nicer to each other." Reg poured a cup of coffee and handed it to his other son who accepted it gratefully.
"What is everybody doing today?" Deanna stepped in to avoid a bickering match. Lucy thought her aunt looked tired. She was worrying about Aaron and Eric. They had been gone a little longer than normal.
"I'm going to spend a little bit more time setting up a counselling space. I want to start having sessions with Enid – she's still very closed off and I'm concerned that if we don't reach out to her now, things will only get worse. I was thinking about asking Denise to give me her thoughts," Lucy stretched her arms above her head "We could maybe come up with some trauma management strategies together."
"That sounds sensible." Reg smiled at his niece.
"Do you think Eric and Aaron will bring back more people?" Spencer turned to his mother, who sipped her coffee thoughtfully before shrugging with a sigh.
"I don't know, honey. I'm concerned that they've been gone a little longer than originally planned. I'd like you to go and prepare a couple of the houses just in case, though." Spencer nodded.
Aiden jumped in "I'll go over to the stores and see what we're running low on, maybe start planning a supply run with Nicholas."
"I really don't like the idea of just the two of you going out alone, Aiden..." Reg began gently, but with great weariness. This had been a bone of contention behind closed doors for the last few weeks, ever since Aiden and Nicholas had returned from a supply run having lost the other two members of the team to the infected. Lucy knew that Reg and Deanna were concerned about the fact that their youngest son had refused to discuss what had happened, instead disappearing out into the woods surrounding the perimeter with Nicholas for hours at a time. Lucy had made several attempts to debrief her cousin, but he had completely shut her out. It was the first and only thing he had refused to share with her since they had been permanent in each other's lives and it gave her more cause for unease than she wanted her aunt and uncle to see. It had not yet arisen in conversation between them, but Lucy knew that her aunt especially would be watching her for signs of professional concern.
"Dad, we're the only ones left around here who can make supply runs. We have no idea when Heath and the others will be getting back-" Aiden caught himself and Lucy knew it was because he had been about to say 'if they come back at all'. Her cousin sighed "I just don't think it's a good idea to wait until supplies are too low, not if we might be getting more people."
The problem was, Lucy mused as she sipped her tea, both of them were right. It was unsafe for a team of just two to go out, but a steady reserve of supplies were required to ensure maintenance of the status quo. An idea had been brewing at the edge of her consciousness for a few days, but she wasn't sure how well it would go down.
"What about if I went with you?" She finally offered.
Aiden blanched, but covered his expression with one of concern "It gets kinda hairy out there, Luce."
Lucy levelled her gaze at him "I'm as well trained as you," she reasoned "The only reason I haven't been out in a while is because I've been busy debriefing and counselling new residents. And it's not just food we need – Jessie told me yesterday that Pete said we're running low on a few things in the infirmary. I was a volunteer EMT so I know what to look for."
"She's right Aiden," Deanna gently chided her son "And I'd feel better knowing there's a larger group of you."
Aiden knew better than to argue with his mother on this. Sighing, his mouth a thin line, he nodded reluctantly at his cousin "Alright. But I don't think it's a good idea. I can't protect you out there."
Lucy smiled sweetly "Maybe I'll be the one protecting you."
"Isn't there a rule about head doctors being delusional?" Aiden was trying to be jovial but Lucy knew he still wasn't happy. Her offer to join him and Nicholas on the supply run was more than just diplomacy; she wanted to make sure her cousin was safe to be operating outside of the perimeter walls, that his judgement hadn't been too clouded by the trauma of losing two comrades.
xxx
The next day, Lucy went to the infirmary early in the morning to collect a finalised list of stock items required. She had put it off for as long as possible, even thinking about asking Olivia from the pantry if she would go with her. Pete made her uncomfortable and she did not like to be alone with him. He was the only resident besides Denise who had been to medical school, but had shrugged off Denise's offers of assistance in the infirmary when he found out she had changed her surgical residency to psychiatry. His wife and kids were sweet enough, but Lucy suspected he had a substance abuse problem and a short fuse to say the least. She had held private discussions with her aunt where she had made her concerns known, but Deanna's ruling had been that to exile Pete would risk the exit of Jessie and her children from the safe zone. Lucy had countered by arguing that by allowing him to stay, there was a considerable risk that someone else within Alexandria may take matters into their own hands. Jessie's bruises weren't obvious – Pete was too smart for that- but wide bracelets covering finger marks on wrists, long pants when shorts would be better in the oppressive heat... these were things that had caught Lucy's eye and it was only a matter of time before someone else noticed. And then what?
At any rate, Jessie had been with Olivia when Lucy had gone to the pantry and so now, she oscillated, slightly nervous, on the sidewalk outside the sweet little bungalow that had been repurposed as a doctor's office. She spied a couple residents on their porch across the way watching her and sighed inwardly. No going back now. Gossip was infectious in this place and there was zero chance of her walking away without Pete finding out that she was avoiding him. She waved at the porch sitters before fixing a bright and friendly smile on her face and heading in to the office.
She was relieved upon entering to see Barb, another resident, sat in the waiting area (Previously a corner of the living room). Lucy smiled a friendly greeting which Barb returned before rolling her eyes and jerking her thumb toward the closed door of Pete's examination room, a gesture which was somehow reproachful yet loving.
"Donald's hurt his back again." She sighed in her thick Polish accent. Barbara and Donald were the eldest members of the community, and had been amongst the first to arrive. They were both in their eighties and had met after the Second World War - Donald had been a GI and Barb had been a member of the Polish Clandestine army. When she had first gone to welcome them to the community, Donald had told her that he called his wife Barb because she was the sharpest tool in any box. Lucy had a feeling that even without the safe zone, they would have survived. She sighed exaggeratedly and rolled her eyes back at the elderly woman.
"He just has to cause trouble, doesn't he?"
Barb giggled and they made small talk until the exam room door opened and Donald hobbled out, followed by Pete. When Pete noticed Lucy, he did a below average job of concealing his annoyance.
"Lucy. What can I do for you?"
Lucy grit her teeth and held up the blank scrap of paper and stubby pencil she'd had to scrabble around to find before coming over "Heard you might be running low on a few things. I'm going out with Aiden later and came to see what you needed."
Pete sniffed and Lucy ignored his eye-roll as he held the door open for Donald and Barbara "Remember what I said, Donald – rest that back and alternate ice and heat for a day or so." Once the door was shut and there was no chance he could be heard, he grumbled peevishly "I told Aiden I would get a list to him when I got a chance."
Lucy smiled brightly through the window and waved the couple off, watching as they moved slowly down the front path before replying to Pete "Well I wanted to make sure we didn't leave without it." She said, trying to ignore how much her jaw hurt when she clenched it like that.
Pete turned his back to her and began rifling through the numerous stacks of paper on the desk. He didn't bother to make idle chit-chat while he did and so Lucy stood in awkward silence, wondering how a family doctor could be so badly organised. Turning back to face her, Pete handed over a scrap of paper that was covered on both sides with a near illegible scrawl.
Lucy squinted at the paper, frowning "Pete, I'm not sure this is totally manageable in one trip – could you perhaps organise the list by what you need the most and then we can review the next time someone goes on a run?" She regretted the words almost as soon as she had spoken them. The temperature in the room dropped ten degrees as Pete's body language went from merely irritable to downright defensive.
"It's all vital equipment, Lucy." He crossed his arms and glared at her "I wouldn't expect you to understand."
Lucy took a deep breath and tried again "I appreciate that it takes a lot of equipment and medication to run a clinic Pete, I just don't think-"
"You don't understand the kind of pressure I'm under here. None of you do," Pete advanced on her "Nobody around here appreciates what it takes to keep all of you healthy." Snatching the paper back from her, he jabbed it so hard with his index finger Lucy thought it might tear a hole "I made this list with the people of Alexandria in mind. Are you telling me that Fiona's heart medication is more important that a nebuliser for when Joe's asthma gets bad?"
Lucy forced herself not to shrink backward under his gaze, instead squaring her shoulders and meeting his eyes "Of course not. That's not what I'm saying at all."
"Right," Pete sneered, shoving the paper back into her hands roughly "You're just saying that I should be able to run this clinic with imaginary medication and equipment."
"Actually, I'm just asking you to prioritise the urgent items over the routine ones – like you would when triaging patients," Lucy said coldly, folding the list up and putting it in her pocket "But don't worry – I can get Denise to help me."
She had turned around and had the door halfway open when Pete's arm reached past her and slammed it shut again. He towered over her, eyes blazing. Now he was this close, Lucy caught the faint smell of alcohol on his breath and noticed that he had missed a patch of stubble with the razor that morning "Let me go, Pete."
He caught her arm and squeezed it painfully hard "Never question my ability to know what my patients need, Lucy."
Lucy wrenched her arm back and reached for the door once more, tired of this game now. Stalking out into the bright sunshine, she refused to look back as she walked down the path, despite feeling Pete's furious gaze on her back even as she reached the end of the street.
She was still shaking with rage by the time she reached Aunt Deanna and Uncle Reg's house. Aiden's van was parked outside and he was making trips back and forth to the house to load it up with things they would need. Lucy was vaguely dismayed to see Nicholas helping him. She was hoping that Aiden's friend would have opted out of going on this turn seeing as it was so soon after they had come back from the last one. She had wanted the chance to talk with Aiden alone, perhaps start to understand the headspace he had been in lately.
"Hey Luce," Aiden called in greeting "Did you talk to Pete?"
Lucy bit back a grimace and nodded, fishing the list from her pocket and waving it at him "He only wants the universe this time." She said sarcastically, handing it over for her cousin to look at.
Aiden quickly scanned the list and shrugged "Well, I guess we're gonna need it after today."
Lucy frowned "Why after today?"
"You didn't hear? Aaron and Eric have been in touch on the radio – they've found a big group of survivors that they're bringing back here."