A/N: Sorry for no new DWD if you follow that story. I just feel like writing Christmas-y stuff. I hope you don't mind. Let me know what you think! Enjoy!
Disclaimer: All aspects of Once Upon A Time belong to ABC and the show's creators.
Ruby's raucous laughter could be heard halfway up the apartment building hallway. Emma felt bad for her neighbours. Especially once the Christmas White Elephant Gift party got going. But to be fair, the neighbours really should have been used to noise coming from Ruby's apartment after all these years. The girl was a hurricane and had only got louder since Dorothy moved in. Honestly, Emma figured she'd quiet down now that she'd settled and was engaged. Turns out Ruby was resisting adulthood even more since she had a live-in fiancée. Or maybe it was all the extra amorous activities that caused the noise.
Emma didn't want to know the answer for that.
Ever.
Walk in on Ruby once getting acquainted with her hand and she had been googling how to bleach her eyeballs without going blind. Emma could only imagine what it would be like with another.
Of course, years later Emma really couldn't be too mad about that time she'd walked in on Ruby because it had started one of the most fun running gags the friend group had. Even though it had grown over the years, Emma and Ruby still kept up the tradition. The tradition being that every year Emma gave Ruby the most garish sex toy she could find. At first the gift tag had just said "So you don't ruin your manicure next time". The tags didn't quite say the same thing anymore but the contents remained just as nsfw as always.
And everyone knew to avoid the gift. Ever since the Christmas tradition had widened from a gift left at Ruby's door, Emma too unused to having friends and exchanging gifts to actually hand it to her, to a White Elephant party Even though it was supposed to be a surprise swap, everyone paid attention to Emma's wrapping paper and avoided the gift, leaving it for when it was Ruby's turn.
Emma let herself into the apartment and was greeted by Ruby's big wolfhound, a lazy but friendly beast, and the smell of the massive pot of mulled wine currently simmering on the stove. She shifted the present, a long box wrapped in red paper covered in little hot chocolate mugs, to her other hand and reached down to pet Lupin, before moving down the hallway to where the noise was filtering in from. One of the perks of living a few floors down in the same apartment building was that she didn't have to deal with the excessive mess of Ruby's coat closet, made even worse by the party.
A chorus of "Emma!" greeted her as she entered the apartment living room. Most of the people were already present, sprawled across the sofa, armchair and floor, mugs of mulled wine in their hands. Belle, a librarian Ruby had known for years sat on the lap of her boyfriend Will, an English nuisance who worked at the bar Ruby owned, primly arranging her skirt. David and Mary Margaret Nolan, the token married couple of the group, were sickeningly feeding each other bruschetta on the couch, while Tink (a nickname for Tina Belle Landon) gagged playfully off to the side. Graham, a cop who worked regularly with David and Emma through bail issues, was on the floor, playing with Lupin, while Elsa was watching the snow fall at the window, always at the party but never quite in it. Dorothy was moving through the crowd with a plate of appetizers, her festive socks sliding on the laminate floor.
Ruby, dark hair curling down over her shoulders bounced over first, grabbing at the package in Emma's hand and giving it a shake. "Something fun, I hope? And powerful?" she asked with a wink. Emma rolled her eyes and waved her away to put the package with the rest of the gifts near the colourful tree.
Really, it was moments like these that Emma couldn't believe this was her life. She had friends. And more than just one. Growing up the way she had, in the foster system where her only friend had turned out to be a liar then being burnt by the only man she'd ever loved, had left her guarded and angry. She'd worked as a bail bondsperson, bouncing through cities at least once a year, never settling. Until she got a difficult case that took her to New York for an extended period of time. It was the first time she'd been in a place for a full year in at least a decade and Emma couldn't really find the panic that really took root in her when she'd been in a place too long to leave. So she didn't.
Emma found a coffee shop that she liked, and without warning, she ended up with a usual. She made contacts with the local precincts that gave her good cases (which was how she'd originally met Graham, keeping the man very far from her for years after he'd asked her out, still wild and feral from her youth). And had found a local bar to haunt. A dark little place called the Wolf's Den that was next door to a family diner where the tequila was cheap and the small talk absent. Until one day when there was a man who was unreasonably drunk and vulgar hitting on the bartender and not taking no for an answer. Instead, actually coming around the bar to grab the bartender's behind and breaking a glass when she'd pushed him away. Angry that this man had disturbed her peaceful bar, Emma had downed her shot of tequila, jumped the bar and knocked the man out in one sucker punch. Turned out that the woman was Ruby. And that she was very persistent when she wanted to befriend someone. A year later Emma had moved into the same building as her, was drinking for free at The Wolf's Den and nursing her onion ring addiction at Ruby's grandmother's next door diner. That was five years prior.
Since then Ruby had slowly introduced Belle to a still wary Emma, then came David who'd forced his big brotherly way into Emma's life. Mary Margaret was a few months later, after David, a cop from Queens, made an appearance as his precincts spokesperson at primary teacher Mary Margaret's career day. David brought Graham along to a Fourth of July party and Emma was forced to get over her awkwardness with the man after once again making it very clear she had no interest in him. Elsa had arrived via her sister, an old friend of Ruby's, integrating into the group after her sister, and main support, had married a big Norwegian man and had moved to Norway for a year because of some citizenship issue. They were back now, but busy at a party with Kristoff's friends, hence the absence. Tink was Belle's sister stormed the group in her loud fashion after immigrating from Australia to be closer to her sister who'd come years prior. Tink worked as a counsellor at a local detention centre where she'd met Will, a man who was on community service for breaking a library. Which just happened to be her sister's library. What followed was Tink dragging Will after his counselling session down to the library by his ear and making him apologize for his drunken behaviour. Belle had been dating Will for six months at this point and Will had been hired by Ruby a month prior to that as he attempted to get on the straight and narrow to woo the librarian.
They were a bunch. But they were Emma's bunch.
Emma grabbed a sausage roll as Dorothy dipped around her, shoving the food in her mouth as Ruby examined all the gifts to be chosen later.
"Shit, dude!" Ruby called, holding up two presents wrapped in the same paper. The hot chocolate paper that Emma had been so proud of finding on sale at Target. "Someone's matching the dildo paper!" There was a mutual groan from the group while Emma cursed. This had never been an issue before because Emma traditionally wrapped her gifts in solid green paper with red ribbon after unknowingly buying a Costco sized amount years prior but she'd seen the paper at Target this year and just couldn't resist. "Everyone, take a look at these packages." Ruby held up the two matching boxes, hot chocolate paper with red ribbon, and shook the one Emma had given her. She snuck a finger under the side of the paper and put a tiny rip in it to signify the traditional present because the boxes were just too similar a shape to tell by eye. "This one is mine."
Laughter filtered through the room. "No one wants it, Rubes," Tink shouted back with a grin.
"Sure you do," Emma replied with a laugh. "It's a good one this year."
"Oh, good," Dorothy answered, returning with a new plate of appetizers, this time something cheesy that Emma quickly took one off. "Hopefully it gets more use than the elephant shaped dildo she got last year."
Emma gave Ruby's fiancé a shove. "That was a work of art and you know it!" With a snort, Dorothy shook her head and returned to handing out food.
It still shocked Emma that she had inside jokes with other people. That she had traditions like a sex toy at the annual holiday party, New Years Eve at the bar, Valentines Day complaining about couples with Tink and Elsa while they ate pizza and drank too much sparkling wine, Fourth of July at the Nolan's cabin upstate and monthly dinners rotated through everyone's houses. It was a lot. Especially for Emma. Sometimes she couldn't do the little get-togethers, things like weekly meals at Granny's or popping over to Belle and Will's for a tv night because, because they overwhelmed her in their normalcy. But Emma always made sure to do the traditions. She'd dreamed so long and hard for them as a child, believing them permanently out of her reach after the fiasco with her ex, that she just couldn't let them slip from her fingers again.
Mary Margaret, now done feeding her husband, skipped over and hugged her tightly. Emma squeezed back. This type of contact was another thing that still threw her for a loop. The contact really hadn't started until Mary Margaret had come along because Ruby was affectionate and extremely sensual, a total flirt at heart, but she wasn't one to hug and hold Emma's hand. More like smack her ass as she walked by. And with Belle and David, Emma had still been far too wary and withdrawn to invite any kind of affection from the shy woman and strangely protective man. Mary Margaret just hadn't cared. She was a hugger, end of story. Eventually Emma had loosened up and grown enough to start hugging back. Which was a good thing because Mary Margaret seemed determined to make up for all the hugs Emma had missed growing up.
Not that they spoke about Emma's childhood. It was like the elephant in the room. Everyone knew, through either Emma getting drunk and spilling, or through secrets passed at the dinners on days she didn't show up. Words just weren't exchanged over how Emma had gone through abuse at some of the houses, had run from the system at seventeen, had a pregnancy scare that sent her ex running, stranding her at a motel in bum-fuck nowhere with the yellow Volkswagen Beetle they'd stolen together. No words were exchanged on the issue, but actions were. Through hugs to make up for a lack of affection. Through Granny always setting a space for her at Thanksgiving, even that first year, so Emma could know what a family holiday dinner was like when surrounded by people who cared about you. Through not pushing Emma to come to everything but always sending a text or stopping by later to make sure she was okay. While no one said anything, they all made sure Emma knew she had a family.
"I can't believe I got the same wrapping paper as you did!" Mary Margaret exclaimed, pulling back. That explained the shape of the box. Mary Margaret probably brought fancy salad forks. "I just saw it and thought of you. Your actual gift is wrapped in it and in the rush to get out the door, David just ended up using the same one for this party. Which is also why it's in rougher shape than I'd like."
Emma laughed, waving off the woman's worry. Sure, the Nolan's gift might be a bit shoddily wrapped but Ruby had made it very clear which was hers. "Don't worry, everyone saw which one not to touch." They made small talk for a moment more before Mary Margaret wandered into the kitchen to get mulled wine for herself and David.
"Evening, Swan," an accented voice lilted in her ear a few moments later before a warm mug was slipped into her hand.
Emma turned, forcing herself not to scowl at who had just joined the party. Killian Jones stood beside her in all his swaggering glory, a second mug of mulled wine tucked between his handless arm and chest. Killian was the newest person to come into the group, an old childhood friend of Will's who'd just immigrated from England three months ago. Killian was everything that set Emma on edge because he was the kind of person Emma might have once dreamed of meeting. Killian was smart, a marine engineer who mainly did drafting work ever since an accident that no one really knew about took his hand. Except for Will of course, but he wasn't talking for once in his life. Killian was charming, a proper English gentleman with all the manners of a Lord, but with a twist because when he wasn't pulling out chairs and opening doors, he was making innuendos about pulling hair and opening legs. The man seemed like he was great in the sack and damn, did he ever look like it. The man was all dark hair and brilliant blue eyes, sex on legs as Ruby had so lovingly referred to him when Will first brought him to the bar. But all that there was that was enticing about Killian, there was also mystery as to why Killian had a heart tattoo with an ex's name, why he never talked about his family except for a brother who'd died three years previously. All the group knew was that Killian was running from a life that potentially was just as unideal as Emma's had been.
And that set her teeth on edge. Because Killian knew Emma. Understood her without her needing to explain anything. That had been immediately apparent the day Emma hadn't showed up for a monthly dinner, just too locked in her own head after catching a bail jumper who'd been up for issues on cheating the foster care system for money. Killian, unused to Emma's past story and how elements in life could set her off and send her running behind her walls, had tracked her down through Find Friends, showing up at her door with a bag of bear claws and some hot chocolate with cinnamon, Ruby revealing that fact about her when Killian told her the plan. Emma had nearly slammed the door on him, just wanting to go back to her mountain of blankets and The Princess Bride dvd paused on her tv. But Killian hadn't let her, just stuck his foot into the door and pushed his way in. They hadn't spoken at all but Killian had stayed with her until the movie ended, sitting near but not next to her. Emma would never admit how much comfort that night had brought her. Especially not when Ruby made sure to call her the next morning and tell her that Killian liked her which Emma promptly denied through reason of Killian's gentleman-ness.
It was also the night she realized the danger Killian posed to her if she let him get closer to her heart. Because not only did Killian talk the talk, he also walked it. Like Olympic fast walking serious level of walking. Killian wasn't just what she'd dreamed of as a child. He was also what she dreamed of currently, when her walls weren't too high and she felt free to think about the could-bes and what ifs. And Killian was a big what if. So to protect herself Emma snarked. And kept away as much as possible when Killian would be present without others to act as a mediator.
"Evening," Emma answered tightly back.
"Bah humbug?"
Emma rolled her eyes. "I'm at a Christmas party aren't I?"
"Ah, but presence is not equivalent to spirit is it, Swan?" Somehow Emma thought he was talking about more than just the party and instead about their shared childhood experiences in the realm of crap.
Emma shrugged, feeling the need to get out before she said something stupid and actually said something about the houses where a tree would go up but she'd never be able to touch it or the group homes who made everyone sing carols and gave out candy canes but always had those kids who were determined to spoil the season's big red suited secret for everyone still clinging to the magic. Because the soft understanding in Killian's eyes and the memories of that night he'd come to her place and made her feel that she wasn't that foster system reject in a night where the world was determined to remind her.
"Thanks for the wine." Raising her glass towards Killian in recognition, she hurried away to where Elsa sat, thankful her shyness and anxiety would create an extra barrier against Killian coming over. Killian was nothing if not a gentleman and he would make sure not to make Elsa uncomfortable, even if it kept him away from Emma. Emma just couldn't risk the danger to her heart that Killian posed because honestly, she wasn't sure that if Killian asked her to go on a date with him that she would say no.
She wasn't sure she wanted to.
Hence hiding with Elsa. And then on the floor with Graham and Lupin, pleading an inability to join David and Killian in conversation about a cop show, through the dog sitting on her and being too sweet to move. And then helping Dorothy prepare more food, the kitchen too small to fit a third person in with them. While she avoided Killian completely, Emma constantly kept tabs on him, just to make sure (and maybe to make sure he wasn't flirting with Tink, but that was beside the point). Emma was nearly as good at hiding as she was at running, but the best at denial, and all of that kept her heart safe.
Around ten, Ruby stood on the kitchen table and yelled that it was time for the gift exchange. Always one for the dramatic, especially considering they were at a small get-together, not a rave that required as much yelling as she normally did. Maybe it was just a habit from how she closed her bar nightly. Or maybe it was because she was a bit too far into the mulled wine to be quiet. Whatever the reason, it caught everyone's attention and brought more laughter to the room.
Once everyone had settled near the tree, Emma sitting next to Belle on the opposite end of the couch as Killian and steadfastly not looking at him, Dorothy moved around the room handing out numbers for the gift selection order. Emma pulled out a four, holding it up to show everyone.
Mary Margaret got to choose a gift first, selecting a tiny box wrapped in pink paper with silver baubles before sitting down again with the box sitting primly in her lap.
Will, to no one's surprise, dug through until he found the biggest box, something covered in gaudy silver glitter paper, shaking it as he sat again until Belle had to pull it from his hands.
And so it went. David going next, then Emma who selected an odd shaped gold present, hoping it was something like a mug and cocoa packet. Ruby chose directly after, moving quickly to the gift with the red hot cocoa paper, nearly stumbling into the tree in her haste. Thankfully Dorothy had been next and was able to catch her fiancé on the way to the tree, supporting her before grabbing her own gift. Everyone chose a gift until only one sat under the tree, the other hot cocoa wrapped gift, and only one person left with a number. Killian pushed himself up from the sofa and grabbed the present, giving it a little shake with an eyebrow wiggle.
"On your mark!" Ruby yelled, practically buzzing in her seat on the armchair, Dorothy rolling her eyes beside her. "Get set!" Everyone grabbed their presents, ready for the race to unwrap the gifts and display the insides to everyone else. "Go!" What followed was the loud sound of wrapping paper being torn and laughter as everything was revealed. Just as Emma had hoped, she got a lovely white and gold polka dotted mug with a fancy bag of cocoa and marshmallows tucked inside.
"What the fuck, Emma!" Ruby shouted, drawing her attention from the hot cocoa she would be having as soon as she got home. "Where's my dildo!" Ruby, in her drunken righteousness was holding up two sets of grilling tongs. The gift Mary Margaret had brought.
Emma's eyes widened in panic. Spinning around to Killian, Emma spotted the neon pink ombre dildo and matching butt plug sitting on Killian's lap. Killian was looking at the present with wide eyes. Because of course Ruby had gotten herself too drunk to tell the two gifts apart and had grabbed the wrong one.
"Uh, I'm not sure these are quite to my taste," he muttered, that swagger fading away to embarrassed surprise and confusion. That Killian that he kept hidden, the one who was shy and endearing, the one who he might have been constantly before whatever had occurred in his life to send him to America, had started to peak through and Emma felt ten times worse. Because not only was she beyond embarrassed, she was also seeing that Killian who'd showed up at her place those months ago and made her think. Emma needed to get out. Now.
"I, uh, got to go." With that shoddy excuse, pleas to stay following her, Emma grabbed her mug and dashed from the apartment.
Never was Emma so thankful that she lived in the same building as Ruby. Even though she was mad at Ruby for getting drunk and making her see that Killian that made her feel things again, not to mention embarrassing the man she may have liked when she got over herself. It was just a quick run down the stairs before Emma was back in the safety of her own home, door locked and shut behind her.
This was not how her night was supposed to have gone. Emma always looked forward to the party because it was the first tradition she'd been able to take part in but because she just couldn't resist the pretty Target paper and Ruby couldn't resist mulled wine, the night had been ruined. Her face was still hot with embarrassment as she set the cocoa and mug on her kitchen counter before flopping down on the sofa.
Emma was not going to the New Years Party. Because Killian would be there and she would have to face everyone after running. No. Emma was done. She was going to hide until at least Valentine's Day. And everyone was going to have to deal with that. They could get mad at Ruby.
A knock sounded at the door to her apartment. Emma looked towards it with a glare, eyes peaking over the arm of the sofa towards the door.
"Go away, Mary Margaret," she shouted, knowing she would be the one person voted to come and try and calm Emma.
"It's not the Lady Nolan, love," the accented voice returned. Killian.
"Go away," she shouted, practically pleaded. There was no way she could face Killian.
"Come on, Swan. I can pick the lock if you don't open up."
"You can?" Emma asked, against her better judgement, sitting up.
A warm laugh filtered through the wood. "Teenage rebellion makes us do stupid things. But it did teach me to pick locks. So why don't you let me in before I have to break in?"
Emma didn't want to let Killian in but damn it, she actually did. She wanted to see Killian but she didn't. She didn't know what she wanted but she did. She wanted to be held but run. Wanted to see what the two of them could be but was terrified to do just that. Emma felt like a mess because, if she was being honest, she knew what she wanted but was terrified to risk it.
Emma was always terrified. And damn it, she was tired of it.
"Swan?"
Emma sighed. She couldn't let Killian stand out in the hall. "I'm coming."
Emma crossed the floor to the door, pulling it open after sucking in a deep breath. "I'm sorry about the mix-up," she started as she pulled the door open. "I'm sure Ruby will trade gifts with you."
"Already did," Killian answered once she'd opened the door, holding up the barbecue tongs with a little grin, his coat tucked over his other arm. Once Emma nodded, Killian's face softened to a concerned look that made Emma's stomach twist. "Are you okay, Swan?"
"I'm sorry I embarrassed you," she answered, trying to deflect.
"We'll laugh about it soon, love," Killian answered easily. "But I'm worried about you; you ran pretty fast." Emma shook her head, unwilling to give the reason. "Come on," Killian urged softly. "Tell me what's going on."
Killian just looked at her, soft and understanding, like he already knew the answer but wanted her to vocalize it. They stood, looking at each other for a long moment while Emma chewed on her lip. Everything about Killian made her want to spill her guts. To take the risk. To tell him why she felt her guard go down around him and why she, secretly, didn't mind it.
"Love, you know I won't hurt you." Killian stepped forward until he was only a few inches from Emma. "You and I, I think we understand each other. It's the only reason I'm here because I know you know what it means to be hurt so I'm not as scared to be here. I know you won't hurt me. At least not on purpose," Killian ended with a wry grin. "So why did you run?"
Emma was barely breathing. Because Killian had said the same thing she'd been feeling about him. Killian knew pain and knew fear but was putting it all aside for her. Didn't she owe him the same thing?
"Because you were the last person I ever wanted to embarrass," Emma whispered.
"And why's that?" Killian asked, stepping forward again, until they were nearly nose to nose, his breath scented by sweet wine, fanning over her face.
"Because."
Killian rolled his eyes playfully. "Excellent reason, Swan, but can we try again?"
Emma sucked in a deep breath. "Because you understand me. And that scares me. And I feel terrible for embarrassing you." Another deep breath. "Because you make me feel things I've run from for years but I'm just so tired to keep running like I used to."
Killian nodded, shifting the tongs to between his other arm and side so he could lift his hand to Emma's face. She sucked in a little breath when his fingers touched her cheek, lips parted as she looked up at him.
"I've been running too, love," Killian whispered. "What do you say we stop, yeah?"
What do you say we stop, yeah?
She said yes.
Emma tipped up onto her toes, reaching forward and pressing a quick kiss against Killian's cheek, nodding when she pulled back. "Yeah. I say yeah."
Killian's face split into a dazed grin. Warmth shot through Emma that she could make him look that way, look so pleased but so surprised.
"Would you like to come in for cocoa?" she asked, unwilling for the warmth to leave quite yet. "I did just get some fancy stuff.
Killian nodded. "That would be lovely. Thank you." Killian followed Emma into the apartment for a few steps, before grabbing her wrist and pulling her to a stop. Emma turned, raising an eyebrow in confusion. "Just wanted you to know, Swan; when we are ready to go to the next level, you won't need anything like what you gave Ruby. Just so you don't worry about my endowment."
Emma swatted at him with a laugh before continuing to the kitchen to make the cocoa, Killian following. Maybe the White Elephant mistake hadn't been as big a mistake as Emma had originally thought. Maybe, in a roundabout and embarrassing way, it had been the perfect gift after all.