Hello everyone! First, thanks to all who reviewed my last stories, I really appreciate it! Second, this was the eleventh fanfic that I wrote for my English assignment this year. (For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, see my profile for more info.)
Once again, I don't own anything, not the characters, nothing. So, yea, I'm gonna stop blabbing and let you see the story. Read and enjoy, review if you wanna. :)
Satisfyingly Lost
"Are you bisexual?"
That was the first question she saw in her Formspring inbox when Layne Abley logged on. And to be truthful, she didn't know how the hell she was going to answer it.
Ask her why she dyed her hair green, or why she wore leg warmers with flip flops, or why she ate oatmeal. She could easily answer those questions without even thinking about it. Hell, she would be happy to rant and ramble on and on about how she didn't want to be some preppy, Massie Block wannabe, like half the girls in OCD.
Because wearing gauchos and a bikini top or walking around with twenty different magnets and key chains on her headgear was no problem. She had no problem with standing out; she had no problem being one of the few girls in OCD who didn't wear painfully high five inch stilettos or uncomfortable-as-hell thongs to school. Heck, she was glad she didn't have to do wear those miniskirts that seemed so damn suffocating and unpleasant. She was glad that she was spared from having to scour Vogue every single time a new issue came out for the "latest trends."
Because what scared Layne the most was the fact that she sorta, kinda, just might be sorta kinda into girls.
Because as much as she enjoyed being with guys, as much as she enjoyed kissing Eli back in the day, as much as she enjoyed staring at Dempsey, she couldn't help but feel nervous around them. Nervous that they were going to hurt her, nervous that they might just push her into doing something she just might not want to do.
As much as she hated to admit it, she couldn't help but notice how girls just looked so much more pleasing to be with. They were more fun, less stressful to hang out around, and as much as it shamed her to admit, they were a great deal more interesting to look at. They way that they could all dress in different fashions – punk, prep, Goth, funky, classy, athletic, dancer – they dressed so differently from each other, well, sometimes. Thanks to Massie Block, half the girls were preppy snobs, but it was still a great deal more eye-catching than Briarwood's selection of boys. Unlike the guys, who seemed to just live in tees and jeans, the girls would vary it up, miniskirt one day, jeans, the next.
And girls, well, just seemed so much more physically attractive. Layne was shocked, scared, and terrified when she noticed how Claire's body was just so fascinating, horrified when she noticed how Meena's chest was alluring to her eyes, and just plain freaked out when she noticed how Massie Block's legs were always so smooth.
Not only that, but girls, just seemed, so much easier to understand. Guys would be so cryptic sometimes, and so fucking confusing, and just so damn mysterious and puzzling. But girls? They would scream and yell if they wanted to, they made it plain clear if they liked you or if they detested you or if they thought you were just plain weird.
And this creeped Layne Abley out so much. She wanted so badly to just find a guy she could be comfortable with, so she spent hours hiding in the bushes at the soccer practices, trying to stare at Derrick Harrington's signature butt-shaking moves, trying to concentrate at Josh Hotz's Spanish tan the gleamed with sweat under the bright sky, trying to focus on Kemp Hurley's golden afro that nearly blinded her when it caught the sun's rays, trying to pay attention to Chris Plovert's muscular calves, trying to think about Cam's sweet smile whenever he heard Claire's voice, trying to concentrate on Danny Robbin's braces, which gleamed whenever he smiled. Trying to concentrate on any besides the fact that she might actually be into girls.
But sometimes, she could help but look into the stands and see the infamous Pretty Committer, laughing, joking, and cheering the boys on. She couldn't help but notice Massie's blush when Derrick shook his ass just for her, or the way the Alicia's chest bounced voluptuously as she cheered for Josh, or how Dylan kept making the corniest jokes and laughing until tears came to her emerald green eyes, or how Claire gave the sweetest smiles to Cam. And Layne was envious of them, jealous at their ability to be so damn comfortable around guys, lust because they were normal for liking guys, ashamed that she noticed things about them, and just scared and so damn confused.
And she tried to hide it.
Because no matter no freeing it felt to be hanging out with a girl, no matter how wonderful it felt whenever a strand of Meena's knee accidently touched her knee while watching a movie, Layne Abley refused to admit it, even to herself.
Because she was scared to death of what would happen if she spoke those words.
Because wearing a weird outfit was one thing.
Because wearing a bizarre jacket would be forgotten soon enough.
But admitting that she might just be bisexual was a lifetime choice.
And she didn't think she could handle that.
No, for the moment, Layne Abley would rather not face the reality of things. No, Layne would rather just forget about every single thought that ever crossed her mind regarding her sexuality. No, she would rather not know if she was bisexual or straight, or gay, or whatever.
Because right now, she was satisfied with not knowing.
Right now, Layne Jane Abley was satisfyingly lost. Lost, confused, and scared.
And she was alright with that.
Because she really just didn't want to give a crap right now.
Okay, I'm thinking that this oneshot failed. Big time. Well anyways, if anyone IS reading my crappy work , please review and vote on the poll on my profile? No pressure, I won't come chasing after you with Rottweilers if you don't, but I would like to hear some thoughts. Please?
And thanks to those who have been so supportive and have kept reviewing my stories, no matter what.
So yea, thanks to:
Darling (Fireworks Forever)
Kaitlin (YouAndTheKlutz)
Allie (WakeMeUpWhenItsYesterday)
Live [dot] Laugh [dot] Love [dot] HaveFun
Heart (your favorite sweetHEART)
Maria (I should be sturying right now)
Lisa (Crazieness)
Alyssa (laughyytaffy)
Kailee (dreams in technicolors)
Kat (kitkat [dot] me)
Dez (smilez014)
Ericka (Wher ItAllBegins)
Mersaydez (Child of the Masquerade)
Tash (lightening [dot] x [dot] pixie)
Thanks for every review you've given me, for reading all of my crappy work, and for being awesome friends. I love you all. Thanks for everything. :)
- Faith. :D
P.S. SMILE!