Because it's easy
She always wondered how he could make it look so easy…
CSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICIS
She had lashed out once, when the case settled and the feelings could no longer be contained beneath that resolve.
Nick had held her so many times before when she released it all, when locked away from the world in their safe haven.
At first she had fought him, fought how easy it came to him to comfort her when she was nothing but a broken shell.
It had been hard for him too but Nick would never admit that to her, for fear of losing her. The nightmares still came to him, but as they grew the nightmares had changed for him… they had become even more personal because they had involved her.
Nick had awoken many times the scream lodged in his throat as he groped blindly to make sure that the nightmares were still locked away in the darkness, the moment his hand touched her delicate skin he knew it was ok.
She had lashed out the moment the door had been secured behind them, lashed out at everything that had been said that night.
Those cases were harder for her then anyone else or at least she showed how hard it hit her most of all, Nick waited for the moments of her pacing and her silence as she processed what was still fresh in her mind.
It wasn't because he had grown tired of this that he made his way to the kitchen ready to make the tea she would never drink, it was because he knew the steps now and knew what had to be done.
He opted for a bottle of water and when his task had been completed he walked back to find her slumped on their couch with her head in her hands.
The tears would come later, once she had understood that the world was cracked and broken and nothing she could do would change that. But for now the anger was there first and foremost, just waiting to spill.
He hoped these outburst would never stop… not because he enjoyed them, no… because he would know how truly lost she was when they didn't come anymore.
"Baby" he called settling besides her as her fiery eyes locked onto his own weary eyes, with cases like these he made sure he was the source of her anger, because after all the time spent opening her up he knew how to handle what she threw at him.
He had managed to open her up and brought all the demons out, and he would make sure he always knew what demons lurked in her dark swirling eyes.
"I could have stayed, you didn't have to drag me out" she snarls but Nicks shakes his head and sighs, these moments took the most out of him but the results of his patience was the best reward he could ever ask for.
"You couldn't" "I'm a CSI… my job is more important then your male ego" she spits and Nick could only focus his cool glare at her.
"I know… and it is more important then my male ego… it's more important then us… but that victim is more important to us then letting yourself fade away, to deny your self sleep or food or a break" Nick tells her softly causing her to snort but before her retort made it's break from her mouth he wrapped his strong hands around her own and sighed again.
"I know that she will never sleep… not anymore and I know the killer is still out there but if you carry on like this, then that killer will have more then one victim" Nick watches the anger fizzle away a little but she still focuses her blame and feeling of failure on him.
"Baby… you're the best CSI I've ever met darlin' but the vic… Amanda doesn't just need a CSI she needs a human, someone with a voice and that's you baby, you give her voice but it needs to be strong" Nick rubs circles into her hand soothing her in his own way.
"A monster took Amanda's life… but a human will give her justice, I know this isn't what you want to hear but it's true… your human, not just a CSI and Amanda needs both for her to find peace" Nick watches the final traces of anger fade away before the tears cloud her dark eyes.
Nodding she sighs and withdraws her hands from his, allowing him to rub his finger of the diamond ring he had given her three months ago once before she rubbed at her face.
The truth was never easy but it still brought peace in it's own way, assured that the hard part was over he stood and made his way towards their bedroom, ready to lay her bedclothes out while changing himself.
"Nick" her voice stopped him, it was the voice of doubt "yeah darlin'" he calls as he settles his dark eyes on her once more as she played with her ring.
"How can you love me… when I'm so messed up… when I don't know when to call it a day" she asks innocently never lifting her eyes to meet him.
Smiling he walked back over to her and pressed a kiss to her head inhaling the scent of the woman he planned to spend the rest of his life with.
"Because it's easy… when it comes to loving you it's just so easy" he whispers feeling her smile more then seeing it.
Things would never be easy at work but when they were home, when they were just them two it was easy to find a way to live again.
"Because it's easy" he whispers again just to make sure that she knew that nothing would ever change how easy it came to him just to love her.
Both broken and whole.
The end
This is a 1am rambling in the because series… this was going to be a fluffy one but then it changed on me.