My life was laid out for me. What began as a dream of mine soon became my job. I started out little and ended up being so big. Everyone knows my name now - even older people. Everyone knows who I am and what group I'm from; what company I'm from. And with them knowing who I am, they're a length ahead of my knowledge. Because I don't know who I am.

I'm still figuring that part out and about now, I'm not even sure if I still live for me or the rest of the world. People set our standards high. My standards got set even higher - by my own choice, probably. I wanted to figure out who I am and I did that by doing things without my brothers. At first I was scared that people would hate me for it or would stop being my fans because I decided to do something alone.

But in the end, they liked that too and thankfully the solo-project worked out. I feel like not only little kids listened to me anymore then. Being in a company like Disney it gives you that feeling. You feel like only little children want to listen to your music or watch you act even though you know that there are older kids as well - maybe even teenagers.

I'm grateful for all of my fans but growing up I realized that I can't sing kid's songs my whole life. Or more like, I can't write such songs for the rest of my life - not when I'm almost eighteen and not when I haven't figured myself out yet. The negative part about being famous is definitely being hounded by paparazzi while trying to find out who you are.

I can't say 'normal teenagers' because, let's be honest, what is normal? Is it because I'm famous that I'm not normal? I feel like I'm normal. Just because there are always older guys with cameras around me doesn't mean that I'm not normal. I have feelings just like the rest of the world; people just can't seem to figure that out. Just like I can't figure myself out.

Another negative part about being famous is that everybody knows everything about you. They know where you're born, they know what food you like and they know who you dated. Of course, with rumors constantly being thrown out into the world, nobody could be sure who dated who until one person of the rumored couple says something about it.

But no matter what you say, in the end nobody believes you anyway. When I say I'm just friends with some girl and they spot me a few days later, hanging out with that girl, they assume once again, waiting for her to say the same. What nobody's seemed to realize yet was - if they actually paid attention to me and my relationships they'd know - that I don't go out with my girlfriends in public.

I've never been out with my girlfriends in public - it just causes too much drama. Back when we weren't that famous things were easier. Every now and then, people would recognize you and ask for a picture, but there were no paparazzi or crazy fans on your tail.

Now that we were that famous, things got more hectic. Our dad became our manager and the more famous we got the less of a dad he was. I'm not saying he is a bad father. He just concentrates on our careers so much. I still love my dad though, he only wants the best for us. But if our 'best' destroys us inside, it's not the best, obviously.

My 'best' did that to me. I've become this little machine Dad and Disney wanted me to be. I had to be perfect for them. I tried to be perfect for them. I wanted to break out of that world but I felt like I couldn't. And then came one of the biggest opportunities I ever got to get out of Disney. I was allowed to play the one role I've always wanted to play in a musical I loved to play. Marius in Les Miserable.

I've always said I'd go back one day to play Marius because once I've played Gavroche and it's been my dream ever since to play Marius. My wish was granted and I couldn't be happier. I had to go to London for a longer amount of time but I didn't care. I needed to get away from it all.

From Disney, from crazy fans and from one girl that never left my mind. But I had to pretend she did because she was in love. She was happy because she was able to break out and move on. I wasn't sure if she moved on from me as well but I didn't care. She could break out of Disney. Maybe she could because she didn't care about anyone's opinion. I wished I had her bravery.

I've been in London for a month now and I'd soon be going home for tour rehearsals. It was my last week in here in England and it was one of those rare times when I'd go out alone just to think. I had my little paths where no one seemed to recognize me or where no one seemed to be. I loved my little walks there - I felt free and alone with no one following me around.

But while I was walking there on a certain day, thinking about everything there was to think about, someone did walk there. It was a girl, a little older than me and she looked kind of happy. She had a smile on her face when she saw me. I thought she'd freak out every second but she didn't. She pulled her sweatshirt closer to her body and walked up to me.

Fans like those were confusing. I could never be sure if she was a fan or not but judging by the smile on her face she was a fan. It was an excited and happy smile but she seemed unsure as well. She wasn't dressed fancy or anything. Just a casual pair of boyfriend jeans and a sweatshirt that was too big for her body but not too big to look stupid. She reminded me of a girl that had changed and was now happy with someone who wasn't me.

I smiled at her and signed her hand. She hadn't followed me. I knew that because if she had she'd have a paper or something to sign with her. But she just told me to sign her arm because that's the only thing there was to write on. I wanted to sign her sweatshirt but she said it was her boyfriend's and he'd get mad so I didn't.

After I signed her arm with a pen she luckily had with her I thought she'd want to go so I started walking again, of course saying goodbye to her first. But before I could even make as much as two steps, she called me back.

"No wait!" I stopped and turned around to look at her confused. She bit her lip nervously and walked a little closer. She was now shy and by the way she looked at me I knew that what she was about to say was embarrassing to her.

"Yeah?" She started playing with the hem of her sweatshirt as she looked at me.

"I have a few friends here in England and on Twitter and they all adore you to bits. But… we all think that… well…" I nodded and smiled at her a little to encourage her to finish speaking.

"Okay, no matter how rude that sounds, I'm going to say it anyway… they all think you should fire your dad and find a new manager and company and finally grow a pair and do what your heart tells you to and not what other people do." I stared at her shocked. She obviously felt uncomfortable telling me this so I was kind of sure that it was not her idea to tell me this.

"What? I'm sorry… what?" She blushed furiously and ran a shaking hand through her hair. I sighed a bit.

"Don't be scared, I'm not going to yell at you or something." She sighed a bit.

"I know this is creepy and all but… most of my friends are… Niley fans and they think that you and Miley still have feelings for each other. They also think that your dad is controlling you career-wise and with him as a manager you can't really get out of Disney so they think you should fire him as your manager. They want you to… gosh, this is kind of awkward… they want you to… grow a pair and man up and do what your heart tells you to. They all think your heart tells you to finally go talk to Miley and sort it out and get together with her… but that wasn't my idea. I just promised them that if I ever were to cross paths with you that I would tell you. I wasn't following you around or anything. This is just a short-cut to my house."

I stared at her a little shocked to be honest. It was creepy indeed. But as much as I wanted to say it was not true, we all knew it was. She was right - with all of it. She said I still had feelings for Miley; true but I tried to deny them because she was happy and - according to her lyric-changes and all her revelations about a few songs - she hated me. My dad was controlling me in so many ways and he wanted me to stay with Disney for as long as possible.

The girl stood in front of me, looking like a tomato and completely embarrassed. I smiled a little - it was an ironic smile - and she bit her lip.

"What's your name?" She started shifting her weight back and forth between her two feet as she answered me.

"Maureen." I nodded. Odd - I think once knew a girl named Maureen… oh well, that girl was now around my mother's age so I don't think it was a girl back when I knew her. More like a lady.

"I think you and your friends are right Maureen. As much as I hate to admit it - you're right. Maybe I should fire Dad. And maybe I should… 'grow a pair' as you and your friends nicely put it." Maureen blushed a bit but smiled at me.

"So… you'll do it? You'll finally drop out of Disney? I mean, don't get me wrong but that company is for kids. And even though I like your series and Miley's and all that, I think the original idea that Walt Disney had has been ruined by the Disney company now… Anyway, will you do it? I mean, I don't want to be like… totally interfering with your personal life… I guess I just told you all this because… all your fans want you to be happy." I looked at her for a longer amount of time. Then I nodded.

"I'll think about it… you know, I like you. You're honest with me. There are enough fans that aren't like you - the kind that is honest with you. I'll think about it, definitely." She smiled at me and nodded. Shyly, Maureen opened her arms for a hug.

"I can't leave without a hug, my friends would kill me." I chuckled and hugged her quickly. She smiled and waved as she left. After I was sure that she was gone I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. She was right - I knew it. And I hated it. How come I have never thought about telling Dad to stop being my manager and start being my father again? I should do it. I should tell him to stop thinking as my manager and start thinking what really was best for me.

I guess the best for me was to drop out of Disney and start working for someone who saw all the potential that I had. Disney knew about all the potential that was inside me and they only let me do so much. It really was time to man up - I suddenly and thankfully was not afraid anymore.

I stormed into my dad's room in the apartment we were staying at and just stared at him. See, I only thought about it to the point where I'd storm in. I actually though I'd figure the rest out later - well, doesn't seem like it. I thought that I'd run in there and suddenly everything would come easily. It didn't so I was just standing there, staring at my father who was looking at me shocked.

"Is there a problem, son?" I sighed and let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. I shook my head and rubbed my eyes before I started pacing up and down.

"No… yes, there is. I… I talked to a fan today and she said some really smart things and it's time to tell you the same…" He chuckled and walked up to me. He patted my shoulder and looked at me encouragingly. Oh no… this would be hard.

"Go on, son. I'm waiting." I looked at him, thinking about how I should tell him so it won't hurt him or anything. I licked my lips and sighed.

"You're fired." He immediately stopped patting my back and I think he even stopped breathing for a second. Then he started laughing.

"Best joke you've ever told, son!" I shook my head and ran a hand through my hair.

"No, dad, this is not a joke! I'm serious… I don't want you to be my manager anymore. I want you to be my dad…" He stopped laughing immediately and stared at me. I sighed and started walking around again.

"I know this sounds like I just jumped into it but I didn't. I've thought about it for a long time and Maureen opened my eyes. If I really want to get past Disney I have to drop you as my manager. You can still tell me if you support my decision or not but at the end of the day it's my decision… and I'm deciding that after we come home I want another manager. I love you Dad, but… I want you to only be my dad. I want to make my own decisions. And I want to be able to make mistakes. It's not possible to make some with you as my manager." He stared at me, still not believing what I was saying. I took that as an opportunity keep talking.

"I know that you and Disney pushed me and Miley apart and I know that you want me and Sel to go out. But I don't like Selena like that. I'm her friend and I'll never be more. All this publicity-crap is just as bad. I was seen out with Nicole and suddenly there were tons of people hating on her just because she was seen with me. And that only to get publicity. The same with Lucie and Samantha. Why can't I decide who I want to go out with?"

Dad suddenly started pacing up and down the room, mumbling while doing so. I watched him, actually scared of his reaction. Then he turned to me and looked me straight in the eye.

"Who is Maureen?" I stared at him shocked. That was the only thing he wanted to know? Well, then I guess I'll take that.

"I met her while walking down the streets alone. She wanted an autograph and then she said her friends told her that if she ever were to cross paths with me that she should tell me that if I wanted to drop out of Disney I had to fire you as a manager and do what my heart tells me to do and not what other people do. And she's right - they're all right." Dad sighed and nodded.

"I actually agree with you. I've never been a great help with getting out of Disney with you guys. But I realize that you can't stay on Disney forever… I've never been supportive with you leaving… fine, get a new manager. I'll help you find one. And… I won't interfere in your life any more than a father is supposed to. You can date who you want and go out if you want. It's all your decision now. I'll support you with anything you'll do because you're a smart kid." I let out a huge breath and hugged Dad.
He understood! My dad, the guy that would always pick up a fight rather than do something someone else says actually understood me. I pulled back and sighed happily.

"Thanks Dad." He smiled at me and scratched his neck. A habit I picked up from him.

"So… what you've basically just said is that you want to get back together with one certain brown haired and blue eyed girl?" I blushed and stuffed my hands into my pockets. Shrugging, I looked everywhere but my father.

"It's not like she would want to get back together with me again anyway. She's dating that one Australian guy. But I'm just saying that I would if I could." Dad nodded and patted my back.

"You know, I've always wondered when you'd finally have the guts to say this. I guess it's time now. London's done you good." I smiled at him and exited his room, walking into my own. I would at least go talk to her and let her know that I'd be waiting for her as long as it takes for her to come back to me.

Now all I had to do was finish my week here in London and then go back and wait for the right opportunity.

I've been in back in LA for about four days and I've done nothing except think. I thought about when I should tell her, what exactly I should tell her and how I should tell her. I really had no idea. Back in London, I wasn't afraid anymore. But that only counted for my dad. I mean, I guess everybody's been in this situation before, right?

If I would ask all my fans that have been through this before raise their hands, there'd be a million of hands raised right now. Heartbreak; probably the most painful experience ever and yet everyone would feel it at least once in their life. But thinking about everything I realized that heartbreak is just something that lets you know that what you've done was wrong. You learn from your mistakes and you think about them.

You regret things and you learn stuff from them. And maybe we had to experience all this pain before we could finally be together again. Maybe all of the hurt and the fights - and the heartbreak - were worth it in the end, just so we could be happy together. Because now I've realized that I don't care if the whole world knows - I'm smarter than that finally.

And that's exactly what I told Demi - and that's exactly what I shouldn't have told Demi. After I told her, she was extremely happy. I mean, yeah, I was too because I was finally sure about everything. But she was… extremely happy. She actually had been hugging me for about ten minutes now, jumping up and down and squealing in my ear.

"I can't believe it! Finally!" I pushed her back, finally breaking free from her grip. She grinned her famous Demi-grin and rocked back and forth on her feet expectantly.

"So… what are you going to do now?" Her voice was all completely suggestive in a none… suggestive way. You know that voice she does when she's really excited and obviously has an idea for something.

"I'm going to talk to her as soon as I know that her boyfriend won't be in town. And she's not even in LA right now. She's in Detroit, right?" Demi shrugged.

"So what? Fly there. Do it like you did with Georgia! She loved that. Miles told me that the second she saw you she forgot everything. She fell in love with you that moment all over again." I smiled a little.

"Yeah… I'll fly over there then." And that's how I ended up on her doorstep once again, just not in Georgia but this time in Detroit.

I rang the doorbell nervously and started fixing my hair. I just knew that it wouldn't really work anyway. And then, the door opened, revealing a laughing and giggling Miley. I smiled at her shyly. Her expression turned from happy and carefree to… completely mortified. I dropped my smile as well. But not because of her but because of who was behind her suddenly.

Why was he here? I thought he was back in LA? Didn't he have other stuff to do other than stalk his girlfriend around? And just like that, staring at each other confused, shocked and a few other emotions, we created the most awkward silence there was. He was the first one to do something. He crossed his arms and sighed.

"What are you doing here?" He had a heavy Australian accent and he looked terrifying in that moment. I mean, I could probably take him - but I knew that Miley loved him; I wouldn't hurt people that she loves.

"I- I came to talk to Miley…" My voice sounded so small, I could've sworn that nobody had heard. But both heard it. Miley now had her arms crossed in front of her chest as well. But she didn't look intimidating, she looked kind of scared, or unsure of what to do or say.

"Well, talk…" I nodded and both, Miley and I looked at him, waiting to leave. But from the looks of it, he wasn't going to move any time soon. Only then did I notice that they were standing rather close. I realized that Miley had been laughing a few seconds ago and that she had been having fun without me for the longest time.

In that moment, standing there with her and her new boyfriend, my heart broke once again. Only because I knew that I couldn't break them up. I couldn't do it because it would hurt Miley. I knew it would. But nonetheless I would tell her what I felt anyway. She could either do something about it or she could ignore it for how long she wanted. If she wanted to marry that hunk, she could. I'd be happy for her. At least I could say she knew how I felt.

"Okay then…" I took a step closer, taking another deep breath to try and gain the strength I needed to tell her in front of someone she loved - maybe even more than me. I would just go straight out and tell her then - no heart-felt speech. I'd just tell her how I felt and then I'd leave.

"I don't have that much to say. I've been afraid to do this for the longest time but now… I'm not afraid anymore. This is not going to be romantic or anything and it won't be a speech like you know I'd make up… I love you. I love you with all my heart. And I'll be waiting for you - whenever you're ready again, if you're ever ready again. If not, just know I want you to be happy. I love you and I'm not afraid for the world to find out. You can decide if you want it to happen or not." I nodded and started walking backwards.

Soon enough I turned around completely and walked away from her. I wasn't sure if it was smart to do that but I figured I just embarrassed myself enough as it was. I made it around the corner of the apartment block she was staying at when I couldn't hold the tears in anymore. I don't know what came over me.

It probably was the realization that it was actually over. Miley was happy again. She had found a new love and it didn't look like she would let go of that love any time soon. And here I was, trying to get her back even though I knew it wasn't working. I just confessed my love to a girl that actually hated me…

I leaned against the wall and slid down along it. I buried my head in my arms as I crossed them and put them on my knees. It wasn't a loud and hysterical crying or anything. Tears were just rolling down my face, onto my arms. I could feel the wetness running down my arms, onto my fingers and finally fell onto the ground.

I don't know how long I've sat there but suddenly I heard a hoarse voice crying out my name. I knew that voice everywhere. But I wouldn't get up, not like this. At this point, I thought I was imagining things. I would never think that she would actually run after me. And it was probably the lack of tears inside of me that made me imagine stuff like that.

But after a third time and the voice coming closer, I actually started to believe that this was real. I looked up and looked around confused. Was she really shouting my name for me to come back? And then, suddenly a figure dashed by me, not noticing me. I watched her run further, soon enough losing her breath because of her heart that was once again racing - I would have to remind her to take her medicine like she should, I noted to myself, probably through text messages or something.

She leaned onto her knees to catch her breath and then she stood up straight and turned around, wiping her tears. She was crying? Did she actually think I could have gotten so far away that I couldn't hear her anymore? She was almost past me when she seemed to notice me on the ground. She froze on the spot and stared at me. I stared back at her.

Our eyes were probably the same color - which was red with some tears. My hair was a mess and her make-up was smeared. Her hair was also standing into every direction which actually made her look cute. She was wearing one of those oversized shirts that hang off your shoulder and skinny jeans with boots. And it didn't matter to me how ruined her make-up was - she was beautiful.

And she ran after me. She didn't stay with her now assumingly ex-boyfriend but she ran after me. Me, the one that broke her heart one too many times. She could've had a great future with that poor Australian guy but she chose me out of all the guys on this earth.

I slowly got up from the ground and looked into her very red eyes which still held some unshed tears in them. Miley slowly put her hand on my cheek, holding back a sob. But along with the sob came a smile onto her face - no matter how small that smile was, I noticed it. It came onto her beautiful face as she shook her head.

"You are crazy Nicholas… you flew here, just to…" But she didn't finish. She let a few tears roll down and smiled again. I wiped her tears away and nodded, letting a few more tears escape my eyes - this time happy tears - until I was done crying. She wasn't, I noticed but I guess it were happy tears.

Miley shook her head once again. She apparently still couldn't believe it. I slowly raised my arms a bit, not sure if she even wanted to hug me. But she did. She actually jumped into my arms, embracing me tightly. This time she didn't hold back the sob as she buried her face in my neck. I took a deep breath, inhaling her sweet scent.

"I still can't believe this…" I pulled back slightly and put the lose strands of hair behind her ear. She looked into my eyes and - like so many years ago - blue met brown. I smiled at her, showing her my teeth like I'd only do around her and shrugged.

"Believe it - I'm here… and if you don't have a problem with that, I don't plan on leaving. Not until you leave, at least." She stared at me, obviously shocked because of my words. I had planned it all. If she accepted what I'd tell her or even say it back I'd stay until filming ends - because last time I flew across the country just to see her I left again and that drove us apart.

"I… I don't mind… I…" She let her eyes trail over my face, frantically looking for any sign to show her I wasn't serious. But I was - I was as serious as a heart attack. Suddenly she smiled at me.

"I sure as hell don't mind… I love you." I closed my eyes and shook my head, trying to savoir the moment and the way she said it. In case we'd ever be apart again I needed to remember the way she said it. I opened my eyes slowly and stared into her blue oceanic ones.

"You have no idea how bad I wanted you to say that… how long I've waited for you to say it." She smiled and slowly leaned in. I did too and soon our lips touched and sparks erupted in my stomach. It was a gentle kiss, almost shy, but it was one of the best kisses I have ever experienced. All of the kisses in that list were experienced with her - and that one was under the top three.

We pulled apart soon and just smiled at each other. She played with the little curls on my neck and I gently rubbed her hip with my thumb. She suddenly looked at me interested again, maybe even kind of confused. I looked at her questioningly, waiting for her to ask the question she was thinking about.

"Why did you suddenly decide to tell me you loved me? I mean, I don't mind but… There's ought to be something that happened in London that made you realize what you wanted or something." I smiled at her and nodded.

"Yeah, there was. I met a fan in an alley once. I was completely alone, just walking around which I'd always do when I wanted my freedom and suddenly this girl walks up. She wasn't a crazed fan or anything. She didn't even have a paper with her and so I signed her arm with a pen - a blue pen, by the way. And then she started telling me about all her friends like Niley and how all her friends say that I should fire my dad as my manager…

And so I did. She told me that it was time for me to grow a pair - her friends' words not mine - and tell you how I really feel… god knows why they knew how I felt and you didn't. But I did. I fired my dad and told you." Miley stared at me shocked once again.

"Wait, you fired your dad? The guy that brought you to where you are right now? That dad?" I chuckled and nodded, pulling her a little closer to me by her waist but still far enough so I could look at her.

"Yeah, that dad. I told him how I wanted to drop out of Disney and… he understood it. He let me fire him and he understood why I wanted to do something else other than Disney music and Disney movies and all that stuff… he also said he'd support me with whatever I do and he'd get me a new manager. He also said that it was fine for me and you to date again if we really want to. And if we really want to I want to show the whole world. No more hiding it." Miley giggled a little and shook her head.

"I can't believe you did that… What's the fan's name?" She looked like she didn't think I would know.

"Maureen… you know, I once knew a woman named Maureen but she's as old as Mom so… it wasn't that Maureen." Miley shook her head and smiled.

"Remind me to go back to London and perform a really great show there. And give a special shout out to Maureen… and now back to that dating thing…" I chuckled and nodded.

"Yeah? What about it." Miley smiled innocently.

"Since your dad said he was fine with us dating… aren't you going to ask me something then?" I smirked at her.

"Is that supposed to be some subtle way of begging me to ask you out?" Miley shrugged, giggling.

"Is that supposed to be some subtle way of asking me out?"

"Is that supposed to be some subtle way of saying yes?" Miley laughed and nodded.

"I guess it is…" I smiled and leaned in once again, kissing her, now much more passionately than before. I couldn't believe it. I was brave enough to tell her and walk away and she ran after me. I was now free to do whatever I wanted. I could finally date Miley without anyone breathing down my neck. I guess I should listen to my fans more often, because in the end they knew what was right for me even though some… well, some didn't.

It's funny how one fan could make me not afraid anymore. How I finally took a stand and did something for myself by myself. I was proud of who I was. I finally knew who I was. I was Nick Jonas. I was dating Miley Cyrus - I was in love with her. I wasn't just some celebrity that had to be perfect. I was normal. I made me mistakes and I regretted them.

I was a guitar/drum/piano player in a pretty famous band. I was the front man of my own band. I was a diabetic. I was me and I finally accepted that.

:D I really hope you liked it because I've been working my butt off for this :P I kinda really like it - the idea with the fan finally opening Nick's eyes... oh well, let me know what you think in a review, alright? :)

xoxo