Okay, so, who here saw Cooper's Audition video on YouTube? I thought he was funny, but, realistically, he most likely will not get the part. So, I thought of this. Blaine seems like the person to cheer someone up through song, and this is what I came up with! The song is Gaston from Beauty and the Beast. I do not own Glee. It belongs to fox.
The sun in LA was shining brightly through the large windows in Cooper Anderson's penthouse. He received a call from his agent earlier that morning to let him know he was on his way over to deliver some news, which Cooper translated to announcing his role as Deputy Roscoe. He texted Blaine to get his ass on Skype so that he would be there somewhat to share the wonderful news. Cooper turned on Skype, and Blaine's face appeared on the screen.
"Hey, big brother!" Blaine greeted, smiling.
"Hey, Blainey! You're just in time!" Cooper said excitedly. The doorbell rang. "Oh! That's him! Be right back!"
Blaine could only chuckle and smile fondly at his brother's excitement. Sometimes Cooper's excitement rivals Kurt's. He heard chattering and footsteps, and Cooper returned with a tall, slim man in tow.
"Blaine, this is my agent Scott Clayson. Scott, this is my baby brother Blaine." Cooper said.
"Hey, Blaine, it's nice to meet you." Scott said politely, waving at the computer.
"You, too, Mr. Clayson." Blaine replied.
"So, Scott, tell us the best news ever!" Cooper beamed widely.
Scott shuffled his feet nervously. "Well, Cooper...I'm sorry to say that...you didn't get the part."
Cooper gasped. "YES!" He pumped his fists and laughed triumphantly. He noticed his agent and his brother looking a bit downcast and concerned. "...Wait, what?"
"You didn't get the part." Scott repeated. "Michael Bay did not like your audition tape."
Cooper stared at his agent in shock. It was if everything in his body stopped working. A storm cloud forming over his head. He felt as if the world stopped turning. Cooper turned his gaze on his computer and realized his Skype was still on. "Blaine, I'll call you back later." He moved to exit out of Skype but missed the exit button. Blaine decided not to say anything, and sat back to enjoy the show. "Dammit, Scott, you are my agent! You said you'd get me the part! How could Michael not like my audition tape? I worked so hard on it!"
"Yeah...you also tried too hard." Scott admitted. "Look, maybe we should go for something smaller. Maybe just stick to commercials."
A lump rose to Cooper's throat. "But...I wanna do movies."
"Hey, I almost forgot- they gave you a consolation prize." Scott pulled a gift basket from behind his back. "Tada!"
Cooper just glared at the basket.
XX
Outside in the blazing sun, a homeless man in rags trudged along the streets for shelter and money. He heard glass breaking from up high and saw a gift basket crash on the ground. The homeless man gasped, fell to his knees and threw his fists to the heavens.
"THANK YOU, WHOEVER'S UP THERE!" He shouted. He laughed, scooped up the basket, and took off not noticing the strange looks from the crowds.
XXX
"I am going to give him so much crap about this."
Blaine couldn't help himself. He had to tell Kurt the news that Cooper pretty much embarrassed himself. He only wished he recorded the Skype session.
"You're really enjoying this, aren't you?" Kurt asked as he slung his bag over his shoulder. They started walking down the hall.
"Hell yes." Blaine chuckled. "I love my brother, but he needed to be knocked down a peg."
Kurt chuckled and shook his head. "You do realize he might be horribly depressed, right?"
"He'll get over it." Blaine shrugged. "No matter how often he gets turned down, he always bounces back."
"Okay, if you're sure."
XX
Blaine couldn't have been more wrong. When he arrived home, he found the door unlocked and music playing inside. He quietly walked in carrying an umbrella to use for a weapon. He walked to the living room where Cooper lay on the couch in his underwear drinking from a bottle of what Blaine was sure was alcohol. Blaine sighed and dropped the umbrella.
"Heeey, baby brother." Cooper slurred and hiccuped. "Sit down and have a drink."
Blaine sat on the arm of the couch and raised an eyebrow. "You're encouraging your seventeen year old brother to drink alcohol?"
Cooper stared at Blaine for a minute then groaned. "God, I really am depressed."
Blaine nodded. All thoughts of giving Cooper crap vanished. "Yeah. Coop, you can't do this to yourself. There'll be other movies."
"Not like this." Cooper sniffed. "If I didn't get into Transformers 4, I won't get into other movies that Michael Bay or his other friends who are directors direct."r
"Come on, you don't know that." Blaine shook his head.
Cooper ignored Blaine and drowned the rest of his bottle and let out a loud burp. He then passed out and started snoring. Cooper really did look beyond depressed. Maybe he should cheer him up. But how? Blaine wracked his brain for ideas. All his needed was an ego boost. And he knew just the song. Blaine checked to see if he was all right, sighed, and went up to his room and pulled out his phone.
"Kurt? I need you." Blaine said slightly panicked.
"Well, baby, I need you, too." Kurt replied seductively.
"Quit it, Kurt. I really need you." Blaine said impatiently.
Kurt grew concerned. "What's wrong?"
"We need to have a Coopervention."
XXX
"Thanks for doing this, guys."
Blaine pulled up his car in the driveway of his house. Another car parked behind him. In his car was Kurt, Finn, Rachel, Tina, Mike, Brittany, and Santana. In the other were Puck, Quinn, Joe, Artie, Rory, Mercedes, and Sam.
"No problem." Rachel replied as she climbed out of the car. "He helped us with the Master Class, now we need to help him."
The group walked into the Anderson home. Blaine held up a hand motioning for them to wait, then he walked into the living room. Cooper was now sitting in an armchair near the fire with one elbow perched on an arm and his chin in his hand.
"Coop." Blaine greeted. "Hey, are you doing any better?"
"Oh, just fine." Cooper said gruffly. "Who the hell does Michael Bay think he is? He tangled with the wrong man."
"Damn straight." Blaine said supportively.
"Embarrassed, rejected, publicly humiliated!" Cooper ranted. "Why that's more than I can bear."
"More beer?" Blaine offered.
"What for? Nothing helps." Cooper sighed. "I'm disgraced."
"Who? You? Never!" Blaine shook his head with determination. "Cooper, you need to pull yourself together." Blaine backed off and started singing.
Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Cooper
Looking so down in the dumps
Ev'ry guy here'd love to be you, Cooper
Even when taking your lumps
There's no man in town as admired as you
You're ev'ryone's favorite guy
Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you
And it's not very hard to see why
No one's slick as Cooper
No one's quick as Cooper
No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Cooper's
For there's no man in town half as manly
Perfect, a pure paragon!
You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley
Blaine patted Finn, Puck, and Mike on the shoulder at the last line.
And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on
New Directions boys:
No one's been like Cooper
A king pin like Cooper
No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Cooper
Cooper shook his head and smiled fondly at his brother's attempt to cheer him up. He decided to play along.
Cooper:
As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!
New Directions:
My what a guy, that Cooper!
Give five "hurrahs!"
Give twelve "hip-hips!"
Blaine:
Cooper is the best
And the rest is all drips
New Directions:
No one fights like Cooper
Douses lights like Cooper
Finn:
In a wrestling match nobody bites like Cooper!
Rachel, Santana, and Kurt:
For there's no one as burly and brawny
Cooper:
As you see I've got biceps to spare
Blaine:
Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny
Cooper:
That's right!
And ev'ry last inch of me's covered with hair
Blaine ran over to Kurt and covered his eyes as Cooper opened his shirt revealing his chest hair.
New Directions:
No one hits like Cooper
Matches wits like Cooper
Blaine:
In a spitting match nobody spits like Cooper
Cooper:
I'm espcially good at expectorating!
Ptoooie!
New Directions:
Ten points for Cooper!
Cooper:
When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs
Ev'ry morning to help me get large
And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs
So I'm roughly the size of a barge!
New Directions:
Oh, ahhh, wow!
My what a guy, that Cooper!
No one shoots like Cooper
Makes those beauts like Cooper
Blaine:
Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Cooper
Cooper:
I use antlers in all of my decorating!
All:
My what a guy
Cooper!
Everyone took a breath and clapped and cheered. Blaine put a hand on his brothers' shoulder. "Feel any better?"
Cooper exhaled slowly. "Actually, yeah." He chuckled and pulled Blaine into a hug. "Thanks, little brother."
"Anytime." Blaine hugged him back and smiled.
Cooper pulled away and held onto Blaine's shoulders. "You know what? Screw Michael Bay and his differences. I'll star in a movie that will make quadruple the amount Transformers does."
"That's the spirit!" Blaine punched his shoulder playfully. The doorbell rang. "I'll get that." Blaine opened the door to see Cooper's agent. "Oh, hey, Mr. Clayson. Cooper's right here."
"Actually, I'm here to see you." Scott held a hand up. "Michael Bay loved you in Cooper's audition tape. He wants you in his next movie."
Blaine's mouth dropped open in shock. He turned to see Cooper standing a few feet behind him. Cooper stood frozen in disbelief for a minute, turned his heel and stomped upstairs. Everyone heard a door slam and possessions being smashed loudly.
"FUCK THIS SHIT!" Cooper screamed angrily.
Blaine cringed and slowly turned to Scott. "Um...you know, I'm gonna have to decline on that one."
"Dude, why? It's Transformers 4!" Finn exclaimed.
"Because keeping my brother happy and sane is more important than my reputation." Blaine winked pointedly.
"Ooohhhh!" Mike, Sam, and Rory chorused.
"He got you there, Finn." Puck smirked.
"Oh, go Puck yourself!" Finn snapped.
"Awww! Cooper has the best brother in the world." Kurt gushed.
"Hey!" Finn glared at Kurt.
"It's the truth, Finn. Live with it." Kurt said simply.
"Ouch. Twice burnt in less than a minute." Santana smirked. "You know, I think that's a record."
"Hey, be nice to my man." Rachel glared at Santana, Kurt, and Puck and wrapped her arms around Finn's waist.
"Sure, if he's nice to MY man." Kurt retorted.
"Ohhhh!" Sam, Mike, and Rory chorused again.
"It's a freaking burn fest!" Puck exclaimed.
Blaine remembered Scott and turned to the man. "Um...yeah, so, I wouldn't be comfortable starring in a movie my brother wanted to be in so badly."
Scott nodded. "I understand. Tell Cooper I'm sorry."
"I will. See you." Blaine waved to the agent as he walked off. He shut the door and sighed. 'Now how are we going to cheer Cooper up?'