AN: I wanted to write something light-hearted and silly for my debut in YGO fanfiction. And then I remembered who I am, so I wrote angst. Enjoy! Or suffer.
Warnings: Major disassociation, depression, PTSD, and other things humans feel after really shitty things happen
Other things you absolutely need to know: Characters are not omniscient. The fact that someone says something doesn't mean that they're right. Isis doesn't know everything about Egypt. Yuugi can be wrong about Duel Monsters. Anzu might not always correctly guess what a person's thinking. Do not assume that a character is correct. Please also note that, while the narration will never flat-out lie to you, my writing style often involves intentionally being misleading. I am not a particularly trustworthy narrator.
Chapter One: Standing in Awe of Eternity
For a while, it seems like everything will be fine – like they can ignore the elephant in the room for a bit. Yuugi insists that Atem stay with him, and the Pharaoh of course agrees, but he wants to keep an eye on the Thief too. Bakura is fine with that, because he doesn't want to wake up to the police at his door or something, and he's still trying to put his life together after all that's happened. Sugoroku is okay with it, unsurprisingly, but he gives the Thief a strict warning to behave himself.
The Thief doesn't respond, and that's worrisome, because no one has any idea whether or not he plans to murder the lot of them in their beds, but at least silence is better than a flat-out death threat (probably). Atem shares a room with Yuugi, because there's only one guestroom and none of them want to be alone with the Thief for any duration of time, much less eight hours. The Thief seems to share the sentiment, because he stays in his room, not even coming out when Sugoroku called him for meals.
At first, that was fine – he's probably sneaking food at night, Atem says, doesn't want to interact with us. Because we won, because we beat him, because he hates us – the reasons floated around unspoken, and nobody bothered to look at it any closer until Yuugi's mother confessed her suspicions that the Thief wasn't eating at all.
So Atem had walked up to the Thief's room and kicked the door open and the Thief had been exactly where they left him two days earlier – sitting on the bed, staring at the wall, and saying nothing. There's a lump in Atem's throat that he isn't comfortable with, and his mouth is strangely dry all of a sudden.
"Have you eaten?" he asks, expecting (hoping for) a sneer and a rude reply. The Thief doesn't even look at him. The lump grows. "Tomb robber. Bakura." No response, no reaction, to either title. Atem doesn't know the Thief's name; they've always just called him Bakura, but that's probably not it. In the back of his mind, he wonders if the Thief himself knows it – assuming he still has one. Atem feels frustrated, at himself and at the Thief, and it's not like a damn tomb robber deserves respect, so– "Answer me!" he demands. The Thief turns to look at him, and Atem has to force himself to keep his voice strong (Pharaoh-like, a nasty voice in the backs of his head hisses). "Have you eaten?"
"No," the Thief replies dully. His voice is scratchier than it should be, and Atem wonders if he's even had any water. His nose wrinkles.
"Take a shower," he orders. "I'll get you some food. Eat that when you've cleaned yourself up a bit." He pretends the Thief's wordless obedience doesn't bother him, but the lump in his throat has grown so big it's a wonder he can still talk.
It becomes a routine, after that – the former Pharaoh checking on his mortal enemy every day to make sure he at least eats something and doesn't forget hygiene. He forgets about teeth, sometimes, since that wasn't a big deal in Egypt, but it seems like 'cleaning up' includes teeth getting brushed too.
"Think he's planning something?" Jounouchi asks one day, as Atem walks back downstairs to rejoin his friends.
"Maybe," Honda says thoughtfully. "But I don't get why he hasn't tried to kill anyone yet." Yuugi looks over at the ex-Pharaoh (it's strange for both of them, not being able to communicate within their minds, but they can still read each other fairly easily).
"What do you think?" he asks. Atem just shrugs. He's scared that the lump will fall into his stomach – or worse, out of his mouth – if he says anything.
"He's not okay, is he," Anzu says, and it isn't a question. Atem can't bring himself to meet her gaze. "He's not causing problems, like you said, but… you wish he'd at least try something, right?" It's always amazed Atem how well Anzu could read people. The girl's empathy was practically a superpower all on its own.
"I don't think it's him," he tries to explain. The lump seems to have fused to his tongue, and the words he wants to say cling to the back of his throat like blood. "I mean, it is, obviously, but it's not."
"Maybe it has something to do with how you came back?" Shizuka suggests. "I mean, maybe he expected to wake up in his old body, like you." It was true – Atem had awoken in his sarcophagus in Egypt, body restored to the way it had been three thousand years earlier. Had Isis not somehow known he was coming back, he would've suffocated (the gods had sent her a vision, she'd said, although she looked uncertain as to whether it was actually the gods or something left over from the Millennium Tauk). The Thief, on the other hand, had returned in a body almost identical to Bakura's, as his own had never been mummified and was thus lost to time.
"I don't think so," Atem says. He pauses, before continuing. "It's like something's missing." He stares at the floor.
"Like Duel Monsters," Yuugi realizes. "You think… you think something was 'sacrificed' to allow you both to return." The lump dislodges itself.
"He listens to me," Atem blurts out, his stomach rolling. "He hasn't been sneaking down to eat; he only does when I make him. Otherwise he just sits on the bed staring at the wall all day, and that's not right." The words feel like bile coating his tongue, but he feels a bit better now that it's all out (like throwing up, he thinks, and then thinks ew).
"You mean he has to listen to you?" Honda asks. "Isn't that a good thing?" Anzu and Jounouchi fidget in their seats, looking awkwardly away from the last member of their little group.
"Is it?" Marik asks quietly, looking directly at Honda. It's the first thing he's said to them that day aside from an awkward greeting, and Honda immediately realizes what he's said.
"I didn't mean–" he stammers. "I– no, of course it's bad, ethically speaking, but– I mean–" he trails off, staring at the floor.
"I don't want this," Atem whispers. "I mean, I'm glad I'm back – I missed you guys way too much, but I don't want the cost of our lives to be… that." He hesitates, and a shudder seems to run through him. "I don't want him to have been dragged back into the realm of the living just so I could sacrifice a piece of him to bring myself back."
"You didn't, though," Marik points out. "The gods did, assuming they're the ones who brought you back. Can't think of anyone else who could've, though."
"He's not a Duel Monster!" Atem says, more angrily than he meant to, and Marik flinches back. He's not entirely comfortable being there – would much rather be with Bakura, since they're sort of friends and he really doesn't fit in with Yuugi's group – but he felt like he should come, either because Yuugi had asked him or he thought it was his duty to the Pharaoh (there was another possible reason, one that involved a broken promise, but Atem wasn't going to force Marik to divulge his reasons, regardless). But he was there, and he was trying, and that meant something. "I'm sorry," Atem says, dipping his head in acknowledgement. "I didn't mean to snap. I'm not mad at you, Marik."
"Just ask him," Jounouchi says, shattering the tension in the room in a way only Jounouchi could (less due to what he'd said and more that he was lying upside-down on the couch, socked feet against the wall). Atem blinks.
"Ask…" he begins, and then frowns. "What do you mean?"
"Ask him," Jounouchi repeats, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Ask him if he has to listen to you. Ask him if he has a choice. If he doesn't, he'll be able to tell you. And if he does, he'll have to be honest. 'Course, if he doesn't, he could always lie, but at least we'll get an answer." Atem stands.
"I'll try that right now," he says, and he runs up the stairs because if he's right then it's better to know now, and if he's wrong then they need to figure out what the hell is going on, because whatever it is spells trouble.
He enters the Thief's room like usual – no knocking or warning of any kind, partially to make sure he's not up to something and partially because he honestly just doesn't care – and the Thief is exactly where he always is, giving no indication that he'd heard anything.
"Do you have to listen to me?" he asks. The Thief doesn't reply (or perhaps he was going to and was simply taking his time). "Answer me!" Silence. Suspicion grows in Atem's chest. "Are you, by any chance, refusing to respond because you feel like being ironic?" he asks dryly. He hopes that's the case, and not that the Thief will be forced to say something else if he opens his mouth.
"I do not answer to you," the Thief replies curtly, and Atem jumps because that's the most the Thief has said at all since their return.
"Then why are you obeying me?" he demands. The Thief lifts one shoulder in a shrug and returns to staring at the wall. "Why did you come back as well?"
"Heaven didn't want me and Hell's afraid I'll take over," the Thief says blandly.
"That's not an answer," Atem snaps, although a part of him is snickering because, knowing the Thief, that's actually a legitimate possibility. The Thief simply shrugs again, and nothing else Atem says can get him to speak, so he goes back downstairs.
"That's a bust, then," Anzu says, seeing the look of relief on his face. He nods, and the group relaxes slightly.
"We still don't know what's with him, though," Shizuka points out.
"Maybe we were onto something earlier," Marik muses. "Maybe–" he stops and his eyes light up. "There's something missing!" he exclaims. "You were right!"
"But he doesn't have to–" Atem begins, but Marik cuts him off.
"Not free will or whatever," he clarifies. "Didn't he fuse his soul with Zorc? I don't think the gods would've brought that back." The room goes silent.
"You think he misses being a…" Honda trails off, not entirely sure what the Thief had been. "You think he misses not being human?" Marik shakes his head.
"Probably, but not what I meant," he explains. "The spirit of the Millennium Ring wasn't the Thief King – he was a piece of him that had been fused with a piece of Zorc. In other words, half his soul is gone."
"Oh." Anzu says softly. And then, "oh."
"So he's only half here?" Jounouchi asks. Atem nods thoughtfully.
"That makes sense," he agrees. "But that begs the question of which pieces of his soul are missing."
"His Ka is one of them," Yuugi says instantly, and everyone's minds flash to Diabound for a moment. "I'm sure of it."
"But there are five pieces of the soul in Ancient Egyptian mythology," Shizuka points out. "That means– well, it could mean anything. Maybe two and a half pieces of his soul are gone, or maybe half of each." Marik shakes his head.
"It's two and a half," he says simply. "He doesn't have a Ren either, I bet. You said he didn't respond when you called him unless you didn't use a name, right?" Atem nodded, but the others looked surprised.
"I didn't know that," Yuugi says, giving the Pharaoh an odd look.
"I told Isis," Atem explains. "I never thought it was important enough to mention after that, honestly."
"That's the Ka and the Ren," Anzu mused. "So… what else is missing? The other pieces are the Ba, the Sheut, and the Ib – the personality, the shadow, and the heart, right?" Marik nods. She's not one hundred percent right, but the inaccuracies aren't big enough for there to be any point in correcting her.
"I don't think that jerk ever had a heart," Jounouchi scoffs.
"Then why did he want revenge?" Yuugi asks quietly. Jounouchi looks at him, and then at Shizuka. He winces.
"Fair," he admits. "Zorc probably didn't have a heart, though."
"Hence why Bakura– I mean the Thief, sorry, kept his," Marik says. "He wouldn't have had any motivation otherwise."
"What about power?" Honda suggests. Anzu sighs.
"Power over what?" she asks, pointedly. "He wanted to destroy the world. Marik was the one who wanted power – no offense," she adds. Marik shrugs.
"No, that's fair," he says. He looks at Atem. "I don't suppose you've noticed anything funny going on with his shadow?" Atem shakes his head.
"I haven't really looked," he admits, "but by the sound of things, he's missing half his Ba. In other words, the half of his personality he still has is the part untouched by Zorc. So… I suppose that part of him came from before Zorc began influencing him."
"When did that happen?" Anzu wonders. No one says anything for a while.
"Probably right after the massacre," Yuugi murmurs. The group turns to look at him. "That's when… well, he was a kid, right? So I imagine he'd be the easier to manipulate about then – just after he'd watched… it happen. All Zorc would've had to do was convince him to seek revenge. After that…" Yuugi trails off, looking a little ill.
"I hope that's not it." Shizuka whispers, hand over her chest. "That's just awful…"
"No, Yuugi's almost certainly right." Marik says. His tone is casual, as though he was talking about the weather, but there's a shadow in his eyes. "People are much less reasonable after something horrible happens, especially if they're a kid." No one dares argue with him on that – Marik has a better grasp on this sort of thing than anyone.
"But you lost your evil half too," Jounouchi points out. "You're fine."
"That's because he was the result of a mental illness, not part of my soul," Marik says. "Yuugi and the Pharaoh were separated too, but they're fine because they don't share the same soul. Well, not exactly, anyways, but we could spend years trying to figure that out and still get nowhere."
"All this makes sense," Honda says, "but does anyone else feel like we're missing something?" Shizuka gasps, smacking her fist against her hand.
"Oh!" she exclaims. "That reminds me. Just the other day, Ryuuji mentioned something to me!"
"Ryuuji?" Jounouchi interrupts, aghast. "You're on a first-name basis with him?"
"Why?" Shizuka asks, confused. "He said–" she shakes her head. "Look, we can talk about that later. I remember him wondering about where the body came from!"
"The body?" Atem echoes. "The Thief's, you mean?" Shizuka nods excitedly.
"Yeah, exactly!" she smiles. "The Pharaoh's body was restored, so he came back in that (which is kinda gross, by the way), but how can you come back in a body that doesn't exist anymore?" Atem frowns at the 'gross' comment, but he had to admit that even he had been a little uncomfortable with waking up to the literal stench of death and slowly fading decay.
"So, what's his body made of?" Anzu asks. Honda shrugs.
"Looked like flesh and blood to me," he says simply. Atem nods, but for some reason warning bells ring in the back of his mind.
"Flesh and blood…" Yuugi repeats. He's starting to look a little ill.
"Is everything alright?" Atem asks.
"Flesh and blood," Yuugi says again. He swallows. "I know this might sound strange, but you know how you got mad about comparing him to Duel Monsters?"
"I fail to see what that has to do with–" Atem begins.
"If you fuse two monsters together, then it's best to be able to defuse them as well, right?" Yuugi asks. He licks his lips, which are suddenly very dry. "What if it's the same thing here?" Atem frowns.
"I don't follow."
"If you can turn flesh and blood into something, can't you also turn it back?" the entire group is silent, everyone's attention fully focused on Yuugi. After a moment, he looks at them. "I don't suppose any of you know where the Millennium Items are," he says softly.
It takes a minute to sink in, and then Atem is running to the bathroom, his friends calling out behind him, vomiting his lunch into the toilet, and shaking.
Please let Yuugi be wrong, he prays, dimly realizing that his cheeks are wet, please gods let Yuugi be wrong, please don't let him be right. But there's a certainty deep in his chest, biting in and latching on like some sort of venomous, blood-sucking barnacle. He heaves again, and feels a hand gently rubbing his back.
"Let it out," Anzu whispers softly. "Just let it all out." He cries against her, once he's done throwing up, because he can't possibly fathom who in their right mind would think that this was an acceptable sacrifice to bring him back. If the gods are truly behind it, he's not so sure he wants to worship them anymore.
He thinks of the nameless Thief, trapped in the most ironic body the gods could've given him, and part of him stupidly wonders what if he can still hear them, and he shudders at the thought. After a moment, he lets Anzu help him to his feet, and quietly follows her back to their friends. No one is looking all that thrilled, but the only one crying aside from Atem himself is Shizuka.
"This is so messed up," Honda says, like the rest of them haven't already figured that out. "Just… what the hell, y'know?"
"Marik," Atem addresses the Tomb Keeper. "You don't think… you don't think the gods would do something like that, do you?" Marik shrugs helplessly.
"You'd know better than I would," he points out. "I can ask Isis, if you want."
"Please," the Pharaoh rasps. "I just… I need someone else's opinion on this, and asking Kaiba is pointless for multiple reasons." Jounouchi snorts.
"Yeah, he'd probably just say it's all a bunch of nonsense and then demand that you duel him," the blond boy grumbles. "Stupid freakin' rich boy…" Marik steps out of the room to call his sister, and Anzu turns her gaze to the stairs.
"I wish there was something I could do," she murmurs. "I think I'll call Bakura when I get home," she decides. "I won't ask him to get involved, but maybe he'll be able to tell us something."
"Are you sure he'll be okay with that?" Yuugi asks. "I think he's been avoiding us because he doesn't want us to ask him anything." Anzu sighs.
"I know," she admits. "But I honestly can't think of anything else, and if Yuugi's right then we need to do something. Anything. I just…" she looks up at them. "No one should have to live like that," she says firmly. "No matter what they've done."
"You shouldn't feel obligated to help him," Honda says, frowning. "He tried to kill us. Repeatedly."
"That's true," Anzu agrees. "And I don't, not really. I won't forget what he's done, and I know I don't owe him anything, but I refuse to let someone suffer like that if there's anything I can do to help."
"He's sleeping," Sugoroku says, and the whole group jumps because none of them had heard him come down the stairs (or go up them, for that matter). "I know that should be a good thing, but I have a bad feeling about this." Marik comes back into the room, sliding his phone back into his pocket. Atem turns to face him, desperation shining in his eyes. Please let Yuugi be wrong, please let Yuugi be wrong…
"She thinks it's definitely possible," Marik says softly. "But there's no way to know for sure." He turns to Sugoroku. "You said he was asleep?"
"Seems to be," Sugoroku confirms. "I don't suppose you happen to know if that's good or bad." Marik shrugs.
"Could be either," he says. "Or both. Might not be either one, really." He pauses, and looks up at the staircase. "I'll go check on him."
"But Grandpa just–" Yuugi begins, but Anzu nudges him gently and he snaps his mouth shut. "Right. Go for it." Marik walks briskly up the stairs, and the rest of them pretend they don't hear the increase in his pace.
AN: I'm gonna stop there, because this has reached twelve pages and is now way longer than it was supposed to be. This was also supposed to just be a simple oneshot. Well, it probably won't be more than three to five chapters. Thanks for reading, please review, and I hope you enjoyed it! Kitty out.