Being Perfect, Being Us

Disclaimer: I don't own Sherlock.

I was never really good at forever, and to be honest, I don't think I'd ever want to be.

That's the thing I don't get- people just go on living every day never doing anything interesting. They trade the exciting life for useless things like survival- survival, stupid survival, there's no point to living if you're not really alive.

I figured out ages ago that the world doesn't fit people like me. Why do you think I chose the side of the demons? It isn't because angels are boring- and they are- but it's because for every demon there's an angel that's gotta match up.

Darling, you love this just as much as I do. You can feel it in your veins, I can see it in your eyes, you're thinking, "Hell, this is life."

And I guess you could say I've waited my whole life for this to happen- to find the one person I'd be on par with, someone with a brain and a sense of adventure. Someone who gets that life is crap anyway and if you're not living it the fun way it's not worth living it at all.

That's why I told you we were made for each other. You're everything I've ever wanted. You gave to me what I've been searching for since that day when I was eleven, staring at the sneakers in my hands and thinking that the only reason killing people's any fun is because you have to be really smart to get away with it.

Ordinary people are so mediocre. A person dies and they cry about it like it wasn't coming anyway, like hundreds of people around the world didn't just die too. They have stupid ideas about all this stuff that doesn't exist like justice and good and evil. You, though, you're like me. We don't give a crap, no, we won't live like the boring people the world was made for live. We make something of our lives 'cause you only get to play this game once.

And that's the problem, dearest, the final problem. I don't know what I'll do when you're gone. Soak up the victory, I guess, and relish that I won the game against the perfect person, because you are perfect- perfect for me, and I honestly believe that. I don't think I could go on without you to give me something to think about.

I've come this close to just putting my lips around the barrel and pulling the trigger to end my boredom so many times. And as much as I want to kill you just for the satisfaction of knowing I could do it, right now you're the only thing keeping me alive.

Going on about things like my feelings right now is just stupid, though. What I mean is, to quote Queen, who wants to live forever?

Not me, and not you either.

Thanks for all this, by the way.

Love you.