A/N: "Where Are Ü Now" by Jack Ü with Justin Bieber inspired this. I heard it for the first time on a long car ride at the beginning of the year and it really grabbed me and I thought of where 03x09 and 03x10 left them and Where are you now that I need you? made me think, 'What if Stef reacted differently to Lena's kiss with Monte?'

I'm glad to have finally fleshed this idea out and get it out of my head. I wasn't ready to write it until a few days ago and I feel like watching 3B and Stef's and Lena's journey only helped make this better. I love them so much.

Title is lyrics from "Take Me Back" by Sarah Jarosz.

I don't own The Fosters.

This is from Stef's and Lena's points of view, which will be noted.

Part 1

Stef

Thursday

Dinner is over and everything's been cleaned up. It was one of the most stilted meals that I can ever recall sitting through.

Lena and I are trying to keep it together when the kids are around. Attempting to pretend that everything is fine.

That she didn't just admit to one of the most shocking pieces of news I've ever heard.

I've never felt so distant from her. There is an indescribable barrier that neither of us can navigate.

For one of the first times in our near eleven years together, I can barely stand to be in the same room as her. Normally, I crave her presence, her touch; the very things that have me so on-edge in this moment.

We're both in the kitchen. I'm at the table, Lena's at the sink.

I can't take another second of this. I go upstairs.

I grab a suitcase from our closet and start shoving whatever clothes I can find in it. I pack my gun, clip, and bullets. I'm placing a few sets of my uniform on the bed when I hear my wife's footsteps.

"Stef, come on. This is a bit premature, don't you think?"

"'Premature?'" I can't help but scoff at her minimizing the issue at hand. You kissed someone else, Lena. Your boss."

"And I said that I regret it and I'm sorry. What do I need to do to prove it to you?"

"I thought about it all last night. I need some distance right now."

"But, where will you go?"

"I've booked a room for a few nights."

"Can we afford that right now after all we've spent on my parents' anniversary?"

Shit. I totally forgot about that. The party's in two days.

"It's cheap."

As I move to zip up my suitcase, Lena stops me.

"Let go of me, Lena," I order her evenly.

That's the second time in as many days that I've shunned her touch. If she only knew how much that kills me.

She hesitates for a moment, then, her hand leaves mine.

I pick up my suitcase and sling the hangers with my uniform over my shoulder and start to walk out in to the hallway.

"Stef, please, don't do this. We can work this out."

"We can't, not right now."

"When?"

"Moms? What's going on?" Jude asks from the couch where the rest of the kids are hanging out.

"What's with the suitcase?" Brandon wonders, too, standing, and the others follow.

Lena's trying her hardest to hide her pain right now. I am, too.

"I'm only going to be gone for a few days, okay?"

"Where are you going?" Mariana questions me. In this moment, my sweet girl looks a little like the one who wouldn't let us leave her sight for weeks.

That feels like a lifetime ago.

"Mama has the address."

Jesus spoke next. "What happened? Why are you leaving? Did she do something?"

Neither of us knows how to respond to that.

Jesus' eyes turn cold as he looks to Lena. "What did you do, Mama?"

"Jesus, don't," I tell him, not wanting this to escalate any further. "Your mama and I have been going through some things and..." I turn to look at her, "we need some time apart."

"Are you getting a divorce?" Jude asks. He sounds scared.

"No," Lena and I say with absolute certainty.

"That is not what's happening, okay? I promise all of you. We are not splitting up, we are not getting a divorce. Come give me hugs."

Jesus is the first to step toward me, looking more like a boy than the young man he has grown into. He hugs me tightly.

Callie is next, and I can feel nerves radiating from her. Her adoption isn't final quite yet; this has to be throwing her for a loop.

Seeing his sister hug me first has made Jude braver.

"Love you, Mom."

"I love you, boo. Be good, okay?"

"Take care of everybody. You're the man of the house," I tell Brandon. He nods, understanding.

"Mariana, please, come here, baby. It's okay."

"Don't go," she pleads with me, her voice starting to break.

"I'm a phone call or text away. If any of you need me, for anything, I will be right here. Okay?"

They all nod.

"I love you, my babies. Be good for Mama."

I turn and open the front door, walking off the porch and down the front steps. Everything inside me is saying to turn around, but, I have to be strong. I have to do this.

I put my luggage in my SUV and get in, backing out of the drive way and on to the road.

[][][][][][]

Lena

This house is so quiet, you could hear a pin drop. It's deafening.

The sound of Stef's car fades away, and as soon as it does, Jesus shoots me an angry look and stomps upstairs, slamming his door.

The others are just standing there, not sure what to do. Slowly, they begin to follow Jesus' lead and go to their rooms, not saying anything.

Stef left. I know I made a huge mistake, but I didn't expect this.

Honestly, I don't know what I expected.

'Sorry' isn't going to fix this.

And right now, I'm not sure what will.

[][][][][][]

Stef

I look at my face in the rearview mirror.

I feel a little sick. Disgusted isn't even too strong of a word.

I left. I left my wife. I left my kids.

I left.

After all the times we told them we'd never leave. That we'd always be there.

God, what am I doing?

I've asked myself that a thousand times, since I started up the stairs to go pack.

I just couldn't take one more second in that house.

I was suffocating.

In the very place Lena and I had built a family, a life together.

Together. Pft. So much for that.

Soon enough, I pull into the motel's lot. There's not many cars.

I park, grab my stuff, and go to the office to get my key.

Room 8.

I unlock the door, turning on the light.

There's a queen-sized bed with a faded comforter, a couple of lamps, a dresser, and an old color TV to watch.

Not that I'm going to be doing much of that.

The bathroom is pretty basic, with a tub and shower and a few clean towels.

I set my suitcase down and hang up my unis in the closet. I set my gun on the shelf.

I turn off all the lights and lay down on the bed.

[][][][][][]

Lena

The kids aren't speaking to me.

I found the five of them in Callie's and Mariana's room, most likely discussing us, why they think their mom left.

They gave me a hard time over going to bed. Strength in numbers and all of that.

At least they have each other.

I've never felt so alone in my own home.

I can't sleep at all.

This bed feels as cold and empty as I do inside.

The bed my wife should be sharing with me.

Where we've had some of our most intimate moments, conversation or otherwise.

I'm surrounded by their ghosts.

Like when we first bought the house and moved in the furniture. A place that was ours alone, ready to make it a home and start our lives together. We talked for hours, making love until the sun came up.

The way the early morning light crept into the quiet. I watched Stef sleep. She was so beautiful, so uninhibited. She was safe with me. She didn't have to hide.

We spent our wedding night here. Smoldering, familiar bliss coupled with passion that burned like fire.

We were so connected. I'd never felt so close to her.

That's where I've gone wrong. Seeking comfort in another. Not allowing myself to be heard.

Without Stef's body next to me, I feel incomplete.

One mistake has seemed to destroy everything we have.

Quickly and quietly, I make my escape for the living room. I can't spend another minute here.

Maybe that's how Stef felt. Like she couldn't stand to be near me. She had to get out.

I'd leave me, too.

I sigh heavily, trying to push these thoughts away for the night.

Maybe the morning will bring hope.

A/N: I'm mean and am not posting the whole thing as a one-shot. :p

Let me know what you think so far!