Notes: For the record- no this is not a romance.
Any feelings between Alessandro and Esther are purely brother/sisterly
in nature, though I suspect she mostly just feels respect for him due
to his position and maybe a touch of sympathy/pity for his easily-cowed
nature.
And as per usual, I do not own Trinity Blood, Alessandro, Esther and all related characters and world.
The halls are quiet right now...brother and sister must be in their offices, doing..whatever they do when we aren't in the room of thrones together...Everyone else must be attending to this or that small item or another. And I have exactly ten minutes until my next meeting. A meeting which Medici was supposed to be presiding over, involving...What, I forget now.
I rarely get to really pay attention to any of these meetings to be perfectly honest. How can I when the majority of it seems spent trying to dodge brother's looming demands or sister's sharp insistances? Sometimes I wonder if they even realize I'm right there- if this is how a table caught between two people arguing feels, I'm never arguing over one again. Not that I ever argue- with or without a table. It's honestly just easier to let them shout at each other and then go with whatever one shouts loudest at the end.
Ah-! I was thinking too long- now it's down to seven minutes! I look about my office quickly- hardly anyone ever comes here unless it's to fetch me for this or that meeting. And someone will be doing just that any minute now...so the hallway is out of the question. Well..that leaves the window and the garden then. They know I like to hide in there- but knowing and actually finding me are two different things.
It'll buy me at least fifteen minutes. I'll think of something else to do when I know they're closing in. Maybe. To be honest, just hiding in a nice dark corner of the hedges and crying sounds very appealing over trying to choke them back while Medici 'discusses' subjects with me. Just thinking about those discussions is enough to make the tears already start to sting as I turn off the alarm around the window (even I can figure those out..) and push it open...
I've always liked the gardens. They're bright and colorful- the one place of the Vatican you can truly say looks warm and welcoming, instead of all cold marble and gold gilt. The fact I rarely have time to visit them anymore is first and foremost my primary regret in becoming Pope. -On the other hand, it also means I hide in them quite a bit, whether I'm supposed to or not- so it all works out.
The hat and mantle of my office have to stay behind however- there's just no way to scramble down that trellis with them on. And by the time I reach the bottom, I'm feeling tears sting even more visciously at my eyes- this time from pain. The roses on the trellis are really quite lovely, but their thorns hold to all the old sayings about pretty flowers having nasty hidden surprises.
Sucking lightly at a particuarly deep gash on my finger, I creep through the bushes as quietly as I can. I'm almost hoping that the nun from another time I snuck away like this was there- but she, like so many, probably has other things to do. Besides- it wouldn't be the same anyway. She knows I'm the Pope now- well not that I was really hiding it at the time but...I suppose I should have known she wouldn't have realized who I was, without the hat and all. I have to admit... without all of that, I hardly look like any kind of leader.
Something Medici is very fond of pointing out to me among other things when it's just us. Sforza is kinder there...no less intimidating, but at least she just tells me what I should be doing in an even tone of voice. She's always so calm...I wish I could be more like her during the difficult times...I'd even settle for being a bit like brother, standing up to the problems rather than doing what I'm doing now. That's..just not me though. I want to guide the people yes- but not into war, not into any kind of conflict. That isn't what the Vatican is about...
Though brother seems to have other ideas about why the Vatican exists. And heaven forbid you disagreed with them!
And now, today- I was going to have to do just that. Sforza was wanting to make peace with the vamp- ah..well if I'm going to say it aloud, I need to get used to thinking it, right? Sforza wants to make peace with the Methuselah. Not vampires- Methuselah. ...And Medici, as always, is opposed. That's right...he had scheduled today's meeting..just me and him, so he could tell me why he felt we shouldn't do it.
The tears start to come completely on their own at that thought- another meeting with brother, alone, voicing everything he thought was wrong with Sforza's plans...He was going to rant and loom and roar until I was all but hiding under my chair! And he wasn't going to stop until I told him everything he said was perfectly right and it shouldn't happen.
...But I think I want it to. War is the worst thing that could ever happen to us...and if I can help make sure it won't ever happen, shouldn't I do it? I'm supposed to be guiding and protecting the people as their leader, as their Pope. I knew I was taking up a heavy burden when I tried for that holy mantle...but I never expected brother and sister would make it even harder to uphold.
It simply wasn't fair. They were supposed to be helping me- offering advice and opinion to guide me along. But...one screamed, the other pushed- and I couldn't get anything done. I never said I could stand on my own- and I had expected they would stand with me. Not make me the table they argued over.
Just the thought of that increases the tears already streaming down my cheeks, a weak and fast muffled little sob escaping. Nothing was going right..I knew peace was good, but Medici wanted war. And he wouldn't stop roaring until he got it. Sforza wants peace, like me...but she's always running forward and I just can't keep up. Not and appease brother at the same time.
It wasn't supposed to be like this. It wasn't. How could I do anything when I'm running madly after one, and getting tripped up by the other who's trying- and half the time succeeding- to push me onto a different road?
Peace with the Methuselah was looking to possibly be the end of what little peace I had under the Vatican's roof. Why didn't anything ever work out right...?
"Your Holiness!" Oh no...they're out here already? I must have hidden in this spot before! I cram myself into the corner, hiccuping softly as I try to stay quiet, listening to the people rush about, looking in the little alcoves and corners..it won't be long now. "Your Holiness! Where are you! The meeting is about to start-"
"And that's why you're hiding in here, right?" That voice is different from the rest- and it's one I've heard before. I blink up as a shadow falls acrossed my hiding place..Sister Esther peering in and smiling down at me. "You really don't want to go to that meeting do you, Your Holiness...?"
"..No..." But I can't ask her to not say she didn't find me. It just wouldn't be right. I look down, trying to think of some way to get her to not tell them where I am without lying..when a soft kerchief brushes at my cheeks, dabbing just below the eyes as she crouches down. "ah...S..sister-"
"You can't go looking like that, right?" She wipes at them some more, then puts the kerchief in my hands, smiling at me just as she did on that first meeting. "I know your brother's a frightening person, but...just think of him as passionate. He does it because he believes in it- and doesn't stop to think you might not agree." With that- she takes hold of my hand and drags me forward from my hiding place, quickly righting me before I can go tumbling over...and behind her?
My hat, my mantle, and my rod of office. Three things I didn't want to see right now...
"You'd better get it over with..." She holds the hat up to me, smiling. "..you can come out here afterward and cry if you still want to." No "still" about it..she's never seen Medici on one of his tangents...
"U..um...S..sister Esther...c..can you wait here?" The words slip out before I have time to really think on them- ellicting a startled look from her. "I- sorry..I guess..I shouldn't have...mm..."
Esther blinks a moment...then smiles up at me brightly, moving to settle on the half-bush devoured bench I had been cowering on.
"Alright. I will wait here so we can talk afterward if you like." Though I think it's plain from the looks on both our faces she doesn't expect me to do much talking. Crying? Well yes...but what else could I do? I was going to have to not let Medici have his way this time. Sforza and I agreed fully on this one- but that also meant that right now she was preparing for such things and leaving me to deal with brother... "Better to have company than to be alone, right?"
And that one innocent question has me crying all over again- she has no idea! I'm not supposed to be alone, but that just wasn't happening...
"Ah- what did I- I'm sorry, Your holiness!" She's up again and dabbing helplessly at the tears...but I can feel a smile actually forming under mine...She was right after all...
"..It..is better not to be alone..." I force myself down to sniffling as we get the mantle into place, then settle the hat down upon my head once again...Though I have to look a sight with my eyes and cheeks all red. From her own expression, I'm guessing she agrees...but she only makes sure to place the kerchief firmly into my hand once more.
"..It's always better not to be." Esther smiles and then bows as bit as I start to walk away...off to face the lion of Medici's temper, armed with a kerchief and a holy rod. I pause a moment to look down at them..then duck the kerchief into my mantle- a surer guard against Medici's wrath than all the armor in the world. If Esther was willing to hear me out...
Well maybe I wasn't so alone after all.