Hi,This my first fanfic ever on this site! I'm new and any advice/pointers would be greatly appreciated! So with that out-of-the-way I give to you Damon Salvatore's deepest thoughts.
Disclaimer: Fortunately, I own Damon's thoughts. Unfortunately, I don't own the Vampire Diaries, or any of its characters.

Self-Accusations

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He was officially 166 years old. But Damon Salvatore had not lived for 166 years. The only time he counted as his life was the time he was a child. He had distinct memories of playing with Stefan in their father's yard. Climbing the maple trees and splashing in the stream. Even wrestling in the mud. Though, even those memories were tarnished with pain. His mother had died when Stefan was about seven. Damon had memories of her, although they were 'few and far between'.

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Damon drew himself out of his childhood memories that had been consuming him all night and replaced them with something much more sinful… his memories of Katherine.

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145 years had passed since he had laid eyes on Katherine Pierce and the thing that scared Damon the most was that he couldn't tell if that was a good thing, or a bad thing. 145 years ago he had fallen in love with Katherine…but so had his brother. The most lamentable thing though wasn't that Stefan wanted Katherine, but that Katherine wanted Stefan more. Everyone always loved Stefan. Their father, Katherine, Elena! He was starting to feel like Caroline. He tried so hard, but no one he wanted, wanted him. Damon could understand brother rivalry, and jealousy. However, when he and Stefan turned, it was no longer a tug-of-war, it was a promise of utter hatred. An eternity of misery, that was what he had promised Stefan. Not only for taking away his free will, and not only for Katherine. Damon was pissed because even though Stefan was wrong, he was able to turn himself around later. Now look at his baby brother, brooding, regretful, respected vampire! What was he? A people-killing, heartless creature? Damon knew he had to be more than that, right? He couldn't let the past go. That was his dispute within himself.

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So on Damon Salvatore's birthday, he did what Damon Salvatore does best. He drank.