Wounded

by Piper Emerald

He found himself forming his tortured thoughts into words that he promised himself he would tell Jack when he came back, but when that day finally came, when Jack finally returned, all thoughts of voicing his fears vanished when he saw Jack's face, saw that familiar gin that he now realized had been the only thing keeping him going. Oneshot. (I own nothing.)

Ianto was wounded. He had been for a long time. It wasn't as if he was unaccustomed to this feeling, pain had always been around him, but he had learned to cope at a young age. He knew how to keep a brave face, how soldier on.

Each time that relief had presented itself to him, he would tell himself that it was never that bad to begin with and the next time that someone hurt him he would know how to handle it. This, of course was never true. Pain was stubborn and knew how to strike down his last defense.

Now he wasn't sure how to cope, he didn't have anyone that he could talk to, and even if he did he doubted that he would want to voice the words in his head. Everyone in the team thought that they had it worse, that Jack's sudden disappearance was hurting them most. It felt almost hypocritical to think that they were wrong and he was in more pain than any of them, especially knowing that he was they one who revealed the least amount of his emotions.

He found himself thinking of long speeches as he avoided the others company. Forming his tortured thoughts into words that he promised himself he would tell Jack when he came back. If he came back. There were moments when Ianto knew that he was coming, that he wouldn't just leave like that without even saying goodbye. Then there were times when he doubted his fearless leader, times when he wondered how much he really meant to the captain. He needed to know, he need Jack to tell him, to listen to him.

But when that day finally came, when Jack finally returned, all thoughts of voicing his fears vanished when he saw Jack's face, saw that familiar gin that he now realized had been the only thing keeping him going. If would be lying if he said that the anger had melted away, that the doubtful waiting no longer mattered, but he knew that it was pointless to hold on to it.

He couldn't forget the pain, but he could put it far enough behind that it could be ignored with some effort. After all, pain was a part of his job, pain was a part of being with Jack, and nothing could make him give that up. Wounds don't always heal, but that doesn't mean that he should let them run his life.