It was the same dream each night.
Rick Grimes, appearing before him with those determined blue eyes and full pink lips. Sometimes he was angry, yelling threats at Negan and refusing to back down. Sometimes he was dying, blood bubbling from his mouth and painting his chest scarlet. Truthfully, Negan preferred the anger. Anger he could take, hell even death was easy for him. But not Rick's. As much as Negan threatened and enjoyed tormenting Rick, killing him didn't sit right. Something about that grisly scene only made Negan uncomfortable and would have him jerking awake, drenched in sweat and gasping for air.
Then there were times Rick would appear to him, smiling.
Negan didn't think he had ever actually seen Rick smile in his life. The man was always frowning as if it were his default setting. His smile in those dreams though...they took his breath away. This Rick was amiable and sweet. Negan found he liked this Rick the best. This Rick could keep up with his flirting and even managed to leave Negan speechless.
"You're back." Negan would tease with a little grin, automatically reaching out for dream Rick, only for the man to slip through his apparition smiled at Negan over his shoulder.
"Let me save you." Negan would call after him, still reaching. Rick spun around, startling Negan and leaned forward pressing his lips against Negan's in a quick kiss, lips just barely brushing over the Savior's.
"You can't." He would murmur and duck away just as Negan's hands closed touched his wrist. "Don't you want me, Negan?" He called over his shoulder and before Negan could reach him, he would vanish, blinking out of existence like he had never been there.
"More than anything."
Negan wanted him. Wanted him more than he had wanted anything since the world went to shit. He had wanted Lucille back for a time, but not here. Not with the dead walking and with Negan having turned into what he was. Let her be in peace, away from the rottenness and death. Negan was not about to consider what this world would have done to his gorgeous, wonderful wife.
In time, the dream would change. After Negan lost, his dreams transformed, but Rick remained. At first Negan had lashed out, wanting to hurt Rick even if it wasn't really him. Had wanted to close his fingers around that pretty throat and squeeze. Wanted Rick to feel the same humiliation and pain he had felt after losing everything. Usually, Rick managed to stay just out of Negan's reach, cold and as untouchable as he had been when he ended it all. Sometimes Negan succeeded, managing to pin dream Rick to the ground and wrap his fingers around his neck, squeezing until Rick's struggling weakened and he went still, those baby blues left staring blankly into the sky as Negan breathed heavily over him.
'Don't you want me, Negan?' Would be Rick's final taunt as Negan's fingers finally reached his throat.
"More than anything." Negan would whisper as he knelt over his body. He had wanted Rick since the beginning. Since he had seen him kneeling in the dirt, sweating and shaking and desperate to protect his people. Negan had the power. He could take whatever he wanted. And it was painfully obvious that he wanted Rick, but not without a yes. He would not even consider trying unless Rick explicitly gave his permission.
He wouldn't even offer Rick a marriage proposal, because even if Rick had accepted those conditions, he would never had been able to consent. Negan never could have forced him.
Now, Rick had won and Negan was his prisoner. Rick had let him live after all those fucking threats. Rick had to be the bigger man and allow Negan to live, after slashing his throat open. Rick was building a new world, and wanted Negan to see it. He was building this world for his boy. That boy was the future. Now, he had none and Rick was trying to keep going for him. Trying to live as his son had wanted him to.
For awhile, he had managed. Going forward and bringing a new peace to the people that Negan unwillingly would admit impressed him. The man was like fucking Moses or some shit with his speeches and beard.
But there were cracks. Leadership meant hard choices and those hard choices could make enemies out of friends. There was a new heaviness in Rick that hadn't been there before. Even after Carl, something had kept Rick going. Something had given Rick what he needed to face Negan and win. Now, it seemed that strength was waning.
It was only ever Rick who came to see him. It was Rick who had taken on the responsibility, while most others would happily see Negan dead. It was only Rick Negan had to look forward to, and he did look forward to it. Real Rick was more lasting than dream Rick. "Coming to see little old me?" Negan had teased, head tilting back and leaning against the bars of his cell as he listened to Rick's steady steps down the stairs. Rick hadn't offered a reply, not that Negan had been expecting one.
It was odd. Somedays he and Rick could manage to speak to each other almost civility and others Negan's old anger came rushing forward and Rick's staunch coldness would seep out. Ice clashing against fire. The day Rick had come to him seeking advice had been shocking. And Negan had eaten the chance right up. That seemed to signal a change in their relationship. A tentative new beginning. Negan hated to admit he was wrong, but he knew he was. Rick was proving it to him day after day. Rick was changing the world and Negan was so fucking proud of him.
Rick quietly handed him his food while Negan did his usual dramatic thanks. He ate without really tasting as Rick settled down to wait for him to finish. There was a far away look in Rick's eyes as he stared out in the distance. Negan stopped eating, and simply looked at him. Catching Rick in this oddly vulnerable moment where nothing seemed to exist. "You look troubled, Rick." Negan drawled and Rick jerked in surprise as if forgetting Negan was there. He blinked once, looking away from Negan. "Mind sharing with the class?" Negan hummed and Rick's lips twitched as if fighting a rebuttal.
"It's nothing." He murmured and Negan snorted.
"You've been spacey all week, baby. How am I supposed to flirt with you if you're so far away?" Negan teased, tongue poking out. Rick glanced at him and at once, Negan's smile slipped away at the lost expression on Rick's face. There was a rawness that Negan had never seen before. Worse than that first night in the clearing. Something vulnerable and brittle. Negan had seen that face before. That desolate broken stare that people would get when they reached their breaking point. He had seen it on people before they made that final decision.
"I'm so tired." Rick murmured in a soft voice. Negan's blood ran cold.
"Oh, hon..." Negan breathed, "Baby don't you say that."
"Don't you want me Negan?"
Part 2 will be out later.
So, I'm like really upset about Andrew's rumored exit from TWD. It's horrible timing after last season's finale and what was supposed to happen in season 9. Is he just going to die? After everything that has happened? It seems like such a horrible way for him to go. Carl wanted him happy and then he's just killed off? It made Carl's death be in vain and Judith...what about her? One of my biggest fears is that all the Rick/Negan interactions in the comics will go to Daryl, who never had the same relationship with Negan that Rick had. The Rick/Negan interactions was what I was most looking forward to. I wanted to see how Negan redeemed himself and how Rick had to adjust to a life without Carl and with his choice to let Negan live.
I'm happy for Andrew and adore him as an actor, so it's bittersweet to see him go. He's what got me hooked to the show. Plus, the childish part of my mind is clinging to the hope that if Andrew hasn't said anything, maybe it's just a rumor. Now, I'm rambling, so anyway, that's my story.