A/N: Well, this was originally on Much Ado about Somethings, but it there were quiet a few people who requested that this be it's own story, so here you go ^^; thanks to everyone who thought it was good enough for this. So yeah. Also: should i post more oneshots just by themselves, or continue posting even the longer ones in MAAS?
One A.M. was a bad time for being alone.
Sure, the majority of people in the orphanage - in the world were asleep, so at an age like 13 (and a half) Matt should have well been used to being alone. Should have been completely fine with it, in fact, especially considering that he was an orphan and had slept alone plenty of times in his life before this.
And yet tonight, once again, Matt couldn't sleep.
It wasn't every night that it was bad like this. Usually he stayed up all night playing video games anyway, so he was distracted from any thoughts that might scare him or cause him to dread the future (or the past) too harshly, but tonight he didn't have that. His stashed handheld had died on him and the television had been taken away as punishment. Punishment for the sole act of sneaking into Mello's room at night - he had been doing this since he was six years old, and it was only that last night that he had been discovered for it, much less called upon for retribution. Yet here Matt was, alone on his bed, curled up in his tangle of bed-sheets. Trying not to let anything remind him of what had happened to him all those years ago.
Normally Matt would have snuck out by now even if during that time Roger suspected them of sneaking across the hall to be with one another past curfew, but not that night. Roger had threatened that next time the punishment would be much worse, that Mello would be dropped from his extra-credit classes if he didn't start obeying the rules. Those extra-credit classes were important to Mello not only because he enjoyed them (they were things like Crimminal Psychology and fighting/self-defense classes) but because it was those extra points that gave him a fighting chance against Near in the rankings. It was those extra points that kept him at that at-least-number-2 position, and without them, Mello would surely crumble. Matt could still remember clearly in his mind, even as he laid there alone in the bed, the look of panic in Mello's eyes as Roger threatened this, remember the way Mello tilted his head to look at Matt with searching, desperate eyes. Eyes that read I don't want to choose between the two, but if I have to...
So Matt was alone this night. He hadn't argued. He couldn't argue with that boy, with that face. "We'll figure something out, Matt."
It was at night that the redhead found himself thinking far too much than he should. As a genius of Wammys house, of course, it was expected that he had the ability to look too deeply into his own conscious and such, but he hated it all the same. It was nights like this, as he found himself laying on his back, staring at the ceiling he couldn't even see because of the pitch blackness of his room, that he wished that he was stupid. Or at least normal. It was nights like this that he wished he could be ignorant. At least ignorance usually meant happiness, right?
But even if he was stupid, he doubted he would be able to ignore the probing thoughts of Mello that would come all too vividly in the night. Thoughts like you're a fool for loving him. Thoughts that haunted him not because they were there but because they were true. He knew they were true. He was a fool for believing that Mello cared for him to the same extent that he cared for the blonde, it was simply not a reasonable thing to even hope for. Sure, Mello liked him, but sometimes Matt feared that he was nothing more than a friend with benefits. But then, he would be even more of a fool to try for anything more with the blonde. Mello was just that kind of boy, even at that young age.
Matt had learned to accept that a long time ago.
Whatever the case may be, though, a restless Matt was an unhappy Matt. This was to the extent that, as the clock turned from 1 A.M. to 1:30 A.M., the redhead found himself spinning around in bed, shoving his hand under his pillow, and retrieving his phone. He always had the device on high even as he slept, because he was paranoid and hyper-loyal. He always feared that, if he didn't have his phone on high, it wouldn't wake him if Mello were to call him for help. It would just be his luck that the one time Mello called him he wouldn't answer, you know? At least, that's what Matt always feared.
The text on his screen read No New Messages. But what else did he expect?
Not really expecting a reply Matt flipped open his phone to the keyboard, automatically entering Mello's phone into the "send to" bar. Letting out a sleepy little sigh, Matt typed out his message, not bothering to correct any typos as he did but for his exhaustion despite knowing how much it irked the blonde when his words were scrambled. By the end of it, Matt's text read - Hey love, i kno it's l8 but i just wantd 2 tell u gn evn tho ur prolly alrdy asleep, rite? i'm doing fine ovr here, but i cant rly sleep, thus why im txting u. n e way, ily, and ill tty in teh monring. sweet dreams, melly ~Matt
Not really expecting any sort of reply, Matt snapped the phone shut and shoved it under the bed. He had just closed his eyes for a false attempt at trying to sleep once again when Sexy Back started to blare in his ears. Mello's special ringtone, of course. Letting out a squeak of surprise Matt scrambled to answer it, frantically attacking his touchscreen in effort to unlock it before answering the phone with a breathy, "Oi, 'ello."
There was a long, belated pause on the other end, and for a moment Matt feared that the other had butt-called him, but finally a voice came through the earpiece. "What. In. Fuck. Is. Wrong. With. You," were the exact words, the tone so icy and terrifying that Matt felt sure he could feel his glare through the phone.
Still, Matt grinned at the sound of the familiar voice, no matter how distorted with irritation it was. "Oh, you're awake, then?" he inquired cheerfully.
The reply was much less cheerful. "Well I am now, you ass-wipe." Matt fought back laughter at the use of 'ass-wipe', having to move the phone away for a split second to cover up his snort. Before he could make his reply, Mello continued his rage-filled retort. "Here I am, having lovely dreams about dove chocolate, Snakes on a Plane, and your butt-"
"How are those two things even related?"
Matt's comment was ignored. "- when I hear the shrieking noise of Geek in the Pink in my ear from under my pillow. And who, dare I ask, might that be who's waking me up at 1:30 A.M. with their text message, huh? HUH?" Matt winced as Mello's voice turned into a hushed, scolding tone, tainted with hints of exhaustion, shock, and (dare Matt say it?) relief. "You just about gave me a heart attack, you son of a bitch. You can't be going around calling me so late without warning, I thought I was getting a call from you telling me you'd gotten yourself in some sort of life-or-death situation or were trying to cut yourself again or some dumb shit like that..." Matt winced again, feeling this time as if he had been slapped. It had been a long time since he'd done that. He was surprised Mello still remembered; surprised that Mello still worried about that. "Do you know how much you scared me?"
Matt blinks blearily, feeling a blush rise to his cheeks as he stammers, "No. Yes. I dunno. I'm sorry." He's got himself so tangled in his blankets now that he's done fighting them, instead laying lopsided on his bed in a semi-comfortable position and listening as Mello's exasperated sigh puffs through the speakers.
"You're such a dumbass... freaking me out like that with your damn text messages..." Mello grumbles into the phone, the sound of him shifting around in his own bed made obvious through the speakers on Matt's side. The redhead smiles at this, but its wary even though Mello can't see him now. He can tell by the tone of Mello's voice that now was the time to just lay low and let the blonde let off some steam - it's obvious he had sent him into quite the panic.
Matt didn't know weather to feel touched or upset that Mello had grown so troubled over him. "Sorry," he repeats quietly. "I just couldn't... I couldn't sleep."
He can almost feel Mello rolling his eyes. "Matt... you're so co-dependent."
Matt sniffs defensively, but his only response is, "I know... can I please...?" His voice trembles slightly even through teh speakers, not because he's scared of sleeping alone but rather that he's scared of any possible rage his inquiry might induce from Mello.
No anger seems present as Mello says questioningly, "Can I please what?" He seems a bit unhappy about something, and it makes Matt very reluctant to actually voice his request; the fear of being rejected is far too great, despite the fact that he really should be used to that sort of treatment by now.
"Can I please..." Matt pauses, wincing, and changes paths self-consciously. "Stay on the phone with you for a bit?"
Mello sighs, because he sees right through him. "Matty... if I could drag you over here, I would, but Roger's pacing the halls, and..." Mello doesn't have to finish his sentence here. He's never needed to say it out loud. Matt is important to Mello, but L is the world. L is like a God, and Matt is nothing more than a worldly desire; the redhead's accepted this, of course, but it still stings a little.
None the less, Matt whispers, "I know."
"It sucks," Mello mutters sadly. Almost an apology. Not quite, but enough for Matt.
"I know," Matt repeats a bit sleepily. Twisting around again Matt fought with his sheets once again, this time winning the small but somewhat epic battle, finally relaxing into a comfortable position again. At the sound of Mello's voice in his ear he finds that he's even more exhausted than before.
Suddenly, Mello speaks again, despite the pause for the blanket-battle. His words are quiet, and they aren't a request or an offer but rather a statement of fact. "I'll stay on the line until you fall asleep, okay?"
Matt blushes again, though this time it's not an uncomfortable thing, and allows a sleepy smile to grace his face. "I think I'd like that, dear," Matt mummers, burying his face in the plush of his pillow. Pretending that Mello is beside him instead of just his mobile on speaker phone. Suddenly, a request finds its way to his lips, a simple one but one that asks a lot of Mello all the same. "Will you sing me a song?"
There's a long, awkward silence, made even more uncomfortable by the distance the phone brings between them. It seems like hours before Mello replies haughtingly, "I can't sing."
"Can too," Matt argues mutteringly. "I love your voice." They'd had this argument before. Neither of them ever convinced the other.
Mello sighs. "It's 1:55. I'm not singing right now."
Matt glances at his bedside clock. "1:56. Sing quietly."
"No." Mello's voice has a harsh edge to it now, stony and grudging. The redhead smiles a bit, because the tone is simply so Mello. To anyone else, it would seem by that tone that the argument is a lost cause, but Matt knows better and simply stays silent, waiting for Mello to slowly crack on the other side from a lack of response. Indeed, after about two minutes of a silence-off, Mello whispers, "Just one song."
Matt agrees with an 'mm-hmm' because this is all he needs from him. Mello sighs again and whispers a simple 'okay' before singing softly into the phone. His voice echoes through the phone but still sounds beautiful in Matt's ears, resonating there with images of beautiful Mello in the front of his mind. The song Mello chooses to sing is the same as it always is, a simple song that for one reason or another Matt always wants to hear. Quiet, lullingly, Mello whispers in tune: "You are my sunshine... my only sunshine..."
The younger boy can't help but think that Mello makes the child's song sound almost haunting, his voice soft and echoing even through the phone. He also can't help but think that, as he does with many things he does, he sings with a feminine-esque. He sings beautifully. "You make me happy... when skies...are gray..."
Matt's eye-lids start to droop, the wandering tone of Mello's voice threatening to take him under into dreamworld immediately, but Matt fights sleep to make it to the end of the first verse of the song at least. He's always done this, right from when he was six and Mello sang it to him for the first time. They had both heard it from their mothers as children, and it was the generic song for such things, but secretly, Matt's thought was always that Mello was the sunshine. "You'll never know, dear..."
Matt always secretly thought to himself, even as he was slipping into unconsciousness, that some day there would be a night he would truly be alone. Not alone in his room, not alone in the orphanage, but alone in the world. That someday Mello wouldn't be just a phone call away, not a walk down the hall's distance, or even a car trip's or plane ride's. That someday, Matt would be alone not only in his room, but alone in the world. That someday, the beautiful voice would go away.
"How much I love you..."
He feared that sometimes, Mello didn't love him as much as he wanted him to. He feared that he would be left alone, not only alone in the orphanage, but in death. That Mello would die and that he would have no escape but to die himself. He feared that the only way to be with Mello was to die with Mello. Die for Mello when he was done living for him. Matt feared, even at that young age, that death was the only way.
"Please don't take... my sunshine away..."
But then, Matt had never been afraid to die.
A/N - well then. i'm going to sleep well tonight. -_-' keep in mind that i wrote this out of lack of ability to sleep at... lets see... well i wrote this in a timespan from 1 A.M. to... well, right now it's 2:12. So yeah. if this sucks, that's why. sorry peoples. peace. ~H