NOTES FROM THE AUTHORESSES: Bonjour, all you lovely fanfiction readers! Estelle, AKA Andrea, AKA "My Dog Ate My Penname" here! I'm certainly glad that you actually clicked on this. I assure you, it was an excellent choice. Now, first things first- this is a piece of HUMOR. We blatantly and shamelessly inserted ourselves into this story. It also pokes fun at Enjy, romance stories involving Enjy, general Mary-Sues, fangirls, angst, and contains the strangest subplot ever. Do you have anything to add, Fayette, AKA Francesca, AKA "a little fall of rain"?

Why yes I do! ahem We wrote this story together, though not actually in each other's presence, and while we think the writing blends rather nicely, don't be weirded out if suddenly the writing style changes. It's just switching authoresses )

And with that, sit back, relax, and enjoy a tale of Enjy's woe.

Julien Enjolras kept his head down as he rushed towards the Café Musain. Yes, gentle reader, even the so-called Fearless Leader had something… or some people… to be scared of. He broke into a run, hoping beyond hope that he would not meet up with… them. Who is "them"? Well, they cannot be described in one sentence. In fact, they are creatures so complex, that they cannot be described in a paragraph! Ahem. Returning to our story… He shuddered involuntarily at the thought of-

"ENJY!" two piercing voices squealed from behind.

Enjolras flinched… or winced… whichever. "Good afternoon…Mademoiselles Fayette…. Estelle…." He said slowly and placidly, as if he was trapped in an insane asylum, unable to make himself turn around and face them. Yes, gentle reader! THEM!

"He's so well-mannered!" Fayette (or Revolutionary Fangirl #1) whispered, incapable of containing her excitement as she bounced on the balls of her feet.

"I know," Estelle (or Revolutionary Fangirl #2) whispered back. The Fangirls caught up to the disgruntled revolutionary. She wriggled her eyebrows suggestively, grinning madly, as an idea formed in her head. "Julien? Or, perhaps you prefer M. Enjolras? Can we follow you to your meeting?"

Faye poked Estelle in the side. "He wasn't supposed to find out that we knew about them!"

"Oops." She shrugged her shoulders sheepishly.

Enjolras watched the two Fangirls for a moment, hatching his escape plan. The girls noted to themselves that he was muttering under his breath and stroking his chin. Each grabbed his arms and proceeded to let out an earth-shattering squeal together.

"OHMYDIEU we're touching him!"

"OHMYDIEU, 'Telle, I know!"

"He's got lovely arms, Faye."

"Ooh, very true!"

After a few unsuccessful attempts to reclaim his arms, he groaned inwardly at the thought of having to make conversation with these frivolous young women. "Ladies," he began through clenched teeth, "I really must insist that you allow me to attend my meeting."

"Oh, but we are!" Estelle assured him eagerly, and dragged him along with her and Faye.

After a few minutes of uninteresting banter between the girls, Enjolras glanced up from his feet and saw the light at the end of the tunnel.

"Oh! There's Cafe Musain!" Faye pointed excitedly to the building. "What are you planning today, Enjolras? Something...scandalous"? Faye and Estelle immediately burst into a fit of giggles at the mere mention of Enjolras and scandal. There were certain types of scandals they would just love to help him out with. In their fit of hysterics, the Fangirls had released Enjolras's arms. Seizing his only opportunity for escape, he bolted up the street toward Cafe Musain. "Estelle, where'd he go?"

"What? He's right...oh. Oh dear. We seem to have lost him again." Estelle looked around. "Why does this keep happening to us?"

Faye gave her an exasperated look. "It's because you keep touching him!" "I can't help it," Estelle giggled. "He's so handsome!"

"Well, yes. He is. But, well, don't you see more?" Estelle blinked. "More? There's more?" "Of course there's more! There's intelligence, and compassion, and courage, and determination, and, and PASSION!" Fayette threw her arms up for effect. "He's absolutely perfect!"

"Faye, darling, are you feeling alright?" Estelle peered at her friend. "You've never talked this way about any man before!" Suddenly, she laughed. "You're not, in love with him, are you?"

"No. Of course not," Faye snapped quickly. "Where would you get a ridiculous idea like that?"

Estelle continued her giggles. "That's a relief. Because, girls like us don't fall in love. I don't think we'd know how if we tried!" She ticked off all of their various lovers on her fingers to prove her point. "I was worried I'd lost you to the side of the good girls. I was quite worried you'd fallen in…in love." She stammered. "What a problem that would cause in the plan!" No, dear readers, these were not your typical innocent Fangirls… They were a pair of rather wily Revolutionary Fangirls on a mission!

"No," Faye, the more… promiscuous one, said again. "I don't love Julien." Perhaps she wouldn't know how to be in love, but Faye did know a lie when she heard one; she'd only been lying to men for most of her teenage years. And she knew that she had just lied to Estelle.

Sighing, she gathered up her pink skirts and looked warily at her perpetually wide-eyed friend. "Come on, we should catch up to him."

Enjolras sped down the street in a fury. The door to Musain was so close. He glanced behind him quickly; to be sure they weren't following, and ran smack into…

"Courfeyrac! Quick open the door! We've got to get inside!" he roared, glancing around frantically.

Courfeyrac rubbed his head. "Mon dieu! Enjolras, what the bloody hell's gotten into you?"

"They're, they're coming!" He sputtered, looking behind him.

Courfeyrac followed Enjolras's gaze, and he saw what the other man saw. A storm of turquoise and pink silk was running towards them, shouting "Enjy!"

Enjolras wore a horror stricken expression. "Do you understand now? They've been following me for two weeks already!" He made for the door. "I need to get inside. I have a lot to do and I don't have time for…"

Courfeyrac stepped in front of the door, blocking Enjolras's escape, as the two girls approached them breathlessly. Enjolras gave him a pleading look, and when that didn't work he demanded in his most commanding voice, "Jacques Courfeyrac, in the name of the Republic, I order you to open this door!"

Courfeyrac just chuckled. "This isn't one of our meetings, Enjolras. I'm not obligated to listen to you, now am I?"

Enjolras cursed Courfeyrac silently as they turned to face the Fangirls.

"Afternoon, ladies," Courfeyrac greeted them. He peered down into their faces, having a big advantage over them in height. "Mademoiselle Fayette?"

"Monsieur Courfeyrac!" Faye squealed. She had become well acquainted with Courfeyrac a few months before. Very well acquainted. In fact, it was with him that she first met Enjolras. "Oh, it's simply been too long! How are you?"

Courfeyrac bent down and kissed her hand. "Infinitely better now that I've seen you, ma chèrie."

Enjolras was highly disgusted by this display, and tapped his foot impatiently, barely managing a cold, "Bonjour, Mademoiselles."

Faye blushed at Courfeyrac's words, and instantly regretted it when she saw Enjolras glance her way. Even so, she fluttered her eyelashes at Courfeyrac and kissed his cheek. She couldn't help being a coquette, it was just how she was, how she had been for most of her life.

Courfeyrac dropped Faye's hand suddenly and his mouth dropped open, very uncharacteristically as he turned to look at Faye's companion, the one with the wide eyes. "Who is this?"

'Telle, who had been watching Courfeyrac and Faye with an amused smile, looked over her shoulder to see who he was speaking to. "Um…Oh!" Her cheeks flushed embarrassedly. "Do you mean me, monsieur?" she asked stupidly, playing with the little bow on her dress.

"Your name, Mamselle?" he asked, giving her his most charming smile as he took her hand and kissed it ever so gently.

"…Guh…"

Fayette jabbed her side with a finger. "Estelle!" she hissed.

"OWWIE! What?" she asked, a hint of annoyance in her voice, rubbing her side with her free hand while Courfeyrac held the other.

"Never mind, dear," Faye muttered, confused as to what was going on with her normally lively friend. This certainly wasn't 'Telle's usual understated flirting tactic. Enjolras grumbled under his breath, tapping his foot impatiently once more.

Perhaps I should say something, Estelle thought, letting her fellow Fangirl drag her inside Musain, following the two handsome students. Bien. Words… Is my mouth suddenly disconnected from my brain? This must be some kind of terrible disease. I suppose I should ask that doctor-friend of theirs about this. Anyway! Returning to my original thought-- something to say…words...not…coming!

"H-hi," she said pathetically, frenetically searching her brain for a clever topic of conversation.

"Hello, there," he replied with that same charismatic smile, watching her yank at one of the little bows on her dress. "Now, what brings you lovelies to our humble café?" he asked. "I don't suppose we've met before. Unless you were the grisette from that- no, no, it wouldn't have been you…"

Estelle looked over Courfeyrac's shoulder while he was deep in thought to see Fayette trying to convince Enjolras to allow them to attend the meeting for mere "Revolutionary Fangirl purposes." (There is a plot involved, gentle audience, we promise!)

"Please?" Faye cooed softly, skillfully batting her eyelashes as she placed a hand on his shoulder. "We'll be good girls." She stood on her tiptoes, leaning in even closer. "I promise."

"Well, merde," Estelle grumbled as the Fangirls kneeled by the door to the backroom, their ears pressed against it. "Of course feminine charms won't work on the chaste marble statue known as Enjolras! Sacré-bleu!"

Faye rolled her eyes, as she attempted to find a comfortable position on the floor. "Oh, please, 'Telle. You're just bitter that your 'feminine charms' didn't work on M. Courfeyrac"

"Wh-what feminine charms? I was at a…a….a loss for words!" Estelle sputtered defensively.

"You were at a 'loss for words'…had very pink cheeks…and you were avoiding his gaze…" she analyzed, counting off the signs with her fingers. "You know what this means, right?"

Estelle scratched her head of disheveled black hair (She had been running, remember?). "Hmm. I was just thinking earlier- it must be some kind of ailment…" she mumbled. "I never act like this! Am I correct? Neverevereverever!" The befuddled girl sighed sadly.

Swiftly, the door swung open, and the girls fell in a heap at the feet of a bewildered Combeferre, who had wondered why there was such a rumpus outside. Ignoring Enjolras's gripes and commands to have the Fangirls stay outside, the bespectacled youth helped Estelle and Fayette to their feet.

"Merci, good sir," Estelle thanked him (loudly, over Enjolras's heated words) with a demure smile, looking at him through her eyelashes, tucking some of her hair behind her ear.

(That-a-girl! Fayette thought proudly, seeing her friend was back to normal.)

"Ummm, not a problem, Mademoiselles." He replied, averting his gaze.

"'Ferre!" Courfeyrac called over from the back of the room, "Why don't you let the young ladies inside?" (When Combeferre turned around, Estelle had shot a wink at her friend.)

"But… but…No girls allowed!" Enjolras thundered, putting his foot down, "…especially Fangirls."

Courfeyrac banged his glass of brandy down on the tabletop. "What? What do you mean no girls allowed?"

"I…I just…we need…but the Republic!" Enjolras lamely defended his new rule. "There's no time for women while we're trying to create a republic!"

"Oh dear." Courfeyrac furrowed his brow in concern. "Combeferre," he called towards his friend and the two girls, "why don't you take those stunning young ladies over to the corner table and order them anything they desire." He winked at Estelle. "It's on me."

"How nice to see you follow my orders," Enjolras muttered sarcastically as Courfeyrac turned back to him.

"There are more pressing issues at hand than your ridiculous orders."

"Such as?"

"Such as, why on earth would you ban women from Musain?

Enjolras crossed his arms across his chest. "What good have they ever done?"

"Julien, Julien, Julien! That is not the question at all. The real question is, what good haven't they done. Especially for me." Enjolras just snorted. "Women are soft and gentle, sweet and funny, adorable and an absolute joy to…become acquainted with." The marble statue blinked dumbly. "Oh, you know what I mean."

Enjolras gave him a blank stare. "Excuse me?"

"You know. I'm talking about my favorite part of anything concerning women. You of all people should know-"

Enjolras cut him off quickly. "No. I really wouldn't."

Courfeyrac spit his brandy into his glass. "Mon dieu. Are you saying that you've never been with a woman before?"

Enjolras found it impossible to meet his gaze. He felt himself blushing severely. There was absolutely no reason for him to feel ashamed. If so, then why did he feel less of a man admitting he lacked participation this particular rite of passage?

"No," he said shortly, still blushing.

"Mon dieu!" Courfeyrac said again. "Julien, what am I going to do with you?" Suddenly, a thought occurred to him. He lowered his voice to a whisper. "Enjolras, are you…gay?"

"WHAT?" Enjolras sprang from his chair violently, knocking it to the floor. "Jacques what the hell are you talking about? I…I…just no. Of course not. Absolutely not!" He was shouting now.

Fayette and Estelle glanced up from their tea upon hearing the commotion. Fayette sighed. She supposed this argument was over their presence at the café. She also supposed they would be leaving soon. Damn him! She thought. Why couldn't he just look at her and see past his preconceived notions of her? She understood him. She wished he could understand her.

"Calm down, Julien. I was only asking. Sit back down. Now that I know you're not…well, now I am going to fix this dire problem of yours."

"How so?"

"Well, don't try to tell me you don't find one single woman attractive. I refuse to believe it. There's got to be one."

"Oh, I don't know. I have better things to think about. Honestly, Courfeyrac!"

"Come on now, just name one."

"Jacques, I really don't know…" He trailed off as his eyes moved to the opposite end of the room.

Courfeyrac chuckled as he noticed this. "Which one?"

He was caught off guard by the question and felt himself blush again. He really needed to stop being embarrassed so easily. "Well, I suppose Fayette is rather pretty."

Courfeyrac clapped his hands in delight. "Ah-ha! So you do notice women."

"I never said I didn't."

"Well, it doesn't matter. I happen to know Mademoiselle Fayette very well. And since you have these feelings for her-"

"Feelings? What feelings?" Enjolras cut him off angrily. "I merely said she is very pretty."

"So now she's very pretty?"

Enjolras muttered a string of curses under his breath. "Well, yes, I suppose."

"Our chaste leader, notice a woman? Surely you jest!" Courfeyrac mocked him with a smirk on his face.

"I have already informed you, Jacques, that I am quite capable of recognizing a beautiful girl when I see one. Must you continue with-"

"Beautiful? So you do think Mademoiselle is beautiful! You will be much better off, you know, if you just admit those feelings to me." He sipped his brandy casually, leaning back in his chair. "Don't make me force it out of you."

Enjolras laid his head upon the table, sulking and cursing himself for falling into Courfeyrac's trap. He gritted his teeth and blushed scarlet. "Alright. Fine. You win."

"I knew you'd see it my way." Courfeyrac propped his feet up on the table. "Now. When did you meet her?"

"She was with you, of course. When you felt the need to bring her to my home one day, God knows why."

"Indeed, I remember that! You must admit, it was adorable the way she poked around in your books and pamphlets."

Enjolras scowled. "Adorable? No. More like deplorable. About a week after that, she and her friend, that… that Mademoiselle Estelle started showing up everywhere I went, talking about Revolutionary Fangirl nonsense. I don't even know what that means!"

Prying the information out of him was more difficult than Courfeyrac originally thought. Exasperated, he said shortly, "When did you notice?"

"I don't know. I suppose it was the time when she was reading and didn't notice me and crashed right into me. She fell right on top of me and her curls all fell into my face and, she was so close I could have kissed her, and, well. Yes there you have it. The girl is beautiful, so what? She's also quite annoying."

"There is hope for you yet! So you admit you wanted to kiss her. Which means, no matter how much you deny it my friend, you have feelings for her. And here's what we're going to do about it…"

"We? There is no 'we.' There is no plan! We're not doing anything!"

"Of course we're not. But you are. I can't let you live the rest of your life not having been with a woman. It would rest too heavily on my conscience. Hell, at this point, I'd be happy if you kissed one."

He was a bit curious, Enjolras admitted to himself. He wondered what it would be like to kiss Fayette. He had wanted to that one time, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Suppose she rejected him? Suppose she didn't and wanted to marry him? Then she would spend the rest of her life following him to meetings and there wouldn't be any way to stop her! And yet at the same time, he had felt different when she was on top of him. He had taken enough science classes to know what was going on with him, and he was ashamed it had ever happened. Still, suppose he didn't survive his fight for freedom. He didn't want to die having missed out on what Courfeyrac claimed was the greatest pleasure of life. And Fayette was very pretty. He sighed.

"What must I do?"

"Woo her, of course!"

(See, dear readers? We promised you a plot! Huzzah! The plot, she is moving!)

"'Woo'?" Enjolras spat. "I will do no such thing! I have better things to do than waste my time on wooing. Look at the time! A half an hour into our meeting and we've yet to discuss things of importance."

"Well, fine, Enjolras. But, if you do happen to play on the other side of the field, it's perfectly fine with me."

"I beg your par-"

"We're all here for you, mon ami!" Courfeyrac smiled.

"But, I'm not-"

"I solemnly promise that I will support you if you happen to be-"

"COURFEYRAC, I AM NOT GAY!"